Almost Pregnant (1992) has always been a favorite sex comedy, and I finally located it on DVD in the UK. Linda and Charlie Alderson (Jeff Conway and Tanya Roberts) are seeing a fertility doctor (Dom DeLuise), and discover that the problem is with Charlie. When changing style of shorts and ice packs on the testicles don't help, Linda comes up with another solution. Since Charlie keeps striking out, she suggests a pinch hitter. Charlie reluctantly agrees, and weird neighbor Gordon Mallory (John Calvin) is drafted. It is to be a secret from his wife Maureen, who is a hip mom with a large family. "You don't hit your kids, do you?" asks Linda. "No ... they are too fast," she answers. Things get more complex when Maureen reveals to Linda that Gordon has had a vasectomy, Linda turns to Charlie's cousin for additional help, and Charlie starts a thing with Maureen for something to do while Charlie and Linda are together.

The credits list Lisa Comshaw as a body double, and there has always been speculation about who really showed what, but DVD quality and single frame capability have solved the mystery. Lisa Comshaw was used for some breast and bun shots interspersed in a long sex montage, probably done long after principle photography was a wrap. We see breast and bun closeups, and no hint of face in these shots. Roberts shows breasts and buns on and off through much of the film, and we even get a flash of bush in one scene. Severance shows breasts and buns, including one scene where she is dancing on the bed doing a dance of the seven veils. As her face was covered for much of this, some have suggested that the double was used here, but this is clearly not the case.

IMDB readers have this at 4.5 of 10. I think it suffers from being too much of a comedy for the soft porn lovers, and having too much nudity for the comedy people. As I enjoy both, I highly recommend it. Severance is great, and there is some very funny material. C.

Truth or Consequences, N.M. (1997)

I wrote once that if there were no Quentin Tarantino, mankind would have to invent him.

Pulp Fiction was a cool film, telling a story from the point of view of different types of baddies and losers, combining its stylized ultra-violence with "hip" pop lingo. I didn't think it was quite as hip as everyone else seemed to think, but I thought it was an interesting piece of lurid entertainment, and a perfect match to its title.

Unfortunately, Tarantino's success and acclaim inspired a whole bunch of people to try to do just about the same thing. Truth or Consequences is one such example. A bunch of low rent thugs rip off some mobsters. The heist gets messed up and all the mobsters end up dead. One of the mobsters was an undercover DEA agent. They also manage to kill a bunch of police officers in the process of making their getaway. Therefore, our low-rent heroes have both the mob and the Feds after them as they make a low-tech run for the border.

We have the usual characters in the band of four. The flamboyant loose cannon guy. The crime-as-a-lunchbox-job guy who just wants to make one score and move to Mexico with his girlfriend. The actual girlfriend. Another undercover cop. The gang manages to pick up two hostages along the way, and the male hostage becomes a victim of Stockholm Syndrome, thus tries to become one of the gang, a rather complicated procedure since one of their gang is a cop to begin with!

Along the way to their inevitable big shoot-out in an old deserted house, the crooks and hostages create a massive body count and exchange pseudo-Tarantinian banter about the nutritional properties of breakfast burritos, the discomfort factor in Early American furniture, the gas mileage in recreational vehicles, and so forth.

This was the first theatrical film directed by Kiefer Sutherland, who also played the hammiest role (the trigger-happy, gun-crazy guy).

It grossed $54,000. Total.

That's the bad news. The good news is that I picked it up at Fry's for seven bucks.

I got started on this film in the first place because I was going to round out the career nudity for Kim Dickens.

• Kim Dickens (1, 2)

Other crap:

• And I thought I was obsessed with Road House. This guy wrote more words about Road House than Trotsky wrote about the Russian Revolution. Also, he's funnier than Trotsky. Indeed he is even funnier than Karl (Pinko) Marx, and two of the other Marx Brothers (Gummo and Zeppo, of course). Has anyone ever actually seen Gummo? Here's his biography in Polish. I hear that Gummo is Poland's favorite Marx brother.
• Prostitution is out of control in Houston. Shit, what isn't out of control in Houston?
• Man robs c-store wearing Tigger suit. Cops spot him a couple blocks from the store, still dressed as Tigger. Dr Steven Hawking not a suspect at this time.
• Chris Kattan says he'll leave SNL, hopes someone will notice.
• Bad news for you anglers. The pocket fisherman is completely sold out! Still plenty of desktop and laptop fishermen left.
• Madonna thanks France for its opposition to the Iraqi war
• Buffy.nu features the new underwear shots of Band Camp Chick
• the original Thunderbirds puppets sell for about $150,000
• Halliburton falls for Nigerian e-mail scam
• Jerry Falwell says the Antichrist is alive now, is male and Jewish.  I think that Mike Nelson, the hilarious guy who was the host and head writer of MST3000, claims that Pauly Shore is the Antichrist, while Millennium Hell has argued for Adam Sandler. Both candidates meet Falwell's basic criteria. My candidate has always been Ethan Hawke. I don't really know, but I don't think Ethan is Jewish (???), so I guess I must have been mistaken. I am changing my vote to that guy who played "Balki".                          

Is that Falwell a tool, or what?

Updates:

• Honte's Swedish and International Celebrities is updated 

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we return to "Olga's House of Shame" for another visit.

Our victim for the day is Brenda De Naut, who is tied to a tree and is whipped and has her voluptuous breasts exposed for our pleasure.

Brenda indeed made a lovely "Babe in Bondage" in this 1964 classic roughie.

• Brenda De Naut (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

CLINTON-DOLE DEBATES MAY BE AXED
Needs More Viagra - "60 Minutes" may yank the Clinton-Dole debates before they even run the 10 they scheduled. They've generated no interest or ratings. Producer Don Hewitt said the war was an inhibiting factor because neither man wanted to seem unpatriotic by really going after Bush or each other.