American Crude

2005? 2008?

This is the first full-length film directed by the actor Craig Sheffer, and is supposed to exist somewhere between the world of hip relationship comedies and the world of Tarantino-style post-modern gangster tales. It relates two intersecting stories, each involving several people on one night in L.A.

The central plot thread involves an amoral man (Ron Livingstone) who is about to lose the love of his life forever when she marries his best friend (Rob Schneider). His scheme to prevent that involves getting the friend into so much debauchery on the night of his bachelor party that no sensible woman would consider marrying such a depraved man. Getting involved in the scheme are a tranny hooker, her horny handyman, and some cops.

The secondary story involves an underground group of ne'er-do-wells who kidnap young girls and use them in raunchy sex films, or sell them to perverts as sex slaves. Many of the girls end up dead, but one woman who eventually escaped their clutches (Jennifer Esposito) has an elaborate scheme to gain brutal revenge on them while emptying their bank accounts at the same time.

In various ways not worth detailing, the Livingstone/Schneider plot gets entwined with the other.

When a film is completed in 2005, disappears for three years and finally gets released to DVD without fanfare, you'd expect that it is not a very good film. And you would be correct. The production values are comparable to those on a soap opera or a live show from the 1950s (worst fake fire ever). The humor is juvenile and some of the allegedly humorous characters are downright offensive to the point where they border on racism, particularly two intellectually challenged Latinos. The characters who are not offensive are either utterly unappealing (Livingstone's parents, e.g.), or totally one-dimensional and stereotypical (the tranny hooker and the innocent schoolgirl in her pleated skirt and long white socks, e.g.). The only bright spot in the film is Rob Schneider, who plays his usual "lovable, regular guy who's kind of a schmuck" character. Schneider's is the only character you might actually like, and he invested the film with its only sympathetic moments. I like Rob, but it doesn't say much for a film when its sole saving grace is Rob Schneider in a small role.

American Crude was meant to be a blacker-than-thou comedy and it does play out like a black comedy, except without generating any of that pesky laughter. Frankly there probably is just not that much humor to be found in guys who kidnap and exploit underage girls, even if their dumb Mexican lackeys occasionally kidnap a sheep by mistake. Not only do I not recommend this film, but I strongly advise against it. It's not only puerile, but it's so cavalier in its attitude toward rape and child abuse, and just so generally odious, that it will leave you feeling like you need a shower.

Here is a trailer, if you really want to know more. The trailer makes it seem zany and stupid. That's a bit misleading. It's actually zany, stupid and repulsive.

Oh, yeah, and the nudity is a rip-off as well. Missy Pyle shows her breasts for a whopping three frames before the scene cuts away. Cynthia Watros may or may not appear topless very briefly. She and Livingstone roll around on a bed and the editing is designed to hide her breasts, but I think she bared one breast very briefly. It doesn't matter much, because motion blur spoils the fun anyway. Those two scenes occur during Livingstone's opening voice-over. After that - no flesh at all.


Before the Devil Knows You're Dead


I'll bet you know what this is, unless you are an alien recently sent to earth to learn our quaint ways. If that is the case, here's the Movie House recap.

It's out on Blu-Ray now, and it goes without saying that Marisa looks mah-velous in 1920x1080 resolution.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.










Lola is a character-driven drama from Canada. As the film opens, Lola (Sabrina Grdevich) is in her shrink's office, but has nothing to talk about, so she apologizes and leaves. Later, when we see her reaction to her car being towed, we get the distinct idea that she is not quite right. She meets a stripper, Joanna Going, and learns that a blonde wig can give you a whole new identity. After the stripper is killed, Lola assumes her identity. After the death of her apparently abusive father, she starts on a road trip to visit her mother.

This indie film is decidedly offbeat, but Grdevich gives a very strong performance, and the film won a festival award for best Canadian Indie. It won no Genie nominations, but was nominated for a screenwriting Leo. (The Leos are regional awards for films made in British Columbia.)

Click on the image below for more info.

Priced at a very reasonable $9.95 new.

Lola (2001)


Joanna Going shows breasts in a steam bath scene.










The Piano


This film won three Oscars and was nominated for five others including best picture. Holly Hunter won the Best Actress Oscar, making her an instant nominee for "best nudity from an Oscar-winning performance."

The Holly Hunter collages below were made from a 1920x1080 source.

The film clips are 960x540








Devil in the Flesh


Maruschka Detmers is a gal who knows how to get naked, as you will see. Glorious full frontal and for good measure she throws in a blow job.







Notes and collages

Sin City


Carla Gugino



Darling Lili


Julie Andrews

Scoop's notes:

Designed to transform Julie Andrews from a goody two-shoes into a serious, adult dramatic performer, and directed by her husband Blake Edwards, Darling Lili was one of the biggest financial fiascos in history, one of the overproduced, excessively costly films in the 1963-76 era, which was famous for them. (Paint Your Wagon, Cleopatra, Boom!, The Only Game in Town, Zabriskie Point, Doctor Doolittle, and The Blue Bird are others that spring to mind.)

The good news is that it got Julie Andrews to show her breasts in two different movies! First, she flashed one here in Darling Lili, then she did it again in S.O.B, another Blake Edwards film which told a fictional version of his problems in making Darling Lili.













Emma Watson. Black top. Bright lights. Nothing to see really, but she's cute.



Film Clips

Goldie Hawn in There's a Girl in My Soup
Nicola Baker in the immortal cinema classic, Antlers of Reason. Sample right. (It was an erotic mystery which debuted on the internet.)