God Is Great and I'm Not (2001), or Dieu est grand, je suis toute petite, stars Audrey Tautou, who gives brief glimpses of her breasts. So much for the good news. As the film opens, she is 20, and a successful fashion model, nominally Catholic, has just broken up with her boyfriend and had an abortion, and attempts suicide. Pretty grim stuff, but this is a romantic comedy about her search for enlightenment and true love. After her suicide attempt, she tries Buddhism, but can't stay awake during mediation. She also finds spiritual enlightenment exhausting, then she starts an affair with a non-practicing Jew, who is a veterinarian. Naturally, she becomes obsessed with converting to Judism, which is especially irritating to him, as he is not very religious.

IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. It would be more entertaining to review the reviewers than the film, but I don't want to pick. However, for those who called this a typical flop following a megga hit in a first film, this was shot before Amelie. The problem is not Tautou, or her performance. She was nearly as captivating as she was in Amelie, but the script had neither heart nor soul, and didn't lead to any real truths. She did the best she could with it. There is nothing wrong with the technical side, so I will be generous and say D+. I can't imagine anyone who would enjoy this one.

.wmv's from Striplight

1. Claire Skinner in A Dance to the Music of Time
2. Rona de Ricci in The Pit and the Pendulum

Undefeated (2003)

The thing I want to talk about with this movie is not the movie itself, which is a boxing movie exactly like every other boxing movie you have seen.

Here's the summary:

A poor Latino kid from the New York streets rises to the top in the boxing ranks, but gradually pushes away all of his old neighborhood friends so he can party with the Manhattan set. He gets a beautiful recording artist of a girlfriend, a plush mansion in the 'burbs, and lots of new friends. He wins the title. He thinks life is pretty cool until the day when his new manager asks him to throw a fight. Then he begins to question everything in his life, because everything he once believed seems to be false. He sees signs, real or imagined, that his girlfriend may be getting paid to be his girlfriend. He thinks that he's never actually won a fight on his own, but has only been on the other side of the fix. He realizes that none of his new friends are friends at all. He finds out there may not have been any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. He finds out that WWE wrestling results may be pre-arranged. Then he goes back to his old neighborhood, apologizes to some of the homies, and finds out that they are betting on him in his next fight, "because choo represent us, mang. It's a sign of respect."

Now what will he do? Voices run through his head, talking to him from the past through vales of karma. He hears the old sincere guy who used to be his trainer before the slick weasels edged him out. He hears the voice of his brother saying, "I just want to work 23 hours a day so you can be the best." And so forth. 

What will he do in the title defense he is supposed to throw? What WILL he do?

You've seen that before, right?

Don't misunderstand me. There is nothing really incompetent about this film. It's just that there is nothing new to see.

What I want to talk about is the relationship between HBO and its talent pool. My hat is off to them for being the perfect company in the entertainment industry. Did you ever hear any artists say "HBO fucked me, man"? The cable network does a first-class job on everything, and their management is not afraid to take risks, either with controversial subject matter or on untested talent. This film was written and directed by John Leguizamo, and he also stars as the boxer, a role for which he lost weight, got in tremendous shape, and actually got in the ring against real boxers. ("It hurts", was his concise summary of what happens when a real boxer makes contact with you.) He had never directed a movie, but HBO rolled the dice on him and let him do what he wanted, interfering only enough to ask him what kind of help he needed. Then they guaranteed the film play time and a top-drawer DVD. There isn't much more an artist can ask for. The same network also gave Leguizamo his first big break in comedy, according to the special features on the DVD. HBO's productions function the way Corman's productions used to function in the 60s and 70s, as the training grounds for talent, except that HBO opens up the checkbook a little wider than Corman.

So if the movie isn't a great breakthrough success, it nonetheless allowed Leguizamo to learn more about the craft of filmmaking, let him live out his dream, and made him feel greatly indebted to HBO for their help. With no previous experience, Leguizamo created a completely coherent and professional-looking film. It's not a masterpiece, but neither was Boxcar Bertha back in the Corman days, and that's where Scorcese learned to do his thing.

You just know that HBO will continue to reap long-term rewards from that kind of positive interaction with the talent pool.

• Vanessa Ferlito (possibly an up-and-coming star) (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Suzy McCoppin (1, 2)

Miscellaneous:

Here's the Courtney Love of the future, Paris Hilton's comical sidekick, Nicole Richie. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think she's spent a lot of time in the gym.

OTHER CRAP:

• Captain Arab tapes gold coin to mast for first sailor to kill the Great White Bremer. A reward of gold is also offered for anyone who kills U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, Annan's envoy to Iraq, or, oddly enough, Canadian actor/emcee Alan Thicke. (OK, just kidding about Thicke. The rest is true)
• Ex-Nazi corporal says Germany attempted to kidnap Ike This is a great story. It would make an excellent movie. Of the 600 men who were to masquerade as Americans, only 10 could speak English, and even those few betrayed themselves with British terms, like "petrol" instead of "gas". Those who weren't killed or captured by Americans were strafed by their own airplanes. The pilots were never informed that the impersonators were not really Americans!
• Andy Kaufman to return from the dead on May 16th
• General Wesley Clark hit the Buffett trifecta - campaign contributions from Jimmy, Warren, and Peter.
• Italian museum unveils a new carving of Christ on the cross - said to be a lost masterpiece by Michelangelo.
• Here's the official trailer from The Chronicles of Riddick (Don't know about the film, but the trailer looks very cool)
• From the "unsurprising" department: Democrats Calling for Rumsfeld's Ouster. The last couple of days seem to indicate that Rummy may indeed fall on his sword for the good of the POTUS. .
• View the trailer for Seeing Other People - a Jay Mohr comedy
• Watch the first eight minutes of Off the Lip.
• Wife of former Enron CFO gets 12-month jail term
• The Killer List of Videogames - the IMDb of coin-op arcade games.
• The dictionary of Obscure Sexual Terms. Including the Davey Crockett, and (of course) the "dreaded Rear Admiral".
• Tina Fey's senior yearbook picture, University of Virginia, 1992
• The man with the smallest penis in the world, and the electron microscope technician who loved him. (Turn down your sound if that is an issue)
• We've been punk'd! Remember that pic of the Texas Tech swim team? It was actually the Tampa Bay Storm Cheerleaders.
• The Sun's headline: "Britney in naked pool romp" It seems that the British tabloids have all assigned full-time reporters to Mouseketeer Watch.
• China's 'Planet of the Apes'. The Chinese have gone to war - against Rhesus Monkeys - and they are not allowed to kill them.
• So You've Decided to be Evil: A Step-by-Step Guide to joining the Forces of Darkness.
• Paris Hilton in Pink Bikini!
• Woman buys 10,656 Mars bars in London shop, drives off in limo . I thought Kirstie Alley was in LA. Limo must have a helluva trunk.
• NFL: pre-season power rankings - the Panthers get no love.
• MLB caught up in Spider-Man ads. As part of a marketing alliance between Major League Baseball Properties, Columbia Pictures and Marvel Studios, webbed logos of the upcoming film "Spider-Man 2" will appear on bases and on-deck circles in 15 stadiums of teams playing host to interleague games June 11-13. Does anyone like this idea?
• NCAA Football already? Post-Spring Top 25. Georgia #1
• Alvin and the Chipmunkz do Gangsta Rap.
• Banished Words List :: 2004
• No Pants Day for 2004 is today, Friday May 7th .
• Another adult film performer diagnosed as HIV-positive.
• Wiseacre Danish DJ organizes a charity drive to provide toilet paper to strike-torn Norway. I hope it is truly charity and not Lend-Lease.
• Housewife to blow Shofar to open Day of Prayer ceremony. Gardener and Pool Boy to follow in the second reel.
• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have secretly married - according to America's In Touch magazine. On the other hand, the article says Demi and Kutcher are the same age, so it may not be 100% reliable.
• Hollywood riled up over ClearPlay. The censorship software now has 600 titles available without the violence, vulgar language, ethnic slurs, nudity, etc. I kinda like it. Watched both parts of Kill Bill in 90 seconds.
• Bob Dylan, Keith Richards, Jerry Lee Lewis, Kid Rock and Merle Haggard were among the 'outlaws and angels' in Willie Nelson featured in his USA special. The Wiltern Theater event, dubbed "Willie Nelson & Friends: Outlaws and Angels," will air as a two-hour special on Memorial Day, Monday, May 31 at 9:00 p.m. (ET/PT).
• The entire SNL cast breaks up and gets the giggles during Debbie Downer.
• Jennifer Aniston will carry an Olympic torch. To be more precise, Gunther will carry a torch for her.
• War news from Norway: Blatant abuses by the Norwegian Military during the Iraq war. They ordered pizza, and didn't leave a tip! Some soldiers even made long distance calls without permission.
• Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat fortified his West Bank headquarters with old cars, fearing an Israeli invasion is imminent. Arafat wisely realizes that the Israeli Army has only one major vulnerability - used cars. The soldiers just can't resist a chance to haggle over price.
• Supermodel Campbell wins privacy fight with British tabloid
• Which movie poster has been voted the best ever?
• Even mobsters aren't cruel enough to eat veal. (It's pedantic, but pretty slick)
• The internet-exclusive trailer for Alien Vs. Predator. It looks like the effects might just work, but the trailer gives no hint of the storyline.
• This week's movies: New York Minute - 27% positive reviews. Will bring in the pre and young teen girls. But how many and for how long?
• This week's movies: Van Helsing - 29% positive reviews. Will pull in the fanboys at first, but will it justify its costs?
• Johnny Web and JK tangle over Lars von Trier's arty Dogville.
• Mike "Ace" Bigelow will make his feature directing debut on Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. The trade says the likeness in names between the director and the character is coincidental, but the compatibility between the risque humor in the sequel and his commercials got Bigelow the job,
• The President is short on his petty cash fund in Iraq, asks Congress to put another $25 billion in his piggy bank.
• Computer glitch gives out free gasoline. The good news for college kids: they got free gas by swiping their drivers' licenses instead of a credit card. The bad news: doing that also gave the police their names and addresses!
• Optical discs, including DVDs, may be a lot less long-lived than first thought.
• "Rush Limbaugh put it all in perspective, after a caller remarked that the pyramid 'stack [of] naked men' was 'like a college fraternity prank.' " Jesus, did he really say something as insensitive as what follows? They need to get him back on those meds.
  • RUSH: Exactly. Exactly my point! This is no different than what happens at the skull and bones initiation and we're going to ruin people's lives over it and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time. You know, these people are being fired at every day. I'm talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release? You of heard of need to blow some steam off?
  • I tried to get the correct context from Rush's web site, but that transcript was in a members' area.
• "Friends" Spoilers - - the Finale .... Cute. Personally, I still like my version better.
• The American Assembler - States With Higher IQs Vote Democrat.
• Anna Nicole Walks Out On Howard Stern Show: "'You owe me an apology; you called me a big, fat, porker pig and tried to get me up on a scale.' "
• Playmate Gallery - Alicia Rickter, October, 1995 - Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Four short sample vids from Playboy's Beach Babes!
• GALLUP: Bush Approval on Iraq, Economy, and Terrorism at Low Points. Presidential contest a dead heat. Two way goes 49-48 Kerry. Three way goes 47-47-3. (Sampling error + or - 3.) Big change is that the "battleground states" now go 48-44 Kerry. Bush's 44 is down from 49 in mid-April.
• President Bush chastised his defense secretary, Donald H. Rumsfeld, for mishandling the prisoner abuse scandal
• Picasso's "Boy With a Pipe" sells for $104 million at Sotheby's. The price, which included the auction house's commission, easily eclipsed the old mark of $82.5 million set by van Gogh's "Portrait of Dr. Gachet," which had stood since 1990 when speculation took hold of the art market. .

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Various

• Alison Eastwood  in Friends and Lovers. Bogus movie, but nice nudity from ol' Dirty Harriet herself. (.avi, .wmv)

• One more of Alison Eastwood  in Friends and Lovers.  (.avi, .wmv)

• Tinto alert! Rafaella Offidani in The Voyeur (.avi, .wmv)

• Rafaella Offidani in The Voyeur, Part 2. Highly advanced lesbotronic adventures.(.avi, .wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

"Love Actually" (2003)
This was a terrific "feel Good " movie. I highly recommend it.

• The incredibly cute Joanna Page nude with breast exposure.
• Laura Linney, topless.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Rush Hour 2 suffers from the sequel syndrome, as all interesting edges from the original are scraped and sanded and buffed until you got yourself a nice shiny, so very smooth and so terribly bland product. Think of the difference between the original Lethal Weapon and Lethal Weapon 4... that's the difference between Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2. Only thing is Rush Hour did not leave much room to fall and the makers accomplished the full plummet in one movie instead of three. IMDb says 6.5 out of 10, but I don't see how it merits a score above 5.0. Can't wait for RH3, due out in 2005.

Bottom line of this movie is that, no, I do not understand the words coming out of your mouth... either of you... and I do not really care to, either.

Not much skin at all. Former Heffer Angela Little shows some cleavage as "Tex's girlfriend." That there's Tex in the cowboy hat, which my trips through DFW tell me is required equipment for all Texan males 30 or more pounds overweight. To the right of Tex is former Heffer Julia Schulz. What a waste to hire both these gals and give them nothing to take off... I mean, nothing to do.

Roselyn Sanchez seems to have begun her career as the Queen of Tease with this movie. She has expanded upon it in Boat Trip and in a few dozen red carpet appearances. Here she sits disdainfully in a dress cut down to "thar" (as Tex would say) and then gives up a little of her bountiful bum and way more cleavage as our heroes spy on her and then rush to rescue her. As long as it was for a good cause, I guess.

A covey of curvaceous Hong Kong girls play "hostesses." Is that what they call 'em over there? IMDb names a few of the women and I recognized Natasha Yi from a spread Celebrity Sleuth did a couple years ago. So here she is, well clothed for a hostess.

• Roselyn Sanchez (1, 2)
• Angela Little
• Natasha Yi

Key Exchange (1985) is a somnolent only slightly less powerful than chloroform or CSPAN. It's a talk-fest all about relationships among young folk who ride ten-speed bikes a lot. 'Nuff said.

So why bother watching it?

Well, Brooke Adams gets ever so briefly nekkid and you can see one of her impressive twins for about five frames... more if you include the time she spends behind a translucent shower curtain. That's one reason.

The real reason is Sandra Beall.

A brief digression. I am of the mind that you can track the range of involvement in an arcane field... from interested through committed to obsessed by the mention of a few words. Take naked movie stars.

Jennifer Connelly. Everyone interested in women who have given up on-screen goodies knows her, can recognize instantly. No special skills required.

Linnea Quigley. Well, now you're getting into some esoterica. Babe's been nekkid many times as her body changed shape in ways unnatural. Most everyone who has read the Funhouse for more than six weeks knows her, but the average joe out there in the real world would be hard-pressed to pick her out of a line-up.

Sandra Beall. Here we are treading in the land of the obsessed. Serious veteran nekkid-babe watching terriroty is what I'm talking about. Why's that? Sandra is not near 'bout perfect... she is perfect. Natural red hair with the complexion to match, and a body that, gentlemen, none of us would mind growing old watching. That's what catches the eye and holds the attention. But she was in precious few productions, almost always late in the list of credits, and... here's the important point... naked only in Key Exchange. Well, topless. So even though others have capped this scene and Key Exchange is available only on VHS, I just had to grab some frames and stick them together. Had to. Obsession is not such a bad thing, ya know.

• Brooke Adams
• Sandra Beall

Behold, a rarity in the world of Skinemax, natural breasts.

• Brandy Davis topless and showing a little bit of pubes and rear nudity in scenes from "Carnal Sins" (2001). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Next up...the supermodel and sometimes actress wearing a bikini in scenes from her screen debut "Alien from L.A." (1988).

• Kathy Ireland (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
• Kathy Ireland .wms (1, 2)

Finally, The Ghost takes us back to 1984 for these video clips from "Fear City". Both ladies were in their 20's at the time and looked great playing topless dancers.

• Melanie Griffith (1, 2, 3)
• Rae Dawn Chong

"Chasing Liberty"
A sugary, sappy, and somewhat lame 2004 romantic comedy, fun to watch if you're in the mood for brainless fun. You get pretty much what you expect when you sit down to watch the film.

Mandy Moore plays the 18-year-old daughter of the President of the Unites States, who is so fed up with being trailed every moment of the day by the Secret Service that she "escapes" her handlers while on a tour of Europe. When she meets an English tourist and takes off on a road trip, she doesn't know he is in fact an agent planted to protect her. Oh, and guess what....they fall in love.

Bad as it sounds, it's a cute and harmless comedy that tweens will like, and an added bonus is the very hot blond Beatrice Rosen who plays a French friend of the First Daughter.

• Mandy Moore
• Beatrice Rosen
• The Women of "Chasing Liberty"

• Jenny McCarthy showing some cleavage and playing with her boobs on Howard Stern. Hard to believe it's been 10 years since she was crowned Heffer o' the year!

• Lauren Holly, barely keeping the twins stuffed into her dress while appearing on "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn".

• Mila Kunis, the co-star of "That 70's Show" showing some leg on Conan.

• Lindsay Lohan showing some cleavage on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show. (1, 2)

• Kate Beckinsale looking gorgeous on "Last Call with Carson Daly". (1, 2, 3)

Flower Edwards
(1, 2)

Susan Hale
(1, 2, 3)

NO NEW TRIAL FOR MARTHA
Bad News For Comedy Writers - Wednesday, a federal judge rejected Martha Stewart's motion for a new trial, ruling that her complaint that one juror didn't reveal his entire arrest record didn't justify vacating her conviction. The juror's girlfriend once had him arrested for assault, then dropped the charges. Martha's lawyers claimed this "gender-related incident" showed he could not possibly sit in judgment of a highly successful woman.