"God Is Great and I'm Not"

God Is Great and I'm Not (2001), or Dieu est grand, je suis toute petite, stars Audrey Tautou, who gives brief glimpses of her breasts. So much for the good news. As the film opens, she is 20, and a successful fashion model, nominally Catholic, has just broken up with her boyfriend and had an abortion, and attempts suicide. Pretty grim stuff, but this is a romantic comedy about her search for enlightenment and true love. After her suicide attempt, she tries Buddhism, but can't stay awake during mediation. She also finds spiritual enlightenment exhausting, then she starts an affair with a non-practicing Jew, who is a veterinarian. Naturally, she becomes obsessed with converting to Judism, which is especially irritating to him, as he is not very religious.

IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. It would be more entertaining to review the reviewers than the film, but I don't want to pick. However, for those who called this a typical flop following a megga hit in a first film, this was shot before Amelie. The problem is not Tautou, or her performance. She was nearly as captivating as she was in Amelie, but the script had neither heart nor soul, and didn't lead to any real truths. She did the best she could with it. There is nothing wrong with the technical side, so I will be generous and say D+. I can't imagine anyone who would enjoy this one.

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  • Audrey Tautou (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


    Pigalle (1994) is an infamous red light district in Paris, full of flesh peddlers, drugs, and the like. This film lets us wallow in it without really learning much about it. Véra Briole is a headlining peep show stripper, likes getting sexually ravaged by her old obnoxious manager, but won't have sex with her best friend, Fifi. Fifi (lets call him poodle boy), is madly in love with Divine, who is either transexual, or just a cross dresses. Divine is killed before we have a chance to find out. There is some sub-plot involving a dope war and bad dope. The big head of the entire mess seems to be the paraplegic evil dwarf in the electric elevator motorized wheel chair. Poodle boy end sup in jail for everybody's sins.

    Briole shows breasts and buns frequently, and one flash of bush. IMDb readers have this at 5.1 of 10. I was unable to find anyone who had a nice thing to say about this film. The production quality was dismal, probably as a result of both a low budget and a desire to make the quality as seedy as the story and the district. This is an E. I can't imagine anyone willing to put up with it.

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  • Vera Briole (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    .wmv's from Striplight

    1. Claire Skinner in A Dance to the Music of Time
    2. Rona de Ricci in The Pit and the Pendulum


    Undefeated (2003)

    The thing I want to talk about with this movie is not the movie itself, which is a boxing movie exactly like every other boxing movie you have seen.

    Here's the summary:

    A poor Latino kid from the New York streets rises to the top in the boxing ranks, but gradually pushes away all of his old neighborhood friends so he can party with the Manhattan set. He gets a beautiful recording artist of a girlfriend, a plush mansion in the 'burbs, and lots of new friends. He wins the title. He thinks life is pretty cool until the day when his new manager asks him to throw a fight. Then he begins to question everything in his life, because everything he once believed seems to be false. He sees signs, real or imagined, that his girlfriend may be getting paid to be his girlfriend. He thinks that he's never actually won a fight on his own, but has only been on the other side of the fix. He realizes that none of his new friends are friends at all. He finds out there may not have been any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. He finds out that WWE wrestling results may be pre-arranged. Then he goes back to his old neighborhood, apologizes to some of the homies, and finds out that they are betting on him in his next fight, "because choo represent us, mang. It's a sign of respect."

    Now what will he do? Voices run through his head, talking to him from the past through vales of karma. He hears the old sincere guy who used to be his trainer before the slick weasels edged him out. He hears the voice of his brother saying, "I just want to work 23 hours a day so you can be the best." And so forth. 

    What will he do in the title defense he is supposed to throw? What WILL he do?

    You've seen that before, right?

    Don't misunderstand me. There is nothing really incompetent about this film. It's just that there is nothing new to see.

    What I want to talk about is the relationship between HBO and its talent pool. My hat is off to them for being the perfect company in the entertainment industry. Did you ever hear any artists say "HBO fucked me, man"? The cable network does a first-class job on everything, and their management is not afraid to take risks, either with controversial subject matter or on untested talent. This film was written and directed by John Leguizamo, and he also stars as the boxer, a role for which he lost weight, got in tremendous shape, and actually got in the ring against real boxers. ("It hurts", was his concise summary of what happens when a real boxer makes contact with you.) He had never directed a movie, but HBO rolled the dice on him and let him do what he wanted, interfering only enough to ask him what kind of help he needed. Then they guaranteed the film play time and a top-drawer DVD. There isn't much more an artist can ask for. The same network also gave Leguizamo his first big break in comedy, according to the special features on the DVD. HBO's productions function the way Corman's productions used to function in the 60s and 70s, as the training grounds for talent, except that HBO opens up the checkbook a little wider than Corman.

    So if the movie isn't a great breakthrough success, it nonetheless allowed Leguizamo to learn more about the craft of filmmaking, let him live out his dream, and made him feel greatly indebted to HBO for their help. With no previous experience, Leguizamo created a completely coherent and professional-looking film. It's not a masterpiece, but neither was Boxcar Bertha back in the Corman days, and that's where Scorcese learned to do his thing.

    You just know that HBO will continue to reap long-term rewards from that kind of positive interaction with the talent pool.

    • Vanessa Ferlito (possibly an up-and-coming star) (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Suzy McCoppin (1, 2)




    Here's the Courtney Love of the future, Paris Hilton's comical sidekick, Nicole Richie. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think she's spent a lot of time in the gym.




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • Alison Eastwood  in Friends and Lovers. Bogus movie, but nice nudity from ol' Dirty Harriet herself. (.avi, .wmv)

    • One more of Alison Eastwood  in Friends and Lovers.  (.avi, .wmv)

    • Tinto alert! Rafaella Offidani in The Voyeur (.avi, .wmv)

    • Rafaella Offidani in The Voyeur, Part 2. Highly advanced lesbotronic adventures.(.avi, .wmv)



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response
    'Caps and comments by Graphic Response:

    "Love Actually" (2003)
    This was a terrific "feel Good " movie. I highly recommend it.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Rush Hour 2 suffers from the sequel syndrome, as all interesting edges from the original are scraped and sanded and buffed until you got yourself a nice shiny, so very smooth and so terribly bland product. Think of the difference between the original Lethal Weapon and Lethal Weapon 4... that's the difference between Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2. Only thing is Rush Hour did not leave much room to fall and the makers accomplished the full plummet in one movie instead of three. IMDb says 6.5 out of 10, but I don't see how it merits a score above 5.0. Can't wait for RH3, due out in 2005.

    Bottom line of this movie is that, no, I do not understand the words coming out of your mouth... either of you... and I do not really care to, either.

    Not much skin at all. Former Heffer Angela Little shows some cleavage as "Tex's girlfriend." That there's Tex in the cowboy hat, which my trips through DFW tell me is required equipment for all Texan males 30 or more pounds overweight. To the right of Tex is former Heffer Julia Schulz. What a waste to hire both these gals and give them nothing to take off... I mean, nothing to do.

    Roselyn Sanchez seems to have begun her career as the Queen of Tease with this movie. She has expanded upon it in Boat Trip and in a few dozen red carpet appearances. Here she sits disdainfully in a dress cut down to "thar" (as Tex would say) and then gives up a little of her bountiful bum and way more cleavage as our heroes spy on her and then rush to rescue her. As long as it was for a good cause, I guess.

    A covey of curvaceous Hong Kong girls play "hostesses." Is that what they call 'em over there? IMDb names a few of the women and I recognized Natasha Yi from a spread Celebrity Sleuth did a couple years ago. So here she is, well clothed for a hostess.

    Key Exchange (1985) is a somnolent only slightly less powerful than chloroform or CSPAN. It's a talk-fest all about relationships among young folk who ride ten-speed bikes a lot. 'Nuff said.

    So why bother watching it?

    Well, Brooke Adams gets ever so briefly nekkid and you can see one of her impressive twins for about five frames... more if you include the time she spends behind a translucent shower curtain. That's one reason.

    The real reason is Sandra Beall.

    A brief digression. I am of the mind that you can track the range of involvement in an arcane field... from interested through committed to obsessed by the mention of a few words. Take naked movie stars.

    Jennifer Connelly. Everyone interested in women who have given up on-screen goodies knows her, can recognize instantly. No special skills required.

    Linnea Quigley. Well, now you're getting into some esoterica. Babe's been nekkid many times as her body changed shape in ways unnatural. Most everyone who has read the Funhouse for more than six weeks knows her, but the average joe out there in the real world would be hard-pressed to pick her out of a line-up.

    Sandra Beall. Here we are treading in the land of the obsessed. Serious veteran nekkid-babe watching terriroty is what I'm talking about. Why's that? Sandra is not near 'bout perfect... she is perfect. Natural red hair with the complexion to match, and a body that, gentlemen, none of us would mind growing old watching. That's what catches the eye and holds the attention. But she was in precious few productions, almost always late in the list of credits, and... here's the important point... naked only in Key Exchange. Well, topless. So even though others have capped this scene and Key Exchange is available only on VHS, I just had to grab some frames and stick them together. Had to. Obsession is not such a bad thing, ya know.

    Crimson Ghost
    First up from the Ghost....

    Behold, a rarity in the world of Skinemax, natural breasts.

    • Brandy Davis topless and showing a little bit of pubes and rear nudity in scenes from "Carnal Sins" (2001). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Next up...the supermodel and sometimes actress wearing a bikini in scenes from her screen debut "Alien from L.A." (1988).

    • Kathy Ireland (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
    • Kathy Ireland .wms (1, 2)

    Finally, The Ghost takes us back to 1984 for these video clips from "Fear City". Both ladies were in their 20's at the time and looked great playing topless dancers.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Chasing Liberty"
    A sugary, sappy, and somewhat lame 2004 romantic comedy, fun to watch if you're in the mood for brainless fun. You get pretty much what you expect when you sit down to watch the film.

    Mandy Moore plays the 18-year-old daughter of the President of the Unites States, who is so fed up with being trailed every moment of the day by the Secret Service that she "escapes" her handlers while on a tour of Europe. When she meets an English tourist and takes off on a road trip, she doesn't know he is in fact an agent planted to protect her. Oh, and guess what....they fall in love.

    Bad as it sounds, it's a cute and harmless comedy that tweens will like, and an added bonus is the very hot blond Beatrice Rosen who plays a French friend of the First Daughter.

    Talk Show Round Up
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    • Jenny McCarthy showing some cleavage and playing with her boobs on Howard Stern. Hard to believe it's been 10 years since she was crowned Heffer o' the year!

    • Lauren Holly, barely keeping the twins stuffed into her dress while appearing on "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn".

    • Mila Kunis, the co-star of "That 70's Show" showing some leg on Conan.

    • Lindsay Lohan showing some cleavage on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show. (1, 2)

    • Kate Beckinsale looking gorgeous on "Last Call with Carson Daly". (1, 2, 3)

    Corinne Clery
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

    Marvin 'caps of the French actress bares all (quite often in fact) in scenes from the 1975 erotic drama, "Histoire d'O" aka "The Story of O". Click here for Tuna's review of "...O".

    Griffin Drew
    (1, 2)

    Flower Edwards
    (1, 2)

    Susan Hale
    (1, 2, 3)

    Señor Skin takes a look at the Skinemax flick "Erotic Obsessions" (2002). Plenty of skin and pseudo sex.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Bad News For Comedy Writers - Wednesday, a federal judge rejected Martha Stewart's motion for a new trial, ruling that her complaint that one juror didn't reveal his entire arrest record didn't justify vacating her conviction. The juror's girlfriend once had him arrested for assault, then dropped the charges. Martha's lawyers claimed this "gender-related incident" showed he could not possibly sit in judgment of a highly successful woman.

  • Who was his girlfriend, Donatella Versace?
  • His charges were dropped...That's a concept Martha can't possibly understand.
  • Okay, then how about this: That juror wore white after Labor Day, so he was guilty of a felony.

    Hall Of Lame - "Pop Idol," the British parent show of "American Idol," is launching a new show, "Hall of Fame," that is a mirror image of the original. Some of the biggest names in pop from the past five decades will be nominated for a "Hall of Fame," but they'll have to perform live in front of three judges, then let viewers vote on which ones deserve to be remembered.

  • Let's see, who will I vote for? Tom Jones or the 1910 Fruitgum Company?...
  • We could finally get even for the Beatles losing the Grammy to the New Vaudeville Band.
  • Perform live? What if they're dead?
  • If some once-famous pop star wants to come out of retirement and humiliate himself, he can just play Las Vegas.

    Reinforced Borderline - Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie are challenging a law that allows hikers to cross 100 acres of their 1200-acre English country estate. They claim this violates their human rights by invading their privacy and exposing them to tabloid photographers, stalkers and other celebrity-obsessed people. They want the 100 acres reclassified as hunting land to keep commoners off of it. But officials say they're unlikely to make exceptions to the law for the rich and famous.

  • But that's what Madonna LIKED about England!
  • Madonna considers it hunting land because if she sees any commoners on it, she shoots them.
  • Foxhunters don't bother them...Madonna's not that foxy.
  • This leaves them only 1100 acres! How can they have any privacy with only 1100 acres?!