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"A Crack in the Floor" (2000)

A Crack in the Floor (2000) is a direct to DVD grade Z horror film. It has plenty of gore, but not much scare value. A small child is told by his extremely religious mother over his father's fresh grave that they have to avoid people and wait for Jesus to come. Not long after, he witnesses the brutal rape and death of his mother, and is knocked unconscious by her attackers. Cut to 33 years in the future. A couple of young hikers wander into his cabin. The cabin itself looks abandoned, and he lives beneath it in a secret basement. He observes them through a crack in the floor then kills them. The girl, Madelein Lindley shows her breasts in this scene. We then discover that there are lots of missing hikers, and at least 22 cars at the bottom of a local reservoir.

Meanwhile, 6 friends start off on a hiking trip to guess where? During the preparation for the trip, Justine Priestley shows buns and a nipple slip in a shower scene. In a film full of errors, the biggest is not getting the clothes off of busty Daisy McCracken. The biggest plot hole is that the kid, who was orphaned at age 9 or so, and killed every person who happened into his cabin, drove all of those cars into the reservoir. The film is full of snappy, hip, dialogue. For example, after being scared, one character says, "I think I have pudding in my wares."

Yes, this is every bit as bad as it sounds, and the worst news is that, in an homage to Hamlet, they killed everyone (except the murderer), leaving room for a sequel. This may be bad enough to gain cult status someday with bad movie fans. There are no reviews on line, and 8 IMDB readers are way too generous at 3.5/10. Part of this high score is due to the IMDB system of skewing votes. 5 of the 8 voters gave it a 1. This film is an F.

  • Thumbnails

  • Justine Priestley (1, 2)
  • Madelein Lindley (1, 2, 3)
  • Daisy McCracken

    "Extreme Prejudice" (1987)

    Extreme Prejudice (1987) stars Nick Nolte in an excellent performance as a Texas Ranger, Powers Boothe as his boyhood friend who has turned drag lord smuggling over the Texas Mexico border, and Maria Conchita Alonzo who has loved them both. You may remember this former Miss Teen World from her performance opposite Robin Williams in Moscow on the Hudson. She has enjoyed regular film work, and has also become a recording star in South America.

    In this classic tale of good vs. evil among strong men larger than life, we have DEA, Special Forces, Texas Sheriffs, Texas Rangers, and God knows how many others trying to either end or get rich from the drug traffic, but the main story is Boothe vs Nolte, both vying for the love of Alonzo and battling over the dope issue. Alonzo looks great as always showing her breasts in a shower scene, and we have an unknown hooker who flashes a breast as well. The film is very contrasty and washed out, which I suspect was a deliberate choice to give atmosphere.

    Maltin sees it as overly violent and covering no new ground, and awards 2 stars. Ebert sees it as a classic story done well, especially because of Nolte's performance. He awards 3 stars. IMDB readers say 5.7/10, agreeing with Maltin. Ebert saw something that I also saw. This is a classic performance in the Gary Cooper tradition with men who are larger than life doing larger than life things. I do have to mark it down a little for getting a little lost in a very complex story line, and award a C+.

  • Thumbnails

  • Maria Conchita Alonzo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Unknown

    "Flowers in the Attic" (1987)

    Flowers in the Attic (1987) is based on a powerful book by Virginia C. Andrews, full of murder, incest and other terrible things. The movie version is Gothic lite. Right off the bat, we begin with endless voice-over to set the stage. Seems Mommy, Daddy, Older brother, and the twins were in the process of happily-ever-aftering with Cathy (Kristy Swanson) our narrator, when Daddy dies. The family is broke, and Mommy decides to move in with Grandma, and win dying Grandpa's affection, and with it, a place in his will. Grandma's house is a mansion, and Grandma gives everyone a cheerful welcoming speech. "Your mother has come home after seventeen years to repent for her sins and for her crime. Not only against your grandfather and me, but against God! Your mother's marriage was unholy! A sacrilege! An abomination in the eyes of the Lord! She did not fall from Grace! She leapt! Into the arms of a man whose veins pulsed with the same blood as hers! Not a stranger, but her own uncle! And you, the children, are the devil's spawn! Evil from the moment of conception!"

    The children are locked in a single bedroom while Mommy is given 17 lashes with a wicked bullwhip, one for each of the 17 years she lived in sin. So much for the light childsplay. Momma does tell them about an attic accessible from a secret panel in their room, where the two older ones are to entertain the twins. That helps somewhat, until Grandma stops feeding them for a while, Momma is becoming scarcer and scarcer, and one of the twins gets VERY sick. I suppose the second most impressive thing about this film is the amount of crap two mid to late teenage young adults take from Grandmother, Mommy, and a nearly dead Grandfather, before they get even. The most impressive thing is a scene with Cathy in a thin bra. This is the only image, marking the first time in recent history that I have only produced one image from a film. Maltin says 2 stars, IMDB readers are even tougher at 4.5/10, and I give it a D+. Young Kristy Swanson did a good job in the role, and won a young performer award for her effort. That makes the film nearly worth fast-forwarding through.

  • Kristy Swanson

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    I looked at  Turkish Delight with a lot of nostalgia. I'm a product of "the 60's", that great flowering of the counter-culture from 1967-1974, a period which encompassed my university days in NYC. That time period had an attitude, and no place, not even San Francisco, reflected that attitude better than Amsterdam, so all those generational, class, and cultural struggles came back to me as I watched this film.

    Having said that, let me add that Tuna and I disagree on this film. He thought it was excellent. I couldn't even watch it if it didn't have all the sex and nudity. It has plenty of talk, but no walk. It has a sophomoric script, a weepy ending, and plenty of the whole generational statement crap like riding bikes in traffic while putting flowers in the soldiers' guns in slow motion. It's kind of the cinematic equivalent of a garage band, or a Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland  "hey kids, let's make a movie" production.

    Now, let me switch gears, and say this. Although I don't like it as an intellectual statement or as a  mainstream entertainment, I am willing to vote for it right now as the best exploitation movie ever made. The best. I'll put it up against I Like to Play Games or Lickerish Quartet or even against Wild Things as the single movie that supplies that most credible context for sex, sex talk, and nudity. And when you get right down to it, wouldn't you rather watch that than Citizen Fucking Kane? Plus it has enough of a female perspective, that it ultimately is a tittie movie you can take your wife to.

    So I guess Tuna and I don't disagree on recommending it to you. Just on why. He liked it enough to watch it without the nudity, and I'd find it unbearable. But it has the nudity, and there's no changing that, so we both end up saying there are reasons to watch it.

    I read that in terms of the number of tickets sold, this was the highest grossing film in Dutch history.

    Graphic Response
  • Lori Singer, the poor man's Daryl Hannah going topless and gettin' it on with Robo Cop in scenes from "Sunset Grill" (1993)

  • Peta Wilson, from "Mercy" (2000). See Nikita's bare bum! See Nikita's nipples! See Nikita go down on Ellen Barkin!

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Paparazzi
    Andrea Corr, lead singer for The Corrs is this week's tabloid victim. Here she is caught topless at the beach. Thanks to NMD, Skease, and Preacher for the scans.

  • Andrea Corr's boobs (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Scorpion's Skinemax
    Jacqueline Lovell One of late night cable's more popular ladies. Full frontal and full dorsal nudity from "Who Killed Buddy Blue?" (1996). A softcore movie about a the making of a hard core porno. What'll they think of next?

    Kimber Sissons
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Also from "Who Killed Buddy Blue?" Only 2 B's are visible these 'caps (nothing for those who prefer the posterior views, sorry), plus a shower scene in #2 and lots of phony sex!

    Marie-France Pisier A bit of a departure for Scorpion as he travels all the way back to the days before cable TV! Here are some topless, and partial frontal nude scenes from "The Other Side of Midnight", (1977).

    Something a little different - some scans from the Australian Ralph magazine.

  • Kristy Swanson...No visible nudity, the most you get is some pokies in the third scan. The quality is not the best, but neither was the original. (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Caroline Gaultier.... I've no idea who she is but she has a nice body, even if it is a little silicone enhanced. A nice nip pokes through in the second scan. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Suzie Lightfoot...She is a minor celebrity from northern parts of Australia. Some slight see-through action in the second scan. (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Morgan Reese Fairhead...This actress is from across the Tasman i.e New Zealand. According to the bio she has acted in Young Hercules and Xena. Another nice body. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Dann
    Helen Nicholas

    Louise Smith

    Marusia Zach

    Excellent collages from the movie "Working Girls" (1986).

    The Nudity: Breasts in all three 'caps, plus bonus frontal nudity from Louise Smith.

    The Movie: A realistic 'day in the life' movie about prostitutes in an upscale Manhattan brothel. Maltin gave it 3 1/2 stars. IMDb readers give it a 6.5.

    Mathilda May
    (1, 2, 3)

    A very welcome addition to the Fun House since these are not from "Lifeforce" or "The Tit and the Moon". Here she is topless in 'caps from "Naked Tango" (1990). Number 2 also features a bit of bush.

    Grace Jones A nip slip from a Euro-TV performance way back in 1978.

    and ...
    Laura Harris Who's the big winner? Today it's ABYS. This scene of Laura showing the goods in "The Faculty" is just about impossible to 'cap with good results. Nice work!

    Gwyneth Paltrow Who is today's big Loser? Apparently Gwyneth, by at least a cup size! These vidcaps by HBS from "Flesh and Bone" (1993) seem to document that some shrinkage has occurred.

    Laura Fraser Extremely brief frontal nude scene by the Scottish actress in the movie "Left Luggage" (1998) aka "2 koffers vol", aka "Kalmans Geheimnis". Collage by HBS Grafix

    Kate Winslet
    (1, 2, 3)

    Proudly displaying her ample bosom in scenes from "Quills". Excellent DVD 'caps by Penman.

    Kate Moss
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    4 more scans of Ms. Moss nekkid, by Black Sheep.

    Here's the breakdown:

  • Link #1 Bare breasts and a snake.
  • Link #2 Bare breasts and possibly a little bush (hidden in the shadows?)
  • Link #3 Just weird. Kate enjoying a smoke...with her toes.
  • Link #4 Single breast exposure on the cover.

  • Lisa Snowdon On the see-thru nipple exposure scale, this rates at about a 9.0. Thanks to Skease

    Various Babes The famous shower scene from "Porkys". All kinds of exposure by Scanman.

    Click Here!