"Calendar Girls"

Calendar Girls (2003) has been covered more than once by Scoopy, and I finally got the chance to screen it. By the end of act two, it was headed for my top 100 of all time list, and then they ran out of conflict to drive act three, so they manufactured some, changing the tone of the film, and not in a good way. To refresh your memory, it is the true story of a group of middle aged women from the Ladies Institute in a small village in Yorkshire, who decide to make a nude calendar to raise money for a sofa for the family waiting room at their local hospital. One of their husbands died that year of Leukemia, and they noticed how deplorable the sofa was.

While they focused on getting the calendar shot, and produced, and then becoming a far larger success than any of them could have imagined, the film was dead brilliant, but the climax of the story, being flown to LA for the Leno show, came about 30 minutes before they wanted to end it. To create some dramatic tension, they manufactured trouble at home and a strained relationship with her best friend for Helen Miren's character, and I liked it much better as a feel good comedy about believable people that could easily be my neighbors.

The ladies are, as of this writing, well on their way to earning one million pounds, and have not only paid for the new sofa, but an entire new wing dedicated to Leukemia. Scoopy has already written the nudity summary, and audience and critical response. Even with the flawed last act, this is a very enjoyable film, and one that I will watch again. C+.

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  • Celia Imrie (1, 2, 3)
  • Helen Mirren (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Julie Walters (1, 2,
  • Penelope Wilton (1, 2)

    "Star 80"

    Star 80 (1983) was director Bob Fosse's final film. It tells the true story of Dorothy Stratton, Playmate of the year in 1980. It is packaged somewhat like a docu-drama, but features a strong performance (Golden Globe nominated) by Eric Roberts as Paul Snider, a petty hustler who discovered Dorothy, seduced her, helped launch her career, then killed her in a jealous rage. Mariel Hemingway is not given as much credit for her performance, but I liked the way she subtly transformed from young, naive hick to mature sophisticate.

    Hemingway is naked a lot, sometimes posing for the camera, and sometimes in stills that flash on the screen. We see her breasts, and buns. IMDb readers have this at 6.2 of 10. It is based on a book called Death of a Centerfold by Theresa Carpenter. The problem with the story is that we pretty much know how it is going to end practically from the first scene, and everyone in the film, as well as everyone in the audience, can tell from the beginning that Snider is an asshole except Hemingway's character. The DVD is bare bones 4/3 with a very quiet mono soundtrack. This is not at all well made, and feels more like a TV movie of the week than a major film. Still, it is watchable, and has excellent nudity. C-.

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  • Mariel Hemingway (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Dogville (1986)

    There isn't any nudity in Dogville (except for Stellan Skarsgaard's middle-aged bum), so the long debate about it doesn't really belong on this page, but in the Movie House. Go here to read what JK, a long-time reader, and I had to say, point and counterpoint.




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • Shelley Duvall in the seldom-seen Robert Altman film, Thieves Like Us. (.avi, .wmv). I haven't seen this in 30 years, and would like to see it again, but they have been in no hurry to get it on DVD.

    • Suzanna Hamilton in 1984 (.avi, .wmv)

    • Gabrielle Anwar in the remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (.avi, .wmv)

    • Mary-Louise Parker in Sugartime. I can't tell if there is anything to see in terms of nudity, but it's certainly a raunchy scene. (.avi, .wmv)

    BONUS: here's some Mary-Louise Parker nudity (maybe) that I've never seen before, from Master Spy, the Robert Hanssen Story. (I said "maybe" because I never trust "photos within a movie".


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response
    • Diane Keaton, topless and mostly full frontal in scenes from her Oscar nominated role in "Something's Gotta Give" (2003).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Let's see if I have this straight. A hard-looking redhead walks into a police station to report her boyfriend's murder. She weaves a tale of the rich and powerful, banding together to see their every desire fulfilled. And the cops don't believe there is such a group?! It's called the Republican Party, nimrods.

    So, okay, this is another sort of organization, one in which members of a network... The Passion Network... can order up some sex any time of the day or night. The redhead and her erstwhile boyfriend were forced into it, as those who would be called up when the urge struck one member, or sometimes two. And now he's dead.

    The tale unfolds as Janna, the redhead, played by Stephanie Beaton, says some stuff to the skeptical cops, punctuated by some phrase such as, "This you'll never believe" and off we go to a filmed version of the incredible occurence. The only thing incredible about most of her stories, however, is that the guys leave their pants on while humping away. And we're not talkin' about no briefs that might permit lil' Willy out to play, no siree. We're talkin' about some of Levi Strauss' finest garb... denim y'all. Guys. Wearing them. While they are supposed to be boffing some chick. No wonder the cops don't believe her.

    Ends up boyfriend is still alive.. for a while longer.. and that leads to an ending so shamelessly ridiculous, so inane... no make that asinine... as to destroy what little good will the movie had built up to that point. Slid this puppy right off the C range and into the D-- bin. Honest to goodness, they'd have been better off just letting the penultimate scene fade to black, leaving us with the vague impression the writer-director was a complete fuck-up, rather than spelling out an ending that removed all the doubt. Paul S. Parco, writer and director of this wretched mess, you suck. Even in a genre where all writers and directors sorta suck anyway, you stand out for just how long and how hard you suck.

    Lots of babes give up major goodies. for while the guys hump with genitals covered, the babes do not.

    Devin Devasquez, Heffer of the month for June 1985, plays an heiress who hires the boyfriend for a romp in bed and in the bath. Boobs in all, a little bush in collages 3 and 6.

    In collage 7, Devin and her hired guy are joined by the major babe of this movie. Her name is Nichole McAuley. Despite the robohooters and the blonde hair this woman is a serious hottie. So I looked her up on IMDb. Lots of movies, some of them major productions, but she is most often listed as "uncredited." I figured a serious fan must have following her career and wrote it all down, which I could understand fully. But then I read ber mini-bio and saw a sentence saying, "Nichole wants to thank her parents for supporting her career." Sheesh, the woman wrote this stuff herself.

    • Devin Devasquez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    What she left out is that Nicole McAuley is the model for an online explicit comic called Dakota Drake. Tis a pay site so I don't know how explicit it might be but the few pics I found on the web suggests Nichole gets nekkid a lot online. In this movie, too. Seven collages, robohooters throughout, some bush in 4, bum in 5 and 6. The best up-close exposure is found in #'s 5-7. Collage 6 is my favorite, constructed as it was from two series of slow pans across Nichole's bod.

    • Nichole McAuley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Four other women are named and uncovered (an orgy scene and a three-way girl-girl scene fill up some more time and space with anonymous babes).

    Jane Smith has a well-lighted sport-humpin scene. Jane is not exactly drop-dead gorgeous and she has more than a bit of a paunch on her waistline, but her upper goodies are a product of natural development. Impressive. BTW, The Gimp informs me that Jane is a former adult film star who used the name, Tina Tyler whilst doing the nasty for real.

    • Jane Smith aka Tina Tyler (1, 2, 3)

    Stephanie Beaton has, I don't know four, maybe five, sport-humping scenes. And I just wanted them to stop. I grabbed only the most attractive frames and then put together only the best of those to make four collages. Otherwise, Stephanie's chunky, silicon-enhanced frame is, to put things politely, not my cup of tea.

    • Stephanie Beaton (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Tracy Turner plays a siliconized employee of the Passion Network. She boffs one guy in a men's room and another guy in a bedroom. Triple B performance with a close-up of a clean-shaven nether region in collage 2.

    • Tracy Turner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Last woman is something of a mystery. She has a few lines and the best, most convincing scene of boy meets girl. That the boy keeps his shorts on does not detract from her performance. The actress is a cute little strawberry blonde with a small, natural frame... and that, ladies and gentlemen, IS my cup of tea. But I'm unsure about the name. The only listed actress I could not match to a character is Maggie Louie, so I put two and two together. May have gotten five. For you see, Maggie Louie is supposed to play Maggie Louie, which sorta implies she is famous or something (as in Jennifer Lopez as Jennifer Lopez). But, the only Maggie Louie I know is a West Coast singer. So I'm labeling the collages as being of Maggie Louie but boy am I ever willing to hear what anyone else has to say about it.

    • Maggie Louie (1, 2, 3)

    That's it, then. Lots of nekkid women, not all of them worth looking at, in a story that defines the word, "sucks" for this genre. Gotta tell ya, I spent way too much time on this for what I got out of it.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "My Little Eye"
    The good news about this 2002 thriller/horror flick is that Jennifer Sky gets naked. The bad news is they made a movie out of it.

    Five loser-types enter a contest to live in a remote (and secret) house for six months, big-brother style. Their every move is captured by webcams, and if any of the five leave, they all lose the million dollar prize. Naturally, bad things start to happen as the participants don't leave, they just start dying.

    I sense that better acting, decent picture quality and production might have made this a pretty good movie; unfortunately it wasn't.

    Crimson Ghost
    Today the Ghost takes a look at an early Fred Olen Ray flick, "Star Slammer" aka "Prison Ship" (1984). Basically a 'Women in Prison' movie in space.

    • Sandy Brooke goes topless in two that 80's perm. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Sandy Brooke, .wmvs of her toplessness. (1, 2)

    Toni Collette
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Here's a cool web find...The Aussie actress (and star of "The Hours", "About a Boy", "The Sixth Sense" and "Muriel's Wedding") going topless, and showing a little bit of rear nudity in scenes from "Japanese Story" (2003). This indie film only made about 15 bucks in it's limited theatrical release, but you can buy it on DVD here in the US on May 11.

    Laetitia Casta
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    I think I finally figured out why the French dislike Americans so much....we never thanked them for giving us one of the hottest (and very often nude) models of the "super" variety. D'oh! Where are our manners? So...on behalf of all Americans, we thank you for sharing.

    Links 1-3...fully nude underwater poses with breast a bum views (plus a subltle hint of pubes)
    Links 4 and 5...see thur bum views. #5 also has a side breast view (with nipple)
    Link #6...legs that go on forever.
    Link #7...lying on the beach in a swimsuit. No nudity, but this woman is so incredibly sexy that you'll enjoy the pose anyway.

    Lindsay Lohan The "Mean Girls" star showing off a truck load of cleavage on last night's "Jimmy Kimmel Live".

    Kate Beckinsale
    (1, 2)

    The beautiful Brit stopped by to see David Letterman last night wearing a very low cut dress.

    Anne Hathaway
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

    The "Princess Diaries" star showing some pokies, cleavage and see-thru exposure at assorted red carpet evenets. Her upcoming movie "Havoc" (no release date yet) apparently is chock full of graphic sex and drug use, including Hathaway doing full frontal nudity and masturbation scenes!

    Glynnis O'Connor
    (1, 2)

    Señor Skin 'caps of a mighty fine pair of natural breasts in scenes from the 1979 flick "California Dreaming".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    But Rappers Are Famous For Their Sense Of Humor! - The National Enquirer reports that one of Ashton Kutcher's pranks for his MTV show "Punk'd" backfired when he tried to stage a mock arrest of the hip-hop group, The Black Eyed Peas. They were invited to a party at a Beverly Hills mansion, only to find it was a mock brothel. When actors dressed as cops rushed in to "raid" the party, members of the rappers' entourage slugged one and tackled another and shoved him into the pool. The "Punk'd" crew rushed out to reveal it was a joke, but the band wasn't laughing.

  • The entire "Punk'd" crew ended up with black eyes.
  • They should just be thanking God they didn't try this on Snoop Dogg's entourage.

    Would Michael Moore Manufacture A Controversy? - Disney has told its Miramax division not to distribute leftwing filmmaker Michael Moore's upcoming documentary, "Fahrenheit 911," that tries to tie President Bush's family to Osama bin Laden. Moore supporters claimed government pressure and censorship, but Disney said they just can't afford to alienate so many Americans. And cynics said it's just a manufactured controversy to drum up publicity.

  • Or maybe a distributor.
  • Isn't it amazing how the cynics are always right?
  • Osama bin Laden will distribute it, if Moore will remove the part about how he has ties to Bush.

    Passion For Profits - The New York Post's Page Six reports that a group of European investors were so impressed with the way Mel Gibson made $600 million on the low-budget "Passion of the Christ," they want him to join in a takeover bid for Disney and run the company. A source said Gibson hasn't said yes or no yet.

  • It might mean a pay cut.
  • His first Disney film will show Donald Duck viciously beating Mickey Mouse for two hours.

    The Sting Of Truth - In a new interview with the BBC, Sting said the story about him having "tantric sex" for eight hours was just a joke that got out of hand. He said, "I haven't a clue" what tantric sex is, although "I have frantic sex, which is just as good."

  • How would he know?
  • Except it only lasts eight seconds.