Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Junior is in transit, so I'm batting leadoff today. He returns tomorrow.

Other crap:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

"Careful, He May Be Watching"

Careful, He May Be Watching (1987) is another Classic Era porn, this time with three superstars. Seka, Kay Parker and Shannah McCullough combined have 389 credits at IMDB. The story is a simple one. Seka is married to Mike Horner, an airline pilot, who is trying to talk her into a three way, and has the hots for a new stewardess, Shannah McCullough. Hubby would be amazed to know that, during the day, Seka puts on a wig and makes porno films. Her director talks her into trying a girl/girl with Kay Parker, and she finally agrees to the three-way with hubby and McCullough.

Parker was 43 in this film. Although she is best known for Taboo, this is considered one of her better films. Seka, who also co-produced and co-directed, was 33, and McCullough was the baby at 27. Everyone shows everything of course, with Seka in most of the scenes containing nudity. IMDB readers have this at 5.7 of 10, which is a respectable showing for a hard core. It won Best Film at the AVN awards. The transfer is too bright and lacks saturation and contrast, but is a fairly clean 4/3 transfer. This is a C+, as a top notch couples hard core.

  • Thumbnails (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Shanna McCullough ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

  • Seka ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)

  • Kay Parker ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Brainscan

    I'm away from my computer, and I'm not sure if these have run before. If so, no real harm done:

    Anna Nicole Smith in Skyscraper (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Anna Nicole Smith in To The Limit. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Hsu Chi, aka Qi Shu, the babe from The Transporter, in some explicit activity. (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Things Behind the Sun" (2001)
    This drama features Kim Dickens in a hot threesome and To Die For's Alison Follan in a hot love scene.
    (1) Kim Dickens: nude love scene, distant gyno-cam.
    (2) Alison Folland: breasts nude love scene.
    (3) Patsy Kensit: cleavage.
    (4) Elizabeth Pena: braless pokies.

    "Mortal Challenge" (1996)
    Roger Corman sci-fi reminiscent of the Arnie classic The Running Man except with more nudity.
    (5) Kristina Copeland: topless.
    (6) Kim Calderoni: braless pokies.
    (7) Korrine St. Onge: robo-hooters.
    (8) Peri Reynolds: topless.
    (9) Unknown: groupie in topless love scene.

    "Green Aka Whatever" (1998)
    Indie druggie-road movie made by a bunch of slackers. Despite the lead actress Dana Millican whose character sleeps with three guys and is featured half-naked on the videobox cover, in the movie she wears more clothes than a nun in the arctic.
    (10) Dana Millican: not nude whatsoever.
    (11) Kim North: major pokies but they look fake.

    "Jailbait" (2000)
    Dreadful MTV comedy based on the premise that teen pregnancy is funny.
    (12) Reagan Pasternak: underwear only.
    (13) Sadie LeBlanc: topless.
    (14) Melody Johnson: in orange bikini with Sadie.
    (15) Carolyn Guff: sexy caboose shot.
    (16) Unknowns: skinnydippers.

    The Outer Limits (1995). Again no nudity  because it's the tamer syndicated episodes. In particular in episode "The Origin of Species"
    a scene of four topless women was re-shot with their arms crossed over their boobs.

    (i) episode "The Origin of Species".
    (17) Kathleen Duborg: arms over boobs, then on floor.
    (18) Tara Spencer-Nairn: arms over boobs.
    (19) Clare Lapinskie: arms over boobs.
    (20) Terri Lynn Ibisoglu: arms over boobs.

    (ii) episode "Nightmare".
    (21) Kerry Sandomirsky: bra-less pokies while tied up.
    (22) Brandy Ledford: tight t-shirt while tied up.

    (iii) episode "Lithia".
    (23) Claire Rankin: bare shoulders in love scene.

    Misc. stuff:

    (24) Dora Kaskanis: upskirt panty-wedgie in the aussie film "Head On" (1998)      (possible body double).

    (25) Virginia Loridans: slight pokies tied up in "Video Murders" (1988)

    (26) Christiane Kruger: classic full frontal in "Little Mother" (1973).

    (27) Unknowns: some topless cheerleaders in "Gimme an F" (1984). The non-topless one with the long blonde hair sitting on top of the
    box may be Lisa Wilcox of Nightmare on Elm Street fame.


    Kelly McGillis We have to get Cat Chaser on DVD. How often does a Hollywood star do a spread beaver shot, as Kelly did in this film, shown here in non-DVd caps that only hint of the ultimate glory.

    Erinn Bartlett

    Chene Lawson


    Dann's usual cool collages from 100 Women

    Susan McIver (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) in 1974's Policewomen, from Herr Haut


    Ivory The sexy WWE star in a see-through. If I remember her correctly from GLOW, she didn't have that kind of chest. I think she was Tina Moretti, or something like that, and was the GLOW champ for a while.

    Pat Reeder: www.comedy-wire.com

    News in white. Pat's coments in yellow.

    Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed "Baghdad Bob" al-Sahaf may be out of a job, but he's still in demand.  Britain's Sun tabloid reports that a UK record producer is mixing some of his outrageous boasts, such as "God will roast their stomachs in Hell," into a dance track that clubs are already clamoring for.  And a former Iraqi general says that Sahaf is in hiding and wants to give himself up and go to Egypt.  He said Sahaf has a lot of money stashed in a bank there, and he "loves those Egyptian women very, very much."

    *  At least, he TELLS them he loves them very, very much...And he TELLS them he has a lot of money stashed in the bank.

    *  For all the lies he's told those women, God will roast his stomach in Hell.

    *  "God Will Roast Their Stomachs In Hell"?...Is that a cover of an Ozzy Osbourne tune?

    *  Any man who could do that much unfounded boasting was bound to end up as a rap star.

    With the Romanian economy suffering, prostitutes are doing their bit to help hard-up clients.  In the town of Hunedoara, hookers are offering credit accounts.  You can "do it" now and pay later in full, or pay it out in installments.  One girl said it's worked very well because she stands outside the factory on payday to insure they make their installment payments.

    *  If they don't, what does she repossess?

    *  It's no big deal: she'd be standing outside the factory on payday anyway.

    *  Sometimes, she has to bring her whip and get rough...And that adds even more to their bill.

    *  She's like the government: she takes her cut before their wives even see their paychecks.

    *  It's like buying a used car: you're screwed once, and you pay for it for 36 months.


    Researchers from Iowa State University and the Texas Department of Human Services proved that violent song lyrics can trigger violent feelings.  500 college students were given psychological tests and after listening to songs about violence, they showed an increase in aggression.  The style of song - rap, heavy metal, or whatever - didn't matter.  Listeners even had more violent thoughts after hearing funny
    violent songs, like Johnny Cash's "A Boy Named Sue" and Weird Al Yankovich's "The Night Santa Went Crazy," about Santa massacring his reindeer.

    *  But if they listen to enough Weird Al Yankovich, they're able to plead insanity.

    *  Some songs with nonviolent lyrics made men feel violent, if they were by 'N Sync.

    *  So it's a good thing the lyrics of most songs are completely unintelligible.

    *  But what gave the students the most violent thoughts was telling them they had to stop downloading free songs.