"Fly Paper"

Fly Paper (1997) tries to be an edgy Tarantino-esque comedy, and sometimes succeeds. It is three stories that sort of intersect, but don't quite merge. Two criminal types kill a drug manufacturer, steal his Standford student chemist, Lucy Liu, and take all of his supplies and equipment. Liu would happily have worked for them, but they have to leave, and chain her in the room. She cuts off part of her heel to escape, and is rescued by a guy into snake venom. Eventually, they drink snake anti-venom, then have sex in a swimming pool full of rattlers for some ultimate high. That one thread dies there, but the other story threads all reach some sort of resolution.

The two lowlifes are out to find one of their girlfriends (Sadie Frost), who has been taken by the man who raised her (and may be her father) to one of his apartment buildings. He is assisted by someone who wants him to invest in some pet project. IT is at the apartment house where the people sort of come together.

In the third story, a woman hires an agency to see if her fiancee would cheat on her. An attractive woman puts the make on him while jogging, and he takes the bait. The fiancee wants revenge, and the agency also provides that service. The attractive woman meets him, chains his arms and legs to the bed, and then leaves. The fiancee then arrives, threatens to castrate him, then leaves him still cuffed to his bed. This is just the start of his problems. Before the day is over, he will be beat up, shot, and loose some non-essential body parts.

Sadie Frost ends up having a thing with the guy who wanted her dad to invest in his project. One of the lowlifes ends up in rather serious medical condition, while his partner walks across the border to Mexico to open a strip club, his life-long dream.

Frost shows breasts in a sex scene, and Lui shows buns and breasts having sex amongst the snakes. IMDb readers have this at 4.9 of 10. Apollo rates it 6.1. The film never ceases to be strange, often starts a chliche only to end up somewhere unique, and has some seriously funny moments. As a Pulp Fiction wannabe, it is not the worst I have seen, and is, in the end, watchable but forgettable. C-.

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  • Lucy Liu (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Sadie Frost (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    "Water Drops On Burning Rocks"

    Water Drops on Burning Rocks (2000) is a François Ozon film based on a stage play by Rainer Werner Fassbinder. The entire film takes place in an apartment, and there are four cast members. Bernard Giraudeau owns the apartment. He brings home young Malik Zidi, who had been on his way to met his fiancee, and seduces him. Two months later, Zidi feels that Giraudeau has grown tired of him, and who should show up but his girlfriend, Ludivine Sangier. Giraudeau is out of town, and the two make up for lost time with two days of sex.

    They resolve to get married, and as they are packing, Giraudeau returns, and starts hitting on Sangier. Then the fourth, Anna Thompson arrives. She, it seems, is Giraudeau's former girlfriend, who underwent sex change surgery to try and keep him. From there, the plot gets a little weird.

    For me, this was a godawfull film, except for one small point. Sangier was completely naked in good light for at least 20 minutes. IMDb readers have this at 7.2 of 10. The Villiage Voice was thrilled that this never before produced play, written when Fassbnder was 19, was even made. According to them, it is not about sex, but rather the power wielded using sex as a tool. Sounds good enough to me for a theme. It has a suitably French tragic ending. I detested every minute of this film when Sangier was not on screen and naked. This is a C-. Fassbinder fans will need to own it, and Celebrity nudity fans will love the exposure. Some will be bothered by the relatively explicit homosexual sex scenes.

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  • Ludivine Sagnier (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Betty Blue (1986)

    Properly called 37°2 le matin, this film was also known as Betty Blue in its North American release. Note, however, that Betty Blue and 37°2 might well be considered two separate movies. Betty Blue is 121 minutes long in NTSC format, and 37°2 le matin is 184 minutes in PAL format, which is equivalent to 191 minutes in NTSC or in the theaters, because of the 4% distortion in PAL. The difference between them is, therefore, 70 minutes of film. That difference is pretty much a feature length film of its own.

    I have not seen the short version, but I discussed this film with my friend Mick Locke on the phone and mentioned to him that Jean-Hugues Anglade must have set the all-time record for male nudity by a single person in a mainstream film, having done a half dozen lengthy frontal scenes, and having been stark naked on camera, willie to the wind, for a least a half an hour of the film's running time. Mick Locke replied that I was all wet, and that Anglade's French fry had only been seen briefly once in passing.  It turned out, of course, that Mick had seen the North American version, so you know a good chunk of what was in the 70 missing minutes - about 29 minutes of the ol' pocket fisherman, Gallic style. Anglade's duration of full-frontal nudity is matched by his co-star Beatrice Dalle, and she also performs other scenes topless or without pants.

    I guess my first observation must be that if you are really interested in screen nudity, you should just skip the short version and wait for the right one to come along, for two reasons:

    1. because the 70 missing minutes must include a vast amount of nudity.

    2. because the nudity is extremely beautiful, quite explicit, and magnificently photographed. I'm not one to use the word "magnificent" casually. If you like the type of film with beautiful, highly saturated, painterly hues abetted by lots of colored filters and other lighting gimmicks, this is one of the best I've ever seen. Imagine the look of Amelie, with the skin content of Emmanuelle. If I were forced to name now, off the top of my head, the best photographed film with near-continuous nudity, I would have to say it is this film, or The Lover, or Sirens. In other words, the beautiful nudity beautifully photographed is a major reason to see this film, so do not settle for the short version.

    So how is the movie itself?

    Flawed, but pretty damned good, actually. It was a commercial hit in France despite its three hour running time, which doesn't so much indicate the quality of the film as the type. It was not intended to be an "empty theater" film for intellectuals, but a popular bit of mass entertainment. Think of Amelie, not Andrei Rublyov.

    Anglade pays Zork, a drifter who starts the film working as a painter of beach-side bungalows. He never gets too much painting done, because he and Betty can never get enough of each other physically, and they bonk day and night. As time passes, Betty discovers that the putatively unambitious Zork has actually been using all of his spare time to write a novel. Betty insists that the novel is genius, and that he must get it published, so she takes some dramatic steps to get Zork to move to the city and work on his writing career.

    The middle third of the film is about the quest for publication and Betty's increasingly irrational reactions to his rejection slips.

    For, you see, the "hook" of the film us that Betty is seriously unbalanced. Zork sees her gradually drifting away from him, and doesn't know what to do when her moments of lucidity come less and less frequently.

    That's about all there is to the entire three hour film.  Zork's love for Betty forces him to adapt to her mania and depression, until he has to decide to leave her or institutionalize her , or .... what???

    As you can probably guess, the film has very little content to fill up three hours, so it relies on atmosphere to carry it - vivid images, wailing saxophones, a somber and evocative piano duet.

    Your reaction to it will probably depend on how much plot you require. If you are satisfied with spectacular images, mood music, and the profound characterization of two people (to the exclusion of other characters - these two are just about always on screen), then you'll love it. There are many people who have commented at IMDb that this is one of the great romantic films, and several people said it is the one film they love best. I think that a lot of other people will find that the three hours passes very slowly indeed, despite the beauty of the images, words,  music, and nudity.

    One last point. You should see it if you have ever been in love with a deeply troubled woman. You other guys can also relate to it, because all relationships include some elements of the highs and lows pictured here. When you have been with someone for a very long time, you might well become melancholy thinking about the way it used to be when you first fell in love and couldn't get enough of each other's company, as compared to the comfortable tedium of your life today.

    Imagine how intense it must be for those in love with a mentally unstable women. (And I count myself in that group.) Those shifts of attitude can occur in very short periods, and for reasons you can't fathom. You just want to scream at her, "remember yesterday, when we were so happy, and had such a great day?". Unfortunately, that never helps. You can't get her to return to sanity by snapping your fingers and saying "OK, insane time is over now. Back to the rational world." So you live with intense emotional highs and lows. If she is a classic manic-depressive type, she gives you the greatest moments of your life, and the worst - sometimes within hours of each other. That can bring even a strong, healthy man to the brink of despair. That's a big part of what this film is about, and if you can relate to it on a personal level, this film could affect you very deeply.

    • Pictures in yesterday's edition.



    Chasing Liberty (2003)

    I actually watched this lame piece of Hollywood formula crap to capture the nudity from pop singer Mandy Moore. When it was finished, I started to listen to the commentary by Mandy and her co-star, neither of whom will be asked to replace Koppel when he retires from Nightline. It's a good thing I listened, however, because I learned that the nudity was done by a body double. Here are a couple of pseudo-nude scenes that are really Mandy. By the way, just for the record, Mandy is not a bad actress. By that I don't mean to imply that she is likely to take any work from Kate Winslet, but she played this light fluff with a fairly natural reading of her lines, about on the level of a younger Sarah Jessica Parker or Jennifer Love Hewitt.

    • Mandy Moore (1, 2)



    Briar Patch (2001):


    Briar Patch (aka Plain Dirty) is about a young woman trying to escape her unpleasant white trash life. Her psychic friend tells her that her true love is near. She assumes that means the sensitive young Richmond lawyer with whom she has been having an affair. Unfortunately, her moonshine drinkin', convenience store robbin', wife beatin' husband ain't a gonna let her leave, so she is virtually imprisoned by hubby and his dimbulb crony, Flowers, who looks like one of the extras from Deliverance.

    Well, that little Lolita just starts in a workin' on Ol' Flowers, puttin' all kinds of idees in his haid, 'bout how iff'n he were to kill that there husband dead, why, he could have Swain all to hisself. So he does.

    You can imagine that Flowers is not happy when he realizes that he killed his buddy so that Swain could run off to Richmond and sit on some rich guy's veranda, sayin' stuff like "I do declaya", and sippin' mint juleps with a bunch of guys dressed like Colonel Sanders.

    Meanwhile, the cops have figured out that there has been a murder, but they don't see any reason why Flowers would be involved. They figure that the killer must either be the abused wife who is striking back at her abusive husband, or the wife's known lover, with whom she moved in after the husband disappeared.


    This is a difficult film to relate to because the characters are all singularly unpleasant, although it might be fortunate that we don't identify with anyone, because every single person in the cast ends up getting the shaft. Except Ol' Flowers. He makes out OK, and will probably be available for Deliverance 2.

    The film languished on the shelves for three years, unable to land either a theatrical or a home media release, so you can bet that nobody liked it very much. It has been so effectively closeted that there are no reviews or user comments at IMDB.

    • Dominique Swain (no real nudity, but worth a look) (1, 2)




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Shannen Doherty

    This is one of the very few chances to see the designated queen bitch of the nighttime soaps flashing some skin in a movie. I don't think I have seen this film.

    • Shannen Doherty in Blindfold: Acts of Obsession (.avi, .wmv).

    • Shannen Doherty in Blindfold: Acts of Obsession (.avi, .wmv).

    • Shannen Doherty in Blindfold: Acts of Obsession (.avi, .wmv).

    • Shannen Doherty in Blindfold: Acts of Obsession (.avi, .wmv).


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Graphic Response
    • Maria Bello baring all in scenes from the very good indie flick "The Cooler".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Some caps from a couple of strip-n-wiggle DVDS.

    Triple B performances from Julie Strain in Lingerie Dreams and of former Heffer Rebecca Ferratti in Naked and Naughty.

    Personally, I don't see how gettin nekkid can be considered naughty. And since that's all Rebecca did in this tape, I figure the title is just plain false advertising. For those of you with long memories, you will recall that Rebecca played the part of the hot latina villager in The Three Amigos.

    • Julie Strain (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Rebecca Ferratti (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Crimson Ghost
    Today from the Ghost....Over the past 15 years or so, Kimberley Kates has had a pretty decent career in B films and TV appearances...but she'll always be 'Princess Elizabeth' from "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" to me!

    Although, after seeing these 'caps and clip, I might remember her as 'Kimberley Kates, the nekkid girl from that really bad movie "Armstrong".'

    Kates looks great as she goes topless and full frontal.

    Eva Green
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    The young French actress showing off her incredible (and natural) body in scenes from the Bernardo Bertolucci film "The Dreamers". Beautiful breast views, rear views, frontal nudity and even a few gyno-cam close ups (links 5 and 15). Many thanks to Flautista fro the great 'caps.

    Courtney Love Ahhh...Rock and Roll's Ambassador of Class. Here she is onstage. Topless, smoking and basically looking like a Jerry Springer reject. Thanks to Squiddy.

    Kate Beckinsale
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    more Kate Beckinsale
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Since it is impossible to escape the promotion of the movie "Van Helsing" (opening Wednesday thru Friday depending your counrty of residence)....Figured we might as well give in. Here are two batches of Beckinsale. The first group is Kate looking quite elegant at the Van Helsing premiere. The second are mostly head shots of Kate at a Van Helsing press event. All I can say it this...good lord this woman is gorgeous.

    Eva Mendes
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Eva showing off some excellent cleavage from the just released on DVD Farrelly brothers movie, "Stuck On You".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The Era Of Tattoos Is Over - Britney Spears is having tattoo trouble. Among her various tattoos was a Japanese word on her hip that she thought meant "mysterious," only to find it meant "strange." Then in 1997, Madonna got her into studying Kabbalah, a mystical form of Judaism, and Britney got a tattoo on the back of her neck that she thought was a Hebrew symbol for "new era." But the UK Mirror reports that it's actually gibberish. Plus, after seven years of study, Britney should have learned by now that tattoos are forbidden under Jewish law.

  • So is everything else she likes.
  • Actually, I think Madonna and Britney Spears are forbidden under Jewish law.
  • Why doesn't Britney just have the word "IDIOT" tattooed on her? It would accomplish the same thing.
  • Next, she'll get a tattoo that says "Singer" and be sued for false advertising.

    Friendly Competition - The rerun cable channel TV Land is so convinced that all its viewers will be watching the series finale of "Friends" on Thursday that it won't even bother to program that hour. Instead, they will show TV Land employees gathered around a TV, watching "Friends" and occasionally reminding the audience to switch over to NBC.

  • That's what CBS used to air before they came up with "Survivor."
  • Their motto: "Friends don't let friends miss 'Friends.'"
  • I think I'll probably watch that instead of "Friends."
  • It was either that, or the entire staff would've phoned in sick.

    It Was A Goofy Idea - The operators of Euro Disney in Paris announced that unless creditors help the money-losing theme park restructure its $2.8 billion debt, it may not be solvent past May 31. The park has always struggled against low attendance, anti-American and anti-Disney sentiment, and complaints about high prices. But this is the first time it's been hinted that Mickey and Goofy could actually end up on a Paris unemployment line.

  • Where they can at least smoke their little brown cigarettes.
  • Then they'll blame America for their unemployment.
  • A welfare line in Paris! The happiest place on Earth!