Friday

 

 

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Madam Savant

Madam Savant (1997),  is an erotic thriller centered around Kira Reed. As the film opens, Kira's trailer trash husband catches her with the local stud, and blows him away, but misses her. The husband is jailed, and Kira hops a bus to LA. En route, she does a male passenger, who gives her the phone number of a cousin in LA, who he claims will help her get settled.

The "cousin" turns out to be a black woman much older than the white man who referred her. She is also the a madam of a whorehouse that every important police officer and public official in the world frequents. They are having a big party, when the cops raid, the madam is shot, and Kira hides with a valise the madam gave her. It is full of money, and the little black client book. The rest of the film concerns crooked and honest cops and worried politicians all trying to get the book back.

The plot involved too many people to keep straight, but the film at least had a plot to follow. I suppose it was a whodunnit, but I never really cared.

Since the film is a soft-core sex film, the most important element of the plot is that Kira takes over the business, and everyone gets naked constantly. The weakness of that side of the film is that nearly all the nude scenes are marred by constant cross-fading, and this distracted from the eroticism.

  • The film includes full frontal and rear nudity from Kira Reed, Nichole McAuley, LoriDawn Messuri, Bianca Rocilili and others I was unable to identify. I suspect the two unknowns are Lorissa McComas and Samantha Mills.

Scoop's note: Yes, the dark-haired one is almost surely Lorissa!

With that many naked women and a plot, it meets all genre requirements, and is a must-have for Kira Reed fans. It would be a solid C if not for the cross-fading.

IMDb: 1.8 with fewer than two dozen votes.

 

 

 

Kira Reed

 

 

Nicole McAuley

 

 

 

LoriDawn Messuri

 

 

Bianca Rocilili

 

 

unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


No Way Out

Time travel today as the Time Machine journeys to 1987 ...

 

Sean Young gets felt up by Kevin Costner and bares the boobies in this espionage thriller.

 

Plus some unknown topless dancers to top off the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Night Game

Detective Mike (Roy Scheider) is a big Astros fan out to catch a killer. The notes from the killer seem to point to someone with a penchant for revenge and that's exactly what Mike needs to look into. He's getting political pressure from his boss, other cops and even the FBI, but nothing seems to get him any closer to the killer until he realizes that there is a connection between the women. They all attended a certain baseball player's wedding. Mike starts to stalk the team and soon finds one very bitter killer.

Karen Young

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Carnal Knowledge, Part 8 of 8

Ann-Margret

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DOA

The plot: hot chicks in bikinis meet other hot chicks in different bikinis.

 

 

 Jaime Pressly

 

 

 

Devon Aoki

 

 

Pressly and Aoki

 

 

Holly Valence

 

 

Sarah Carter

 

 

Valence and Carter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stinger

Occasionally, I'll do a collage and clips of a movie simply to get a chance to write a review warning people how bad the movie is. 2005's Stinger is an example of this, although it doesn't hurt that Daniella Vesterland is attractive, and did nudity. What she didn't do is acting, but that's fine, because neither did anyone else in this mess.

Among other things, Stinger features some of the most gawdawful CGI you'll see. Indeed, the Saturday morning cartoons are much better done. Add a storyline that can easily be predicted just from the title, a script that would make a junior high drama class blush from embarrassment, and acting that isn't even as good as that junior high group would do, and about the only thing left to complement is hot Daniella and her boobies. Oh, yes, and even those appear to be fake.

An American sub is lost at sea for two months. It had been carrying an experimental top-secret cargo, and the scientists that were working on the cargo. When its location is discovered, the military sends a salvage team of marines headed by two women scientists who had worked on the original project. Only after people start dying do the marines learn what the project was. (Hint: the title of this dreck is Stinger, remember?)

Sure, they make this kind of crap by the boatload, and no one really expect it to be much. Most are satisfied to enjoy the fun and laugh at the stupidity, but this one will only produce groans. Supposedly, they spent a million dollars making this ruptured turkey, and why the producers didn't ask for a nine hundred thousand dollar refund, I don't know. Watching the play-marines shoot off thousands of rounds of automatic rifle ammo in a closed submarine (and with nary a ricochet) won't even make you laugh; it'll make you cry. It's just SO stupid. I normally love creature features, but in this case, the only thing to love is Daniella.

 

Daniella Vesterland
 

Following up on Vejiita's material, here's Karen Young again, this time in Heading South

Spanish actress Elsa Pataky in a photo shoot. (The Madrileņa is a major babe.)

Azucena Medina in The Matador

Ruby LaRocca in Skin Crawl

Whipped-cream bikini girl Ali Larter, now all grown up and braless.

Julian Wells in Skin Crawl:

Margo Stilley in 9 Songs - part 5. This is the large one I skipped yesterday.
Mia Sara in Timecop

 

 

 

 

 


The Comedy Wire




Los Angeles prosecutors have filed papers on Paris Hilton for driving on a suspended license while on probation for DUI.  The unamused prosecutors want her license suspended for another four months, her car impounded for 30 days, and for Hilton to spend 45 days in the county jail and another 90 banned from consuming any alcohol while wearing a 'round-the-clock remote monitoring device.  To save her from jail, her attorneys will have to convince a judge that it was either a driving emergency or that Hilton wasn't aware she was on probation with a suspended license.

*  It should be easy enough to prove that Paris Hilton wasn't aware of anything. 


 

Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, who resigned after admitting to a gay sexual affair with an unqualified government appointee, announced that he's entering the seminary to become a priest.  A friend said, "Despite what some people think, he's a very spiritual person."
 
*  He loves his fellow man.

*  He gets down on his knees at least once a day.



Today is "No Pants Day," when people are encouraged to show their
creativity and unconventionality by showing up somewhere in public without pants.

On this day in 1973, in the PBS play "Steambath," Valerie Perrine became the first actress to appear nude on US network TV.

On this day in 1968, McDonald's introduced the Big Mac.

* I'm amazed Bill Clinton didn't make this a national holiday.