Whirlygirl (200?)

The date of the film is debatable. It was filmed in 2003. It went to DVD in 2006. The DVD box calls it 2004; IMDb calls it 2006.

Whirlygirl is, more or less, the same movie as The Girl Next Door, both of them cut from the Risky Business mold.  The perfect preppie, level-headed, smart and athletic, risks his future when he becomes involved with a stripper who has struggled through life. Their relationship has some stops and starts, and it appears for a time that the lad may be messing up his life, but she ultimately helps him to loosen up while he helps her straighten out.

The strength of the movie, as I see it, is that the guys in the prep school and their teachers are all real, recognizable human beings and not expedient cinema stereotypes. They have conversations that sound real, and the boys react to situations in sensible ways, given their immaturity. There is no evil gym teacher, nor stereotypical bully, nor Asian computer genius to bail them out of scrapes. Just guys. That was a nice touch.

The weakness of the film is that the part of the Whirlygirl was not as well written. Her situations were more like movie life than real life, and she had to deliver some mighty corny speeches at the end of the film, in the obligatory scene where our hero avoids punishment for all his lies and missed classes and so forth.

The difficult part of writing this kind of story is coming up with an ending. We see that they have more between them than pure sexual magnetism, but it simply isn't possible to close the story with them together as he heads off for his freshman year at Harvard or wherever. That just has no grounding in reality. By necessity, this type of romance needs to have a bittersweet ending where they both go off to do the growing up that they have to do alone. Maybe some day they'll be together, but not now. Ultimately, that makes the film too downbeat to be a romantic comedy, and some sections are too airy for drama, so the screenplay has to walk a fine line between laughs and tears. The greatest tribulation for the screenwriter was the part of a soldier who is stalking the Whirlygirl. He is sometimes treated as a comically inept buffoon, but near the end of the film he turns from the object of jokes into a genuinely menacing rapist. I could have done with a re-write of that character, but the script has some successes in balancing those difficult tone shifts, to go with some failures.

The musical score and the male star are bland and low-key, so the film sometimes feels like it needs an infusion of energy, but overall it is a competent, watchable film, if not a memorable or original one. On balance, I'd say that you will like it more if you're looking for a reality-based coming-of-age drama, than you will if you're looking for a feel-good comedy/fantasy ala Risky Business.

Here's a film clip (zipped .wmv)

And here are the collages:

Monet Mazur


Other Crap:



Maine university denies dorm for girl, 14

  • Robert Dana, dean of students at the University of Maine, said residence halls don't have enough supervision for a 14-year-old and that dorm staff members are trained to help older teenagers.
  • Does that explanation make any sense to anyone in light of the fact that her parents were aware of the situation and wanted her to live on campus?

Man arrested after thieves steal safe filled with child porn

"The Homosexual and You" - a Pat Robertson production

The Smoking Gun: "Graphic police report details Florida couple's parking lot romp"

Star salaries coming down in Hollywood

The official poster for Snakes on a Plane

The A.V. Club interviews the supremely eccentric Crispin Glover

Janeane Garofalo is under criticism for touting a controversial Scientology-linked project.

Nick Lachey - What's Left of Me (The full-length album is online!)

Plagiarism scandal widens - girl now said to have plagiarized significantly from Salman Rishdie'

  • Does this mean she gets a partial fatwa?

The tender, lilting unicorn-fucking song

  • Awesome! I was singing along!

Cousin Eddie to play Spain's King Carlos IV (last paragraph)

  • Yeah, I can see that. He has that regal bearing.

An uninterrupted seven minute clip from Poseidon - For late-night hosts, it's open season on Bush

  • During the first three months of the year, Bush has been the punch line of 307 monologue jokes by Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien. That compares to 197 jokes during the same period last year.
  • "Did you know former President James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other at the same time?" Leno said. "That was Garfield. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'We had a talking cat for president?"'

SATAN's TESTIMONY ROCKS ENRON TRIAL Lord of Darkness Becomes Surprise Witness For Prosecution

  • “If Satan’s testimony brings down Ken Lay, don’t be surprised if the prosecution calls him as a witness at Tom DeLay’s trial.”
  • "Elsewhere, magician David Blaine said that for his next trick he would attempt to last seven days as White House press spokesman."

Rolling Stone Celebrates 1,000 Issues

Tiger says good-bye to his beloved dad

COLBERT: Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who recently lost 110 pounds, discusses his book, Quit Digging Your Grave with a Knife and Fork.

Colbert Report: Keep a Healthy Appetite

  • "Without our hefty heroes, there would be no songs about fat-bottomed girls or lovely lady lumps."

Colbert Report: Magic! ... "David Blaine is proving once and for all that mankind is capable of watching anything."

Stephen Colbert's audition tape for presidential press secretary

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright talks to Jon Stewart about her new book "The Mighty & the Almighty."

Daily Show: It's odd to see the Supreme Court use the term "Stupendous Bazongas" in a ruling.

Mac or Bonds: Who Roided It Up Better?

Sony Pictures - official site for Casino Royale, including an English version of the trailer

The Big E3 List: 2006 Edition - Every official game at the show, all in one handy guide

Ah-nuld wants two NFL teams in L.A.

Astros show Rocket the money

"Electronic Road Signs and Me"

The Daily Show looks at Iraq

USATODAY talks to Teri Hatcher about her new book

LETTERMAN: Top Ten Signs Gas Is Really Expensive

  • Batman is patrolling the streets on a Schwinn
  • Anna Nicole Smith married the night manager of a Texaco

A funny clip from Conan: "Bush takes a piss while addressing the nation."

Hold on to your hats, men. The Clippers have won a playoff series!

JoBlo looks at Richard Kelly's follow-up to DONNIE DARKO, entitled SOUTHLAND TALES

Mexicans Ruining Market for Cool Personal Robots, Say Experts

Angelina Jolie's interview on Dateline 4/30/06

URL says it all:

"Here's a news story detailing the history of the moustache tattoo. Good for a few laughs, as opposed to the tattoos themselves."

I don't even know what a Kaya PF4 is, but I want one anyway!

SCIENTISTS have found a chemical in wallaby milk which is 100 times more effective against bacteria, such as E coli, than the strongest forms of penicillin.

There is now a featurette available about the making of World Trade Center - An Oliver Stone Film

Saturn shown as it would be seen by human eyes near the planet

Teri Hatcher says her nipples and toes are suck-worthy

  • Much like her performances

Keith Richards has been released from a New Zealand hospital after injuring himself when he fell out of a palm tree

  • At first, doctors wanted to hold the patient because he seemed to be confused and disoriented after the fall. Then they realized he was Keith Richards.

Poll Result: which irritating celebrity would you least like to travel with

  • Paris Hilton just edged out Tom Cruise
  • My vote would be based on reality. The most boring flight I ever had was a long overseas trip next to Bob Woodward. Compared to that, a few hours with Paris Hilton would have been spiritually rewarding, or at least good for some laughs.

A man has been living on a tree for the last 50 years after quarreling with his wife.

  • He now refuses to come down, having developed a sense of spiritual kinship with nature, and he prefers the company of the tree's poisonous snakes to that of his wife.
  • ... the man's name - Bill Clinton

Western Australia - home of the sex train.

  • I'll bet the woman running it has a really nice caboose.

Gallup's latest midterm election update shows the Democratic party continuing to hold a strong lead over Republicans among registered voters

  • For the first time since 1992, a majority of registered voters say that most members of Congress do not deserve re-election. While most registered voters think their own member of Congress deserves re-election, the percentage saying this is the lowest Gallup has measured since 1994.

Urban Legends Reference Pages: "Casey Sheehan's grave is as yet unmarked with a standard headstone."


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Video Vixens (1975)

Video Vixens is a sexploitation comedy directed by the famous Ronald Johnson. Never heard of him you say? Well, he has 356 credits at IMDb, including three last year at age 65, about three times as many as Michael Caine. You might know him by his porno name, Henri Pachard.

The premise is simple. The KLITT TV station manager has decided that a hand soap additive is causing men to lose interest in sex, and turning women into lesbos. His plan is simple. He will preempt programming and present the Stag Film Awards. To help him, he hires Buck Flower, a stag film maker, and his assistant Robyn Hilton. He forces conservative critic Gordon Gordon (Harrison Phillips) to present the awards, much to the dismay of his wife (Angela Carnon) and young son. He finds sex industry sponsors, assuring them of top ratings.

The film is a series of vignettes, supposed commercials, and clips from award winning films.

  • Robyn Hilton flashes her breasts near the end.
  • Angela Carnon does a full frontal when hubby comes home after the broadcast.
  • Sandy Dempsey is a porn actress having her pubes curled when Buck Flower is called.
  • Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith shows full frontal as the Twinkle Twat Feminine Spray girl.
  • Starlyn Simone does full frontal and rear nudity in a film where the milk man whips her.
  • Linda York is the dial-a-snatch girl. She is fondled by men with rough hands wearing a diaper to show she is softer than the diaper, then strips completely.
  • Robyn Whitting is in two scenes, the first as a reluctant actress to director/actor Buck Flower, and the second as a patient ravaged by her shrink. She shows it all.
  • Terri Johnson also shows everything in an ad for Magic Merkin, which her mother suggests since she is worried her boyfriend will notice her pubes don't match her hair.
  • An actress credited as Gil shows breasts in a film clip that parodies Dragnet, about two women who are raped by "vacuum salesmen with really long hoses."
  • Maria Arnoff shows breasts and bush as the other rape victim.
  • Celenthia Monett shows breasts in a perfume ad. She is chained along with another woman in a dungeon, and then each is given a different perfume. When a convicted rapist is left alone with them, he picks her.
  • Tracy Handfuss does a full frontal in an ad for Kentucky Dildos that parodies the Virginia Slims ads. You've come a long way, baby.
  • Marva Farmer shows breasts in the Dildos add.

Buck Flower, who appeared in both exploitation and mainstream films, was a riot. The Twinkle Twat commercial with Rainbeaux was inspired, and she has never looked more lovely. Not every skit worked for me, but there were all short enough that a klinker or two didn't matter. I thought the Dragnet parody was very well done. The video quality was rather typical of recent Troma efforts, in other words, not much better than VHS, and the sound was mushy in many sections. All in all, it was a quick watch with a generous helping of politically incorrect material, and a huge amount of nudity.


IMDb readers say 3.0, and based on only 30 votes. Troma has just released this on DVD, and I would expect the score to rise a little, as genre lovers weigh in on this film.

Robyn Hilton

Angela Carnon

Sandy Dempsey

Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith

Starlyn Simone

Linda York

Robin Whitting

Terri Johnson

Celenthia Monett

Tracy Handfuss

Marva Farmer






Today the Hankster Hillbilly tour returns to "Country Hooker". Rene Bond has to be considered a legend. She appeared in more than 300 films, both mainstream and porn. She had an innocent look about her, but had no problem baring all for the cameras. In the mid-eighties, after disappearing from the film world, she turned up on the game show "Break the Bank" winning $9000. Sadly, Rene passed on in 1996 from liver problems, but for those of us from that era, she will live on forever thanks to the miracle of DVD.

So here's Rene with her then-husband Ric Lutze, getting it on for the cameras in "Country Hooker".






Midnight Temptations (1995)


  • A mess o' clips today from Midnight Temptations.  All of em showing the incredibly edible Wendy Hamilton in
    the shower (clips 1 & 2) and then in one long-ass sport-humping scene (3-11). 
  • Scoop's note: since these clips really represent only two scenes, I zipped them into two files. Thus, if you download the second one, you'll get a very large zip file (49meg), and it will unzip into nine separate .avis. The other one unzips into two avis, and is 13 meg.







Pat's comments in yellow...

A Roper poll sponsored by National Geographic found that fewer than a third of Americans age 18 to 24 think it's important to know the locations of countries in the news.  75 percent couldn't find Israel on a map; 60 percent couldn't locate Iraq; 47 percent couldn't find India (where all their jobs are going); and despite the constant Hurricane Katrina coverage, 48 percent couldn't find Mississippi on a map, and nearly a third couldn't locate Louisiana.

*  Even though there are probably people from Louisiana living right next
door to them.

*  Most of the ones who couldn't find Mississippi on a map actually live in

Something is rotten in Denmark, where Danes were shocked by a magazine interview in which Prince Henrik, the French-born prince consort/husband of Queen Margrethe II, admitted one of his favorite dishes is dog meat.  He said he developed a taste for it in Vietnam, it's especially good thin-sliced and fried or grilled, and it tastes like rabbit or dry veal. Henrik said the dogs he eats are grown as food, like chicken, so he sees no conflict with the fact that he is also honorary president of the Danish Dachshund Club.  He even wrote a book of poems, one of which was a loving ode to his dachshund Evita, in which he compares her paws to wings.

*  Hot wings...


A poll of more than 10,000 adults in 10 nations found that the most trusted sources of news were Fox News, the BBC and Al Jazeera

* Have they never heard of the Weekly World News?