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Whirlygirl (200?)
The date of the film is debatable. It was filmed in 2003. It went
to DVD in 2006. The DVD box calls it 2004; IMDb calls it 2006.
Whirlygirl is, more or less, the same movie as The Girl Next
Door, both of them cut from the Risky Business mold. The
perfect preppie, level-headed, smart and athletic, risks his future
when he becomes involved with a stripper who has struggled through
life. Their relationship has some stops and starts, and it appears
for a time that the lad may be messing up his life, but she
ultimately helps him to loosen up while he helps her straighten out.
The strength of the movie, as I see it, is that the guys in the
prep school and their teachers are all real, recognizable human
beings and not expedient cinema stereotypes. They have conversations
that sound real, and the boys react to situations in sensible ways,
given their immaturity. There is no evil gym teacher, nor
stereotypical bully, nor Asian computer genius to bail them out of
scrapes. Just guys. That was a nice touch.
The weakness of the film is that the part of the Whirlygirl was
not as well written. Her situations were more like movie life than
real life, and she had to deliver some mighty corny speeches at the
end of the film, in the obligatory scene where our hero avoids
punishment for all his lies and missed classes and so forth.
The difficult part of writing this kind of story is coming up
with an ending. We see that they have more between them than pure
sexual magnetism, but it simply isn't possible to close the story
with them together as he heads off for his freshman year at Harvard
or wherever. That just has no grounding in reality. By necessity,
this type of romance needs to have a bittersweet ending where they
both go off to do the growing up that they have to do alone. Maybe
some day they'll be together, but not now. Ultimately, that makes
the film too downbeat to be a romantic comedy, and some sections are
too airy for drama, so the screenplay has to walk a fine line
between laughs and tears. The greatest tribulation for the
screenwriter was the part of a soldier who is stalking the
Whirlygirl. He is sometimes treated as a comically inept buffoon,
but near the end of the film he turns from the object of jokes into
a genuinely menacing rapist. I could have done with a re-write of
that character, but the script has some successes in balancing those
difficult tone shifts, to go with some failures.
The musical score and the male star are bland and low-key, so the
film sometimes feels like it needs an infusion of energy, but
overall it is a competent, watchable film, if not a memorable or
original one. On balance, I'd say that you will like it more if
you're looking for a reality-based coming-of-age drama, than you
will if you're looking for a feel-good comedy/fantasy ala Risky
Business.
Here's a film clip (zipped .wmv)
And here are the collages:
Other Crap:
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PRESIDENT DEMANDS THAT AMERICA'S
SLAVE CLASS SING NATIONAL ANTHEM IN JESUS' LANGUAGE
INSTEAD OF MUMBO-JUMBO MEXICANESE
(WhiteHouse.org)
WWN:
7 WAYS TO ANNOY CO-WORKERS - WITHOUT
GETTING IN TROUBLE!
Maine university denies dorm for
girl, 14
- Robert Dana, dean of students
at the University of Maine, said residence halls don't
have enough supervision for a 14-year-old and that dorm
staff members are trained to help older teenagers.
- Does that explanation make any
sense to anyone in light of the fact that her parents
were aware of the situation and wanted her to live on
campus?
Man arrested after thieves steal safe
filled with child porn
"The Homosexual and You" - a Pat
Robertson production
The Smoking Gun: "Graphic police
report details Florida couple's parking lot romp"
Star salaries coming down in
Hollywood
The official poster for Snakes on a
Plane
The A.V. Club interviews the
supremely eccentric Crispin Glover
Janeane Garofalo is under criticism
for touting a controversial Scientology-linked project.
Nick Lachey - What's Left of Me
(The full-length album is online!)
Plagiarism scandal widens - girl now
said to have plagiarized significantly from Salman Rishdie'
- Does this mean she gets a
partial fatwa?
The tender, lilting unicorn-fucking
song
- Awesome! I was singing along!
Cousin Eddie to play Spain's King
Carlos IV (last paragraph)
- Yeah, I can see that. He has
that regal bearing.
An uninterrupted seven minute clip
from Poseidon
CNN.com - For late-night hosts, it's
open season on Bush
- During the first three months
of the year, Bush has been the punch line of 307
monologue jokes by Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan
O'Brien. That compares to 197 jokes during the same
period last year.
- "Did you know former President
James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek
with the other at the same time?" Leno said. "That was
Garfield. When President Bush heard about it, he said,
'We had a talking cat for president?"'
SATAN's TESTIMONY ROCKS ENRON TRIAL
Lord of Darkness Becomes Surprise Witness For Prosecution
- “If Satan’s testimony brings
down Ken Lay, don’t be surprised if the prosecution
calls him as a witness at Tom DeLay’s trial.”
- "Elsewhere, magician David
Blaine said that for his next trick he would attempt to
last seven days as White House press spokesman."
Rolling Stone Celebrates 1,000 Issues
Tiger says good-bye to his beloved
dad
COLBERT:
Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who
recently lost 110 pounds, discusses his book, Quit Digging
Your Grave with a Knife and Fork.
Colbert Report: Keep a Healthy
Appetite
- "Without our hefty heroes,
there would be no songs about fat-bottomed girls or
lovely lady lumps."
Colbert Report: Magic!
... "David Blaine is proving once and for all that mankind
is capable of watching anything."
Stephen Colbert's audition tape for
presidential press secretary
Former Secretary of State Madeleine
Albright talks to Jon Stewart about her new book "The
Mighty & the Almighty."
Daily Show: It's odd to see the
Supreme Court use the term "Stupendous Bazongas" in a
ruling.
Mac or Bonds: Who Roided It Up
Better?
Sony Pictures - official site for
Casino Royale, including an English version of the trailer
The Big E3 List: 2006 Edition - Every
official game at the show, all in one handy guide
Ah-nuld wants two NFL teams in L.A.
Astros show Rocket the money
"Electronic Road Signs and Me"
The Daily Show looks at Iraq
USATODAY talks to Teri Hatcher about
her new book
LETTERMAN:
Top Ten Signs Gas Is Really Expensive
- Batman is patrolling the
streets on a Schwinn
- Anna Nicole Smith married the
night manager of a Texaco
A funny clip from Conan: "Bush takes
a piss while addressing the nation."
Hold on to your hats, men. The
Clippers have won a playoff series!
JoBlo looks at Richard Kelly's
follow-up to DONNIE DARKO, entitled SOUTHLAND TALES
Mexicans Ruining Market for Cool
Personal Robots, Say Experts
Angelina Jolie's interview on
Dateline 4/30/06
URL says it all:
RateMyTurban.com
"Here's a news story detailing the
history of the moustache tattoo. Good for a few laughs, as
opposed to the tattoos themselves."
I don't even know what a Kaya PF4 is,
but I want one anyway!
SCIENTISTS have found a chemical in
wallaby milk which is 100 times more effective against
bacteria, such as E coli, than the strongest forms of
penicillin.
There is now a featurette available
about the making of World Trade Center - An Oliver Stone
Film
Saturn shown as it would be seen by
human eyes near the planet
Teri Hatcher says her nipples and
toes are suck-worthy
- Much like her performances
Keith Richards has been released from
a New Zealand hospital after injuring himself when he fell
out of a palm tree
- At first, doctors wanted to
hold the patient because he seemed to be confused and
disoriented after the fall. Then they realized he was
Keith Richards.
Poll Result: which irritating
celebrity would you least like to travel with
- Paris Hilton just edged out Tom
Cruise
- My vote would be based on
reality. The most boring flight I ever had was a long
overseas trip next to Bob Woodward. Compared to that, a
few hours with Paris Hilton would have been spiritually
rewarding, or at least good for some laughs.
A man has been living on a tree for
the last 50 years after quarreling with his wife.
- He now refuses to come down,
having developed a sense of spiritual kinship with
nature, and he prefers the company of the tree's
poisonous snakes to that of his wife.
- ... the man's name - Bill
Clinton
Western Australia - home of the sex
train.
- I'll bet the woman running it
has a really nice caboose.
Gallup's latest midterm election
update shows the Democratic party continuing to hold a
strong lead over Republicans among registered voters
- For the first time since 1992,
a majority of registered voters say that most members of
Congress do not deserve re-election. While most
registered voters think their own member of Congress
deserves re-election, the percentage saying this is the
lowest Gallup has measured since 1994.
Urban Legends Reference Pages: "Casey
Sheehan's grave is as yet unmarked with a standard
headstone." |
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Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Video Vixens (1975)
Video Vixens is a sexploitation comedy directed by the famous Ronald
Johnson. Never heard of him you say? Well, he has 356 credits at IMDb,
including three last year at age 65, about three times as many as Michael
Caine. You might know him by his porno name, Henri Pachard.
The premise is simple. The KLITT TV station manager has decided that a hand
soap additive is causing men to lose interest in sex, and turning women into
lesbos. His plan is simple. He will preempt programming and present the Stag
Film Awards. To help him, he hires Buck Flower, a stag film maker, and his
assistant Robyn Hilton. He forces conservative critic Gordon Gordon (Harrison
Phillips) to present the awards, much to the dismay of his wife (Angela Carnon)
and young son. He finds sex industry sponsors, assuring them of top ratings.
The film is a series of vignettes, supposed commercials, and clips from
award winning films.
- Robyn Hilton flashes her breasts near the end.
- Angela Carnon does a full frontal when hubby comes home after the
broadcast.
- Sandy Dempsey is a porn actress having her pubes curled when Buck Flower
is called.
- Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith shows full frontal as the Twinkle Twat Feminine
Spray girl.
- Starlyn Simone does full frontal and rear nudity in a film where the
milk man whips her.
- Linda York is the dial-a-snatch girl. She is fondled by men with rough
hands wearing a diaper to show she is softer than the diaper, then strips
completely.
- Robyn Whitting is in two scenes, the first as a reluctant actress to
director/actor Buck Flower, and the second as a patient ravaged by her
shrink. She shows it all.
- Terri Johnson also shows everything in an ad for Magic Merkin, which her
mother suggests since she is worried her boyfriend will notice her pubes
don't match her hair.
- An actress credited as Gil shows breasts in a film clip that parodies
Dragnet, about two women who are raped by "vacuum salesmen with really long
hoses."
- Maria Arnoff shows breasts and bush as the other rape victim.
- Celenthia Monett shows breasts in a perfume ad. She is chained along
with another woman in a dungeon, and then each is given a different perfume.
When a convicted rapist is left alone with them, he picks her.
- Tracy Handfuss does a full frontal in an ad for Kentucky Dildos that
parodies the Virginia Slims ads. You've come a long way, baby.
- Marva Farmer shows breasts in the Dildos add.
Buck Flower, who appeared in both exploitation and mainstream films, was a
riot. The Twinkle Twat commercial with Rainbeaux was inspired, and she has
never looked more lovely. Not every skit worked for me, but there were all
short enough that a klinker or two didn't matter. I thought the Dragnet parody
was very well done. The video quality was rather typical of recent Troma
efforts, in other words, not much better than VHS, and the sound was mushy in
many sections. All in all, it was a quick watch with a generous helping of
politically incorrect material, and a huge amount of nudity.
C.
IMDb readers say 3.0, and based on only 30 votes. Troma has just released
this on DVD, and I would expect the score to rise a little, as genre lovers
weigh in on this film.
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Midnight
Temptations (1995)
- A mess o' clips today from Midnight Temptations. All of em showing the
incredibly edible Wendy Hamilton in
the shower (clips
1 & 2) and then in one long-ass sport-humping scene (3-11).
- Scoop's note: since these clips really
represent only two scenes, I zipped them into two files. Thus, if you download
the second one, you'll get a very large zip file (49meg), and it will unzip
into nine separate .avis. The other one unzips into two avis, and is 13 meg.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
A Roper poll sponsored by National Geographic found that fewer than a third of
Americans age 18 to 24 think it's important to know the locations of countries
in the news. 75 percent couldn't find Israel on a map; 60 percent couldn't
locate Iraq; 47 percent couldn't find India (where all their jobs are going);
and despite the constant Hurricane Katrina coverage, 48 percent couldn't find
Mississippi on a map, and nearly a third couldn't locate Louisiana.
* Even though there are probably people from Louisiana living right next
door to them.
* Most of the ones who couldn't find Mississippi on a map actually live in
Mississippi.
Something is rotten in Denmark, where Danes were shocked by a magazine interview
in which Prince Henrik, the French-born prince consort/husband of Queen
Margrethe II, admitted one of his favorite dishes is dog meat. He said he
developed a taste for it in Vietnam, it's especially good thin-sliced and fried
or grilled, and it tastes like rabbit or dry veal. Henrik said the dogs he eats
are grown as food, like chicken, so he sees no conflict with the fact that he is
also honorary president of the Danish Dachshund Club. He even wrote a book of
poems, one of which was a loving ode to his dachshund Evita, in which he
compares her paws to wings.
* Hot wings...
A poll of more than 10,000 adults in 10 nations found that the most trusted
sources of news were Fox News, the BBC and Al Jazeera
* Have they never heard of the Weekly World News?
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