"Goldilocks and the Three Bares"

Goldilocks and the Three Bares (1962) is one of two titles on a new release from Something Weird Video, the other being Sinderella and the Golden Bra. Sinderella is not in good enough shape to capture, and actually has very little nudity. It was the second nudie musical. Goldilocks was the first nudie musical, and, honestly, is an awful film. However, the DVD is a must own, as it contains a commentary with David Friedman, which is priceless. The back story for this film is orders of magnitude more interesting than the film itself. But first, let's correct the IMDB errors.

The film was made in 1962, not 1963. The industry and censorship laws were changing so fast in the 60s that a year is a big difference. The running time is 97 minutes, not 70, as reported. The film is a musical nudist film, not a drama. The lead actress, who was known as Bunny Downe, is shown as Allison Louise Downe at IMDB, and Vickie Miles in the actual film credits. The budget was $35,000, not $25,000.

Thomas J. Dowd owned a small art theater in Chicago, and was floundering, then, when Walter Bibo took his 1954 film Garden of Eden to the New York supreme court against the New York Film Review Board, and received a "nudity itself is not obscene" ruling that cleared the way to exhibit nudist films, Dowd booked Garden of Eden splitting the receipts with Bibo. He was suddenly solvent, and decided he was going to make his own nudist film, and that it would be the best nudist film ever, and the first nudie musical.

He hired Friedman to produce, and partner Hershal Gordon Lewis to direct. While on a pre-production scouting trip to Florida, Dowd found a singer that he decided was going to be the next male crooner and heart throb, Rex Marlow. Rex was actually a pool boy, a job which he took after cutting off a finger with a lawn mower working as a gardener. He couldn't act, was kind of a prima donna, and his singing was terrible. Dowd bought the rights to a bunch of really bad original songs, and had Friedman record them in Chicago, with musicians from the Chicago Symphony, who couldn't believe they were actually getting paid to play this garbage. When it came time to do the filming, Marlow couldn't even lip-synch to his own voice.

Dowd was impressed, as well, by celebrities, and found a former Light Heavyweight Champion, Joey Maxim, to appear in the film. Maxim won the title in a mid August bout in Yankee Stadium when the champ collapsed from heat exhaustion in the 13th round. When scouting nudist camp locations, Friedman and Lewis visited one legitimate nudist camp. A woman Friedman called Madam Zelda, Queen of the Nudists, invited them to a lunch of Franco-American spaghetti, but they had to disrobe. As Friedman put it, :Madam Zelda's mammaries had long since served their purpose, and kept dipping into the spaghetti."

In the end, they couldn't shoot in an actual nudist camp anyway, as Dowd decided he wanted nude yachting, and nude horseback riding. Think about this. How would you like to be naked on a galloping horse? During this time, pickle and beaver was absolutely forbidden. In this film, they slip several times, and bush and male full frontal can be found with the modern miracle of freeze frame. They rented a house on an inland waterway, and a neighbor's yacht to film the nudity, which is the last 10 minutes of the film.

Most of the film is plot and music. Marlow falls for a press writer, Downe, and, at first, has trouble accepting that she is a nudist. He comes around for the final 10 minutes of the film. No actual nudists were used in the making of this film, or, indeed, most of the "nudist camp" films. The truth was that typical nudists were not all that appetizing, and Bunny Yeager had a stable of young models that worked mostly as nudists in these films in South Florida.

Although Bunny Downe was from this cadre, she had gone to High School with Bob Cressy, and struck up a friendship with Lewis, who brought her back to Chicago, where she worked mainly as a secretary. She is credited as screenwriter in several film credits but her actual contribution was typing the scripts.

Dowd invested $35K for this masterpiece, which was twice normal for the genre, but made it all back just from the run in his own theater, even though the Bibo case cleared the way for all of the 1930s B&W nudists films to be exhibited. This was, after all, the adult film of the early 60s, and the quaint nudity we see here was very hot stuff then.

Goldilocks and the Three Bares was thought to be totally lost before Something Weird found the original negative from which this DVD was mastered. The film itself is a very low C-, but the package, mainly due to the commentary, is a great watch.

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  • Bunny Downe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Nudists (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    My regular computer blew out the fan today, so I'm working a gerryrigged page today. See ya tomorrow.

    Other crap:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today it's a "Babe in Bondage" from TV land no less as we catch a scene from the whacko "Baywatch" spoof "Son of the Beach".

    This scene features former Heffer Jaime Bergman all tied up at the hands of an evil villain (played by Mark Hamill!). Of course since it'sfrom TV no nudity, but she still looks mighty cute.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Sons and Lovers"
    This is the television version of Sons and Lovers and provides plenty of full frontal nudity by Esther Hall and Lyndsey Marshal.

    • Esther Hall (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
    • Lyndsey Marshal (1, 2, 3)

    "Town Without Pity"
    There is no nudity in Town Without Pity, set in 1950s Germany. Christine Kaufmann is raped by a group of serviceman and the film is about the consequences of the assault.

    • Christine Kaufmann (1, 2, 3)

    "The Last Days of Chez Nous"
    The Last Days of Chez Nous is an Australian movie and there is the briefest breast exposure by Lisa Harrow.

    "A Wreck, A Tangle"
    A Wreck, A Tangle is another Aussie movie and we get topless exposure by Susan Prior and Anna Lise Phillips. Pokies by Rebecca Frith.

    "Late Night Shopping"
    Lesley Harcourt looks very sexy in Late Night Shopping but there's no exposure.

    "On the Border"
    The best of topless exposure by Rochelle Swanson and Camilla Overbye Roos in On the Border.

    • Rochelle Swanson (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Camilla Overbye Roos (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Intimate Stranger"
    The only decent exposure in Intimate Stranger comes from Tatiana. Tia Carrera and Paige French come so close that there must have been work done to remove sight of the goodies. There's a brief upskirt by Marilyn Dodds Frank.

    "The Seduction of Joe Tynan"
    Meryl Streep also comes close to showing something in The Seduction of Joe Tynan.

    "Carry on Behind"
    The exposure in Carry on Behind comes from Jenny Cox, who plays a stripper, and Helli Louise, who is taking a shower. A variety of upskirts and sexy shots of Elke Sommer, Adrienne Posta, Carol Hawkins and Sherrie Hewson.

    "Deadlier than the Male"
    There's more sexy shots of Elke Sommer in Deadlier than the Male, a movie about a group of female killers. Sylva Koscina also shows a lot of cleavage.

    • Elke Sommer (1, 2, 3)
    • Sylva Koscina (1, 2, 3)

    "True Betrayal"
    Lots of leg by Mare Winningham in True Betrayal.

    • Mare Winningham (1, 2)

    No nudity by Sienna Guillory and Alice Krige in Superstition.

    "I Shot a Man in Vegas"
    Topless shots of Noelle Lipman in the back seat of a car in I Shot a Man in Vegas.

    • Noelle Lipman (1, 2)

    "Naked Jungle"
    Naked Jungle was the pilot for a television game show in Britain, which I don't think went on to be a series. It was for nudists and everybody, including the host, was totally naked except for an arm band and shoes. Melina, Cyndi, Helen, Barbara and Lynne were the female half of the teams. It does demonstrate why naturism should be kept behind locked doors.

    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Jewel is back, and apparently taking fashion tips from some of the younger, sluttier teen popstars...and I must say me likey!

    Links 1-3 are behind the scenes views from her new video, featuring:
    Awesome Jewel cleavage (all 3)
    Jewel being hosed down while wearing a white tank top (#1)
    Jewel bending over to give us a back door view (#3)

    Link #4 is an interesting twist to Jewel's new look. The collage features 'caps from a recent appearance on The Today Show, and honestly I haven't seen clothes or hair like that since 1983!

    Tiffany Shepis Topless and full frontal in "Bloody Murder 2".

    'Caps and comments by Dann.

    Ok, it's a slasher movie a summer camp is terrorized by the local nutball as the counsellors close up for the season. What does set this one apart slightly is that, first, Tiffany Shepis does more nudity that what you expect in this kind of movie a couple very interesting scenes. Even more surprising, this one manages a plot twist at the very end that is somewhat unexpected.

    A better-than-average slasher movie.

    Halle Berry
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Excellent 'caps by nmd of Halle's fantabulous cleavage from the latest Bond flick, "Die Another Day".