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Monday

 

Chaplin

  • Chaplin showed that Robert Downey Jr might have had the potential to be the greatest actor of his generation. How many actors can assay the role of a certified genius and not look like a complete schmuck? Remember Paul Shenar as Orson Welles? James Brolin as Clark Gable? Ray Liotta as Sinatra? Michael Chiklis as Belushi? In order to portray such a magical comic, Downey had to have the magic himself, and he did. Unfortunately, because of the ups and downs of his personal life, Downey has spent the rest of his career messing up his opportunities, or working for anybody with a few bucks who would take a chance on hiring him. More thoughts on actors playing entertainment legends: here are some who have done well, in my opinion: Dan Travanti as Edward R Murrow, Mira Sorvino as Marilyn, Don Cheadle as Sammy Davis, Dustin Hoffman as Carl Bernstein and Lenny Bruce, Martin Landau as Lugosi. I read somewhere that JLH will play Audrey Hepburn in an upcoming flick. That will be not be easy, but it'll be a good chance for us to find out whether JLH really has any talent. The one I'm looking forward to is Jim Carrey as Andy Kaufmann. The advance word, even from Kaufmann's family and friends, is that he is brilliant. Here The Realist takes a look at the Chaplin movie. here's Moira Kelly.
  • Moira Kelly
  • Moira Kelly
  • Moira Kelly
  • Diane Lane
  • Diane Lane
  • Milla
  • Milla. No nudity, but it's Milla.
  • some anonymous extra
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    Crow

  • Lorissa McComas in "When Passions Collide". This movie is an erotic entertainment which stopped short of porn, but not by much. McComas is cute, and has a great body although the chest is pneumatic.
  • Lorissa McComas in "When Passions Collide"
  • Lorissa McComas in "When Passions Collide"
  • Lorissa McComas in "When Passions Collide"
  • Lorissa McComas in "When Passions Collide"
  • Lorissa McComas in "When Passions Collide"
  • Melissa Joan Hart in "Sabrina ..." I don't think I have to tell you that there is no nudity. Bikini shots.
  • Melissa Joan Hart in "Sabrina ..."
  • Melissa Joan Hart in "Sabrina ..."
  • Melissa Joan Hart in "Sabrina ..."
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    More of Bobbie Phillips from Publisher

  • Do you think Publisher likes Bobbie? Here's another bunch of frames of her in Showgirls. Reminder: these are pretty similar, and we include all of them for the collectors among us.
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
  • Bobbie Phillips
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    More from Cave Dweller

  • Cave picked one of the same subjects as Crow this week, the cute Lorissa McComas.
  • Lorissa
  • Lorissa
  • He also sent in a few of Lorissa's colleague from the world of "C" movies, Lisa Comshaw.
  • Lisa
  • Lisa
  • Lisa
  • Heather Pariso
  • Julie Ann Stolfa
  • CaveDweller "outs" another actress with a second career in explicit movies. This time: Jill Sharp
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    Britney

  • Britney Spears on the Kids' Choice Awards. This one from RJL
  • more. I guess this is her reportedly augmented chest. I don't know. Or care. Most people whose livelihood depends on their appearance do "artificial" things to maintain or alter it. Collagen, implants, wigs, facelifts, liposuction. Let's face it, make-up is artificial as well (and was just as controversial when people started using it). If I had to make a living in the public eye, and my appearance was critical to my earning power, I'd do the same. Very few people wouldn't. I like natural, but I sympathize with these people completely.
  • more
  • more
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    Sunday
  • Top 10 Signs you have joined the wrong HMO
    • 10. Staff doctors Who, Loveless, Kavorkian, and Demento
    • 9. annual breast exam conducted at Hooters
    • 8. tongue depressors still taste of Fudgesicle
    • 7. staff proctologist wears "roto-rooter" shirt
    • 6. only one item in preventive care booklet, an apple a day
    • 5. your kidney transplant is delayed for the surgeon's grave-robbing trial
    • 4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges"
    • 3. only expense covered 100% is embalming
    • 2. all pills come in multiple colors, with little "M's" on them
    • 1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape
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    new from RDO

  • The internet's one-man in-house celebrity nudity research department turns his attention this week to Sirens, another treasure-trove of nudity. (Did I set the record for most hyphenated words in a sentence?) Here are the girls, mostly Elle, in water up to their waists. Elle gained something like 10 kilos for this role.
  • Elle and Kate Fischer posing stark naked
  • more in the artist's studio
  • all four girls in the artist's studio
  • Pamela Rabe starkers
  • Tara Fitzgerald's running scene
  • enlargement of the running
  • Tara naked in church, and an all-important Hugh Grant sighting.
  • more Anglican nudity, and zillions of little Hugh Grant pictures
  • Tara gets felt up. Or, as Winston Churchill would have said. "Up Tara gets felt". (According to the common legend, Winnie was once told he should not end a sentence with a preposition, to which he responded "That is a rule up with which I will not put")
  • the nighttime water scene. Elle
  • the nighttime water scene. Kate
  • the nighttime water scene. Portia de Rossi
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    new from The Realist

  • The Realist must be sick of orange and gold. I know I was after watching "Dangerous Beauty", and I didn't have to make caps. This is a good movie, by the way, although a chick-flick. It's based on a true story of a Venetian courtesan whose zenith was a hero's reputation, and whose nadir was imprisonment by the inquisition. There were, I think, three things that kept it from being a great movie 1) A syrupy, cliched musical score which rose on cue every time romantic activity involved the leads. 2) Some truly strange casting, especially Fred Ward, who is a competent actor, but whose gruff urban-American accent in Elizabethan era Venice was reminiscent of Tony Curtis' famous "yonda lies da castle of my brudda" 3) A bit of intellectual dishonesty. The movie is supposed to be focused on the unfair plight of women in that society. Unfortunately, events in its own script bely the point. Oliver Platt's character is seen as the perfect match for McCormack's, yet she ends up rich and beloved, while he ends up embittered. The only difference between them? McCormack's life options included getting rich and powerful by being beautiful and loose. Platt's did not. Although they were born into the same social class, with similar talents, the woman actually had more opportunity, not less. Anyway, here's McCormack.
  • Catherine McCormack. Once upon a time, actors could be both attractive and talented. Olivier and Francesca Annis come to mind. In this era of the specialist, beautiful people all seem to have the acting depth of Matt Le Blanc and Cameron Diaz. Don't get me wrong. I like Cameron and Le Blanc a lot, but I don't want to see them as Lear and Cordelia. Anyway, this woman seems to combine beauty and depth in equal measure. I like that.
  • McCormack
  • McCormack
  • McCormack
  • The miscellaneous courtesans
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    new from Master Bagger

  • The bagger is working on Cat People. here's a preview featuring Annette O'Toole (lots of redheads today)
  • another Red Shoe Diary. More Amber Smith. The three things known by stone-age people: food good, fire bad, Amber hot. Make that four things. They also knew, even then, that Jason Priestly was too old to play a teenager.
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  • new from Mergascan

  • Mergascan is new to this. Be patient, now. These aren't up there with Hugo in technical excellence, yet, but we get to see Carol Shaya nekkid in "Silent Prey"
  • Shaya
  • Shaya
  • Shaya
  • Shaya
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    from some of the Grand Masters

  • Graphic Response collage of Gillian Anderson in "The Turning"
  • GR collage of Valerie Kaprisky in "Year of the Jellyfish"
  • GR collage of Jessica Harper in "Inserts"
  • GR collage of Veronica Cartwright in "Inserts"
  • R?ddler's 'caps of Shannon Tweed in Naked Lies. Shannon's face is like a real-life Portrait of Dorian Gray. Check out the facial shot on the top right. Her body never seems to age, but the face is revealing the secret.
  • more R?ddler 'caps of Shannon Tweed in Naked Lies
  • Sing's caps of Mira Sorvino in "At First Sight". Just a wee bit of nudity.
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    from Helcrom

  • "Bikini Carwash Company 2", the masterful Felliniesque film which resolves all the unanswered questions from the first film, as well as all the unanswered questions in life in general. Everything from why man exists to why Russians always wear such tall hats.
  • "Bikini Carwash Company 2, the Wrath of Khan"
  • "Bikini Carwash Company 2". Many years ago, Bergman had originally been pencilled in to direct the original "BCC". His introduction of "Death" as a car wash attendant was rejected by the producers, and they also got a little queasy when they saw the first scene. Three girls in bikinis stare out of the window of a small wooden hut. They see a landscape bleak and wintry, the trees bare. One girl says "now is it winter and the wheat is gone, but father said we would have wheat again". Another replies: "Yes, just before he killed himself and Bjorn". This is followed by 12 minutes without dialogue or action, punctuated only by the echoed and magnified ticking of a clock, as they stare together into winter's gloom, until a customer arrives for a wash and wax, and we understand that the girls must use these familiar and tactile experiences to take refuge from the imponderable and the numinous. The customer is a dwarf. He actually has no car, but still insists on detailing.
  • Neriah Nepaul in "BCC2"
  • Sara Suzanne Browne in "BCC2"
  • Athena Massey in "Poison Ivy, the New Seduction"
  • Athena Massey in "Poison Ivy, the New Seduction"
  • Jaime Pressly in "Poison Ivy, the New Seduction"
  • Jaime Pressly in "Poison Ivy, the New Seduction"
  • Jaime Pressly in "Poison Ivy, the New Seduction"
  • Jaime Pressly in "Poison Ivy, the New Seduction"
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    and a few miscellaneous

  • Helen Slater did a brief breast exposure way back in 1988's "Happy Together". Unfortunately, she had a very goofy facial expression.
  • Romina Power exposed by Eva Tremila Express.
  • Sylvie Testud topless in a preview from "In Heaven"
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    Yesterday's Stuff

  • A couple of guys recently sent me a copy of their book. They didn't ask for a plug or anything, but I read every word of the book, and they're going to get one anyway. (They knew I would love it, those scalawags). As you know, this page has many facets. We do discuss beauty and truth and language and artistic achievement and the brighter angels of our souls, but what we really love is making fun of celebrities who do and say bonehead things. Tarkovsky movies are nice and all, but they can't compare to a Shatner song, a Quayle press conference, or any public activity from Hugh Grant. The authors of this book are our kind of guys. They have assembled a book called "Hollywood Hi-Fi", in which they discuss in detail the dumbest celebrity albums they have ever encountered. Sure Shatner is bad (they do feature "The Transformed Man"), but we can't allow his substantial shadow, however dark, to hide Fabio, Jerry Mather, Mister T, Rex Reed, Jack Webb's love ballads, Bette Davis' Broadway album, Burt Ward, Herve Villechaize, George "Goober" Lindsay and others. I rate the book 98 out of a hundred. Had to take off two points for failure to find any albums from Hugh Grant or Joe Don Baker. The authors' prose is as funny as the material they describe. Go here, read some samples, buy the book, send them irritating e-mail, listen to their radio show, whatever.
  • From the mailbox: "a Marco Ferreri movie is new to video in the USA. It is a film from the late 70's called "Bye Bye Monkey", in which the beautiful lead actress has a number of completely nude scenes ....". Yup. I haven't seen it, but "Ciao maschio" is a film featuring Gerard Depardieu, Marcello Mastroianni, and a chimp. No comment. That's too easy, so you get to insert your own joke here. (Trivia: "Bye-bye Monkey" is actually an incorrect translation, since a chimpanzee is not a monkey. "Adios, Ape" might have done it. Some languages do not distinguish apes from monkeys in everyday speech, but English does). I believe the lead actress must be Gail Lawrence, who also performed in porn as Abigail Clayton, although I'm not sure. It has been released now on DVD as well. Anything out there?
  • Here is a picture of Depardieu and the chimp. I believe Depardieu is the larger one.
  • Ben and Jerry's Top 10 Presidential Ice Cream Flavors
    • 10. Impeach-mint
    • 9. Candy Pants
    • 8. Lickable Nuts
    • 7. Chilly Hillbilly Vanilly
    • 6. Love Lollipop
    • 5. Subpoena Colada
    • 4. Horny Bubba Crunch
    • 3. Peppermint Fattie
    • 2. Captain Cream
    • 1. Draft-dodging pot-smoking intern-nailing raspberry swirl
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    new from Aesthete

  • Aesthete, with this group of Carolyn Lowery from "Vicious Circles", must have shattered the old record for most files from one capper from one movie, previously held either by "Castaway" or "Another 9 1/2 Weeks". Here's Carolyn Lowery undressing in front of a mirror
  • continued
  • even more of the same
  • performing in front of multiple mirrors
  • more of the same
  • undresssing for a physical
  • getting a physical
  • continued
  • getting a massage
  • taking a sauna
  • a strange bathtub
  • continued
  • a weird S&M thing
  • more of the same
  • Here's something you don't see here every day, Chauncey. Sepia-hued pictures of Ben Gazzara
  • I actually subscribe to the all Sepia Ben Gazzara cable network. This picture provides what I and my fellow subscribers have been asking for. More sepia, less Gazzara.
  • sexual tease
  • more of the same
  • still more of the same
  • and still more of the same
  • fun house mirror distortions
  • some unusual sexual practices involving insects and green easter-egg grass
  • more green pubes. I have to remember this for next St Patrick's Day
  • a sexy close-up
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    new from AP

  • The weather in Europe kinda sucks. Luckily, some Europeans are clever people who try to soften the inevitable bad weather report by having the latest deluge or avalanche reported by lovely women in various stages of undress. Here's "Nicole" reporting the German-Swiss-Austrian weather in a style ala Frederick's of Hollywood
  • the chat-show hosts come up with some interesting costumes as well. here's Mo Asumang ...
  • ... and Jenny Elvers, host of a more mature show
  • Page Three girl Karen White
  • more Karen White
  • Page Three girl Teresa May
  • more Teresa May
  • Misty Rain shows off her pierced nipples
  • Catherine McCormack topless in "Dangerous Beauty"
  • the Catherine McCormack character nude in "Dangerous Beauty", but face not visible.
  • Denise Virieux in "Dangerous Lust"
  • Marianne Saegebrecht in "Out of Rosenheim"
  • Marianne Saegebrecht in "Out of Rosenheim"
  • Sandra Leonhard in SK Babies. In this action sequence, the camera nearly found its way up her privates
  • more of Sandra
  • Lisa Crawford in some x-rated material
  • more Lisa Crawford
  • more Lisa Crawford
  • Denise Crosby in a "Red Shoe Diaries". Denise kept her clothes on this time, but wore a revealing bra
  • Demetra Hampton in "Red Shoe Diaries"
  • Demetra Hampton in "Red Shoe Diaries"
  • This is Houston, the woman who set the all-time gang-bang record with 620 men. Her parents must be proud.
  • porn star Jill Kelly on a chat show. No nudity. (Huh?)
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    catching up with the other Germans

  • Mr President from Slartibartfast. No nudity, but sexy and a great job by Slartibartfast.
  • Saskia Valencia in "Heiss und kalt". from Dildo Porn.
  • Agnieska Wagner in "Honigfalle"
  • Agnieska Wagner in "Hotel Shanghai",from Dawk Zero
  • Barbara Auer in "Willkommen in Weimar",from Slartibartfast
  • Cornelia Wege in "Die Wache", from Slartibartfast
  • Andrea Sawatzki in "Polizeiruf 110", from Dildo Porn
  • Ann-Kathrin Kramer in "Heiss und kalt", from Dildo Porn.
  • Julia Richter in "Polizeiruf 110", from Slartibartfast