The Devil's Tomb


I have a copy of this film, but I just can't force myself to watch it since Beercaps already captured the nudity.

For the record:

The plot is summarized as follows: "An elite group of soldiers on a covert mission to retrieve a scientist from an underground lab encounter an ancient evil in the facility." Frankly, I am bored with ancient evil. We moviegoers are badly in need a transfusion of some new avant-garde evil. In that regard, we are much like the Republican Party.

The film was made with a good-sized budget ($10m), and the cast is a pretty good collection by STV standards: Ray Winstone, Cuba Gooding, and Ron Perlman.

It has yet to receive five votes at IMDb.

The nudity comes from Holly Weber, showing off the best body money can buy as the "Dream Girl."


Crank: High Voltage


The New York Times reviewer wrote: "Crank: High Voltage, starring Jason Statham as a man with a machine instead of a heart, is boorish, bigoted and borderline pornographic."

Very true. It is also crude, low-rent, lowbrow, insensitive, soulless, tasteless, offensive, lurid, sensationalistic, juvenile, racist, vulgar, ridiculous, politically incorrect, and completely demented from start to finish.

What I can't understand is why the reviewer thought those were bad things!

It may have something to do with the facts that (a) the reviewer is a chick (2) she works for the humor-challenged New York Times.

The basic idea is that Chev (Jason Statham) has his heart removed by some baddies, who keep him alive temporarily by jury-rigging a battery pack to duplicate his heart functions. The only reason they keep him alive is that they want him to be awake when they remove his other vital organs. Of course, when he awakens from the surgery he's understandably a bit upset that he has no heart, but he really gets ticked off when he overhears the surgeons say that the next organ to be removed will be his dick. Upon discovering that, he rises from his death-bed, kills a few random people, and starts out in search of his missing heart, a search which basically consists of maiming and torturing random people who refuse to help him. What makes it a Crank movie is that his battery pack needs constant recharging from power stations and car engines and whatever other sources of energy he can find. After a re-charge, he temporarily acquires superhuman energy, but as his charge wears off, his strength ebbs to the sub-human level until he can find another place to get a jump.

(Boy, do some cops get a nasty surprise when they tase him instead of subduing him manually. Each blast from the tasers makes him stronger, until he has power rivaling The Incredible Hulk.)

I won't bore you with any more of the outlandish details of the plot. Wikipedia has a very complete summary, spoilers and all, if you are interested.

The point is that Crank is not actually a high-voltage action film, but a parody of one. It is indeed a stupid and ridiculous film, as the New York Times noted, and that is precisely the point! It is wildly imaginative, surreal, and obviously intended to be funny. Although Jason Statham plays a perfect straight man in the center of the madness, there is not one minute of the film that is meant to be taken seriously, and that would be apparent to anyone not employed by the New York Times. Yes, it is a non-stop orgy of over-the-top violence and borderline porn. Yes, it totally lacks any human emotion and resembles a superhero video game. That is exactly what is intended. I have to say that the film succeeds in spades. Although it is not the kind of film I would ordinarily watch for my own pleasure, I found watching it to be a fascinating and exhausting experience. Excluding the credits, the actual running time is only about 80 minutes, and that is filled with so much frenetic action that it makes the first Crank movie seem as slow and stately as a Tarkovsky film. Compared to this, the opening sequence of Roger Rabbit moves slower than The English Patient. Chev makes Lola seem like she was crawling.

It's just filled with bizarre cameos and sidetracks. One of the Spice Girls plays Chev's mother in an off-kilter flashback sequence. A topless stripper gets caught in the middle of a shoot-out, and the gunfire punctures her implants. That pompous guy who played Q on Star Trek plays a wacked-out TV commentator named Fish Halman, who seems to be channeling Glenn Beck. Corey Haim makes a brief appearance. David Carradine plays an stereotypical old Chinese man - and while that is totally offensive, he brings far more dignity to Chinese people than any of the other characters in the movie. (Bai Ling's character speaks English, but requires English subtitles!)

How large is the audience for such base tomfoolery? I don't know, but it's probably quite small. Older people will find it sophomoric and brainless. Conservative people will find it pornographic and trashy. Mainstream date audiences will find it demented, and I don't know many women I'd recommend it to. Family audiences should not even consider seeing it. You'd cause your kids fewer nightmares by taking them to a double bill of Hellraiser and a hard-core porn movie. The only ones to appreciate this film will be the fanboys who love video game movies, and the movie buffs who reach nirvana when a film really tests the outside of the envelope. Having said that, I'll add that if you are in those latter groups, you will probably find it as much fun as I did!

  • 7.5 at IMDb
  • 61% positive reviews at Rotten Tomatoes
  • A failure at the box office, with a mere $6 million on its opening weekend, despite distribution to more than 2200 theaters.


Uh ... yeah!

Dude, the entire film is nothing but wall-to-wall violence and nudity! You'll see exactly what the movie is like by watching these clips, which show nearly 20 of the film's 80-some minutes. You'll definitely know whether you want to see it or not.

Here's a film clip of Amy Smart and a bunch of other chicks naked for about 11 minutes. The visual quality is outstanding - it's taken from a high-res Russian source -  but the audio is a cam-job which has been synched in over the Russian dubbing. (You'll actually hear people laughing and commenting from time to time, but the video quality more than makes up for it.) The download is (get ready for a shock) more than 800 meg!

Here is the rest of the (female) nudity. Since these people are nobodies, I dropped down the video quality to make the download reasonable, but it still looks impressive.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








The Initiation


Hunter Tylo film clips

She was about 21 at the time. She turns 47 this summer, still looks good.

She's still around in infomercials and soap operas (The Bold and the Beautiful) and such.









Today we wrap up our Time Machine trip to the seventies and Richard Burton's "Bluebeard".

Marilu Tolo in a see-through top and then topless as Dick gives her a whipping. Caps and a clip.


Agostina Belli sunning her boobies outdoors, before our boy unleashes a bird onto her. Caps and 2 clips.


Nathalie Delon shows Mr.Burton her "tiny tots."

Sybil Danning has a lesbo session with Nathalie before Richard spears them to death. Caps below and here are both Delon clips.

Next stop for the Time Machine tomorrow is "The House of Exorcism".









Notes and collages

"Unhappily Ever After"

Nikki Cox

Season 4, episode 1












"Secret Dairy of a Call Girl"

Billie Piper








Joanna Tulej in Summer

Gemma Arterton in Three and Out


Lorraine Dye in Kicking the Dog

The women of The Casino Job ...

... Ilsa Martinez

... Ilsa Martinez and Amylia Joiner

... Deanna Minerva and Julia Beatty

... Deanna Minerva and Irina Voronina

... Irina Voronina

... Amylia Joiner

... Amylia Joiner, Deanna Minerva, Ilsa Martinez, Julia Beatty

... April Jorgensen