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Updates:
Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is
updated
Andre the Butcher (2005)
Also known as Dead Meat, this is an ultralow-budget horror/comedy about a
butcher who prefers human meat. He's an unstoppable super-human
monster (ala Jason in those Friday 13th movies), although he has a
back story as a real human butcher. He also has the ability to
show people their sins before he butchers them, and he's played by
... (wait for it) ... Ron Jeremy!
The quality of the film can best be summed up by
the fact that Jeremy is not only the sole recognizable name in the
cast, but he's also the best actor. The auteur did make the wise
decision to keep the horror turned to low and the comedy to high,
so the film is almost watchable for its own self-mockery. If it
had some real T&A I would remove the "almost" from that phrase.
The most interesting thing about is it the
nudity story, short story though it is. April Renee played a role
which did not require nudity, but another role did call for a nude
scene, and the actress refused. So ol' April basically said, "Why
pay a body double? I have boobs. Give me the money." She thus
ended up doing nudity in the film, but not in her own role! In
keeping with the good humor of the project, she is credited twice,
with one of them specified "boobs by April Renee." (See the
collage)
Running Mates (2000)
Running Mates is a basic cable movie which is
basically one of those childish "what if we had a Presidential
candidate with integrity?" movies. Sixty years ago, it would have
starred Jimmy Stewart as the honest "aw shucks" politician who
stands up for the people against the money boys. Our current
equivalent of Jimmy is Magnum P.I.
Most interesting is the fact that it actually
has some nudity. TNT is getting pretty daring! I suppose this is a
body double, but it is Teri Hatcher's character.
Here is the
zipped .wmv
And here's the collage:
Other Crap:
Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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(Don't Stop My) Crazy Love for You (1993)
The former Miss Asia, Yvonne Yung Hung, is back again, as a popular TV
personality, with a "man on the street" show. She lives with her auntie,
sleeps with stuffed animals, and has the perfect rich and handsome boyfriend.
Unfortunately, she also has a stalker. Other than his obsession with her,
which caused him to move into a building within telephoto range of her, and to
sleep with a mannequin he pretends is her, he is a normal businessman, an
inventor of security systems.
We first see him get out of control when drunks heckle her in the street.
He follows them to a restroom, and rearranges their faces with a baseball bat.
She is alerted to the problem when she wakes up to find him standing over her
in her bedroom, but she doesn't have time to see who it is. By coincidence, he
is the one hired to secure her apartment. He manages to dispose of the perfect
boyfriend, corners her, and the climax is a 5-minute rape scene which includes some of the best flubtitles ever assembled: "You shot my dickie. You are that
cruel."
 
Of all the Hong Kong movies I have yet seen, Dang bu zhu de feng qing is
the one most similar to an American thriller. This is no better than dozens of
similar US efforts, and adds nothing to the genre. D.
4.9 at IMDb
House of Whipcord (1974)
House of Whipcord is a British Horror/Thriller.
A young French model is at a party and is a little embarrassed by a nude
photo of her on display, the shooting of which got her arrested and fined 10
pounds, and was censored from the advertising campaign as well. She meets a
young man at the party with the apt name of Mark D. Sade, and accepts a dinner
invitation from him. They get along well, and he invites her to meet his
parents. He neglects to mention that his father is a retired judge, and his
mother a discharged prison matron, and that the two of them live in an old
prison, where they punish young women they feel the courts were too lenient
with. It is the son's job to lure them there.
Conditions there are awful, and there are many rules, including no talking
at any time, bible memorization, and anything else that occurs to the woman
running it. For the first infraction of any rule, it is two weeks in solitary.
The second results in 40 lashes with a cat o' nine tails, and the third simply
results in death by hanging. Although the judge, who is blind and forgetful,
doesn't realize it, no prisoner has ever been released. In fact, he is told he
is signing release orders, when he is actually signing death warrants. The
French girl (Penny Irving), reminds the matron of the French prisoner that
caused her to be sacked from her job as the youngest prison matron ever.
The conclusion is not what I would call a feel-good sort of ending.
The story could have been made into a first-rate genre film with more
budget, better acting, three-dimensional characters and better
direction/editing. The story is an interesting and unique one, but the
execution (excuse the pun) could have been far better, and many scenes are so
dark it is not possible to see what is happening. The new widescreen DVD
release by Shriek Show is just as dismal in video quality as the old
full-negative 4/3 PAL tape, and has less nudity!
D.
IMDB readers say 4.6 of 10, which may be about right.
Both my original images and the new ones are included to see the
differences.
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Clips from The Man Who Fell to Earth, in which David Bowie played an alien.
Lots of nekkidness, including
some topless dorkie fondling.
Only gal who was the least bit famous is Candy Clark.
Scrawny gal but cute as a dickens.
(1,
2,
3,
4,
5)
Continued tomorrow.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
The Lanesborough hotel bar in London is offering what could be the most
expensive drink in the world. It's a 1790 bottle of cognac produced three years
before French King Louis 16th was beheaded. One glass costs 1700 pounds (over
$3,000 US). One guest said he was there with three
companions and asked for something special to cap off a good night. He said he
considered the cognac until he learned four drinks would have cost 7,000 pounds
($12,500) and "we settled for a cheaper one."
* It wasn't MUCH cheaper...They ordered Starbucks coffee.
Elton John's new musical "Lestat" opened on Broadway, and critics panned it with
countless vampire puns, such as "bloody awful," "sucked of life" and "musical
kiss of death." The show could survive if it's popular with out-of-town
tourists, but the story might not appeal to Mid-Westerners: it's about gay
vampires, one of whom has a sexual relationship with his mother. One critic
said it does prove that "a gay vampire with a two-octave range can be just as
dull as a straight one."
* On the bright side, it also proves that something on Broadway sucks more than
Julia Roberts.
A Bach scholar believes some of Bach's lesser works might actually be by his
music student wife because of the handwriting and because they seem like the
work of an immature female
* For instance, Bach's
"Requiem Mass For the Breakup of 'N Sync."
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