"The Professionals"

The Professionals (1966) is an epic western with an all star cast. Four men are brought together by a wealthy rancher to rescue his kidnapped wife from Mexican revolutionaries. Each was selected based on skills and experience. The promise of $10,000.00 each is enough to lure them into this dangerous task. The group is lead by Lee Marvin, and includes Burt Lancaster, Robert Ryan and Woody Strode. They are off deep into Mexican territory to rescue Claudia Cardinale from Jack Palance. Of course this large group organized revolutionaries on their own turf are no match for our four stars, but there is a hitch. Cardinale was not kidnapped, but is in love with Palance.

Cardinale, in the European version, shows breasts. In the US version, there is a hint of her left breast, but the good exposure was digitally erased (see image three). Marie Gomez, as a revolutionary and woman who never says no, shows her left breast bathing at a well. IMDb readers have this at 7.4, and it was nominated for three Oscars, including director, writing and cinematography. The desert scenery was breathtaking, and it was a pleasure to watch these superstars at work. The only negative was a rather predictable story. This is a C+, a good watch for those who like the epic modern Western, were the good guys are not all good, the bad guys are not all bad, and nobody wears color coded hats.

  • Thumbnails

  • Claudia Cardinale (1, 2, 3)
  • Marie Gomez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Dahlia Gray started off in the nekid babe business as Jami Dion, Penthouse Pet of the Month for March 1992. Ten years later she spent a weekend tied up at somebody's house and Andrew Blake was there to photograph her. Meanwhile someone with a video camera was there to shoot the whole shebang, which when edited became Dahlia in Bondage. It shows up as an added feature to Blake's Justine.

    All of Blake's work is plotless photography of some very nice looking women and since this is little more than a documentary it has even less plot than the usual fare. And since tying up women or watching women get tied up is not exactly my cup o' tea, I really skimmed through this short piece to find the best images that were least obnoxious. Nine collages, boobs in all, full-frontal in most, gynocam in 4, 5, 6 and 8. There are more things to see but nothing that I wanted to work with. But hey, different stroke for different folks... if bondage is your thing, this is probably going to keep your attention.

    Johnny Moronic
    Tasma Walton
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    The Aussie actress bares breasts and a bit of bum in a dark and sweaty sex scene from "The Postcard Bandit" (links 1 and 2). We also have some partial breats views in another scene, as well as the usual cleavage and tight clothes.

    Abi Tucker
    (1, 2)

    Topless in a dark love scene from the Aussie series "Wildside" (1997).

    Miranda Otto
    (1, 2)

    The "Lord of the Rings" co-star briefly baring her breats in a skinny-dipping scene from 1995's "Sex Is a Four Letter Word".

    Emily Barclay The Kiwi actress showing a bit of breast while reading in the tub. Scenes from "In My Father's Den" (2004).

    Catherine Devine "Riding the Bullet" (2004) is the latest Stephen King movie to be released to video. Here we see Catherine Devine baring her breasts as nude art class model.

    Maggie Gyllenhaal
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Gyllenhaal in several submissive positions as well as going topless and full frontal in scenes from "Secretary".

    Sheri Moon
    (1, 2, 3)

    Snowblind 'caps of Mrs. Rob Zombie showing off her caboose and showing a little toplessness in scenes from "House of 1000 Corpses" (2003).

    Diane Franklin Kitt 'caps of the "Better Off Dead" and "Last American Virgin" star going topless in scenes from "Amityville II: The Possession" (1982).

    Rhoda Griffis
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Griffis topless and full frontal in scenes from the 1994 baseball biopic "Cobb", starring Tommy Lee Jones.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    This Should Boost "A.I.'s" Ratings! - On May 4, ABC will air an expose of "American Idol" that will reportedly include Corey Clark's claim of sex with Paula Abdul and losers claiming the producers somehow manipulate the results. "A.I."'s producers threatened a lawsuit if ABC airs false charges, and an "Idol" insider told the Drudge Report that ABC is trying to destroy a show that they can't beat in the ratings. Abdul's rep denied Clark's claim, and Simon Cowell told "Extra" that Paula spends "more time backstage with the contestants giving encouragement and everything else. But that's not a bad thing!"

  • Depends on what the "everything else" she's giving them is.
  • William Hung figures it must be rigged or he would've won.
  • ABC will claim that "Idol's" producers choose pretty no-talents for stardom and shove them down our throats...But enough about Ryan Seacrest.

    Drawn In Bloody Mary On A Cocktail Napkin - Mitchell Raulerson of Seville, Florida, was arrested by Seminole County sheriff's deputies on his 16th drunk driving charge, as well as driving on a permanently revoked license and other charges. What first drew their attention was not his erratic driving, but the fact that the license plate on his van was hand-drawn.

  • He created his own vanity plate: "D-R-U-N-K."
  • He'd hoped that his driving was so erratic, they wouldn't notice that.

    They Have Low Expectations For Britney - For Mother's Day, America Online asked 75,000 kids aged 6 to 12 whom they think would make the coolest celebrity mom. Out of the available choices, they picked Jessica Simpson first, followed closely by Jennifer Lopez, then Gwen Stefani. The only candidate who's actually about to be a mother, Britney Spears, came in last.

  • They said "celebrity" moms.
  • Get the impression most of the kids they surveyed were 12-year-old boys?
  • If they think breast-feeding is cool, I can see why Jessica won.

    They Did Eat Sparrows - The leader of the 3,500 Carib people of Dominica is threatening a boycott of Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean" sequel unless a scene of Captain Jack Sparrow being roasted on a spit is removed. He said it perpetuates a false idea that their ancestors were cannibals, which was spread by Spanish explorers to stigmatize the natives. A Disney spokesman said it's just a silly, funny, "almost campy" scene in which Johnny Depp is sprinkled with fruits and vegetables like a giant shish kabob.

  • That will save movie critics the trouble.
  • They say that's the ancient Carib recipe.
  • Disney's message to the Carib people: "Bite me!"
  • Disney's not afraid: their lawyers eat people for breakfast.

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