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"The Model Solution"

The Model Solution (2002 video) is a soft core with scarcely enough plot for a hard core film. Remove the nudity, and simulated sex, and you would probably have less than 10 minutes of footage remaining. Two modeling agencies are competing for a lucrative lingerie catalogue contract. The competitors are former partners and former lovers, and have been head to head frequently since their split. That is pretty much the plot. Eight women have sex, and show all three Bs, and most of them also show gyno shots. They are:

Sasha Rochelle - 5 credits under the name Sasha Peralto
Diana Espen - 4 credits at IMDB
Kimberlie Castaic - I credit at IMDB (not including this film)
Holly Hollywood - 5 credits including this one
Kim Laurel - No Credits
Katie Lohmann - 6 Credits at IMDB
Kitana Baker - 1 Credit at IMDB (not including this film)
Regina Russell - 18 credits at IMDB

Most of these women have worked before for Writer/director/producer Edward Holzman, who has made 31 such films, the only one familiar to me is I like to Play Games Too. Four other women also show the 3 Bs in small parts as models.

There is nearly nothing at IMDb on this film, which only lists 4 of the cast so far. As a film, this is a D, with no plot at all. Is is well photographed, and the sex scenes are in good light, do not use excessive lighting and camera effects, and are well choreographed. They include a shower nozzle masturbation scene and a girl-girl. If you are looking for lots of attractive naked people doing the nasty, this is a good bet, and so is probably a C as a soft-core.

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  • Diana Espen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
  • Holly Hollywood (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
  • Katie Lohmann (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Kimberlie Castaic (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
  • Kim Laurel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Kitana Baker (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Models (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Regina Russell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Sasha Rochelle (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Charlie's French Cinema nudity site is updated



    Creator is the kind of movie that I normally hate - ridiculously sentimental love story about an aged Nobel laureate who gives up on his plan to clone his dead wife when he falls in love with a 19 year old nymphomaniac. Despite the utter silliness of the premise, Peter O'Toole makes it all work. I'm not sure if he's really a great actor, because it depends on your requirements. No matter what he does, he's always Peter O'Toole, so that may rule him out. But he sure is good at being Peter O'Toole, and managed to carry several films solely on the strength of his charm.

    • Mariel Hemingway (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Virginia Madsen (1, 2)


    The Lady in Red was one of Corman's low-budget crime classics, filled with stock footage and stock characters. One of Corman's greatest gifts was the ability to get talented, hungry youngsters to work for him, more or less for free. They wanted to learn to make films, he wanted to make films cheaply - a marriage made in heaven. In fact, Corman hired any talented people who worked cheap, so he had easy access to people who wanted to make a comeback (Louise Fletcher), or TV actors who wanted to break into films (Robert Conrad, Pamela Sue Martin), as well as the talented people looking to get a big break (Christopher Lloyd, author John Sayles). No kidding - John Sayles (8 Men Out) wrote this, thus making it completely watchable.

    What a shame the image quality is so poor. As Tuna pointed out, the DVD transfer is an embarrassment, a fact emphasized by the fact that the image quality on the trailer is gorgeous, thereby whetting our appetite for a really impressive low budget film. Well, someday we'll see that. Not today. Also, the DVD is a 4:3, so we can't see what it all looked like on the big screen.

    • Pamela Sue Martin. (1, 2)



    Politically incorrect jokes of the Day

    A Methodist minister, a rabbi, and a Catholic priest are on a ship when it hits an iceberg.
    Methodist minister: We have to get off the ship!
    Rabbi: What about the children?
    Methodist minister: Fuck the children!
    Catholic priest: Do we have time?

    So this priest and this rabbi are standing in a schoolyard.
    The priest says to the rabbi, "See that young boy over there with the dark hair standing all by himself? Let's go over there and screw him."
    The rabbi says, "Out of what??"



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    First a comment, about the actress Ludivine Sagnier, as she appeared in Saturday's Funhouse. You said, "two words, both hubba" but I disagree. My opinion is three words, all hubba...maybe even four or five. And Helvete's caps? Well we have the winner of this year's Nobel Prize in nekkid babe capture. Can we retroactively declare this the best nude scene of 1999?

    Today's stuff is me mucking around with other people's caps.

    First up is the two halves of Carole Bouquet reunited because it feels so good, reunited 'cuz it's understood... oops, Peaches and Herb just walked in uninvited. These are from Tuna's caps of a slow pan across Carole's dorsal surface in A Business Affair.

    Next is JohnnyWeb's caps of Carre Otis in the immortal classic, Wild Orchid. There are themes to the three collages. All of them have her sport-humpin' (or if rumors are accurate, real-humpin') the Mickster. That's all we have in #1, whereas in #2 we have the only views of Carre in an upright position, and in #3 she's sport-humpin' in a mask.

    • Carré Otis (1, 2, 3)

    Then there is Claudia Karvan in Risk. Isn't she the actress suing Tommy Lee over the drowning death of her son at his son's birthday party? I figure his lawyers will drag out a modified Mike Tyson defense, in that the plaintiff ought to have known what an irresponsible mutant Lee was before sending her son over to his place. Didn't get Tyson off in his rape case, but then Mike was never filmed boffing Pamela Anderson. At least not so far as we are aware.

    Assorted goodies...

    • The great Greta.. Scacchi that is.. in The Fires Within. There was a time she had the best looking bum in captivity.

    • Penelope Cruz in Penman's caps of "Abre Los Ojos". Can't act a lick but boy she sher do look good.

    • Rae Dawn Chong letting out only one of the twins in The Protector.

    • Last of the serious or at least well-known actresses is Thandie Newton in Tuna's caps of The Leading Man.

    On to lesser known or B movie stars:

    • Set the Way-Back Machine for the '70s to see Neda Americ, star of Shaft in Africa. A double-B set of caps.

    • Peggy Preston and her inflato-hooters in No Safe Haven.

    • Rachel Tiberman and her vanilla cupcakes in Scandal on the Other Side.

    • True B-movie bim, Raelynn Saalman in Attack of the 60-ft Centerfold. A boobs-only attack, at that.

    And last up is Robyn Whitting in The Erotic Adventures of Zorro, a Boobs and Bush presentation, with a little girl-girl action thrown in for our amusement.

    • Robyn Whitting (1, 2)

    Celebs without make up
    Here are a few candid shots of some of Hollywood's biggest babes looking not-so glamorous, and in some cases, downright scary!

    Jenny Agutter
    (1, 2, 3)

    The English actress is best known to Sci-fi fans from "Logan's Run". Here she is just a couple of years after "Logan's Run" in the western "China 9, Liberty 37" (1978). Still young, still hot and going topless as well as showing some rear nudity.

    Angie Everhart
    (1, 2)

    Boring sex scene, but good lord does she look good nekkid in "Sexual Predator".

    Anya Sartor
    Assumpta Serna
    Carré Otis

    Dann's visual review of the sexy Zalman King movie, "Wild Orchid". Serna is topless only with Otis and Sartor showing a tad more.

    Angelique Pettyjohn
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Comic Book Guy and other Trekkies know her as Kirk's alien lover from the classic "Trek" episode: "The Gamesters of Triskelion". Others my remember her from the Elvis movie "Clambake"...Ok, who am I kidding, NO ONE remembers "Clambake", and that's for the best. Here she is topless, and bottomless in scenes from "G.I. Executioner" (1973). I've never seen this, but in the IMDb recommendations section, it says " If you like this title, we also recommend... "Road House" (1989)"! So you know this must be Grade-z gold!!

    Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    >From IMDB News. Jolie thinks people who focus on her breasts are just big boobs. She's tired of people staring at her chest, which must be why she agreed to play Lara Croft...

    Jolie Dismisses Her Breasts

    Screen beauty Angelina Jolie has dismissed the media fascination with her buxom breasts. Jolie, who has just adopted a baby boy Maddox with husband Billy Bob Thornton, flashed her breasts in the TV movie Gia and got naked for last year's flop Original Sin. Angelina says, "I only do what the movie requires. Everybody seems to remember me as naked in Gia, but I said, 'No frontal below the waist,' and anything from behind is only going to be from a distance. My nudity in Gia was really just my breasts. And I don't see them as being that f**king stunning. I never think of myself as a pin-up when I take my clothes off." And Angelina was pleased to keep her clothes on in her latest movie Life Or Something Like It. She adds, "It's a comedy. I don't think we needed to show any graphic sexuality."

    (She then told the interviewer, "Hey! My face is up here!")