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"The New Rose Hotel", from
Tuna
I will review this one
soon. I have the DVD, but haven't fired it up
yet. In the meantime, enjoy Tuna's super captures
of lots of Asia Argento, who is one of the
hottest young stars in international films, and
the daughter of the strange heavy-metal-and-gore
schlockmeister Dario Argento.
thumbnails Asia (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10, 11, 12)
"Les
Femmes", from Tuna
I don't know anything
about this movie. Late Bardot - she was about 35
(she retired from films at 40). Considering in
was liberated 1969, liberated France, and the
legendary kitten Bardot, this must have been a
terrible disappointment to flesh-seekers
everywhere, because no boobs and only some modest
looks at her famous derriere. Apparently nobody
else has seen it either. It has no rating at
IMDb, no external reviews, no user comments,
nothing at all.
thumbnails La Bardot (1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6)
"The
Playgirls and the Vampire", from Johnny Web
You old guys will
understand, but for you young bucks, let me put
this movie into perspective. Perspective is
critical to understand the past. For example,
Rembrandt existed long before the impressionists
started to add light and pastels to paintings. He
existed in a word where paint-mixing skills were
different. And he existed in a world where
interiors were lit only by windows during the day
and and candles at night. He existed in a time
when people work dark clothing, and in which the
nobility avoided the sun. You have to know those
things, and not view him from today's context, or
was he's just a guy whose entire pallette seemed
to consist of various shades of dark brown. Same
with some of these old flicks. Try to see them
with my eyes.
This was made in 1960,
when I was in elementary school. In those days,
11 year olds had no idea what a tit even looked
like unless you either spied on your mom and
sisters, or read National Geographic. There was
no HBO, or nudity in PG-13 movies, or internet.
In the mid 60's, we could sneak into art house
stuff or European movies, but in 1960? - Ike was
still president, fer heaven's sake. We didn't
have jack. Looking back from today, it seems that
Europe has always had grade-z horror films, and
that they have always been available in cheesy
dubbed versions, in which the dubbing was done by
virtual non-actors. Well, tain't so. Between 1910
and 1957, there really were no Italian horror
films, and even the respected I Vampiri bombed
miserably at the box office in 1957.
So, a vampire movie from
Italy was news enough, but when the vampire's
first victim was exhumed from the grave and spent
the movie naked, and when the other women in the
cast were showgirls who even did stripteases -
well, that was some pretty hot news in 1960. Of
course, the naked woman was self-censored by
camera angles, and the strip was just getting
good when the menacing housekeeper interrupted
the rehearsal while the bra was coming off, and
.... well, you know. This is about a PG movie
today, but in those days ..... Well, our older
brothers would talk about this kind of crap for
weeks or months, and we 11 year olds could only
dream.
Gee, I'll bet you'll
never guess the plot. Let's see. Five exotic
dancers, their manager and their rehearsal
pianist are driving through the Hungarian
mountains when ..........
Surprise, they can't
drive any further
They are in danger from
a flooding river, the bridge is out, and they
must take refuge in ......
Surprise, a spooky old
castle where everyone is named Gabor, Laszlo, or
Zoltan.
One of the showgirls
looks exactly like ......
Surprise, the original
countess whose picture is on the wall.
And therefore, she must
become the bride of .......
Surprise, the original
count, who is still alive as one of the undead.
But she is constantly
fooled because the original count looks exactly
like the current count, who is also alive and
un-undead, and is a scientist trying to find a
way to give his ancestor peace. But the ancestor
sees some tasty strippers and his dead wife again
and .....
Surprise, he's filled
with spunk and vitality once more, and doesn't
want to die now.
yadda, yadda, yadda
Also in this movie, as
the comic-relief manager, is Alfredo Rizzo, who
became famous as the chauffeur for Gregory Peck
and Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday.
Lyla Rocco, a see-through. She is the one
who looks like the original countess. Maria Giovannini, topless. She is naked
throughout the last half of the movie, but her
naughty bits are otherwise hidden by camera
angles and darkness.
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