Erotic Survivor (2001) is a Seduction Cinema takeoff on survival contests. It pits Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, Ruby LaRocca and Jade Duboir against three guys, a Christian, a drunk, and a drug addled wasteoid, joined by a woman who works as a film censor. She wanted to make sure nothing naughty happened. They have to survive three days on what is supposedly an uninhabited island that looks strangely like the New Jersey estate many of their films use. There are also a set of trials, such as a dildoe relay race, opening a can with no tools, and a sex trivia quiz.
All of this is an excuse for the girls to get very naked and have lesbian sex in the outdoors. Everyone except the girls is way over the top, and even they are playing it all for laughs, but all four show everything repeatedly. Darian Caine does a masturbation scene, and all except one possible pairing of the four girls is explored, and there are two four ways. IMDb readers have this at 2.2. They obviously missed the point. This is not even trying to be a movie. It is an excuse to show naked women having lesbian sex outdoors, and it does that very well. Joe Bob Briggs saw it the same way and awards two stars. The DVD also contains some behind the scenes footage, and a very personal interview with Darian Caine. It lives up to its promise, and is therefor a C.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
This is basically a chick-flick, a perspective on modern
dating in the middle class, as written and directed
by a woman.
Jamie is a beautiful and smart person, but she is a
self-described "jerk magnet" who has carved a niche for herself as
the girl with an "easy" reputation - the sexy girl who has sex on the first date, then either fails to
see the guy again or gets enmeshed in a doomed short-term relationship. The
film shows her trials and tribulations, and catalogues her path to
enlightenment. The film could be a forgotten episode of Sex and the
City, except that Jamie is a bit quirky - we see her making a stoned
riff on a TV show, giving an enema to a turtle, and fantasizing
about sex with Homer Simpson.
The comedy is rarely funny (unless you guffaw at Sex
and the City), but the characters seem like real people, and are
generally likeable and dimensional people facing authentic and
complicated choices. There are no saints or Snidely Whiplash
villains. The individual situations and relationships do seem
authentic in the moment, but some of it would sound very contrived
if I described it. For instance, Jamie's job is "product namer," and
she works at home, so she's one of about three of those in the
world, but her employment is no rarer than her dream man's. He is a
successful professional poet.
Is there "male appeal"? Well, the film does have
quite a bit of topless nudity in several sex scenes which seem quite
authentic, and Marguerite Moreau (of TV's "Life as We Know It") is
tres cute. Apart from that, there is nothing here which will appeal
to you unless you have a minimum of one vagina.
- Marguerite Moreau (1,
Boccaccio '70 (1962)
I have a special connection to this film. As you
probably know if you are reading this, I spend most of my time these
days writing about, cataloging, and generally apotheosizing film
nudity. This would come as quite a surprise to those who knew me in
the twenty five years when I was busily impersonating a
straight--laced corporate executive, but in fact it is a return to
my roots. Watching Boccaccio '70 brings it all around to a full
circle for, you see, this movie represents the first time I ever saw
a naked woman on screen.
The year was late 1962 or early 1963, and nobody was
naked on screen in American movies then. Later that year, Elizabeth
Taylor showed a part of her bum in Cleopatra, but I didn't see that
movie then. I don't think I saw any loose flesh in an American movie
until about a year later when The Pawnbroker truly broke the nudity
barrier and received for its efforts the dreaded "condemned" rating
from the Catholic Legion of Decency. I think that meant you would go
straight to hell if you died between seeing that film and your next
confession. Boccaccio '70 somehow managed to sneak in under the
radar of controversy, perhaps because the nudity was minimal and the
audiences small in number, or perhaps because it was an acclaimed
foreign film in three unrelated segments, each directed by a screen
legend: Luchino Visconti (Obsession), Federico Fellini (La Dolce
Vita), and Vittorio De Sica (The Bicycle Thief).
My friend The Duck heard through the official teenage
guy grapevine that this film had some nudity in it, so he resolved
to see that nudity, and he persuaded me to join him in his wanton
pursuit of screen flesh. I was happy to oblige. We soon found,
however, that it wasn't all that easy to pull this off. We were
fourteen at the time and could not drive ourselves there, so we
conceived a fairly elaborate plan to dupe my mother into chauffeur
duty. Here's how it worked. There were two theaters about a block
apart. One was showing an innocuous film. My memory tells me it was
Darby O'Gill and the Little People, and that's how I've always told
the story, but a double check of the release dates at IMDb doesn't
seem to confirm that. Darby would have been out for four years at the
time Boccaccio '70 came to Rochester. Oh, well, let me use
Darby in my anecdote, although it was probably something else.
Around the corner from the Darby theater was the one
showing Boccacio '70. The drop-off was easy. We waved good-bye to my
mom and walked around the corner as soon as her car disappeared. The
pick-up was trickier because our film got out later than Darby, so
we told mom we'd get an ice cream or a hot dog or something after
the film, and arranged for her to pick us up a full hour after Darby
ended. That way there was no reason for her to question why nobody
else was coming out of the theater at the pick-up time. Why so long?
An hour, standing outside on a cold Rochester night? Yeah, that was
a price we were willing to pay, but we also had adjusted for the
fact that my mom was always early for everything, so we had to
consider exactly where we would be when she would first spot us -
which would occur a half an hour before she was supposed to be there.
Was it difficult for two snot-nosed kids to get into
the only film in town with bare flesh and naughty stories? Not at
all. In our paranoia and guilt, we had imagined that there might be
problems with some officious moral guardians, and we were prepared
to go back and watch Darby if necessary, but there were no hurdles
of any kind. The MPAA system (version 1.0) wasn't enacted until
1966, so there were no specific rules or guidelines about who could
see which movies. Sure, if we had tried to sneak into a porn film we
probably would have been turned away because the establishment would
not risk a charge for corrupting the morals of minors, but this film
was an award winner at Cannes and some of it was directed by the guy
who did The Bicycle Thief. Nor were there public protests and
outraged editorials to draw attention to the film. Frankly, neither
the cops nor the theater owner were concerned about screening out
minors. We simply paid for our tickets and walked in. To our
surprise, nobody asked our age.
Thus it happened that I saw Romy Schneider offer a
very brief flash of her breasts in the Visconti segment, the first
succulent forbidden flesh I had ever seen. As it turned out, we also
liked the movie, although the Visconti portion was memorable mostly
for Romy's flesh. That segment was meticulously crafted, artistic,
bittersweet and insightful about the nature of human relationships
and the death of love - in other words a whole bunch of crap to 14
year old boys.
We thought the other two segments were magnificent.
Fellini directed a crazed, surreal story about a gorgeous woman
(Anita Ekberg playing herself) who comes to life from a sexy poster
to torment and tempt the pious censor who forces authorities to
cover the poster. I have never forgotten the humor of the story, the
bizarre carnival atmosphere of the sights and sounds, and the sight
of the zaftig Ekberg rolling around on the ground in a dress which
barely contained her monstrous breasts. In those days I didn't know
Fellini from Frank Nitti, but I determined that I liked him. We also
loved the segment by De Sica. Sophia Loren raffles herself off for
one night, but then decides to cut a deal with the winner because
she is interested in exploring a new relationship and doesn't want
to start it off by prostituting herself to a local douchebag. She
strikes a bargain wherein she avoids the sex, the winner gets to
keep all the lottery money, and he also gets to say he went through
with a wild night of any kind of amour he can imagine, which she
will verify. The rest of the men in town are so impressed with his
yarn that they hold a parade for the sad, homely fellow, and he ends
up both honored and rich with the lottery money. Sophia, in the
meantime, gets the hunky guy and all ends well.
The idea behind the film was to bring the ribald
spirit of Boccaccio to the screen in modern times, using modern
characters and settings: one of Italy's greatest writers, as
interpreted by three of Italy's greatest directors, starring three
of Europe's sexiest stars. Italians responded warmly. Boccaccio '70
became the all-time box office champ of Italy, outpacing Fellini's
La Dolce Vita, and eventually taking in a quadrillion lire (about
$1.37). OK, I'm kidding about those numbers. It actually grossed
$200,000, but that really was the all-time Italian box office champ
as of 1962! It was obviously a good idea then, and the whole concept
still seems like a good idea to me, given the fact that Boccaccio
was not only a famous writer whose stories featured clever and
ironic twists, but he was also funny and obsessed with sex. I'm not
sure how well this film really captures Boccaccio, but I don't know
if that matters. I liked the Fellini and De Sica segments when I was
14 and, unlike most of the films I re-watch 40 years later, I still
like them today. I wasn't the only one turning a thumb up. My
significant other just happened to walk by while I was starting to
watch the Fellini story, and she ended up watching that entire
episode. And you have to understand that she liked the story even
though she had no interest in the fact that Anita Ekberg was falling
out of her clothes!
The film was originally conceived as a four-parter,
with the additional segment directed by Mario Monicelli (La Grande
Guerra). Monicelli's segment was seen in the original Italian
release, but was cut from the version screened at Cannes, as well as
from the American release. The DVD is the original Italian print, as
digitally remastered from the vault interpositive, with all the
original Italian titles at the beginning, end, and between segments.
(The four part film ran 210 minutes and was shown with two
intermissions), and with Monicelli's segment restored. It is a
perfectly good story, but I can see why producer Carlo Ponti decided
to cut it. It is not especially humorous, and it basically consists
of two newlyweds talking together in a single room. At any rate, you
can now see it for the first time outside of Italy, and you can
choose either English dubbing or English sub-titles.
The package also includes some extras. For each
segment there are several black and white photos taken during
filming or backstage. There are pictures from the American premiere.
There are the original Italian and American trailers. There is a
brief bit of archival film footage from the set. The best extra in
this two-disk set is not on either of the disks. It is a re-print of
the original American press kit!
There is one other DVD feature which I had hoped for.
Fellini originally submitted his story at eighty minutes, and later
cut it back below an hour. I was really hoping to see it as he
originally conceived it.
That's quibbling, because that original footage may no longer
exist, but he's Fellini, so we can dream!
Overall: nice package!
Minimal nudity, but still worth a look
The L Word:
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost, a few vids from the late night cable series "Women Stories of Passion". Plenty of toplessness and pseudo-sex.
- Daisy Hall
- Leslie Kay Sterling
'Caps and comments by Dann:
While it may be a B-movie in the classic sense, 2004's Post Impact is also a very good post-apocalypse Sci-Fi that you may have already seen on the Sci-Fi channel (minus most of the nudity, of course). Good story, good effects, a good acting job by a decent cast, all just pretty good stuff.
It's 2010, and an asteroid is passing near earth. When it suddenly veers off course, Europe is hit with little warning, setting off an ice age that kills most of the inhabitants.
Years later, a dormant satellite equipped with an advanced microwave transmitter suddenly comes to life, threatening the rest of the world. It is apparently being controlled from the devastated center of old Europe, and a team is sent in to investigate.
I expected a lot less from this movie than what I got: a very well done Sci-Fi adventure that was well worth watching.
||Showing a little bit of leg, and wearing a hair helmet while stopping by the Tonight Show.
||The Canadian babe showing a whole bunch of cleavage as 'Lois Lane' on a recent episode of "Smallville".
||The "O.C." star wearing a very lo-cut top during a guest spot on Leno.
||Pammy doing the tight clothing thing in scenes from her new FOX sit-com "Stacked".
||Hatcher briefly showing her undies as well as some cleavage on Sunday's "Desperate Housewives" (2004).
||The half-pint sized "West Wing" co-star showing off some impressive cleavage on Conan.
|Once again looking Alba-licious, but this time in several bikinis. Here are a few more 'caps by Kitt featuring her recent guest appearance on Cameron Diaz's MTV series "Trippin".
|A few scenes from the National Lampoon movie "Dorm Daze". "CSI Miami" co-star Bliss shows plenty of her Vicky's secret undies and plenty of cleavage (stunt boobs obviously filled in for her topless scene). Former Heffer Lohmann showed off her robo-chest.
|Johnny Moronic 'caps of the Aussie actress and "Lord of the Rings" co-star baring breasts and bum in scenes from "The Nostradamus Kid" (1993). Look for her this summer in the Steven Spielberg movie "War of the Worlds" (2005).
|Baring all in scenes from the made for cable mini-movie, "Strip Search" (2004).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the long time Fun House favorite showing off just a little bit of toplessness in scenes from "Inventing the Abbotts" (1997).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
"A.I." REJECT CLAIMS ABDUL AFFAIR
Appalling! - The Globe tabloid reports that "American Idol" reject Corey
Clark is shopping a tell-all book. Clark, who was dropped for failing to disclose
that he faced charges of assaulting his sister, claims he had "wild, drunken
sex" with Paula Abdul in her guest house, and that she promised to invest $2
million in his singing career but warned him not to tell anyone. He claims
Paula said, "Don't screw me, or you'll be sorry."
But he did, and he was.
If you were drunk enough to put $2 million into Corey Clark's singing
career, you'd be too comatose for sex.
Her nickname for him was "William Hung," but it referred to his singing
ability, not his manhood.
Paula says she doesn't drink...Is he sure that wasn't Ryan Seacrest?
DISGUSTING IDEAS TO SAVE THE EARTH
Sewage From Hollywood - Last Friday was Earth Day, when environmentalists
promoted their ideas for more Earth-friendly living, but some aren't too
appealing. MTV is airing a new series called "Trippin'" in which celebrities laud
Third World lifestyles. Cameron Diaz called the cow dung-spackled walls of a
Nepalese hut "beautiful" and "inspiring." Drew Barrymore said she aspires to be
more like the impoverished Chilean villagers she visited who had no
electricity or indoor plumbing. Drew said she used the bathroom in the woods and "it
The film crew agreed!
This answers the old question, "Does a bore poop in the woods?"
Mickey Rourke replied, "Aw, you get tired of it after awhile."
Then they all flew their Gulfstream jets home to their Beverly Hills
Cameron was so impressed with that cow dung idea, she plans to spackle her
maid's room with it.
HOW FAR WILL PEOPLE GO TO BE ON TV?
Didn't They Really Do "The Chair?" - VH1 is launching a series called "BSTV"
that will see how far people will go to be on TV. The show films people
auditioning for new reality shows that they don't know are fake, including
"Billionaire Bride" (young men willing to marry a 99-year-old heiress), "The Box"
(stay in a glass box for 10 weeks), "Super-Duper Size Me" (stuff fast food until
they're obese) and "Come Fry With Me" (they compete for the chance to flip the
electric chair switch and execute someone).
Who, the show's producer?
The loser of the show has to sit in the chair.
All the people who signed up for "Super-Duper Size Me" were already obese.
On most real TV shows, you can watch women slowly starving themselves to
Are they sure this is a practical joke and not the fall line-up on Fox?
|A quick site note
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