Saturday

Tuna
"Das Mdchen Rosemarie"

Das Mdchen Rosemarie (1996) is a German made for TV based on the true story of modern-day courtesan Rosemarie Nittribit. An orphan, she escaped reform school, and managed to become the mistress of one of the new German industrialists in early 50's reconstruction Germany. He kept her well, but she wanted marriage, not really understanding why she was not a part of his social circle. Under the tutelage of a French businessman, she managed to sleep with all of the prominent industrialists, thus infiltrating their social circle. She taped their trysts for the Frenchman, who hoped to use the tapes to blackmail the Germans into a very favorable business deal. She never gave up on the idea of marrying the first industrialist. She was eventually found murdered in her apartment, and the killer was never caught.

Rosemarie was played by Nina Hoss in an excellent portrayal. The exposure is all by her, and includes a full frontal, buns, and additional breast exposure all in good light. The DVD quality is very good, and, other than optional dubbed English and subtitles, is bare bones. The dubbed English was UK, with obvious UK accents, which seemed out of place, and I ended up listening to the German with English subtitles. Hoss lights up the screen, helping to make what would otherwise be a very slow 127 minutes bearable. The production standards are very high, which is frequently the case with German TV, but there was not enough material of interest for 127 minutes of screen time. C-.

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  • Nina Hoss (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Little Big Man (1970)

    In drawing a parallel to recent films, I'd suppose that the single most comparable film to Little Big Man is Forrest Gump. Just as Forrest passed through our times and mirrored them, encountering every important movement and every significant person in each era, Jack Crabb lived through the Wild West, met the most famous characters, and had his own version of the whole saga, in which he kept encountering the same people from earlier episodes

    The film starts in 1970, with a reporter interviewing Mr Crabb (Dustin Hoffman, in one of his great performances), the sole white survivor of the Battle of Little Big Horn, who is 121 years old at the time of the interview. In the course of his tall tale about the taming of the west, he recounts his career as a Cheyenne Indian, a bible thumper, a snake-oil salesman, a gunfighter, a drunk, and just about everything else one could be in those days. Since he was a white man raised by the Cheyenne, and spoke both languages fluently, he moved back and forth between the two worlds.

    His story is great when it is being funny. I laughed out loud at the sight of Dustin Hoffman dressed as a gunfighter. He really was the fastest gun in the West, and also the surest shot. Only one little thing kept him from achieving gunfighter immortality. He didn't like shooting at any living things.

    The strangest comic portrayal in the film, in moments both hilarious and sad, was ol' George Armstrong Custer. Richard Mulligan brought all his usual pomposity and nervous mannerisms to the role, playing Custer as a man who was not merely self-absorbed, but just plain insane. In this way, the film actually manages to treat the battle of Little Big Horn as a comic event, with Custer walking around on foot in his buckskins, babbling away at the endless hordes of Sioux and Cheyenne attacking him, oblivious to the fact that he had just led the U.S. Army to what is still the most complete defeat in its history.

    On the other hand, the film turns completely serious at times, the most affecting moments coming during its portrayal of the massacre of Washita, or as it is sometime called, the Battle of the Washita. Custer and his men attacked a sleeping Indian village on Indian lands. The chief of this group, Black Kettle, had always been peaceful, and had been assured by the commanding officer of the territory that he had nothing more to fear when on reservation land. Black Kettle flew a Stars and Stripes over his teepee, as well as a white flag of peace.

    General Sheridan, Custer's immediate superior and friend, did not see the Indian situation in quite the same light as the territory commander. He wanted a preventive action to severely impair the Cheyenne's ability to wage war. So Custer's men rode in to Black Kettle's village one day before dawn, with the Garryowen playing, and created a swath of destruction, which included the slaughtering of about 900 Indian ponies. The film portrays that particular act as madness, but killing the ponies actually made military sense. It would be like destroying their tanks in modern terms.  Custer also destroyed or expropriated all their ammunition (even arrows), and all their winter food supplies. Those Indians who were not killed or captured were stranded without food and ponies, somewhere in a snow-bound plain.

    Custer claimed that something like 90 Cheyenne braves were killed that day. The Indian account was 11 dead warriors, with all the rest of the corpses being women, old people, and children. Custer was a brave warrior, but was no mental giant (he graduated last in his class at West Point). A peaceful village of 51 lodges would be unlikely to hold enough warriors to produce 90 casualties even at a 100% kill rate, so his claim was ludicrous, but the Indian version probably also leaves some room for dispute. Certainly, the villagers were not just as completely peaceful as they pretended to be, since the 51 tents were accompanied by an arsenal large enough to defeat France (4000 arrows, 500 pounds of lead, 500 pounds of gunpowder, and 875 horses).

    In fact, Custer's lack of control of one of his flanks led that group into a precarious encounter with a large band of different Indians camped nearby, who responded to the sounds coming from Black Kettle's camp. Overall, in a  pre-dawn attack on a sleeping village of fifty tents filled with women and children, Custer managed to lose the lives of two officers and 19 enlisted men. Not only was it not much of a battle, but it wasn't even a very efficient massacre!

    If you aren't familiar with Custer's career, he still remains to this day the youngest man ever to win the ranks of Brigadier General (age 23) and Major General (age 25) in the U.S. Army, by his aggressive tactics in the Civil War. He must have been impressive in the Civil War, because he was considered important enough to be present in the courthouse at the Appomatox surrender, and was later presented the actual table upon which the surrender document had been executed.

    Those impressive ranks he attained were wartime ranks, however. After the war ended, he went back to the rank of Captain, and never reached a higher rank than Lieutenant Colonel in the regular peacetime army. (He was still entitled to use the title of "General" in certain situations). In about a decade on the plains, he did nothing significant on the battlefield in the struggles against the Indians. His only memorable contribution to the army after the Civil War was his addition of a musical band to the 7th Cavalry, and his selection of the Garryowen as the official regimental air.

    Many people do not realize that the famous Battle of Little Big Horn was yet another similar attack by Custer, an unprovoked act of aggression on an Indian encampment. This time, however, he had not attacked peaceful Black Kettle, but Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, two chiefs who were actively resisting the U.S. Government's attempts to place white settlers on Sioux land for an expected gold rush. The nature of the enemy was not the worst news, however. Custer knew that the Indians could be formidable, but he was supposed to be one prong of a three-pronged attack, and the other two prongs were nowhere to be seen. The impetuous Custer had outraced the infantry, and the third unit had been detoured by battles with hostiles, so Custer ended up leading his 264 troopers into a battle with 5000 Sioux and Cheyennes.

    By the way, Custer was wearing buckskins that day, not Cavalry Blues (a detail which the movie got right), and his hair was cut short that day for battle (a detail which the movie got wrong, perhaps intentionally, since the long blond hair made for more impressive cinema).

    One of the interesting elements of the film is that the Indians are not really portrayed as romantic noble savages. They are every bit as fucked-up as the whites. Old Lodge Skins, the old man who is the real hero of the film, is peaceful and compassionate, but nutty as a fruitcake. Indians, like whites, are seen to be troubled by nagging wives, homosexuality, arguments, jealousy, weakness, lust, and all other human strengths and weaknesses.

    In fact, although this film is essentially a comedy, and Crabb's version of the Wild West is supposed to be a tall tale, it is possible to feel that what he has revealed is "truer" than many versions which pass as history. Custer wasn't really anything like the way he was portrayed here, but it's eminently reasonable to argue that many people could have seen him that way, including Jack Crabb (and, by the way, President Grant, who also thought Custer was a schmuck).

    The film is a B-. Very entertaining film. A hilarious revisionist look at the legends of the Old West, great performances by Dustin Hoffman and Richard Mulligan, and also some heart-rending moments which will get deep inside of you. It's hard to keep your eyes dry when Crabb watches his sweet-natured Indian wife get gunned down at Washita, just hours after giving birth.

    Nudity report: There's Dustin Hoffman's butt and some nudity from unidentified Indian women, including a distant frontal.

    Sadly, the DVD is bare-bones, although the transfer is a solid widescreen anamorphic, 2.35:1. I would have enjoyed a special edition of this movie.

    • Some Indian women (1, 2)

     

    Mailbox:

    Hey Scoop,

    Thought I would pass this link on to you and all your visitors. Syndicated talk show host Tom Leykis ( www.blowmeuptom.com )
    is known for his penchant for signing his fans breasts and their ass after he has spanked them of course. He also advocates having women flash their breasts on Fridays. The link is the photographers web site who is the official photographer for Tom when he is remote. Be warned that there are a lot of photos and it will take some time to browse. Also be warned that there are some pretty ugly ones mixed in with the cuties. Hope everyone has fun! http://www.jasonkirkphotos.com/low/web_leykis_dun/index.htm

     

    Scoops

    Just letting you guys know that the collages of Lee Grant from her topless scene (In Red Ryder) definitely ARE her..  her face is shown just before he pulls her shirt up... no cuts, edits, etc...

     

    Other crap:


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    From the Spanish movie "Luca y el sexo" aka "Sex and Lucia". Both show full frontal nudity, and Vega can be seen holding on to a fully erect penis.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Quick note: Mary Steenburgen in Melvin & Howard. On my personal top 10 list of movies, with its spot-on protrayal of what my brother refers to as Spam-sucking trailor trash. Mary Steenburgen was marvelous and looked oh so good nekkid.

    Here are five collages of exposure: 1) pokies; 2) skimpy outfit in the stripclub scene; 3-5) skimpy outfit comes off and Mary walks to the dressing room. Terrifo-hooties in 3-5, bum in 4.. and as mentioned in the Funhouse a couple of weeks ago, the formatting of the DVD cuts out one of the B's in an otherwise triple-B performance.

    • Mary Steenburgen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Spaz
    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    First up, the variety:

    Vaudeville money shot (soda spritzer in the panties) in the classic German submarine mini-series Das Boot. Can anyone identify this actress?


    Roma Downey: Touched by an Angel actress showing some very nice cleavage on a recent episode of The Late Late Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn.


    "Listen" (1996)

    Erotic thriller with the usual cliches relating to USA-Canadian co-productions:

    (i) the lead actress is a big USA actress who keeps her clothes on, even during sex.

    (ii) the lead actor only has to unzip his pants to have sex, no bare butts. (iii) the love scenes are dark.

    (iv) the only nudity, usually topless, is by obscure Canadian actresses. And even they keep their panties on during sex. (Canadian actresses usually do the full monty only in arthouse movies with limited distribution, i.e. Better Than Chocolate, ...or in the rare case they are given a leading role in a US film to launch their career, i.e. Species)

    Nudity rundown:


    The Outer Limits (1995) More caps from the syndicated series. Again, no nudity because it has been removed by the evil syndicators by cropping the frames. Which is a shame because Nadia Capone had a very hot lesbian love scene in episode "Lithia".

    • Cynthia Geary: Northern Exposure actress in bra and panties in episode "Mary 25" (sequel to the classic episode "Valerie 23").
    • Nadia Capone: bra-less pokies in episode "Lithia".
    • Claudette Mink: sexy in episode "In the Zone".
    • Tanya Allen: brassiere in "Fear Itself".
    • Teri Polo: bare back in episode "Identity Crisis".
    • Suki Kaiser: sexy in episode "Stream of Consciousness".


    More Canadian stuff:

    • Claudette Mink: topless in "Deadly Heroes" (1994), then wearing nothing but a coat of bubbles in the shower.

    • Tanya Allen: topless in "Regeneration" (1997) (aka Behind the Lines).

    • Leah Pinsent: sexy bathing suit in "April Fool's Day" (1986).

    • Astra Crosby: actress from Degrassi High sexy dancing as stripper in the Robert Urich "Spenser: Ceremony" (1993).

    • Heidi von Palleske: topless in "Falling Fire" (1998).

    • Zehra Leverman: brassiere in "Falling Fire" (1998).

    • Elizabeth Bellm: sexy bikini in "Horses in Winter" (1988).


    Some French-Canadian actresses:

    • Lucie Dorion: very distant nude in "Horses in Winter" (1988).

    • Andrea Parro: wet see-through nightgown in "La Fille du Maquignon" (1990) (aka The Horse Trader's Daughter).

    • Andrea Parro: nude in "Le Secret de Jrme" (1994) (aka Jerome's Secret).

    • Myriam Cyr: also topless in "Le Secret de Jrme" (1994).

    • Micheline Lanctot: pokies and an interesting upskirt in "La Vraie nature de Bernadette" (1972) (aka The True Nature of Bernadette).


    Dann
    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Dangerous Invitations"

    2002 direct-to-video erotica with the usual suspects tells of a couple who experiment with a three-way while on vacation, then have to live with the results when they return to their everyday life and get bugged by their new friend and her bully husband.

    Lots of nudity and fake sex, watch it when you're looking for a no-brainer.