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"Flesh and Bone"

Flesh and Bone (1993), as Scoopy mentioned in his review, is a lame plot full of great performances. Unfortunately, none of the characters were in anyway appealing to me. The DP did an excellent job, but was filming in northern Texas, which is probably the most boring expanse of real estate in the world. The unbelievable coincidences that drive the plot, of which Scoopy mentioned only one, didn't bother me near as much as the total predictability of it.

Although technically competant and well-acted, I can't imagine who the audience would be for this film, although the exposure from Meg Ryan and Gwyeneth Paltrow is a very strong plus. It is a C at best.

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  • Gwyneth Paltrow (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Meg Ryan (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    "The Lady in Red"

    The Lady in Red (1979) is the fictionalized story of the mysterious "Lady in Red" who fingered John Dillinger. Pamela Sue Martin in the title role used this film and her stint as HEFFer of the month to break out of her Nancy Drew girl scout image, and do more challenging work. Other notable players included Robert Conrad and Christopher Lloyd. Martin is daughter of a fundamentalist preacher. She is caught in a bank hold-up then seduced by a reporter, and beaten severely by her father, so runs off to Chicago. After attending the school of hard nocks in a sewing sweat shop, a taxi-dance hall, jail, and a fancy house, she is befriended by public enemy number 1, John Dillinger. They attend a movie with a friend, and her read dress is what signals the feds that it is Dillinger. Martin decides not to just get even, but to get ahead, and starts her life of crime for real.

    The breast and buns exposure from Martin is very nice, and there is a lot of incidental nudity from unknowns in the bawdy house and in jail. The transfer to DVD was abysmal -- even the trailer included on the DVD was far better video quality, which is a shame, as the film is a very atmospheric piece. This is a 4/3 version, that, I am guessing, is actually full negative, as the top of the frame is mostly uninteresting. It is like it was intended to be cropped for the Wide screen. Martin does a god job as the corruptible preachers kid with survival instincts and plenty of moxie. I found the Dillinger character very hard to swallow. He came off as a sweet guy being chased by the evil feds for no good reason. Still, it was a fast watch, and would have been even better with a good transfer. C+.

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  • Pamela Sue Martin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Accused is a rather complex legal overview of a rape case, highlighted by a brilliant Jodie Foster characterization that covered up the film's flaws.

    • Jodie Foster (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Rain Man won the Oscar for Best Picture in 1988. Many people feel that Dustin Hoffman's performance is one of the best in film history. In addition, the film was a massive financial success that donated many tag lines to the public consciousness. Can't write more. Gotta catch Wapner.

    • Valeria Golino (1, 2, 3)


    Quote of the Day, from David Letterman



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    It looks like I'm continuing with Italian 1980's films with lots of violence and nudity. This time I found the DVD of Ruggero Deodato's "La casa sperduta nel parco" aka. "The House on the Edge of the Park" from 1980. This movie is notorious for its violent scenes including what appears to be rape and cutting a nice innocent girl with a razorblade. Let's see what it is about.

    The film begins with a scene in wich Karoline Mardeck, in her only film credit, is being raped and killed by Alex, a role played rather convincingly by David Hess. Then we see a young couple whose car breaks down and they have it repared at Alex's garage. Then the couple invites Alex and his retarded assistant Ricky to a party at their swish villa in a park. Once they arrive there it doesn't take long before Alex and Ricky start terrorizing the guests. First they beat up the male guests, then Alex sneeks into the room of Annie Belle while she is having a shower and later on has his way with her. Some call this rape, but is it really ? Then he goes back to the living room where he forces the bald Marie Claude Joseph, also in her only film credit, to show her breasts.

    Now it's Ricky's turn to have a go at one of the guests. He chooses Lorraine De Selle but isn't able to rape her because he justly feels it isn't right. When Lorraine hears that poor Ricky is still a virgin, she pities him and takes him of her free will to a greenhouse in the garden where she terminates his virginal status. Around the same time the doorbell chimes and we are introduced to Cindy, played by Brigitte Petronio. This cute, innocent looking girl immediately gets the attention of Alex who treats her really badly. Up until now I wasn't involved much in the film and didn't really care for the "victims" who weren't that innocent either. But when Alex started cutting the completely innocent Cindy with his ever present razorblade I got out of my apathy. If David Hess had entered the room at that moment, it wouldn't have been his best day I think. Director Ruggero Deodato managed to do something to me that not many filmmakers are able to do : he got this old cynic out off his cynicism. What I found a so-so film until then, became suddenly something I felt involved in ! So to me this film was lifted above average by this scene. When I checked Brigitte's film credits in the IMDb however I found out that she is not as innocent as she looks, unless you can call an Emmanuelle film starring Laura Gemser innocent.

    But let's get back to the victims. Are they really as innocent as you would think ? Why don't the men defend themselves more vigorously ? Why aren't the women resisting more when Alex and Ricky want their way with them ? Because, as I guessed already, they have a hidden agenda. Attention : Spoilers ahead. The woman in the opening scene wasn't murdered for no other reason than gratuitous violence and nudity. She was the sister of one of the "guests" and Alex is getting what he deserves in the end, after he had also accidentally killed Ricky.

    Although this movie is full of violence and at some points really painful to watch, like in Cindy's ordeal, and although you have to like the genre, I can only give director Deodato a thumbs up for getting me temporarily out of my cynicism. Furthermore the two bad guys act convincingly and the cinematography is above average, certainly for a film shot in only 19 days according to the director biography on the "Jungle Holocaust" DVD, another Deodato film along with the infamous "Cannibal Holocaust". That same biography mentions that Deodato is preparing "Jungle Holocaust II", something not known by the IMDb. Also in that bio is mentioned the fact that 62 year old Ruggero's current girlfriend is 31 year old Miss Italy 1987 Michela Rocco di Torrepadula. I've quickly added a few scans from an Italian tabloid from 1993/94 which show Michela with co-star Ben Gazzara wearing a dress. (1, 2) I hope Scoop isn't going to kill me for this, it's his favorite actor after all :-) Let's hope Michela gets the lead role in Cannibal Holocaust II and that Ruggero will allow us to see her in all her splendor in it. In the Encyclopedia and Tuna's archive (see Love by Appointment) you can also find pictures of Deodato's ex-wife Silvia Dionisio. I have only one major disappointment with the DVD itself : where are the Dutch subtitles and all the extra's mentioned on the jacket ? Are they all very well hidden Easter Eggs ?

    • Annie Belle showing all 3 B's (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    • Lorraine De Selle. Only 2 out of 3 B's. Sorry, no bum views. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Marie Claude Joseph, topless. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    • Karoline Mardeck, breasts, bush and a gyno-view.

    • Brigitte Pertronio showing it all. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    A bonus item....

    Here is a scan of a leaflet that was inside a DVD I ordered from Amazon. It mentions a DVD of Lucy Lawless in two shorts from early in her career before she became Xena. You can read yourself what it is about. Has anyone checked this out yet? It's probably nothing but what a scoop if it were!

    The Haunting of Morella. How to summarize the dreck that is this movie? In two words: David McCallum. Yep, proto-Shatner stars (one cannot say "acts") in this gothic witchcraft possession with a little implied lesbo thingee of a movie. Unwatchable... except for the babes, the nekkid babes, four of them. First and foremost there is cult fave Lana Clarkson showing off her el primo, all-natural hooters. I did not realize how big Lana is, but in a couple of scenes you see her with Nicole Eggert and Maria Ford and she towers over them. Okay, so here are five collages, four of Lana in the tub and gettin' out it, and the fifth standing under a waterfall, luring Maria to her doom.
    • Lana Clarkson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Segue to Maria Ford, in her third movie, before she got hit in the chest with a truck full of silicone and in the head with a truck full of bleach. Here she is a naturally built redhead and I think she is just plain yummy. Notice that, even though the movie is set in 18th century, Maria found a Victoria's Secret outlet.

    • Maria Ford (1, 2)

    Next up is Deborah Dutch, who plays a short-lived character. She strips before getting into the tub, so you get to see boobs and bum. Deb shops at the same outlet as Maria.

    Finally we have Gail Harris, aka Robyn Harris, aka Gail Thackery, former page 3 babe. Minor character in this one, the only nekkid babe who isn't all wet. You see her getting up and putting on her clothes, presumably after boffing her boyfriend.

    Gail did a lot of posing in the old days for a lot of different magazines. Here are five sets of scans. The last couple are from Mayfair magazine after she'd had the hooter enhancement work done, the first four are earlier, way more explicit, and from other publications, apparently including The British Journal of Gynecology.

    • Gail Harris (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    A great link for the sports fans, the 50 Worst Sports Ideas of All Time