One-Eyed Monster


One-Eyed Monster is a horror spoof in the same spirit as Jack Frost, in that the humor derives from the fact that the monster itself is ridiculous, but the film is primarily executed as straight horror, not as a comedy.

Here is the premise:

A group of adult film stars, many of them played by actual adult film stars like Ron Jeremy, Carmen Heart and Veronica Hart, travel to a remote mountain lodge to film their latest epic. Some alien entity possesses Ron Jeremy's dick, which detaches itself from the rest of Ron's body and becomes the killer. The alien chooses to take over a famously productive penis in order to spread its seed through earth.

Yup, an evil dick. A dick, in fact, even more repulsive than spotted dick, and nearly as repulsive as Andy.

Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed the first half-hour of this film. It's nicely photographed, funny, and offers a lot of affectionately satirical insight into the adult film industry. But once the murders begin, the movie really becomes a straightforward monster film, albeit with an unusual monster. There are some highlights in the second half, mostly provided by film veteran Charles Napier as a crazy mountain man who comes to assist the adult film team in their battle against the alien-controlled dick. By the oddest of coincidences, he is eminently qualified for this task, having lost his platoon in 'Nam when the same alien race made its previous attempt to take over an Earth dick. In a long parody of a war story, which Napier tells with straight-faced realism, he recalls having to explode his commanding officer's rogue penis with a grenade.

An odd movie.

For a film about porn films, it doesn't have much flesh. The characters talk about sex constantly, often in hilariously graphic terms, but the only actual nudity is provided by adult film actress Carmen Heart (aka Hart), who is rehearsing her big scene when the big evil dick attacks her. It isn't really clear why the dick chooses to kill her rather than to impregnate her. I guess just because he's acting like a dick.

Carmen Hart film clip



  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Body Shots


Tara Reid film clips. Collages below

Emily Proctor film clips. Collages below








Bloody Pit of Horror


We do another "Babe in Bondage" day as the Time Machine goes back to the sixties for "Bloody Pit of Horror" and a trio of beauties in big trouble, sadly no nudity, but it came close, remember this was the early sixties. (All film clips here.)

Femi Martin aka Femi Benussi

 and Rita Klein are tortured by Mickey Hargitay (Jayne Mansfield's ex-husband ).

Louise Barrett aka Luisa Baratto also gets the treatment from Mickey. Caps also include Rita Klein.


Trailer (hilarious)

The film, which is in the public domain, may be viewed in its entirety at Google Videos. Stick with the trailer above. The film is only funny when taken in small doses.


TV Land

Over in TV Land Kiran Chetry of American Morning shows off her tight little ass. Caps and a 1080 HD clip.








Notes and collages

"Unhappily Ever After"

Nikki Cox

Season 5, episode 22









Jennifer Love Hewitt as "Sexy Coroner"

(It's a spoof within Ghost Whisperer)

Sharon Mitchell in American Swing

Naturi Naughton in Notorious



Film Clips