The Hottie and the Nottie


This film has earned more than its share of notoriety, for at least three reasons:

  1. It is rated on the very bottom of IMDb's all-time worst list with a cumulative score of 1.2/10. Nearly 88% of the 11,000 voters have awarded it the minimum score of 1/10.
  2. Critics hated it just as much as the IMDb crowd. Metacritic estimated the average review to be 7 points on a 100-point scale, which is worse than 1/2 of a star on a five star scale. Rotten Tomatoes reports that 95% of the reviews were negative. I read all of the other 5% and can report that they were not very enthusiastic either. More than one critic said it was below Paris Hilton's dignity which, if you think about it, must be quite close to the cinematic equivalent of absolute zero.
  3. It was released theatrically in 111 theaters and grossed a whopping $27,000, a result so anemic as to incite a riot among theater owners, who blew it out after the opening weekend. It averaged $249 per theater for the three-day run. Assuming a standard five screenings per day and eight bucks per theater, that works out to two people per screening.

To be honest, it is not nearly bad enough to have earned such critical and box office opprobrium. It is a predictable, 1980s-style youthploitation comedy, to be sure, but it is not significantly worse than other similar efforts like Good Luck, Chuck or The Heartbreak Kid, which are rated 5.5 and 5.9 at IMDb.

A guy in his mid twenties has been dreaming about his first grade sweetheart (Paris, the hottie) for two decades, and moves back to his home town to meet her. As it turns out, she has been thinking of him as well, and would love to give romance a try, but she has resolved not to get laid until she can muster up a boyfriend for her ugly best friend (the nottie), who was also in their first grade class, and is still just as virginal as she was back then. It is thus incumbent upon our hero to get the nottie cleaned up and into the dating scene so that he can woo the hottie. You have probably already figured out that the cleaned-up nottie turns out to be pretty durned hot herself and ... well, you get the picture.

In addition to those three stock characters, the film has a fourth stereotype, the hero's nerdy best friend who dispenses bad advice freely, as played in many raunchy 1980s youthploitation comedies by Curtis "Booger" Armstrong. The Booger role in this film is essayed by a guy named The Greg Wilson. That's not a misprint. His first name is The. Well, not really, but this is Hollywood, playing by SAG union rules, which work just like the Highlander law: there can be only one. I guess the one available Greg Wilson union card was taken, so our boy first tried out the nondescript moniker of Greg D. Wilson, then settled on the more memorable The Greg Wilson.

The film is just the usual stuff. It's all been done better a score of times before, but there's nothing so very awful about it except the fact that it's an R-rated premise cobbled into a PG-13 movie (no nudity!), so it's sort of tepid pseudo-raunch instead of the real thing, but it's certainly not a film which can compete with the real bottom-dwellers for the "worst of all time" trophy. Compared to Manos or Glam, this seems like Casablanca.

What, then, caused the outpouring of hate? In two words: Paris Hilton. She starred in the film as the titular hottie, and also acted as executive producer. In other words, it was basically a vanity project in which she used her money to showcase her ... um ... talent.

The Hilton Factor worked against the film in two ways:

First, many people just hate Paris Hilton. The vast majority of the people who voted at IMDB never saw the film at all, and even admit so in their comments. After all, we know the box office numbers. By the time the film had accumulated 11,000 votes, it had not been released on home media, not even on a bootleg, so only 3,000 people had actually seen it!

Second, even those people who do not hate Paris must acknowledge that her acting ability and comedic timing are limited, thus causing this film to be much weaker than it would have been with, for example, Cameron Diaz in the same role. When people love or hate something about a new film they tend to act out their passion and assign a 10 or a 1 before reason prevails.

Mind you, I'm not recommending the film. It's pretty bad. But if you've been watching HBO regularly for a quarter of a century, you've probably seen a hundred films as bad or worse. The "real" IMDb score should probably be in the fours.

Paris Hilton film clip (sample right). She really does look very nice, but you'll see a demonstration of her acting limitations.



  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








The Ramrodder


Today the Time Machine goes, back, back almost all the way to the Big Bang for a classic "Babe in Bondage" whipping scene from "The Ramrodder." Kathy Williams is our naked victim. There's even a flash of bush in these caps and three clips.







Notes and collages

Frances Fisher



Female Perversions


Passion and Prejudice



In the earliest of these appearances, Frances was already 40; in the latest, nearly 50.








It's very likely that next to Eva Derrek's full frontal nude scene, your favorite part of this 2007 supernatural horror flick will be when the end credits roll.

Magic users use their powers to ward off evil and heal the body. Wizards, sorcerers, and magicians have practiced their craft in secrecy, guided by the Wizard's Code, but when one desires to gain powers over the others, regardless of what he must do, that person is call the Magus.

As the Magus starts using his powers to kill off all the Secret Chiefs, Felix, an old and feeble healer, finds that he may be the only one standing in the Magus' way.

Aided by his niece, a young woman preparing for her black belt in jujitsu, Felix prepares for the final battle against the Magus.

Pretty lame, but actually, the story isn't bad if you're into supernatural-type flicks. What really hurts this one is horrible acting, so bad it seems like they're reading the script on Teleprompters as they go. Eva's scene is nice, but other than that: you were warned.

Eva Derrek Julie Strain







Film Clips

Mischa Barton in Closing the Ring (2008). DVD quality. The outdoor clip is gorgeous, but the other is too dark. Samples below.



Angelina Jolie in Hackers (1995). Excellent quality. (sample right)
Anna Friel in Rogue Trader (1999). (Sample right)
Elizabeth Hurley in The Weight of Water. SUPERLATIVE quality (1920x1080), but large download (95 meg) (2000)

Erin Ramirez in Art House (1998)

Gabriela Canudas in Otilia Rauda (2001)

Kari Wuhrer in An Occasional Hell (1996)

Rosanna Arquette in Nowhere to Run (1993)

Saffron Burrows in Loss of Sexual Innocence (1999)


More of Fergie in a bikini in the Bahamas
Never Campbell in I Really Hate My Job (the second collage is an edit of the first)
Nicole Richie uppie
Billie Piper paparazzi
A rare glimpse of Maggie Smith's flesh  in California Suite