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"Rock Star"

Rock Star (2001) was covered by Scoopy, and I am not a metal fan, so I set it aside, but after yesterday's article talking about Aniston's steamy sex scene in this film, I took a shot at it. It is a well made film with an ok, but very predictable plot, some excellent performances, lots of incidental nudity, and no steamy sex scene whatsoever. The scene they are referring to must be a rave after a concert, where we see several people kissing .. cut to the next morning with Aniston, supposedly naked, getting out of bed wrapped in a blanket, and walking through a room of passed out party-goers, mostly women, and mostly topless. Aniston has a pretty good pokie near the beginning of the film, and another not nearly as good in the sheet in bed. The plot, quickly, is rocker becomes huge star, nearly ruins his life with sex. drugs and rock and roll, then becomes a real human again. There were a few amusing moments.

See Scoop's review for the public and critical consensus, which was lukewarm at best. Frankly, the music was such a turn-off to me, I spent a lot of time in fast forward. If you enjoy the music, you will probably be entertained by the film C.

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  • Jennifer Aniston (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


    Aria (1987). Although Scoopy and I have both done and reviewed this film, the reviews didn't make it to the site. Scoopy mentioned that, while my images are ok for this film, they were done early in my capping career, and could be improved upon. As an added incentive, he reminded me that it was beautifully photographed, and has a host of exposure, most importantly from Elizabeth Hurley and Bridget Fonda. I hope you agree that the new images are an upgrade from my first effort.

    Aria is not a film, but rather a series of shorts, each set to a popular aria, and directed by a different great director. The stories range from fanciful, to strange, classical to very modern, and exposure free to full frontal. All of the scenes are beautifully photographed, and, although opera is not my favorite music, it is much easier to take while watching naked women. This is not a film for the masses, but is worth seeing for those not totally put off by my brief description. B-.

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  • Bridget Fonda (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Elizabeth Hurley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Check out the new volumes for sisters Joely and Natasha Richardson (also Sabrina Ferilli, but you saw most of those yesterday)


    Real obituary: A rather poor-taste, but funny, tribute to Linda Lovelace.

    Political obituary: "The Lenny Bruce of congress"


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Virus Warning
    There is a new virus spreading like wildfire, and based on the fact that I have received dozens of copies already at my scoopy address, many of you are already infected. The name of the virus is W32.Klez.H@mm. It is somewhat like sircam, except that it looks for e-mail addresses in more places, disables anti-virus programs installed on your computer, replaces program files with itself, and, after e-mailing itself and one of your private files to all of the e-mail addresses on your computer, it will effectively wipe out your entire hard drive.

    If you use Outlook Express for e-mail, and use the "preview attachments" feature, you are probably already infected, or soon will be. If you have not updated the virus definitions in your anti-virus software since April 17, you are not protected against it.

    There are many variants of this mass e-mailing worm, differing mainly in the random email messages they send out. They all drop some variant of W32.ElKern, which is a nasty virus with a file-zeroing payload. This virus tries to propagate and infect files across your network, and will succeed if you have read-write shares. If you have read only shares, it will most likely crash your computer.

    w32.Klez.A@mm is the first one. It has a short list of random subjects, and a fixed text message. it only e-mails itself, and uses outlook bugs to auto-execute. It also, like the others, attempts to disable all virus shields it knows about by removing the registry entires that cause them to boot.

    The D variant is similar, and drops the same virus, but it also checks for the presence of ICQ. The E variant actually uses the ICQ database to find addresses, and also searches the local hard drives for files likely to contain e-mail addresses, and peeks in them. This version also can fake a bounce message from your own domain when it e-mails you. It may not use your from address, but one of the many addresses it finds when it sends it's e-mails. This is a nasty social engineering move on the part of the writer, because it causes people to focus their warning on the wrong person, and perhaps causes people to not bother warning people that they have the virus, on the off chance that they do not really have it.

    This version is also more difficult to remove, because it stores itself in a random file. It has a bug-fixed version of elkern, which ignores compressed executables, such as self-extractors, because they tend to not run when infected.

    Finally, we have the H variant. This one has a few additional features. The most important is that it's variant of elkern is significantly different. This variant will not crash computers, and contains no destructive payload. It will still spread itself across networks, and has the same bug-fix present in the variant dropped by E. On the other hand, it's worm part is nastier. There is a significant change in the subject and body generation algorithm, and when doing it's mass mailings, it will sometimes attach a random local file, which may be confidential information. This makes this variant potentially more damaging to a company than all the others.

    To summarize, the virus sends itself to potentially any e-mail address on your computer from any e-mail address on your computer, disables virus checking software, replaces program files, infects your local network, and can completely destroy the data on your hard drive. If you think you might be infected, please visit one of the popular anti-virus sites and learn how to get rid of this virus. Again, many of you Fun House readers are already infected.


    Tuna posted some killer caps of Chiharu Komatsu in Sunday and Monday's Funhouse. Onliest problem, to quote Henry Ford, was you could have any B you like so long as it was boobs. Good news is that CK adhered to a long tradition in Japanese movies, which has B movie bims pose for books and magazines in which they are the only subject. A while back a book entitled Voyage came out with 'bout 100 pics of her, 2/3rds of which had her butt-nekkid. Scanned that puppy from cover to cover and am sending along the best 29 scans in 13 easy-carrying collages. Also included are a pair of scans from another publication featuring Chiharu. We got all 3 B's in quantities sure to please the discerning reader.

    And while we are on Japanese publications, here are a couple of scans from out there in cyberland, pulled out of Japanese publications of one sort or another. They were in awful shape but a little work cleaned up all nice and neat. The babe ain't nekkid but she is.... Phoebe Cates.


    Today we start to take a look at "Justine:Crazy Love". It's opening scene has Daneen Boone and Kimberly Rowe topless in the shower.

    • Daneen Boone and Kimberly Rowe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Stephanie McMahon An exposed breast for the rasslin' fans.

    Barbara Crampton and
    Kathleen Kinmont
    Two great topless babes from the 80's classic "Fraternity Vacation", by Helvete.

    Jeri Ryan
    (1, 2)

    Here is the best Trek babe ever on an episode of "Matlock" before she was famous. She's overly tan, and far too covered up, but at least she shows off some leg by only wearing bikini bottoms.

    Penelope Ann Miller
    (1, 2, 3)

    Topless 'caps by DeVo from "Carlito's Way" (1993).

    The Funnies
    • Is this proof that all LPGA golfers are NOT lesbians? Here is Christi Kerr from Sunday's Longs Drug Challenge.
    Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Ex-Porn Star Lovelace Dies at 53

    DENVER (AP) - Linda Boreman, who starred as Linda Lovelace in the 1972 pornographic film ``Deep Throat'' and later became an anti-porn advocate, died Monday from injuries she suffered in a car crash. She was 53.

    Boreman was taken to Denver Health Medical Center with massive trauma and internal injuries after the April 3 accident, hospital spokeswoman Sara Spaulding said. She was taken off life support Monday, Spaulding said.

    Boreman's ex-husband, Larry Marchiano, said he and their two adult children were at the hospital when she died.

    ``Everyone might know her as something else, but we knew her as mom and as Linda,'' Marchiano said. ``We divorced five years ago, but she was still my best friend.''

    The family moved to Colorado in 1990 and the two divorced in 1996 after 22 years of marriage.

    Boreman claimed her first husband forced her into pornography at gunpoint. They divorced in 1973.

    Their relationship disintegrated into a life of violence, rape, prostitution and pornography, according to her 1980 autobiography, ``Ordeal'' and her testimony before congressional committees investigating pornography.

    Boreman said she was never paid a penny for ``Deep Throat'' and her husband only was paid $1,250, though the film grossed a reported $600 million.

    After leaving the industry, she traveled the lecture circuit on a crusade against pornography, speaking at colleges and with prominent feminists.

    ``I look in the mirror and I look the happiest I've ever looked in my entire life,'' she said in a 1997 interview. ``I'm not ashamed of my past or sad about it. And what people might think of me, well, that's not real. I look in the mirror and I know that I've survived.''

    Boreman was born Jan. 10, 1949, in the Bronx borough of New York.

    Also on a lighter note, from NY Post, Page Six. Apparently, Matt Damon was not convincing in his sex scene with a woman. They may have to call in Ben Affleck...


    FORGET about seeing steamy sex scenes between Matt Damon and Franka Potente in their upcoming thriller "The Bourne Identity." Director Doug Liman tells us that a battle over the level of lovemaking between Damon and the "Run Lola Run" sexpot almost ruined the $75 million movie.

    In the flick, based on the Robert Ludlum novel, Damon plays an amnesiac on the run from assassins. Along the way he discovers he's adept at killing, and has sex with Potente, whom he kidnaps. But Liman says he had to fight the studio tooth and nail in order to keep them from trying to make Damon into a one-dimensional macho stud, which he obviously isn't.

    "The problem is that Universal has poured so much money into the movie that they want to see Matt having this big romance with Franka," Liman told Webster Hall curator Baird Jones last month, when he'd just started editing the movie.

    "They want Matt as a mature lead with sex scenes and star chemistry with Franka, and those sex scenes just aren't working. Matt's unhappy about it also."

    Liman, who directed independently produced fare like "Swingers" and "Go," said that "with the kind of huge budget Universal has given me, my job now has to be to try and edit around their expectations, and it's very, very tough."

    Having just finished editing the picture, opening in June, Liman now claims to have pulled it off.

    "I was allowed to cut the sex scene the way I want it," he tells PAGE SIX. "It's amazing. It's truly unique to the movie and to Matt . . . Matt and I worked extremely hard and the studio was surprisingly cooperative."

    Liman says that part of what makes Damon and Potente's relationship so special is that since he's an amnesiac, "She's really the only person he knows. I wanted that included in the sex, and to track it all the way through.

    "She's beautiful and he's handsome and they have sex, but there's a whole other side to him that can't ever be forgotten . . . I was worried for a while whether I was gonna get pushed by the studio . . . Unless you're Steven Spielberg you don't get final cut. But they let me do it my way."

    Meanwhile, Damon is in London starring in a Kenneth Lonergan play, "This Is Our Youth," with Casey Affleck and Summer Phoenix. Some observers wondered whether Damon took the part in order to have an excuse not to do publicity for "The Bourne Identity." But his rep insists, "Matt is fully supporting the movie and is thrilled with it. He's doing the press and he's very excited." As for the sex scenes, the rep adds, "Everything in it works."

    From Spaz

    Here are a couple of links describing an 8mm reel Linda Lovelace made before Deep Throat....The Australian bachelor party favorite "Linda and German Shepherd", aka "Dog Fucker" (1969)

    The Mail Bag

    The latest issue of Urban Male Magazine has a photo spread featuring some of the female anchors from Canadas 3 main sports stations (TSN, Sportsnet & The Score). Now none of the photos are nude but some are pretty revealing. I'm particularly interested in the photo of Jody Vance who is very fine. I was wondering if anyone has anything from this magazine.