"Dark Harvest"

Dark Harvest (2003) is a zero budget horror with a very familiar plot. Three couples go to a farm house for a week, even though they are warned that it is haunted. The second night, really inept scarecrow skeleton ghosts kill three of the six, not including the one they are supposedly after. While the plot is old hat, they didn't follow the usual formula. First, all of the gore is in act three. Second, there is no nudity in act one. Third, none of the women run, fall, hide behind a tree and die.

The couples make-up is also somewhat unusual. We have a hetero couple, a lesbian couple, and a mixed (black and Caucasian) couple. The acting is unbelievably bad. Not only do they all seem like they are reading lines from a cue card, but they often breathe in the wrong place, leading me to suspect that they had never seen the lines before. That is possible, as two disasters during the two week shoot caused massive rewrites. First, an overgrown cemetery that figured prominently in the plot was burned to the ground overnight, and then all of their barn props were burgled.

There were some positives, most especially the daylight skinny dipping scene (see Scoopy's review for the nudity report). I found one of the gore scenes particularly effective. One of the woman is hung from a cross like a scarecrow using barbed wire, and presumed dead. We then see her pulling her hands and feet through the barbed wire bindings to escape. There is also one great line of dialogue.

"Alex, I think the bitch strength Midol is in aisle 2."

Interestingly, IMDb lists, but has no information about, two films called Dark Harvest, but doesn't mention this one. Decent camera work and good nudity is not quite enough, even with special bad movie points, to give this more than a D+.

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  • Amiee Cox (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Jeane Cheek (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Jessica Dunphy (1, 2, 3, 4)


    Lisistrata (2002) is a Spanish production based on the Ralf König comic book version of the Aristophanes classic comedy. This film was a treat to many in Spain as it stars many women from popular TV sitcoms. There wasn't nearly as much nudity as I would have hoped, and this was broad farce and over the top performances. In the original Greek play the women of Athens and Sparta tire of the constant wars, and, organized by Lisistrata, deny sex to the men until they stop the fighting.

    Ralf König's version has an additional twist or two. After a few days, the men are all sporting huge erections, making it difficult to fight. Also, the women are holed up with the entire treasury. Then, one of the local transvestites has a stroke of genius. He convinces the commander that homosexual acts when women are not available, and done for the good of the country, do not make you gay. The commander orders all the men to find relief this way. Problem is, the men come to enjoy it. The battlefield also does not go well, as the opposing soldiers are too busy kissing to kill each other.

    We have breast exposure from Cristina Sola, Gloria Cano, Marina Gatell, and several unknowns. I didn't find the jokes amusing, and the performances were all overdone. Those who enjoy this sort of comic book satire might enjoy it better. It is rated 5.6 at IMDb, and has had no US release. It is a decent Wide Screen transfer on Spanish Region 2 Pal. C-.

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  • Cristina Sola (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Gloria Cano (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Marina Gatell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Big Fish (2003)

    I wrote before the film was ever released that it was one of the best films I have ever seen, but would receive no awards and little critical praise, and would fail at the box office. I was only right on 3/4.

    Winning predictions:

    • It is one of the highest rated films of all time, in the Top 250 at IMDb
    • Critics were lukewarm.
    • It won no major awards in the USA. Once again, however, let me tip my hat to the British Academy, as I often do. BAFTA nominated it for best picture.


    • Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)

      Other Nominees:

    • Big Fish (2003)
    • Cold Mountain (2003)
    • Lost in Translation (2003)
    • Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

    Losing predictions:

    • I was wrong about it bombing at the box. It did a solid $66 million, despite battling The Return of the King head to head. It held in there, and actually did better in its fourth weekend than in its third.

    The nudity is beautiful, and not bad for a PG-13 film.

    • Bevin Kaye (1, 2, 3, 4)



    .wmv clips

    Elisha Cuthbert didn't really do any nudity in The Girl Next Door. If you follow Other Crap each day, you know that she talked the director into cutting all her nude scenes. Bad idea. The film tanked. But here's what she did do.



    • I added 131 new volumes to the L section of the Encyclopedia (adding another 918 new pictures), and 13 volumes to the F section, (another 53). As always, they are indicated in yellow. There are also new volumes for Shannen Doherty, Isabell Gerschke, Joanna Page, and Desiree Nosbusch.


    Quote of the day:




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Rated X

    Review. We didn't much like it. Kind of a semi-interesting pic about the porn kings, the Mitchell Brothers, who are played by the Estevez brothers (Emilio Estevez and our Fun House hero, Charlie Sheen). Good idea.  Lots of potential. But a pretty tame movie.

    • Here's Joanne Boland (.avi, .wmv)

    • Here's Tracy Hutson as Marilyn Chambers.  (.avi, .wmv)

    • Here's Sadie LeBlanc.  (.avi, .wmv)


    • Helen Shaver and Patricia Charbonneau in Desert Hearts. (.avi, .wmv). Good lesbonics, but mediocre movie. Tuna liked it, I didn't.

    • Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon in Bound. (.avi, .wmv). Excellent noir film from the same two guys who did The Matrix.



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    I hate lists. Every damn time some rag of a magazine wants to sell a few more copies, it comes out with a list of the 50 best, worst, sexiest, ugliest, most interesting or least likely to succeed. Things are bad enough when a Rolling Stone wannade like Blender comes out with the fifty worst songs of all time and leaves out not only Watching Scotty Grow, which is annoying only because it sooooo sentimental, but also McArthur Park, which is pretentious, badly sung and long. Shoulda called it the "Fifty Songs that most offend our idiosyncratic sensibiliies." But I can still live with that.

    Much worse... no, infinitely worse... is any list of the sexiest women that puts Jessica Alba any place but in the top five positions. To say she's 26th or whatever they came up with is just fucking stupid. I WISH we lived in a world with 25 women sexier than Jessica Alba, because that would make life so much more interesting. But we don't and we'll just have to deal with it. My way of dealing with it was to make up a bunch of collages of Ms. Alba. And as anyone who has seen in all three spatial dimensions will tell you, she's even sexier in person.

    • Jessica Alba (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    I also put together a bunch more collages of my guiltiest pleasure... looking at Jessica Simpson. Yes, I know she's a Barbi-doll, complete with the IQ, but crimony my limbic system bangs away every time I see a picture of her.

    • Jessica Simpson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Last up is an upskirt pic second only to the famous shot of Paris Hilton going commando. It is of Lucy Clarkson, who I gather is a babe from the U.K.

    Crimson Ghost
    From the Ghost today...'caps and vids from the 1976 Drive-in classic, "Hollywood Boulevard". This film was produced by Roger Corman for about 60 grand and shot in 10 days by Joe Dante and Allan Arkush. Good chunks of the film are just scenes edited from other Corman flicks, but that's part of the fun!

    The plot...a young, beautiful, Midwestern babe (Candice Rialson) moves to Hollywood to become a star, but ends up working at "Miracle Pictures", a studio that makes mega-lo budget T&A movies. ("If it's a good picture, it's a Miracle!").

    The movie never really takes itself seriously and is packed with Hollywood and especially B-movie in-jokes. Combine all these factors, and it's easy to see why it has become a cult favorite. Oh, and of course like all Joe Dante movies, it co-stars Dick Miller.

    • Candice Rialson, topless (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Candice Rialson, topless in a fake rape scene. In addition to Rialson's nudity, Paul Bartel is also great as the Ed Wood-like director in this scene.

    • Rita George, also topless. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
    • Rita George, topless in a brief, poorly acted scene from the movie within the movie.

    • Tara Strohmeier, topless in a couple of scenes. The sunbathing 'caps in links 1-4 are especially nice. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
    • Tara Strohmeier, a lengthy topless scene with more bad acting from the movie within the movie. (links 5-7 above correspond to the video clip)

    • All three babes doing some topless sunbathing. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • A .wmv of the the sunbathing scene

    For Scoop and Tuna's review, click here

    For even more 'caps from "Hollywood Boulevard", check out the April 28, 2001 Fun House update in the Daily Archives.

    Melissa George The Aussie actress in her undies in scenes from a recent episode of "Alias".

    Anna Friel
    (1, 2)

    Marvin 'caps of the UK actress' brief breast, and far off frontal exposure in a bathing scene from "The War Bride" (2001).

    Aitana Sánchez-Gijón
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the Euro-actress baring all 3 B's in scenes from the Spanish TV mini-series "La Regenta" (1995).