"El Sueño de Ibiza"

El Sueño de Ibiza (2002), or Ibiza Dream, is sort of a buddy picture taking place on the island of Ibiza. Nacho (Adriá Collado), Carlos (Paco Marín) and Chica (Adriana Dominguez) are lifelong friends. Nacho returns from an extended stay in India, and they throw a party. Much to his chagrin, Chica has a new boyfriend. Nacho convinces Chica and Carlos to help him open a meditation center. then Chica moves to Africa looking for fulfillment, where she falls in love with a woman, and eventually dies in an accident. Carlos contracts a dread fatal disease, and wanders off by himself to die.

It is not that I had any trouble figuring out what went on, but I still can't understand why anyone thought it was a good idea to turn this into a film. The scenics in Ibiza were spectacular and we were treated to topless and rear nudity from Adriana Dominguez. I had nothing in common with any of the characters. IMDb readers say 6.2 of 10. The score went steadily down as the age of the voter went up. This is a C-, mostly because it was technically sound, but I can't recommend the story. It is only available on Spanish region 2 PAL.

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  • Adriana Dominguez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    "La Vida de Nadie"

    La Vida de Nadie (2002), or Nobody's Life, is a drama centered around a family man (José Coronado). ON the surface, he is the perfect husband and father, holds an important position with the Bank of Spain, and helps all his friends and relatives invest their money. His life begins to unravel when he meets babysitter Marta Etura and falls madly in love. We find out slowly that he is a complete fraud who has been living a 20 year lie. He is, in fact, unemployed with no skills, and has been living off the money he was supposedly investing for his friends and relatives. He does have one good point -- he is a dedicated father. Everybody likes him.

    Two things held my interest. One, I really wanted to know how it would turn out, as I saw no chance of redemption. The second was the incredibly appealing Marta Etura. She has one of those faces that just eats the camera, and gives a three B performance. IMDb readers say 7.2 of 10, with the highest scores coming from men, 30 to 44. Other than a few festivals, it has not played outside of Spain, and has not been seen in the US. It is only available on Spanish Region 2 PAL. This is a solid C. It is an interesting premise, well acted, and mostly well presented, although there was too much use of a home video, and José Coronado way overacted near the end.

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  • Marta Etura (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Some weeks the Tuesday trip to Blockbuster is a waste of time. This week turned up some interesting material. I'm sitting there watching The Big Empty and all of a sudden I am lookin' at Rachael Leigh Cook pulling her pants down to show Jon Favreau her pubes. Later on, she showed one of her rather large breasts.

    That was cool - then I'm watching The Scoundrel's Wife, and it features nudity from Tatum O'Neal - who hasn't been naked in public in 20 something years - and Lacey Chabert - who has never been naked in public at all.

    Not explicit stuff, but sexy all.

    The best nudity of the day was Angela Featherstone in Dark Angel, which is not even on DVD, although I managed to get DVD caps! Long story . See below.

    By the way, The Big Empty is a pretty cool movie. The other two DVDs lame. Tomb of Terror isn't a movie at all, and the one with Tatum O'Neal is strictly amateur hour. If William Hung were an actor instead of a singer, at the same level of talent, he would be the Olivier of this film. Tatum is less expressive than a cigar store Indian, and Tim Curry is ... well, he's Tim Curry, a man who envies the underplayed subtlety of Bill Shatner.


    The Big Empty (2003)

    Although Donnie Darko is about to be re-released to theaters, it's dismal performance in the original release is a bad sign for makers of offbeat independent films. The market is for that kind of film is obviously very small, and that means such films will not be financed by real money, because the potential for return is small. Because of the financial angle, the whole market for wildly original stuff seems to belong to the zero budget guys with their unknown acting troupes.

    Jon Favreau and some of his friends tried to do something about that with their strange comedy The Big Empty, which I can only describe as Donnie Darko meets The Big Lebowski, if you can imagine such a thing. They assembled a truly eccentric film with established actors like Kelsey Grammer and Sean Bean and Daryl Hannah, and some pretty solid production values. It has a slick Hollywood veneer, but with the soul of an indy.

    Favreau stars as a failed and debt-ridden actor whose possessions have been whittled down to a card table, a lamp, a telephone, five glossy pictures of himself, and some pens and paper. His apartment doesn't even have a bed. His mysterious next door neighbor, played by the ever batty Bud Cort, invites himself into Favreau's apartment one day and eventually agrees to pay the actor about $28,000 to take a blue suitcase to the desert and hand it to a trucker named Cowboy. Favreau is at first reluctant to do so, because the contents of the suitcase are a secret, and the back-up story involves visitors from space and other such tinfoil hat fol-de-rol, but eventually he decides that he needs the money enough to do it. He is also intrigued by the fact that Cort knows things about him that nobody could possibly know.

    Favreau's would-be girlfriend (Joey Lauren Adams) tells him that this whole thing can't be a good idea, but he figures that he really has nothing to lose.

    When he finally gets out into the desert, he finds that the suitcase transfer is very complicated, because he keeps missing the legendary Cowboy (played by 006 with the latest in Western wear, but his usual Yorkshire accent!), and people keep telling him that Cowboy is a dangerous dude and is getting madder each time they fail to connect. In his attempts to deliver the suitcase, Favreau keeps running into flaky locals who may or may not be from Earth. Meanwhile, the Bud Cort neighbor from back home has turned up missing immediately after handing Favreau the suitcase, so Favreau is a robbery and murder suspect, and he's being pursued by a truly strange FBI agent (Kelsey Grammer, who stole the entire show with a brilliant comic turn).

    This is a fun movie. It is maddeningly mannered at times, and really seems to be a bit too much in love with its own eccentricity, but it also manages to bring a kind of daffy warmth to a story which at its core is not about space aliens, but about people living lives of quiet desperation, and the opportunities they might be willing to take, if given the chance. There were moments when this film aggravated me with its smug artiness, but in the end, it won me over with some very strong positives:

    1. a winning "everyday Joe" performance from Favreau

    2. a spectacular rendering of the desert, day and night, in mystical pinks, and purples, and blues, as if it were more than sand and rocks, but actually a place of unearthly beauty and mystery, its own logical geometry, and a compelling dream of tranquility, escape, and otherness.

    3. lots of offbeat, almost deranged, humor

    4. a strong core of genuine human warmth beneath its lunatic surrealism

    I wish I could tell you that Favreau's financial experiment was a success, but this flick won't even get a shot at the modest level of $400,000 which Donnie Darko grossed. It could find no distributor and went straight to vid where I joined the other five people on the list of folks who have actually seen the damned thing.

    No REAL nudity, but you have to love these pics of Rachael Leigh Cook. I guess maybe she showed her the top of her pubes in the first one.

    • Rachael Leigh Cook. (1, 2, 3)I've never really thought of her as extremely sexy, but I've changed my mind after this film. She was delicious!


    The Scoundrel's Wife (2002)

    Not every local legend needs to be made into a film. When WW2 came around, there was legitimate concern among Americans for the defense of its shores. The vast and virtually unguarded coastline of the Gulf of Mexico was particularly vulnerable to German submarine attacks, and Southern Louisiana is one of America's most important commercial shipping centers.

    This caused all sorts of rumors and paranoia. Illegal aliens, maybe even spies, were being snuck inside American borders. Local fisherman were trading with the enemy for massive windfall profits. German-speaking Americans were broadcasting to the U-Boats at night. Traitors lived in our midst.

    One place that was a center of such paranoia was the filmmaker's home town of East Douchebag, Louisiana. OK, I'm kidding. The town was named Cut Off, Louisiana, which is pretty much just as silly. Cajun filmmaker Gil Pitre grew up there, knew all the legends, and felt that they would make an excellent film.

    Which they might have, in the hands of a director who had some clue what the hell he was doing.

    Unfortunately, Pitre wrote and directed himself, and this thing is about as professional as a average dinner theater production of The King and I. How desperate are you for acting talent when your two lead roles are taken by Tatum O'Neal and Tim Curry? To be fair, the basic storyline here isn't bad at all, but everything about this film is ham-fisted, from weak production values to a soap-opera script to a corny final crowd scene as ineptly choreographed as the group scene in a high school Spring musical. I should have stopped typing after Tim Curry. After you mention Tim Curry, unless he's playing Satan's flamboyant gay cousin or something, what more is there to say?

    • Tatum O'Neal (1, 2)
    • Lacey Chabert. I learned something from the trailer for this film. I didn't know that she pronounces her name Sha-BEAR, in the French fashion.



    Dark Angel: The Ascent (1994)

    Dark Angel was a straight to vid film from 1994 which has never made it to DVD. I haven't seen it, and it probably isn't my kind of movie, because it features a vengeful demoness from hell who escapes to earth and falls in love with a human doctor who melts her heart with chocolaty goodness.

    The Arrow praised the film as a strange combination of romance and violence, so I guess you genre nuts might like it, but you still will have to wait until it gets to DVD.

    So how did I get DVD caps? Well, here's the story. Blockbuster has a crappy exclusive DVD called Tomb of Terror, which consists of three old films cropped down to thirty minutes each, then re-cut into a new 90 minute disk. Yeah, I know it sounds like shit. It pretty much looked looked like shit, too, and they re-named all the stories, so I just hit the fast forward ands scanned for nudity until a very naked Angela Featherstone caught my eye, as she would catch the eye of any man with even the vaguest hint of testosterone. I thought "I know that scene", so I went to Featherstone's entry in the Encyclopedia, and found the name of the original film.

    Angela is gorgeous! Who cares about the movie?

    • Angela Featherstone (1, 2, 3, 4)


    Wild Things (1997)



    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Helena Bonham Carter.

    • I'm trying to establish in my mind which "beautiful" woman looks the most like a 'tard. That's not to say that they are dumb. Perhaps they are geniuses. That's not to say they are unattractive. I think Helena is reasonably hot. But simply if you saw a line-up of glamorous actresses without their make-up and were told that there was a 'tard in their midst, which one would you be likely to pick? It's pretty close between Helena and Rachel Weisz. Here's Helena in an obscure Brit TV show called Dancing Queen. (.avi, .wmv)

    • Helena Bonham Carter in Margaret's Museum. This time in English!  (.avi, .wmv)



    • Pretty hot scene of Ally Sheedy feeling up Patsy Kensit, playing with her privates through underpants. (.avi, .wmv)

    • A snippet of one of the great nude performances. Amy Locane in Carried Away. (.avi, .wmv)



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    Some assorted .wmvs from the Ghost today...
    • Halle Berry was already famous when she made "Swordfish", but as soon as she showed off her amazing breasts, she suddenly became a star. Here she is in that topless scene (#1) and also in the black undies scene (#2). (1, 2)

    • Mädchen Amick, the former model turned actress looking great and baring all in "Dream Lover" (1994). Toplessness only in #1, all 3 B's in #2. (1, 2)

    • Unknown topless babes in a brief scene from the 1994 off-beat comedy, "Radioland Murders".

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    Mr. Nude Celeb puts us all on Double Secret Probation and shares a few 'caps from 1978 comedy classic, "Animal House".

    Some useless trivia....of all these named actresses, only Karen Allen is still working today.

    • Karen Allen, showing some partial rear nudity.

    • Lisa Baur, topless while making out with Otter. (1, 2)

    • Mary Louise Weller, the 'Bluto watching her strip' scene. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Sarah Holcomb, topless and passed out at in Pinto's bed. (1, 2)

    • Assorted topless sorority babes (1, 2)

    Lacey Chabert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    The co-star of one of my all time favorites, "Not Another Teen Movie", showing some cleavge on last night's Leno.

    Jennifer Lopez J-lo almost falling out of her dress at a recent Hollywood premiere. Thanks to Squiddy.

    Avril Lavigne Here is a mpg video clip of the young Canadian pop star lifting up her shirt to expose her bra. Thanks to Sparks.

    Claire Forlani Claire showing some pokies in scenes from a movie no one has ever heard of, "Triggermen" (2002 or 2003). Looks like it made it to UK theaters briefly back in late 2003, but currently it is not available on home video.

    Sharon Stone
    (1, 2)

    No matter how hard she tries, she'll always be remembered for being nekkid in "Basic Instinct" (1992). Honestly though, I've seen almost all of her movies since then...and there's really no reason to remember her for anything she's done since...unless of course you're a huge "Sliver" fan. #1 is the famous leg crossing scene, #2 features other nude scenes, both 'caps are from the Unrated Edition.

    Julianne Moore
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Watty 'caps of the multi-Oscar nominated actress showing some partial breast views in a lo-cut dress. Scenes from the "Silence of the Lambs" sequel, "Hannibal".

    Monica Bellucci
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the Italian mega babe topless in scenes from one of her early roles, the 1992 movie "Ostinato destino".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    I Like 'Em Whiny! - Health Day News reports that when young women are ready to pick a long-term mate, they prefer regular guy types like Ray Romano over musclemen like Arnold Schwarzenegger or hunks like Brad Pitt. A UCLA study of co-eds at two college campuses found that while women think of muscular guys as more attractive and better in bed, they also believe they're less faithful or sensitive, and less likely to treat them well. So they think it's safer to settle down with a less sexy guy. The only exception was very attractive women, who would marry a hunk.

  • Proving that very attractive women aren't very smart.
  • Men never cheat on really attractive women...Just ask Liz Hurley, Nicole Kidman and Posh Spice.
  • Hunky men stay with very attractive women...until it's time to dump them for someone younger.
  • One caveat: the Ray Romano type also has to have Ray Romano money.

    Play D'oh! - ABC News claims they've seen a report by the psychologist who interviewed Michael Jackson's accuser. Among his allegations was a claim that Jackson gave him and his younger brother a laptop computer, searched the Internet with them for pictures of naked women, and told them that if anyone asked what they had done, they should say they were watching "The Simpsons."

  • They did that, too...Michael likes the episodes where Bart moons people.
  • Naked women?
  • The young boys had always wondered what a naked woman looks like, and so did Michael.

    Perception Is Reality - Just one year after Australia's Daily Planet Ltd. made a splash with their IPO for the first publicly-traded legal brothel, they are selling the upscale Daily Planet bordello in Melbourne. The CEO told Reuters that there's more money in strip clubs. He said the initial publicity over the brothel was great, but they have gotten a lot of resistance from bankers and shareholders "because of the perception that we're in the prostitution business."

  • No!!...Just because they own a brothel, people think they're in the prostitution business? Ridiculous!!
  • He could be the first businessman in history who lost money running a bordello.
  • Maybe they just need a CEO who understands whoring...Michael Eisner may be looking for a gig.
  • So men would rather look at women than have sex?...What's happened to Australians?!

    Unlike A Virgin - Britain's Sun tabloid reports that Christina Aguilera is shooting a funny ad for Virgin mobile phones, in which she will appear naked. A source said she doesn't want a lot of people watching the raunchy stuff, so she's demanded a closed set and only a hand-picked skeleton crew.

  • A skeleton crew: that means they'll all have bones.
  • But the crew will send photos to their friends with their new Virgin mobile picture phones.
  • She's so shy, she always demands a closed set whenever she shoots any of her naked videos or album covers.

    M&M With No Nuts - Brazilian beauty Kesia Alvarez, who dated Eminem for 16 months, told Britain's Daily Mirror that his dirty raps about his sexual conquests are "B.S." She said she was surprised to discover that even at 26, he was "like a little virgin boy" with no idea how to excite a woman in bed, and he only lasted 20 seconds. She said she had to teach him everything, and was disappointed because "he has a very tiny thing, nothing to tell your girlfriends about." And his whole entourage knew. She said once in Germany, he passed out a local snack cake called Mini-Dickmans, and they all cracked up laughing.

  • He probably should've named himself after that snack instead of M&Ms.
  • At least now I finally understand why he always seems so pissed off.
  • Eminem is now writing a song about killing her in a very violent way.

    Jesus, That's Violent! - "The Passion of the Christ" was a smash in theaters, but don't look for it on network TV anytime soon. Mel Gibson reportedly wants it shown with no edits, and in the post-Janet Jackson world, the four major networks are afraid to air all the violence.

  • They're afraid the FCC would crucify them.
  • They fear the passion of the FCC!
  • On the bright side, there are no four-letter Anglo-Saxon words.
  • Funny, Jesus didn't inspire the TV networks to adopt morality, but Janet Jackson did.