La Belle Noiseuse (1991)
La Belle Noiseuse is arguably the most boring,
pretentious film ever made. It's four hours long, and it was
improvised without a script. Not that a script was necessary, since
nothing really happens and nobody says much of anything. It's
basically an artist painting his nude model in real time. The film
does have one distinction which endears it to us, however. It must
certainly hold the all-time record for the longest duration of nudity
from a single celebrity in a single film. Emmanuelle Beart is stark
naked for about two hours, and most other movies aren't even that
long! Even as beautiful as she is, those are still two very long
hours, and you can't even imagine how long the other two hours seem.
Even in these these three short clips (1,
3), which total only about three minutes of running time, you may
struggle to stay awake, despite the presence of a gorgeous naked
woman. And she is gorgeous!
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The worst song of all time
ComingSoon.net now has 13 clips from Hard Candy, the female
empowerment revenge thriller.
And here's Bob Dylan with the weather
BOLTEN STRIPS SELF OF POWER ... No Exceptions, Says New White
House Chief of Staff
- Mr. Bolten said that the only power he would retain would be
“the power to strip other people of power,” adding that he had just
stripped Postmaster General John E. Potter of the ability to mail
letters or buy stamps.
No surprise: David Lee Roth's run as morning radio host is about done.
Big surprise: It appears raunchy satellite radio stars Opie and
Anthony will replace him.
Oh, be still, my beating heart:
Tom Hanks is going to make a film based on ABBA songs
The Worst Franchise in Sports -it's not the Clippers anymore!
Interactive Google Maps Guide to Ghostbusters
Nick Lachey Admits He Was Fired From His Marriage
LucasArts with new Star Wars games for PS3!
News from the future, 2030 edition: "First Daughter Suri Cruise
checked herself into rehab this morning."
Top Ten Other Announcements Meredith Vieira Would Like To Make (As
Presented By Meredith Vieira)
Angelina Jolie Adopts Cruise's Baby
Michael Moschen has been called the world's greatest juggler, by
the one guy in the world who likes to watch juggling.
"A bunch of dorks dress up like superheroes and re-enact the Marvel
comics series 'Secret Wars'"
The trailer and a clip from Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man, a
documentary about the eternally morose singer-songwriter.
Madonna will start shows on her new tour by descending from the
ceiling on a giant cross.
- The crucifix will be made of diamonds and Swarovski crystals and
has reportedly cost about nine million dollars.
Julia Roberts' star power dims with stage debut
- "Oscar-winning actress Julia Roberts' Broadway debut drew some
caustic early reviews, with one critic comparing the 'Pretty
Woman's' on-stage charisma to that of an industrial lamp post."
The good news: Avril Lavigne now looks like an attractive girl. The
bad news: it's an attractive girl in junior high.
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Pennies from Heaven (1981)
Pennies from Heaven was a bold experiment -- a dark musical made long
after musicals stopped making money or even getting greenlighted. This one didn't
make money either. Movie-goers stayed away in droves.
It stars Steve Martin as a sheet music salesman
married to a frigid woman (Jessica Harper). He falls in love with a virginal
school teacher (Bernadette Peters), who also falls for him and gets pregnant. In actual fact, the story almost doesn't matter. The idea was to contrast
the reality of The Great Depression with the saccharine music of the time,
which is evoked by having the cast members dance and lip-synch to actual 30's
recordings. The contrast was complete: in tone, pace, color palette, costuming
and brightness. The dance numbers are all glitz, color, and luscious
costuming. The depression scenes, if anything, are more depressing than the
Some critics were exuberant, others recognized the achievement, but were
not enthusiastic about it. Everyone
involved with the film felt, and still feels, that it was very well done.
Although I very much enjoy the music, I found the film slow going. The
highlight for me was watching a strip routine by Christopher Walken.
It was nominated for Oscars for Costume, Sound and Writing. Bernadette
Peters won a Golden Globe, and Steve Martin was nominated. IMDb readers say
This unique and ambitious film is a C, a good enough movie, but for a very small
Hunting Evil Spirit (1999)
"Yim gong ang wan" is another Hong Kong soft core, this time starring
Pauline Chan, AKA Bo Lin (Behind the Pink Door, Chinese Erotic Movies, Erotic
Ghost Story 3, From Beijing With Love).
Pauline plays a lingerie designer. Her boss wants her big time, but she is
not interested. After an unsatisfying night with another female employee, he
goes to a Taoist priest for help. This priest is willing to do anything for
money, so "fixes him up with a fever," which means he frees his spirit and
sends it to her so his spirit can rape hers. He loved that, but has to wait
two weeks for the next step.
Meanwhile, Pauline knows she has been had, and visits her own priestess, a
relative of her boyfriend. The priestess correctly surmises that she has been
fevered by her boss, and explains that if he does it twice more, she will be
his forever. Fortunately, the priestess has magic panties that combat fever
spell. When the priest neutralizes the panties, he sends the guy back, but the
priestess anticipated this, and uses the ol' body-exchange technique. Now the
priest is hopping mad, and uses the bull-skin technique to do in the
boyfriend. By this time it has become an all-out mystical battle between the
priest and the priestess.
To sum up, we have a decent story, black magic, two naked women and warring
Taoist priests. What's not to like? I thoroughly enjoyed this. The plot was so
unlike the hundreds of western soft core films I have seen, it was a joy. And
then there were the flubtitles to enjoy as well, such as, "I'm most happy to
have scolded the bastard," and "Heaven and Earth, you bitch."
The bad news is that the transfer is not at all good. The source material
was clearly damaged, and they didn't even keep the frame constant during the
DVD transfer. The languages are Mandarin and Cantonese, and the subtitles are
This is a C. (No rating at IMDb)
Dann reports on Hostel:
If you like your
horror ultra-gory, with tons of nudity, 2005's Hostel from
executive producer Quentin Tarantino should do it for you.
Writer/Director Eli Roth didn't leave anything out, including a
cool and interesting storyline.
Two American college students are
backpacking their way through Europe, joined by a new friend from Iceland.
While in Amsterdam soaking up the sights and women, a local tells them of
a hostel in Slovakia, where the women are easy and plentiful, and they
decide to check it out.
The hostel is everything they dreamed of,
especially since they have two beautiful female roommates. Suddenly, after
going off with a woman he met in a disco, the Icelander can't be found.
From there, things start to descend into a bloody downward spiral as they
discover there's more to this hostel than catering to traveling students.
First-class horror flick with lots of
women and gore is not always pleasant, but it's always interesting.
Pat's comments in yellow...
A new war may be breaking out between England and Germany over German Chancellor
Angela Merkel's butt. Merkel was at a beach when she changed into a swimsuit
under a robe and someone got a photo of her bare rear end. The London Sun
tabloid ran it under the caption, "Big In The Bumdestag," a pun on the name of
German's lower house of Parliament. Enraged Germans are flooding the Sun with
angry letters, calling the Sun "rotten to the core" and saying German papers
would never show a photo of the Queen in support pantyhose. One German said
Merkel's bottom is "still more pleasant for me to look at than your
whiskey-bloated ass-faces in London."
* It could've been much worse...At least Helmut Kohl
Neal Stevenson, 21, of Syracuse, New York, reported that his 1999 Honda was
stolen by a carjacker. But the next day, police found it being driven by a
teenage boy who told them Stevenson traded it to him for a $150 bag of cocaine,
and he had a signed title. Police believe when Stevenson's high wore off, he
started thinking he'd been ripped off in the deal, got angry and invented the
* If he thought he had buyer's remorse, what about the
poor kid who traded his valuable bag of coke for a '99 Honda?
Tom Cruise's fellow Scientologist Kirstie Alley told People, "Tom does
everything 150 percent, and fatherhood he does 300 percent. They're going to
have a great kid"
* 150 percent and 300 percent? I see
now why Kirstie has such a hard time counting calories.
A French playwright is seeking inspiration for a play about pandas by
spending a week in a panda cage at a zoo. There's a terrible smell and a lot of
* but that's just the pandas' complaints about
the French playwright.