Sunday

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Cadillac Man (1990) is a Robin Williams comedy, which might be all some of you will need to know to make a rent or ignore decision. In this one. he lives for two things -- selling cars, and chasing women. He has an ex wife and daughter, lots of debt, two girlfriends, and is suddenly in danger of losing his job if he can't sell 12 cars in one day. Girlfriend one, Fran Drescher, shows a breast at the beginning of the film while Williams is munching her box under the covers. She is married. Girlfriend number two, Lori Petty, is scene in skimpy lingerie, and with a great pokie. The film really gets going when the jealous husband of Annabella Sciorra, who is doing the owner of the car dealership, takes over the showroom with an automatic weapon and takes everyone hostage. Played by Tim Robbins, this jealous husband was much more entertaining than Williams. The rest of the film is Williams talking Robbins into giving up.

IMDB readers say 5.2 out of 10. Ebert awards 2 stars. Ebert's favorite scene was the same as mine. Here is his description:

"One footnote: Two scenes in the movie feature Lauren Tom as the waitress at the nearby Chinese restaurant. You've met waitresses like this before; small women who take a delight in talking back to their clients and banging them on the head with the menu when they order the wrong thing. Miss Tom steals both scenes with a performance that's funnier than anything else in the movie. Sometimes TV sitcoms are spun out of characters like hers, and I'd love to see them try one this time."

This is one of those comedies that will make you laugh if you are already in the mood to laugh, but is not enough to turn a bad mood around. C.

The MPAA:

Are these people knotheads, or what? Did you read Roger Ebert's review of the re-release of Amadeus (link in yesterday's Fun House)? Bottom line is this: because Constanze shows Salieri her breasts in the additional footage, the MPAA has assigned Amadeus an R rating.

Good call, eh?

Man, we gotta keep our high school kids from seeing Amadeus.

This reminds me of my high school days. I once had a long talk with our high school's principal, at his behest. The reason for my summons to his austere and august presence was that I was publishing an underground newspaper which was not approved by the school. It was essentially the same kind of crap that I write now in my movie reviews - no titties, just satirical articles about arts, politics, our school, and our official school newspaper. Several other guys also wrote articles, so it was quite a big production. I typed it all, laid it out with scissors and paste, and produced all the copies at my own expense. It became quite the rage. They actually had several issues on display at my 25th reunion, although I hadn't seen them in all that time.

Anyway, the principal said to me, "This has to stop", and when I asked why, he responded, "Because it's OK for seniors, but we have impressionable freshmen and sophomores who will see this, and it will cause them to think."

I responded ironically, but with a sincere tone. "Wow, you're right. I wouldn't want that to happen"

If he had a quicker mind, he would have realized I was dumping on him and kicked my ass around the room, but he wasn't the quickest car in the race, so the meeting ended amicably, with him happy that I was giving it up. (Which I did, because I was a chickenshit.)

That guy is probably working for the MPAA now, making sure that our kids don't see Amadeus, because it might cause them to think.

Luckily there was no such thought risk with the sleazy, brainless Original Sin, which was rated PG-13 in the theatrical version.

Connelly's Disease:

You've probably noticed that our princess, Jennifer Connelly, doesn't have much left in the way of hooters lately. I regret to report to Brainscan and others that the once-ripe Kathleen Kinmont has followed the same path. Connelly just lost a bunch of weight, and doesn't really look so healthy, but Kinmont did it all on purpose as part of some kind of a body fat reduction regimen. She looks good, although I think she overdid it. She has muscles and veins popping out everywhere and, unlike Connelly, she's obviously completely fit. But the chest is almost gone.

• Polly Shannon (1, 2)

"Mad about Mambo"
Keri Russell plays a rich Protestant girl being pursued by a poor catholic boy in Mad about Mambo. She gets topless but is facing away from the camera. We have to be content with the sight of her swimming in her underwear and a sort-of upskirt.

• Keri Russell (1, 2, 3, 4)

"Flick"
We see the very well-endowed Isabelle Menke topless in this art-house movie.

• Isabelle Menke (1, 2, 3)

"What planet are you from?"
Some of these caps from the enjoyable What planet are you from? have appeared before, although there are some extra sexy views of Linda Fiorentino. Most of nudity comes from Judy Greer who shows breasts and a hint of pubes. There are also topless views of Anastasia Sakelaris and an unnamed pole dancer. Annette Bening has her clothes off but nothing is visible.

• Linda Fiorentino
• Judy Greer (1, 2)
• Anastasia Sakelaris
• Pole dancer
• Annette Bening

"My Mother Frank"
My Mother Frank is the story of a woman who goes back to university to study. Most of the nudity comes from the dreams of her son. No actual boobs visible, just side views of some hula dancers and Rose Byrne. Zoe Ella just looks nice.

• Hula dancers
• Rose Byrne
• Zoe Ella

"Tales form the Darkside - The Movie"
Rae Dawn Chong shows her boobs in "Tales form the Darkside - The Movie", a horror anthology based on the 80's TV series.

• Rae Dawn Chong

"The Best Man"
No overt nudity in the forgettable The Best Man. The best you get is some very nice butt cracks by some strippers Liris Crosse, Lady Madonna and Regina Hall. Sanaa Latham shows some breast but the nipple is taped (see bottom right of the collage). There are also some nice collages of Nia Long and Monica Calhoun.

• Liris Crosse and Lady Madonna (1, 2, 3)
• Regina Hall
• Sanaa Latham
• Nia Long
• Monica Calhoun

"Real Men"
You see Suzee Slater's sole contribution to the very off-beat comedy Real Men. Just some brief views of her left breast. I have added in some views of an aging Dyanne Thorne. She was one of the stars naked in the Ilsa series of films made in the 70s. There is also a collage of a dominatrix who I could not identify.

• Suzee Slater
• Dyanne Thorne
• Unknown

"Shag"
I gather the shag was a dance craze in the States. In Australia it means something completely different and it makes the conversations in the movie sound very funny. No nudity, we just have Bridget Fonda, Poebe Cates and Page Hannah in their underwear.

• Bridget Fonda (1, 2)
• Poebe Cates
• Page Hannah

"Green Desert"
Some cleavage of Martina Gedeck in Green Desert aka Grüne Wüste.

• Martina Gedeck

"Kiss Me Goodbye"
Some minor pokies of Sally Field in this one.

• Sally Field

"Mating Game"
Mating Game is a Greek film based on the sexual adventures of three sisters. The nudity comes from Natalia Stylianou, who also finds another use for a hair brush. Also, some nice caps of Natalia Dragoumi.

• Natalia Stylianou (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Natalia Dragoumi

"Blood Surf"
Some caps from the inane horror film, Blood Surf, have appeared before. It's the story of a giant renegade crocodile. The nudity comes from Taryn Reif and Maureen Larrazabal. There are some pokies by Kate Fischer, who hasn't really done much since Sirens - probably because she can't act.

• Kate Fischer (1, 2)
• Maureen Larrazabal (1, 2, 3)
• Taryn Reif (1, 2, 3, 4)

Anastasia Hille

Liza Walker

Claire Skinner
(1, 2)

• A Halle Berry news item from the news institution whose name is synonymous with journalistic integrity, as well as bonus buy coupons... Star Magazine.