The Passion of Beatrice: (1987)

This is a very dark and nihilistic look at what the Middle Ages might really have been like, centering around a brutal knight who abuses his children in various unspeakable ways. The point is that human nature is not very far removed from the nature of the territorial beasts whence we sprung. For our purposes, the important thing is that a young Julie Delpy spent a good portion of the film very naked. Here are three (zipped .avi) clips made by Charlie (1, 2, 3)


Hostel: (2006)

Hostel is Eli Roth's anticipated follow-up to his phenomenal success with Cabin Fever. It is a spin on one of the traditional set-ups for horror films: Americans are in Eastern Europe to pick up chicks, and seem to be having phenomenal success until it all turns really ugly. In this variation on the theme, the Eastern European beauties are used to lure various unsuspecting tourists into situations where they can be drugged, kidnapped, and used as unwilling victims in an evil scheme similar to snuff films. Various rich people pay the Slovakian entrepreneurs vast sums of money to set up whichever demented acts they would like to commit upon untraceable victims. That consists mostly of being able to inflict pain and death upon fellow human beings.

Your basic family film! Severed limbs, eyes dangling from their sockets, oozing viscera, drills with bloody bits, tables full of arcane blades -  the full package of explicit gore in the Herschell Gordon Lewis tradition. Just think of it as 2000 Maniacs, with Eastern Europe playing the part of the Southern U.S.A.

Although it is at heart an exploitation film, it is also a film with a serious point to make about exploitation in general. The Americans who go to Eastern Europe to wave a few dollars around and exploit the locals find that somebody else has paid the locals a lot more for the privilege of exploiting American students! The American backpacker characters don't give any thought to the poor victims of the pay-to-play industry when they are the ones paying, early in the film. It is only later, when they find that they are in the middle of the food chain rather than at the top, and that those with more money can exploit them as easily as they exploited the anonymous prostitutes in Amsterdam, that they gain any sensitivity or insight. By then, of course, it is a bit late for their epiphany to have any value.

If nothing else, Hostel should permanently scare off any viewers from the notion of backpacking through Europe to sample its underground pleasures. Stick with the museums and old cathedrals, kids.

The trailers bill the movie as "inspired by true events." Well, sorta. Here's the scoop. Director Eli Roth says that he found a Thai website that advertised "murder vacations," in which tourists had the chance to torture and kill someone for $10,000. Roth showed the site to Quentin Tarantino, whereupon the two developed the idea for this film. Tarantino and Roth told an Icelandic interviewer that they do not know whether the offer was genuine.

As you can guess from the plot description, audiences and critics were sharply divided into those cultists who found it an effective genre film and those more mainstream viewers who found it generally repulsive. It must have had some fairly broad appeal because it opened in the number one spot in the very first weekend of this year, and pulled in $47 million altogether. It also pulled in positive reviews from such white bread publications as Hollywood Reporter, Entertainment Weekly, and Variety, none of which can be accused of being targeted at Fangoria readers.

I joined a lot of those other people with mainstream sensibilities who found themselves engrossed in the story and admiring the atmosphere achieved by the film. I wouldn't say I liked it, but I sure got more involved in it than I expected, given that I would have read the description and passed on it if watching it were not in my job description. I suppose that Eli Roth is never really going to make the kind of film that appeals to me, but nobody said all films have to be for me. In fact very few films are made for us old geezers. To a great extent, film is a medium for the young to talk to the young, and while I wish the kids could find healthier things to talk about, I have to concede that there are lots of people who love creepy films like this, and Roth has both the talent and the inclination to make such exploitation movies the way they are supposed to be made: with imagination, solid storytelling, sound technical skills, and transgressive amounts of violence and sex.

There was one nice feature on the DVD for us nudity lovers. The film has a scene in an Amsterdam bordello in which the backpackers see silhouettes of sex acts and posed models through paper-thin walls. The DVD brings the camera around to the other side of the walls, where real Czech porno stars were actually stark naked, posing and making whoopee, throwing their shadows on the thin walls.

Two film clips (zipped .avis, done by third parties):

Caps and Collages:


Barbara Nedeljakova

Jana Kaderabkova

Natali Tothova

Petra Kubesova

Paula Wild (in the film)

Paula Wild (in the DVD extras)

Unknown (in the film)

Unknown (in the DVD extras)

Other Crap:

Top 100 Unsexiest Male Celebrities - Carrot Top finished way down in 16th place, Clint Howard in 22nd. Madden and Vitale finished in the second fifty.

  1. Gilbert Gottfried
  2. Randy Johnson
  3. Roger Ebert
  4. Dr Phil

If you're Japanese, and you're just learning how to speak naughty English, don't miss this essential lesson.

The newly-live website for X-MEN: THE LAST STAND

Clerks II "Making of" intro by Kevin Smith

The final installment in Silent Bob's yarn about Jay's addiction

My own personal nominee for the next Nobel Prize: Scientist creates 'hangover-free alcohol'

It's official - West Virginia has the most toothlessness!

Make sure your girlfriend is always at the right place with these GPS panties

Australian cheerleaders told to cover up ... Aussies - they look like Americans, but they're really Commie bastards!

Comedy Central is scared

  • More about the cartoon wars, South Park, and Muhammad

Soccer's governing body insists it has no power to stop forced prostitution in Germany, which is expected to increase during the World Cup.

  • Oh, humbug. If baseball can bring peace to the Middle East, it's the least soccer can do ...

101 Uses for a Bjork

Bugs Bunny- The Rabbit of Seville

The trailer for Down In The Valley , with Edward Norton and Evan Rachel Wood in a story about a fish out of water (cowboy in big city). Despite the age difference, Norton and Wood play lovers.

The Weekend Warrior's analysis of the upcoming weekend.

  • Three new movies this week. He thinks they will finish 1-4-5, with the top spot going to Silent Hill.

If you're interested (and patient), nine Rapid Share clips of Juliette Marquis in This Girl's Life: (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Hilary Duff has vowed never to strip off for the sake of her acting career.

Photos & Visual Art by Christopher Gilbert, who is one fucked-up dude.

Jeff Goldblum Scatting

Sometimes you have to know when to pick your spots. Nutburger accuses Buzz Aldrin of faking his moon landing. Buzz knocks his teeth out.

Four new clips from The Da Vinci Code (1. "Enter the site" 2. "Previews")

Pujols ties all-time record with homer in fourth consecutive at-bat.

TomKat news:

Colbert Report:

Daily Show:


Other spoofs and comedy sites:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




Americano (2005)

Habitat (1997) is a Canadian Sci Fi cliché.

Teenager Andreas Symes and his scientist parents move into a new home in Pleasantown. It is a post-apocalyptic world where the ozone is completely depleted, and daytime is toxic. Most life is gone and that which remains, including human life, has had to adapt. Daddy wishes to continue his work on accelerating evolution to save the planet. Andreas, tired of being the "new kid" and feeling left out and odd, hates this. The experiment goes awry, but wonderfully so, and their house becomes a living rain forest. Daddy himself vaporizes, and becomes part of the house. He moves up and out to become part of the cosmos, but not before attempting sex with Alice Krige while he is still a house. Alice takes to wearing transparent clothes, and convincing the neighbors she is strange. Meanwhile, Andreas has gotten the attention of the prettiest girl in town (Laura Harris), her Neanderthal father - the school gym coach, and the bully who wants to be her boyfriend.

Even if this is your genre, I suggest keeping the remote handy to get through the slower moments.


IMDb readers say 4.3.


Alice Krige shows breasts in a sex scene of sorts, and wears a transparent top for the last third of the film. She removes her bra to swim, but her breasts are still covered with white cloth.

Laura Harris shows breasts in a skinny dipping scene

 Lynn Adams shows breasts as a scientist sent in to kill the house.







Today we cranked up the old Time Machine for a "Blast from the Past" with Karen Thomas in "The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet" way back in 1969.  Karen is a Lovely "Babe in Bondage" who's getting a whipping, but fear not - it turns out they are faking the whole thing and Karen winds up making eyes at the Hunchback.





LC looked at some TV this week.

First: Michie Ito in Masters of Horror

Miho Ninagawa in Masters of Horror

Sharon Stone in Huff

Some strippers in Huff

The Skin-man looked at a young Kim Cattrall in 1985's City Limits,

and Brittney Powell in 1996's Fled




Pat's comments in yellow...

Monday, the White House held its annual Easter Egg Roll on the lawn, and for the first time, gay groups snapped up the first-come, first served tickets to that gay couples and their children could attend.  Despite President Bush's opposition to gay marriage, he didn't try to bar them.  But the gay parents avoided open protests, and Mr. Bush wasn't present.  Laura Bush and several cabinet secretaries were there, but the most famous people the gay parents came in contact with were giant costumed children's characters such as the Easter Bunny, the "Ice Age" stars and Curious George. 

*  And Tinky-Winky, the gay Teletubby, although he wasn't really invited.

UC Davis Sports Medicine and Nutrition researchers are doing a study of the effectiveness of three different types of carbohydrates on endurance athletes such as cyclists, and how they affect energy, blood glucose levels, weight, heart rate and other factors.  The supplements will be carb gels, sports drinks and jelly beans.  Funding for the study is provided by the Jelly Belly Candy Company, which is also supplying the jelly bean
"carbohydrate supplements."

*  Prediction: the most effective supplement will be jelly beans.

*  How could something named "Jelly Belly" not be good for an athlete?

Photographer Frederick Potter of Calgary, Canada, discovered that Canada Post's new program that allows people to print their own personalized postage stamps does have its limits.  He said he was excited when the program launched, so he tried to have stamps made of his art photos of his wife, Oleanna, topless with Canadian Maple Leafs over her breasts.  They were rejected as inappropriate.  Potter called it "arbitrary censorship," and asked if they'd brand a baby on a bearskin rug as pornography.  But Canada Post said it wasn't porn, but that the use of the Maple Leafs violated Canadian flag etiquette.

*  He may try again in October, after the leaves have fallen.

In Vanity Fair's new "Green Issue," Julia Roberts is lauded for her recent conversion to environmentalism.  The articles note that although Roberts is "an admitted latecomer" to caring about the Earth, she's now gone whole hog and believes that "little things make a difference."  She owns a Prius, uses a metal cup when she goes out for coffee to avoid using Starbucks Styrofoam cups, is building a solar-powered house and she "religiously" returns grocery bags to the store for a nickel. 

*  Or if she doesn't have time, she sends her limo driver. 

*  Question: how many trees were cut down to print this issue of Vanity Fair?


Police in London are investigating claims that George Michael struck three different vehicles while trying to park his SUV

* Oddly enough, he rear-ended all three of them