Thursday

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The Libertine (1969) is an Italian made "Eurotica" distributed in the US by Radley Metzger. It is the story of a young widow who discovers that her husband had an apartment dedicated to carnal kinks and pleasures, complete with home movies, costumes, mirrored rooms, stereo, etc. She decides to learn what it is all about, and has numerous adventures with such as her husbands business partner, her best friend's husband, a tennis instructor, a stranger, and finally her radiologist. In the end, she discovers what her true kink is (see image 17) and finds happiness.

The film is mostly teases, but does show breasts and buns fro star Catherine Spaak, veteran of 53 films. Opposite her is Jean-Louis Trintignant, whom you may remember from the original "The Man Who Loved Women." Several other women exposed breasts, mostly on the home movies, but the transfer of this DVD, which is abysmal, and the fact that the home movies were deliberately degraded in the original, made them not worth the effort. Many of the images below were taken from the original trailer and from out-takes. The US version was edited, supposedly to help the pace, but it seems they also toned down the exposure somewhat.

IMDB readers say 6.7 of 10. Frankly, this is probably only of interest to those who are fascinated by the history of erotica in film. THe tone is light, but so is the exposure, and the so called "kinks" were rather mild. As historical erotica, it is a C, with no cross-over appeal whatsoever.

Thoughts:

What Brainscan wrote yesterday is correct. Britney Spears is probably the most coveted download. If Hef asked me, "who should we get naked, to sell the most issues", I'd say it was the Britmistress. Interest in her is very high, and if she did get naked it would cause even more of a stir than the topless pics of Katie Holmes and Kournikova from about a year ago. Like Madonna a generation ago, she is always in the public eye, and that's obviously her strategy.

I saw her whining and cussing because of that photographer but, let's face it, she was lying down half-naked in a public place, and she's Britney Spears. What the hell did she expect? If she wanted privacy she could get some rays in the backyard of a friend's house. She wasn't there for rays, but for public attention.

Connelly is probably the celeb downloaded the most often in the history of our site (damned if I'm going to look at that many logs!), but she has rarely been the main focus at any given time. Buffy was in major demand for about a year, and she never even stripped. Katie and Kournikova dominated about six months starting with Christmas, 2000. Denise Richards was hot when Wild Things came out. Kidman was probably the most downloaded around the time of Eyes Wide Shut. Others have had their moments in the sun. I suppose Connelly is on the wane now, while Britney waxes. Connelly's physical changes since Requiem have made her look more like your pretty, quiet aunt than the ripe cousin you want to schtup, and the only demand for her pictures at this moment is from her core of fans.

Movies:

Texas Rangers is the movie in which Dawson trades in his creek for an entire river - the Rio Grande. It wasn't as bad as everyone said, but it sure is old-fashioned and derivative.  It's basically a John Ford western, but with a cast aimed at the teen and young adult market. In its second week of distribution, it averaged $250 per screen. Do the math - assuming 3 shows per night, that's about 2 people per showing. It cost the studio $38 million dollars. they released it two years later, with a haphazard marketing plan. Of course, I don't blame them for not having a marketing plan, since I can't figure out who the audience is supposed to be. Is it for the people who like John ford westerns, or for the people who like James van der Beek. See what I'm driving at? Not many in both groups.  In other words, a totally unmarketable film, except for the three twenty-year-olds who like She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.

Black Knight is that "Martin Lawrence in King Arthur's Court" thingy. I generally like martin's disrespectful, casual approach to humor, but this wasn't very funny. I don't rightly know whether there is nudity here, but here it is for your perusal. I think it is a stray boobie.

• Jeannette Weegar

Joe is a badly dated film, as Tuna mentioned. Actually, I think people kinda thought it sucked even in 1970, but it was inflammatory. More to the point of our site, a very young Susan Sarandon did full-frontal nudity, and then sat in the bathtub looking at the camera, with her world-class hooters on parade. (See the first two collages). So we got that working for us.  Big hitter, the lama.

• Susan Sarandon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The film is about Luca, a cigarette smuggler from Naples (Italy not Florida) whose empire is threatened by another guy from Marseilles, France who wants to replace the cigarettes with the far more lucrative drugs business. Luca doesn't want this, no sir, he's a smuggler with honor. Then a string of violent events happens, a lot of which doesn't make any sense in the story. Well let me use Tuna's words from a few days ago : I would like to do review of this movie but I can't since I don't understand much of it. So I'll just relate a few things that happen in this flick. A lot of people, women included, get killed and beaten up. A certain Ofelia Meyer shows briefly her pubes when she removes drugs she carried in her you know where. An unknown actress shows breasts and pubes in a dark scene with a man, and Cintia Lodetti practically rapes a guy with a very long face. Notwithstanding the violence and nudity I found the film boring and uncomprehensible.

Near the end I was practically asleep when all of a sudden my attention was raised by what sounded like a shrieking piglet. It was however, Ivana Monti being raped by even worse guys than her loving husband whom they let listen to it on the telephone so he would give in. Well he didn't. I guess he must have liked the phone sex with his wife. Forgive me if I sound crude but there is no-one in this flick you can relate to or care for.

There is also something strange in the script: when she is about to be abused the gangsters say to each other "this time we have to do it right, face down". Is this some secret code amongst rapists or what? Or did the fact that they earlier sent her panties to her husband indicate that they had their way with her before? The script really is full of things that simply don't add up. Ivana Monti has had a strange TV and movie career since she only seems to work at the beginning of each decade. But a quick search on the net showed that she is also a busy stage actress.

The DVD is an all regions PAL disk with tiny Dutch subtitles and English audio. The transfer is too dark and the film copy showed a lot of scratches and white spots. If this movie still interests you, you can buy it on the net at Sazuma and HKflix.

• Cintia Lodetti (1, 2)

• Ofelia Meyer

• Ivana Monti (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Unknown

• Maria Carla Boscone. Frontal nudity in #1, breasts only in #2. (1, 2)

• An Oost, Breasts and bush in #1, just a single breast in #2. (1, 2)

• Kinvara Balfour, amazing rear nudity, and legs that go all the way up!

• Anouck Lepere, almost full frontal pose with with a great breast view.

• Summer Altice, not nude, but a great close up view of her bum.

• Gabriella Cubert, another up close and personal (but non-nude) rear view.

But moving on...the nudity we have today is from Lisa Ryder (best known from the sci-fi series "Andromeda"). But before you get to too excited, we're told they are prosthetic boobs.

• Lisa Ryder in "Jason X"

Also...

A few pics of Swedish model and Tiger Woods' girlfriend, Elin Nordegren. Word on the street is that there are nudes, but this is all we have for now.

20th Century Fox announced that they are developing a sequel to the surprise hit movie, "Dude, Where's My Car?"

* It's called, "Where's My Car, DUDE?"
* The original just left too many intriguing plot threads unresolved
* They envision it as a "Lord Of The Rings"-style trilogy, eventually culminating in the finding of the dude's car.

Today's birthday boy: Fun House hero, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (51)

Other news..

Scoop,

Two from IMDB News, the third from Ananova.

Here's some big news: Roman Polanski is returning to America to face the music ("I love you, you love me..."). Guess he's heard that the Supreme Court isn't as tough on pedophiles anymore...

Polanski Returning To America
Shamed director Roman Polanski is set to return to America, to stand trial on charges of having sex with a 13-year-old girl 23 years ago. The Oscar-nominated Polish-born movie maker was arrested in 1977 at the home of pal Jack Nicholson and charged with six felony counts, including rape - after accusations he had sex with the teenager. The 68-year old pleaded guilty to having sex with a minor, but fled to France before his sentencing was to take place. He has since refused to return to the states, for fear of arrest, but has carried on making films - mainly on location in his new home city of Paris. But Polanski - whose wife Sharon Tate was murdered by members of the notorious Manson Family at their Hollywood home in 1969 - is reportedly planning to return home to face charges, after striking a deal with American lawmakers. According to Los Angeles news station Ktla, Polanski has made a deal with the Los Angeles district attorney's office so that he will avoid a jail sentence for the sex charges. The LA district attorney has refused to confirm speculation of the deal, but court records show that Polanski's attorney has met twice with the DA and an La Superior Court judge in the last year - seeking to find a safe way for his client to return to America. Polanski even has support in his campaign for repatriation, from the girl he had sex with. Now a 34-year-old mother living in Hawaii, the un-named woman says, "I have no objections to his return to the US, if that is the case. I'm glad that he's worked out his legal problems."

If you run any photos of Toni Collette, please make sure she's got her arms down...

Collette In Armpit Uproar
Pretty actress Toni Collette has caused a storm in Hollywood over her under-arm hair. Her refusal to shave her armpits led to hysteria in Tinseltown - just as Julia Roberts caused worldwide debate by flashing hairy pits at Notting Hill's premier in 1999. The 29-year-old says, "I remember one time, when a big Los Angeles studio had serious concerns about my underarm hair. I was about to begin shooting a film and they wanted me to shave off my hair. I was told a series of hysterical meetings followed, because it's just not accepted in Hollywood that actresses should have hair under their arms. I wasn't fitting in with the norm."

Finally, you have to see the picture for this one. Personally, I would not have mistaken this for an erection. It looks like he's carrying a leaf blower. Are Dutch wangs really THAT big?...

Scoop says: Actually not. That's Roman Polanski, stopping in the Netherlands on his way to LA.

Very sad to hear about Robert Urich, he was one of my favourite actors. And speaking of Bob...on his old show "Vega$" he had a blonde secretary. I beleive her name was Linda Davies. She starred in a couple of b-films about babes in jail. I've been looking for a topless pic of her in your archives but no luck. Anyone have any 'caps?

-J