CrissCross (1992) is now on DVD. The good news is that it features Goldie Hawn, but the bad news is that it is a serious role rather than a comedy, and is my least favorite of her films. She is the mother of a 12 year old living in the Florida Keys. Her ex husband was a Naval Aviator who lost it in Nam when he accidently bombed a children's hospital, and is now caretaker at a monastery. She waitresses by day, and tends bar at night to make ends meet, and jumps at the chance to strip rather than tend bar because of the extra money.

Her son does many jobs, such as paper route, pool cleaning, and picks up fish from a shrimper in his motorboat and delivers them to a restaurant. It is this last job that sets the plot in motion. After discovering that his mom is stripping, he also discovers that one of the fish in his delivery is full of cocaine, and concocts a plan to sell it so his mother won't have to strip. Naturally, he approaches the two hippest guys on the beach for the sale, and they turn out to be narcs.

Goldie is seen in her strip act in a g-string and pasties. The pasties are fairly large, but the g-string shows her buns completely. IMDb readers have this at 4.9 of 10. There was nothing wrong with Goldie's performance, but I feel her time is much better spent doing comedy, and the film is rather predictable. C-.

Presumed Innocent (1990):

Presumed Innocent is a Hollywood thriller, but not a typical one. There are no chase scenes, nor explosions, nor gunshots, nor screaming, nor violence, nor outrageous red herrings. As thrillers go, it is the diametric opposite of Wild Things. If Wild Things were a pair of shoes, it would be bright red pumps with five inch stiletto heels. If Presumed Innocent were a pair of shoes, it would be some comfortable old Hush Puppies.

The plot concentrates on the procedural elements of a murder mystery, beginning after the murder has actually been committed. Harrison Ford plays a straight-arrow prosecutor whose boss, an elected D.A., assigned him to the investigation of one of their fellow prosecutors, a seductive and opportunistic female lawyer who had been using her sexual wiles to advance her career. Coming in the middle of a re-election campaign, the case has the potential to be politically lethal to Harrison's boss, hence to Harrison himself, who is the hand-picked number two man in the office.

Ol' Indiana Jones tried to turn the case down, primarily because he was humping the living bejeezus out of the victim, despite his marriage to another woman. Worse than that, the victim had recently dumped Indy, thus making it reasonable to considered him a likely suspect. As the case developed, he was more than just a possible suspect. He was eventually brought to trial for the crime, at which point he really found out who his friends and enemies were. Some of the people he trusted turned against him for reasons which seemed insufficient. Some people who considered him an enemy turned out to be allies. Some people were loyal to him because they believed in him, and others remained loyal even though they thought he was guilty.

The trial progressed on the basis of standard court procedure, which ultimately neither proved nor disproved anything, as is typical in real courtrooms, where the matter of one's actual guilt or innocence is often less important than whether the police handled the evidence correctly, and who in the case is connected to whom. Indy's colleagues, the detectives, even the judge, lined up for and against him for reasons pretty much unrelated to whether he did it.

To make matters far more complicated, the victim in the case was not only Indy's lover. In her sexual march to the top of her profession, she had crossed genitals with just about everyone in the history of the legal system, from Hammurabi to Hamilton Burger, including Indy's boss, as well as many other lawyers and judges related to this particular case.

The plot revelations in the film are managed so that we are not sure of Indy's innocence, and if he didn't do it, we're not sure who might have. The ultimate explanation was interesting and appropriate. I'll give it a solid "yes" on my minimum requirements for a thriller: (1) I didn't predict the outcome, but (2) I was satisfied with the explanation, and (3) I might have figured it out if I had really paid attention to all the details.

Of course, those three criteria are merely the screening elements. The really important criteria with any type of film are interest and satisfaction. This film meets my expectations. I never thought of reaching for the fast forward because I got interested in what was developing and I didn't want to miss any details. It's a quiet film, but I stayed glued to the plot and got involved in the political machinations of the characters. I liked the fact that the thriller plot was atypically carried by quiet acting, a somber tone, and a minimum of hysteria and flamboyance. The characters are reasonably interesting, although the film concentrates more on procedure than on character development. If you like your thrillers filled with slam-bang action and lurid sex and violence, this isn't for you, but if you'd like to see a thoughtful insider's view of the legal system (the author of the source novel is lawyer Scott Turow), you just might want to give this one a look.

• Greta Scacchi (1, 2, 3)

 .wmv film clips

• Here is Charlie's capture of gorgeous Leonor Varela in Les Infortunes de la Beauté. She is very beautiful, and very naked.
• Here is the Rebecca Romijn nude scene from Godsend. I don't think you'll see this in the theaters, because the film has been rated PG-13. Who knows, you may never see it on the DVD. It might get lost forever, like some of Charlize's footage in Cider House Rules, so enjoy it whilst you can.

OTHER CRAP:

• Josie Maran on Howard Stern. Josie is the ultimate girlfriend.
• Three articles on the history of porn.
• What happens to reality show "stars" when their 15 minutes have ticked down?
• Anti-gay group uses fake photo from The Onion to illustrate a pamphlet.
• A Republican ad criticizing Democrat John Kerry is on an Internet video game site in which a player can pretend to be a cartoon President Bush killing terrorists who have invaded the White House.
• Play the Bush Shoot-Out
• Taco Bell's "Saucy Sayings": "15 different phrases on 'mild,' 'hot,' and 'fire' packets."
• Post-tittygate morality report: 'Idol' dletes Tarantino's f-word. And when I say f-word, I mean that literally. He used the letter f as a word.
• Woman avoids speeding ticket by crashing into speed trailer. Unfortunately for her, she was charged with DWI.
• Chill Bill - Tarantino buys paper, forgets pants.
• Ralph Nader wants renegade filmmaker Michael Moore to end his dalliance with the Democratic Party and return to his anti-establishment roots.
• The Reefer Madness DVD will contain full-length commentary from MST3000's Mike Nelson.
• The Origins of Bill Lumbergh
• Please do not try to join this site.
• Ellen DeGeneres makes a lesbian joke by accident
• The Straight Dope: Can you get amnesia from a blow to the head?
• Courtney Love will stand trial for felony drug possession.
• SongMeanings - what do songs REALLY mean. I didn't see Wooly-Bully in there.
• Three new clips from the Lindsay Lohan comedy, Mean Girls : "Raised in African bush country by her zoologist parents, Cady Heron thinks she knows about 'survival of the fittest.' But the law of the jungle takes on a whole new meaning when the 15-year-old enters high school and falls for the ex-boyfriend of the school's most popular girl"
• Britney's Controversial Suicide Video
• Xtina's Nipple Ring. Click on the leftmost picture for a HQ enlargement.
• A lot of wallpapers, some with hot female flesh.
• Ford's New Bulletproof Luxury Car. Call Chevy Chase. Now they can film National Lampoon's Saudi Vacation
• Home Video Shows Alleged Fondling By 'Tigger' Character
• Another exciting day in Norway. Today's big story: supermarkets put beer on sale.
• Daryl Hannah has been questioned by police after acting like her Kill Bill: Vol 2 character at the LA premiere. After reasding the story, I'm pretty sure the cops just wanted to talk to Daryl Hannah. If it was serious stuff, why would they assign FIVE officers to this task? I'm pretty sure one guy could have handled it.
• NFL scouts Detroit for party spots: prep for the 2006 Super Bowl are already underway.
• Els keeps his loss in perspective: "Ernie Els spent a rough night Sunday replaying the final moments of his second-place finish to Phil Mickelson in the Masters. 'After the seventh beer, though,' the Big Easy said, 'I felt a lot better.'"
• Trojan Horse - USC's student underground paper. Pretty wild stuff.
• ANIMATED BODIES (naked female bodies, to be more specific)
• Today is a momentous one in sports history, like the founding of the American League in 1901, or the AFL-NFL merger in 1970. After all, how often do we witness the appearance of an important new sports league? Say hello to the LFL. (Lingerie Football League) : "If your problem with this year's pay-per-view Lingerie Bowl wasn't the demeaning treatment of the scantily clad players, but the lack of proper league organization and infrastructure, Fox Television Studios and the Lingerie Football League are about to address all of your concerns."
• Ron Perlman Interview - Hellboy, Hellboy 2 and Wooden Leg Movies
• Woodward book says Bush secretly ordered Iraq war plan during Afghanistan. I can't decide whether Woodward (pictured) has turned into James Remar or Yogi Berra.
• Jennifer Garner, 13 going on 32
• The submitter writes, "Half of the Super Bowl Quarterbacks go to Disney World. Some of the Super Bowl Quarterbacks get excellent endorsement deals. Then there is Jake Delhomme of my Carolina Panthers. His first commercial after the big game is for a local fast food chicken chain, Bojangles. Click on the ad marked "Jake" to see his debut."
  Bojangles' * Promotions
• Roger Ebert argues: Howard Stern belongs on the radio.
• Weekle World News reports: J-Lo style butt implants explode
• A list of the top, er, bottom, 25 most miserable baseball moments in the last 25 years.
• The Brazilian women's soccer team posed naked.
• Four free naughty short videos from Playboy's Amateur Home Videos!
• Summer Altice was the Playmate of the Month in August of 2000. Here is her free, nude playmate gallery, courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• URL says it all: TVShowsOnDVD.com
• Trump finally says, "You're hired"
• <--- Celebs Without Makeup --->

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Two mighty sad movies:

• Diane Lane in Unfaithful. ( .avi , .wmv)

• Diane Lane in Unfaithful. ( .avi , .wmv)

• Lara Belmont in The War Zone( .avi , .wmv)

• Lara Belmont in The War Zone ( .avi, .wmv)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Katharine Isabelle (or possibly a body double) is topless in a shower scene.
• Monica Keena shows a little cleavage.
• Odessa Munroe shows off her robo-boobs and gives up some rear nudity as well.

"Gothika"
Imagine you're a psychiatrist in a prison for the criminally insane, and one day you wake up in institution you've worked at, accused of a horrible murder, and with no memory of the last several days. Halle Berry is the psychiatrist in this 2003 thriller/mystery/ghost story that almost but not quite lives up to it's promise.

As she struggles do ascertain her own sanity, our psychiatrist also has to cope with ghosts that keep appearing to lead her to the unexpected solution to the mystery. The last 5 minutes of the flick has several surprises.

Halle Berry did a great job, and I enjoyed the movie, but at the end I just felt slightly shortchanged it was good without being great, and I suspect that other viewer's opinions will be all over the place on this one.

• Halle Berry

Joan Severance
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

TRUMP CHOOSES "APPRENTICE"
You're Hired - Last night on a two-hour live edition of "The Apprentice," Donald Trump fired Harvard MBA Kwame Jackson and hired Bill Rancic, a Chicago entrepreneur who built up his own Internet cigar business. Rancic won a $250,000-a-year "dream job" working for Trump and a convertible. Trump gave him the choice of overseeing the development of a golf course in L.A. or the building of a skyscraper in Chicago, and he picked the skyscraper.