CrissCross (1992) is now on DVD. The good news is that it features Goldie Hawn, but the bad news is that it is a serious role rather than a comedy, and is my least favorite of her films. She is the mother of a 12 year old living in the Florida Keys. Her ex husband was a Naval Aviator who lost it in Nam when he accidently bombed a children's hospital, and is now caretaker at a monastery. She waitresses by day, and tends bar at night to make ends meet, and jumps at the chance to strip rather than tend bar because of the extra money.
Her son does many jobs, such as paper route, pool cleaning, and picks up fish from a shrimper in his motorboat and delivers them to a restaurant. It is this last job that sets the plot in motion. After discovering that his mom is stripping, he also discovers that one of the fish in his delivery is full of cocaine, and concocts a plan to sell it so his mother won't have to strip. Naturally, he approaches the two hippest guys on the beach for the sale, and they turn out to be narcs.
Goldie is seen in her strip act in a g-string and pasties. The pasties are fairly large, but the g-string shows her buns completely. IMDb readers have this at 4.9 of 10. There was nothing wrong with Goldie's performance, but I feel her time is much better spent doing comedy, and the film is rather predictable. C-.
Galactic Gigolo (1988) is one of the worst films I have ever seen. It opens to a game show on a far away world populated by intelligent vegetables. The Grouch Marx carrot is the host, and a broccoli (in one of the worst costumes imaginable) is the winning contestant. So tell him what he won. Why, a two week stay in the horny woman capital of the universe, Providence Connecticut. He is disguised as a sleazy porn director or something, and his goal is to sleep with every woman in town the during the two weeks. He attracts some unwanted attention in his silver jump-suit, and holds a press conference.
From that point on, he is accompanied by a female reporter who wants to write a book about is vacation, and a nerd photographer, and is being chased by a family of Jewish rednecks shit shovelers, and a stupid Mafia gang who want him to use his ability to shape shift to help them rob banks. Much of the film is endless chases through the woods. We do see breasts from three 80s scream queens, Ruth Collins as Dr. Ruth Pepper (get it? Dr. Pepper. How hilarious), and Karen Nielsen and Lisa Patruno enjoying a post-coital hot tub and being interviewed.
"Did you have multiple orgasms?"
"I think so, but i had the hick-ups and I have trouble telling the difference between hick-ups and an orgasm."
IMDb readers have this at 2.8 of 10, and I can't imagine why it is not much lower. This is an F.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Presumed Innocent (1990):
Presumed Innocent is a Hollywood thriller, but not a typical one.
There are no chase scenes, nor explosions, nor gunshots, nor
screaming, nor violence, nor outrageous red herrings. As thrillers
go, it is the diametric opposite of Wild Things. If Wild Things were
a pair of shoes, it would be bright red pumps with five inch
stiletto heels. If Presumed Innocent were a pair of shoes, it would
be some comfortable old Hush Puppies.
The plot concentrates on the procedural elements of a murder
mystery, beginning after the murder has actually been committed.
Harrison Ford plays a straight-arrow prosecutor whose boss, an
elected D.A., assigned him to the investigation of one of their
fellow prosecutors, a seductive and opportunistic female lawyer who
had been using her sexual wiles to advance her career. Coming in the
middle of a re-election campaign, the case has the potential to be
politically lethal to Harrison's boss, hence to Harrison himself,
who is the hand-picked number two man in the office.
Ol' Indiana Jones tried to turn the case down, primarily because
he was humping the living bejeezus out of the victim, despite his
marriage to another woman. Worse than that, the victim had recently
dumped Indy, thus making it reasonable to considered him a likely
suspect. As the case developed, he was more than just a possible
suspect. He was eventually brought to trial for the crime, at which
point he really found out who his friends and enemies were. Some of
the people he trusted turned against him for reasons which seemed
insufficient. Some people who considered him an enemy turned out to
be allies. Some people were loyal to him because they believed in
him, and others remained loyal even though they thought he was
The trial progressed on the basis of standard court procedure,
which ultimately neither proved nor disproved anything, as is
typical in real courtrooms, where the matter of one's actual guilt
or innocence is often less important than whether the police handled
the evidence correctly, and who in the case is connected to whom.
Indy's colleagues, the detectives, even the judge, lined up for and
against him for reasons pretty much unrelated to whether he did it.
To make matters far more complicated, the victim in the case was
not only Indy's lover. In her sexual march to the top of her
profession, she had crossed genitals with just about everyone in the
history of the legal system, from Hammurabi to Hamilton Burger,
including Indy's boss, as well as many other lawyers and judges
related to this particular case.
The plot revelations in the film are managed so that we are not
sure of Indy's innocence, and if he didn't do it, we're not sure who
might have. The ultimate explanation was interesting and
appropriate. I'll give it a solid "yes" on my minimum requirements
for a thriller: (1) I didn't predict the outcome, but (2) I was
satisfied with the explanation, and (3) I might have figured it out
if I had really paid attention to all the details.
Of course, those three criteria are merely the screening
elements. The really important criteria with any type of film are
interest and satisfaction. This film meets my expectations. I never
thought of reaching for the fast forward because I got interested in
what was developing and I didn't want to miss any details. It's a
quiet film, but I stayed glued to the plot and got involved in the
political machinations of the characters. I liked the fact that the
thriller plot was atypically carried by quiet acting, a somber tone,
and a minimum of hysteria and flamboyance. The characters are
reasonably interesting, although the film concentrates more on
procedure than on character development. If you like your thrillers
filled with slam-bang action and lurid sex and violence, this isn't
for you, but if you'd like to see a thoughtful insider's view of the
legal system (the author of the source novel is lawyer Scott Turow),
you just might want to give this one a look.
.wmv film clips
- Here is Charlie's capture of gorgeous Leonor Varela in Les
Infortunes de la Beauté. She is very beautiful, and very naked.
- Here is the Rebecca Romijn nude scene from Godsend. I don't
think you'll see this in the theaters, because the film has been
rated PG-13. Who knows, you may never see it on the DVD. It might
get lost forever, like some of Charlize's footage in Cider House
Rules, so enjoy it whilst you can.
Josie Maran on Howard Stern. Josie is the ultimate
Three articles on the history of porn.
What happens to reality show "stars" when their 15 minutes have
Anti-gay group uses fake photo from The Onion to illustrate a
A Republican ad criticizing Democrat John Kerry is on an Internet
video game site in which a player can pretend to be a cartoon
President Bush killing terrorists who have invaded the White
Play the Bush Shoot-Out
Taco Bell's "Saucy Sayings": "15 different phrases on
'mild,' 'hot,' and 'fire' packets."
- Post-tittygate morality report:
'Idol' dletes Tarantino's f-word. And when I say f-word,
I mean that literally. He used the letter f as a word.
Woman avoids speeding ticket by crashing into speed trailer.
Unfortunately for her, she was charged with DWI.
Chill Bill - Tarantino buys paper, forgets pants.
Ralph Nader wants renegade filmmaker Michael Moore to end his
dalliance with the Democratic Party and return to his
The Reefer Madness DVD will contain full-length commentary from
MST3000's Mike Nelson.
The Origins of Bill Lumbergh
Please do not try to join this site.
Ellen DeGeneres makes a lesbian joke by accident
The Straight Dope: Can you get amnesia from a blow to the head?
Courtney Love will stand trial for felony drug possession.
SongMeanings - what do songs REALLY mean. I didn't see
Wooly-Bully in there.
- Three new clips from the Lindsay Lohan comedy,
Mean Girls : "Raised in African bush country by her
zoologist parents, Cady Heron thinks she knows about 'survival of
the fittest.' But the law of the jungle takes on a whole new
meaning when the 15-year-old enters high school and falls for the
ex-boyfriend of the school's most popular girl"
Britney's Controversial Suicide Video
Xtina's Nipple Ring. Click on the leftmost picture for
a HQ enlargement.
A lot of wallpapers, some with hot female flesh.
Ford's New Bulletproof Luxury Car. Call Chevy Chase.
Now they can film National Lampoon's Saudi Vacation
Home Video Shows Alleged Fondling By 'Tigger' Character
- Another exciting day in Norway. Today's big story:
supermarkets put beer on sale.
Daryl Hannah has been questioned by police after acting like her
Kill Bill: Vol 2 character at the LA premiere. After
reasding the story, I'm pretty sure the cops just wanted to talk
to Daryl Hannah. If it was serious stuff, why would they assign
FIVE officers to this task? I'm pretty sure one guy could have
NFL scouts Detroit for party spots: prep for the 2006
Super Bowl are already underway.
Els keeps his loss in perspective: "Ernie Els spent a
rough night Sunday replaying the final moments of his second-place
finish to Phil Mickelson in the Masters. 'After the seventh beer,
though,' the Big Easy said, 'I felt a lot better.'"
Trojan Horse - USC's student underground paper. Pretty
ANIMATED BODIES (naked female bodies, to be
- Today is a momentous one in sports history, like the founding
of the American League in 1901, or the AFL-NFL merger in 1970.
After all, how often do we witness the appearance of an important
new sports league?
Say hello to the LFL. (Lingerie Football League) : "If
your problem with this year's pay-per-view Lingerie Bowl wasn't
the demeaning treatment of the scantily clad players, but the lack
of proper league organization and infrastructure, Fox Television
Studios and the Lingerie Football League are about to address all
of your concerns."
Ron Perlman Interview - Hellboy, Hellboy 2 and Wooden Leg Movies
Woodward book says Bush secretly ordered Iraq war plan during
Afghanistan. I can't decide whether Woodward (pictured)
has turned into James Remar or Yogi Berra.
Jennifer Garner, 13 going on 32
- The submitter writes, "Half of the Super Bowl Quarterbacks go
to Disney World. Some of the Super Bowl Quarterbacks get excellent
endorsement deals. Then there is Jake Delhomme of my Carolina
Panthers. His first commercial after the big game is for a local
fast food chicken chain, Bojangles. Click on the ad marked "Jake"
to see his debut."
Bojangles' * Promotions
- Roger Ebert argues:
Howard Stern belongs on the radio.
- Weekle World News reports:
J-Lo style butt implants explode
A list of the top, er, bottom, 25 most miserable baseball moments
in the last 25 years.
The Brazilian women's soccer team posed naked.
- Four free naughty short videos from
Playboy's Amateur Home Videos!
- Summer Altice was the Playmate of the Month in August of 2000.
Here is her free, nude
playmate gallery, courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
- URL says it all:
Trump finally says, "You're hired"
<--- Celebs Without Makeup --->
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
Two mighty sad movies:
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Vejiita takes a quick look at the ultimate slasher showdown movie...."Freddy Vs. Jason" (2003).
'Caps and comments by Dann:
Imagine you're a psychiatrist in a prison for the criminally insane, and one day you wake up in institution you've worked at, accused of a horrible murder, and with no memory of the last several days. Halle Berry is the psychiatrist in this 2003 thriller/mystery/ghost story that almost but not quite lives up to it's promise.
As she struggles do ascertain her own sanity, our psychiatrist also has to cope with ghosts that keep appearing to lead her to the unexpected solution to the mystery. The last 5 minutes of the flick has several surprises.
Halle Berry did a great job, and I enjoyed the movie, but at the end I just felt slightly shortchanged it was good without being great, and I suspect that other viewer's opinions will be all over the place on this one.
||Flautista serves up another early look at Ladd topless in scenes from "Club Dread". Due out on DVD May 25th.
||Ricci topless in "Prozac Nation"....'nuf said.
||"The L Word" co-star topless in a scene from the Robin Williams movie "One Hour Photo" (2002).
|Here's an excellent recap by Mkone of the sexy Vulcan's near nudity highlights from "Enterprise".
|The "tennis player" barely dressed and looking gorgeous at a red carpet photo op.
||DeadLamb 'caps of Dushku showing some cleavage and pokies during an appearance on "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn".
||Halle in the scene that took her from hot babe to big league star. Halle topless in "Swordfish" (2001).
||Full frontal (and fully shaved) nudity in scenes from the grade Z movie "Armstrong" (1998). You may remember her as 'Princess Elizabeth' in the 1989 classic "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure".
||Pre-implant toplessness, plus some rear nudity in scenes from the 1986 movie "Something Wild".
|Two wonderfully topless Fun House favorites in scenes from the 1992 movie "Almost Pregnant". 'Caps by the Skin-man.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
TRUMP CHOOSES "APPRENTICE"
You're Hired - Last night on a two-hour live edition of "The
Apprentice," Donald Trump fired Harvard MBA Kwame Jackson and hired Bill
Rancic, a Chicago entrepreneur who built up his own Internet cigar
business. Rancic won a $250,000-a-year "dream job" working for Trump and a
convertible. Trump gave him the choice of overseeing the development of a
golf course in L.A. or the building of a skyscraper in Chicago, and he
picked the skyscraper.
I'm sure lots of people will want to live on top of a skyscraper built
by a cigar salesman who won a reality show.
He wins a convertible, then picks Chicago over L.A.? I'd fire him for
Rancic turned down the prize when he discovered it also included free
sessions with Trump's hairstylist.
It was two hours of nail-biting suspense, at the end of which the black
guy was passed over for the job.
DONUT NEWS ROUND-UP
The Hole Story - Hawaiian Airlines is having a problem: donut overload.
It's a Hawaiian custom to bring gifts home when you travel, and Krispy
Kreme has only one store so far, near the Maui airport. So before
residents of other islands head home, they are stocking up on Krispy
Kremes. It's to the point that overhead bins are overloaded with boxes of
donuts, and passengers sometimes bring so many, they can't even fit them
onto the planes.
So the passengers eat them...and then THEY can't fit onto the plane.
Hawaiians are eating so many donuts, I'm amazed the planes can take
off...Hell, I'm amazed the islands aren't sinking!
Aside from pot, this is also what the police found on Ruben Studdard's
Champions Down A Lotta Donuts - Wednesday in Chicago, Terry O'Brien of Lake
Geneva, Wisconsin, downed 9 1/2 donuts in three minutes to win the Dunkin'
Donuts World Cop Donut Eating Championship for police officers. O'Brien
said he felt destined to win because his father was also a cop and
Wednesday was his birthday, although he's now deceased.
There's a shocking piece of news.
He choked on a donut.
His dad is deceased, and Terry is working on it.
DODGERS ARE WELL HUNG...WILLIAM HUNG, THAT IS
They Lose! They Lose! - Fox Sports claims that an insider offered an
explanation for why the Dodgers have won their early games. Shawn Green
reportedly brought the new CD by "American Idol" loser William "She Bangs"
Hung into the locker room, and every time he's played it, the team won.
But after his teammates complained, he didn't play it on Sunday...and the
See? Winning requires pain, endurance, self-sacrifice...
After hearing that CD, they're raring to go out and hit something with a
William Hung is such a black hole of talent that he sucks all the loser
vibes out of the Dodgers.