Birth (2004) is controversial due to a scene with a nude Nicole Kidman and a young boy together in a bath. Don't let the hype convince you to see it. It is about as erotic (or pedophilic) as Bambi. Kidman lost her husband, and had trouble getting over him. When she has finally agreed, 10 years later, to marry a persistent suitor, a 10 year old boy announces that he is the reincarnation of her dead husband. Guess what? In the only place this film rings true, people don't believe him. That is, nobody but Kidman believes him. Given her long term marriage to Tom Cruise, I suppose having her in love with a little boy is not that great a stretch after all. Without going into gory detail, Kidman goes for the kid, then finds out that, gasp, he isn't really her dead husband. The pace is something akin to watching paint dry. Everyone in this dirge speaks in pretentious, English 1A sentences.
Although Kidman was nominated for a few awards, I saw nothing from her in this role. It was as if she had no idea what the script was asking for, and neither did the director. Nonetheless, they were deadly serious about this film. Kidman shows breasts in near blackout early in the film, and almost shows her right breast in the much ballyhooed bath scene. IMDb readers have this at 6.1. The film rates highest with young male voters at 7.1. Why not? At 10, the idea of a bath with a naked Nicole Kidman would have kept me warm at night for weeks. Theater goers, it seems, were not fooled, as it only earned $5.01M against a $20M budget. Berardinelli gives an overly generous 1.5 stars, but redeems himself by calling it "pretentious crap." This is a D, a boring film based on a preposterous concept, and with an incredibly unlikely ending. Avoid it at all costs.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Camp Fear (1991):
In order to get the flavor of this timeless film classic, you may
want to see the pictures, so I'll send you off to the
- Michelle Bauer (1,
- Savannah (Shannon Wilsey). She
is the porn star and major league druggie who sometimes crossed
over into some mainstream T&A stuff. She was also known for
dating famous people like Gregg Allman, Pauly Shore, Slash, and
Vince Neil. (Pauly loved her, and said he would have married her
if she could have kicked her drug habit.) She committed suicide
three years after making this film, still only 23. The
conventional wisdom is that she become despondent after getting
her face disfigured by a car accident.
- Two other chicks who wandered
around topless. (1,
Hey, Napoleon Dynamite - now THAT's a liger. Nothing
magical about him, though. He's 12 feet long. He weighs 900
pounds. Although twice the size of a big lion, his strength is
proportionate to a lions, and he can run as fast as a tiger (50
mph). You do NOT want this guy mad at you.
Sony has acquired Tokyo Suckerpunch as a starring vehicle for
Weekly World News: "BAD NEWS FOR HORNY GUYS & GALS . . . IRS TO
Spell your name with naked people
Magnifying glass game. Submitter wrote, "Remember as a
kid, getting a magnifying glass and focusing a beam of sunlight on
ants and literally burning them up with sunlight? Ever wonder what
would happen if the ants could get their revenge for the genocide
inflicted on them young boys everywhere? This little game shows
what that revenge would be like! Very fun! Be sure and get the
Most obscure news item of the week:
"Some lobsters have developed hairballs after eating chunks of
Letterman's "Top Ten Signs Your Accountant Doesn't Give A Damn
Anymore - as Read By Ten Area Accountants"
What happens when webmasters take acid?
Outlaw Biker Name Generator v2.0
- "It's the story of Billy Chaka, who writes a column that
casts him as macho hero living in a surreal, amped-up Tokyo.
When his book gets turned into a movie, Chaka flies to the city
for the premiere and hates it enough to clash loudly with the
director, who ends up murdered"
Homeless man receives suped-up shopping cart.
- "Be a Hog-riding outlaw and kill your enemies! All you need
is a good one-percenter name, and soon everyone will cringe in
- I came out Ol' Ironhorse, which is amazing because it didn't
know I was a Texan. (In Texas, every man's name is required by
law to begin with Ol'. Even the mainstream newspapers refer to
the President as Ol' Dubya - as in "Ol' Dubya sure 'nuff mopped
up them towelheads something fierce.")
- "The cart features a manual can crusher, an AM/FM
stereo-cassette player, a color LCD television, a GPS satellite
tracking device, a remote controlled alarm, effect lighting,
driving lights, a refrigerator/heater, pull-out seating, and
even a fold away tent."
Bush isn't sexy. I guess that's why so many women trim
it now. Oh, wait! They're talking about the President.
Play the "Martin Short is Lame Game". How long could
- "Creators Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore combine Rambo and
South Park in a hilarious, politically incorrect four-issue
mini-series. Set just after Judgment Day, Battle Pope portrays
an unorthodox (and heavily armed) pope who must make amends for
his sin-filled life by single-handedly fighting the legions of
darkness. Featuring appearances by everyone from Bruce Lee to
Jesus Christ, this comic features something to offend and amuse
Star Wars line - fans of Star Wars line up for tickets - in 360
Daily Show: Great Moments in Punditry: Hannity vs. Sylvester
- Alleged comedians Martin Short and Tom Green are engaged in
a catfight demonstrating a level of wit unseen since Shaw and
Wilde stood toe to toe.
Jon Stewart talks to John P. Avlon, author of "Independent Nation:
How the Vital Center Is Changing American Politics."
The Daily Show: "On a surprise visit to Iraq, Rumsfeld receives a
floral welcome from a young Iraqi."
Jude Law and Sienna Miller have reportedly tied the knot in a
Britain's Prince Harry fails basic computer test at army college.
- "If they don't stop their namecalling, at least one pundit
is getting a time-out!"
"Christian Schools Use Faith-Based Cheerleading Camps"
'The Wedding Singer' Transformed Into a Broadway Musical
My favorite gullible newspaper, the Guardian, reports: "In more
than half of Nike's factories, employees worked more than 60 hours
NFL Tries to Stop Spread of Vick's Alias
- Hey, he could have passed it if he had been allowed to ask
his butler for help. What does he need a computer for? The rest
of us have to Ask Jeeves via computer. He just turns directly to
Jeeves and asks the sumbitch.
- Why the hell do you think the English brought in so many
smart guys from India? It was so the British upper classes
wouldn't have to bother with all this menial computer shit.
STICK UP, NEW YORK! Large collection of stickers and
posters found around New York
See how the various Reps voted on the Bankrupcy bill.
Sortable by many different factors.
"The world's only known whale-dolphin mix has given birth to a
playful female calf, officials at Sea Life Park Hawaii said
Thursday." The mother is half false killer whale and
half Atlantic Bottlenose - born 19 years ago after a surprise
coupling between a 14-foot, 2,000-pound false killer whale and a
6- foot, 400-pound dolphin.
Scalia has no comment to question about whether he slips it in Mrs
Scalia's bumhole. The justice replied that the question
was unworthy of an answer, which is the way hypocrites and
sleazebags say "yes", since they would just say "no" proudly if it
were the truthful answer.
Abstinence only - a celebration of non-penetration.
Two new "webisodes" for the Lords of Dogtown
Man Confesses 'It Was Kind Of Fun' Killing Neighbor
BRITNEY'S HUSBAND REPRODUCING AT AN ALARMING RATE
- "The NFL is trying to stop the spread of Ron Mexico. Since
that name was listed as an alias for Atlanta Falcons quarterback
Michael Vick in a lawsuit filed last month, a number of people
have gone to the NFL's online store to order Vick's No. 7
replica jersey with a personalized "MEXICO" on the back."
Conan does his comedy spring cleaning.
Gwyneth Paltrow says her memory has gone since she had a baby.
It can't be that bad. She remembered having the baby.
Nicole Kidman thrilled fans as she attended the UK premiere of her
latest film The Interpreter. Nicole is pretty, but
she's really challenging Rose McGowan for the official Zonker
Harris/George Hamilton tanning award.
Jacko denies he is selling his Beatles music catalog
A stretch limo made from a Mini Cooper!!
A collection of "Owned" videos set to music.
The Church Sign Generator .... go to their home page to
make your own sign like this, or change to any of several other
Today in Uncle Scoopy's Guest House: Téa Leoni in Spanglish.
Hey, so it wasn't intentional nudity. It still counts
- Two days after pop tart Britney Spears announced that she
was pregnant with her first child, environmental experts around
the globe warned that Ms. Spears’ husband, Kevin Federline, is
reproducing at an alarming rate.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
This week's Poll...
Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.
Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
The Top 20 Best Sex Scenes
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up from the Ghost 'caps and a clip from the direct-to-vid movie "Gunmen" (1994). I have never seen this one, but now that it has come across my path I feel that I must. If for no other reason...the B-factor!
This puppy was one of the first writing credits for Stephen Sommers...long before he did the "Mummy" movies and "Van Helsing". Next, let's combine Sommers' lack of writing depth with a classic cast! Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Denis Leary, Patrick Stewart, Kadeem Hardison, Sally Kirkland, Brenda Bakke, Rena Riffel plus a bunch of rappers like Big Daddy Kane, Doctor Dré and Ed Lover as themselves.
The nudity today comes from Ana Luisa Pardo in her one and only role. She plays "Orgasmic Hooker".
Next up, the Ghost's daily dose of Skinemax. Today's feature...the 2003 flick "Talk Dirty".
- Adult babe Ann Marie baring all 3 B's. Toplessness and pubes only in the 'caps with the rest of the skin and pseudo-sex in the clips.
- Ann Marie (zipped .wmvs)
- Blonde porn babe Monique Alexander shows full frontal nudity while gettin' it on. In video clip #2 she taks the dude for a serious ride. Another case of porn stars making Skinemax sex look better.
- Monique Alexander zipped .wmvs
- Ann Marie and Monique Alexander showing off all the goodies and having some lesbian fun.
- Ann Marie and Monique Alexander zipped .wmvs
- Nichole McAuley showing off her big ol' robo-hooters in a hot tub sex scene.
- Nichole McAuley zipped .wmvs
- One more adult film actress showing some softcore skin. Here is Kaylynn.
- Kaylynn zipped .wmvs
- Kaylynn teams up with porn babe Lezley Zen for some more lebsian lovin'
- Kaylynn and Lezley Zen zipped .wmvs
'Caps and comments by Dann:
Michael Caine won an Oscar for his 1966 portrayal of Alfie. Jude Law won't. Nevertheless, the remake of this well known movie isn't bad, especially if you take it in context.
The 1966 version has a lot more innuendo and a lot less blatant sex (and no nudity, as I recall), so a direct comparison isn't really possible, but the story's the same, and Law makes a fairly charming and likeable Alfie.
For those who don't know, Alfie is a British cad and womanizer (living in New York in this version), who easily falls in lust with attractive women, who also find him attractive and desireable. He just as easily dumps them like a pair of dirty shorts, with no regrets. When he impregnates his best friend's girlfriend, then falls into true love with a woman who leaves him for a younger man, Alfie's world starts to fall apart.
Like the original, an enjoyable movie, light and fun in the beginning, but ending on a more serious note.
||Thanks to Squiddy for this high quality actress of the young actress showing off some very impressive cleavage while out in public.
||AS2 'caps of the late French actress going topless in a shower scene from the 1974 movie "Céline et Julie vont en bateau" aka "Celine and Julie Go Boating".
|Topless in the tub and also showing just a hint of pubes in scenes from the Dutch movie "Penalty" (2000).
Joy E. Gregory
|The Skin-man takes a look at the 1994 thriller "Blink". Stowe is topless in a love scene and Gregory bares her big'uns ans shows just a hint of pubes (FAIR WARNING she's the victim in a suicide scene).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
CAN'T TAX STRIPPING
Take It Off Your Form - The Nevada Senate is considering placing a 10
percent tax on exotic dancing in strip clubs. But a lawyer from the Nevada
ACLU warned them Wednesday that if they passed it, it would be struck down
as unconstitutional. He said adult entertainment is protected by the First
Amendment, and you're not allowed to put a special tax on a protected
activity based on content when you're not taxing other businesses.
Okay, then they'll just tax all the other businesses, too.
Besides, taxing the shirts off the backs of strippers would be
This would be called a "VAT tax," because it would be paid only by women
who work in vats of Jell-O.
If they want to improve society, put a big tax on karaoke singers.
WOMEN POLLED ON SEX
The Woman's Response: "Bite Me!" - The pickup line U.S. women said was used
most often on them was "Don't I know you from somewhere?" Worldwide, the
most common line is "You have beautiful eyes." But the best may be
Brazil's #1 pickup line: "You're delicious!"
Said after licking the woman.
That's also what Michael Jackson says after licking some kid's head.
"You have beautiful eyes" works better if you're not staring at her
breasts when you say it.
Better Put On That Flight Suit Again - Finally, when asked to rate the
sexiness of President Bush on a 1-10 scale, American women gave him just a
Bush replied, "Hey, not bad! 50 percent!"
They didn't want to hurt Bill Clinton's feelings, since he was lying
right next to them.
The difference between Bush and Clinton: Bush doesn't care.
DRINKING MAKES SMOKERS CRAVE CIGARETTES
Alcohol Magnifies All Pleasures - A University of Chicago study found that
smokers' cravings for cigarettes increase when they're drinking because
alcohol magnifies the pleasurable effects of nicotine. They gave alcohol
to volunteers who were light smokers and found the more they drank, the
more they wanted a cigarette.
They wanted it after the sex.
This required a study? Didn't Dean Martin teach us this in 1959?
But they were warned, there was a danger of fire.
BRITNEY PREGNANCY NEWS ROUND-UP
Consider Sterilization - Several days before Britney Spears, 23, announced
her pregnancy, Parents Magazine released a poll showing that 53 percent of
parents surveyed thought Britney and Kevin Federline should put off having
kids until they're older.
Like, say, 60.
Britney's from Louisiana: she's already put it off for nine years.
They think Britney should've waited until her career was over...They
didn't realize, she did.
It's Not A Girl! Not Yet A Woman! - Britney's spokeswoman is backpedaling
after she apparently revealed the baby's sex when she unthinkingly
responded to a question about a miscarriage scare by saying, "She's okay.
Mother and daughter are doing fine."
Britney assumed it would be a boy like Kevin, since it's already living
off of her 24 hours a day.
It must be Britney's daughter: the sonogram shows a little navel ring.
So Britney will have a little girl who'll want to dress like a slut when
|A quick site note
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