Birth (2004) is controversial due to a scene with a nude Nicole Kidman and a young boy together in a bath. Don't let the hype convince you to see it. It is about as erotic (or pedophilic) as Bambi. Kidman lost her husband, and had trouble getting over him. When she has finally agreed, 10 years later, to marry a persistent suitor, a 10 year old boy announces that he is the reincarnation of her dead husband. Guess what? In the only place this film rings true, people don't believe him. That is, nobody but Kidman believes him. Given her long term marriage to Tom Cruise, I suppose having her in love with a little boy is not that great a stretch after all. Without going into gory detail, Kidman goes for the kid, then finds out that, gasp, he isn't really her dead husband. The pace is something akin to watching paint dry. Everyone in this dirge speaks in pretentious, English 1A sentences.

Although Kidman was nominated for a few awards, I saw nothing from her in this role. It was as if she had no idea what the script was asking for, and neither did the director. Nonetheless, they were deadly serious about this film. Kidman shows breasts in near blackout early in the film, and almost shows her right breast in the much ballyhooed bath scene. IMDb readers have this at 6.1. The film rates highest with young male voters at 7.1. Why not? At 10, the idea of a bath with a naked Nicole Kidman would have kept me warm at night for weeks. Theater goers, it seems, were not fooled, as it only earned $5.01M against a $20M budget. Berardinelli gives an overly generous 1.5 stars, but redeems himself by calling it "pretentious crap." This is a D, a boring film based on a preposterous concept, and with an incredibly unlikely ending. Avoid it at all costs.

  • Thumbnails

  • Nicole Kidman (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated.


    Camp Fear (1991):

    In order to get the flavor of this timeless film classic, you may want to see the pictures, so I'll send you off to the Movie House

    • Michelle Bauer (1, 2)
    • Savannah (Shannon Wilsey). She is the porn star and major league druggie who sometimes crossed over into some mainstream T&A stuff. She was also known for dating famous people like Gregg Allman, Pauly Shore, Slash, and Vince Neil. (Pauly loved her, and said he would have married her if she could have kicked her drug habit.) She committed suicide three years after making this film, still only 23. The conventional wisdom is that she become despondent after getting her face disfigured by a car accident.
    • Two other chicks who wandered around topless. (1, 2, 3)


    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    This week's Poll...

    Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
    Best All Time Television Comedy
    Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance
    The Top 20 Best Sex Scenes

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    First up from the Ghost 'caps and a clip from the direct-to-vid movie "Gunmen" (1994). I have never seen this one, but now that it has come across my path I feel that I must. If for no other reason...the B-factor!

    This puppy was one of the first writing credits for Stephen Sommers...long before he did the "Mummy" movies and "Van Helsing". Next, let's combine Sommers' lack of writing depth with a classic cast! Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Denis Leary, Patrick Stewart, Kadeem Hardison, Sally Kirkland, Brenda Bakke, Rena Riffel plus a bunch of rappers like Big Daddy Kane, Doctor Dré and Ed Lover as themselves.

    The nudity today comes from Ana Luisa Pardo in her one and only role. She plays "Orgasmic Hooker".

    Next up, the Ghost's daily dose of Skinemax. Today's feature...the 2003 flick "Talk Dirty".

    • Adult babe Ann Marie baring all 3 B's. Toplessness and pubes only in the 'caps with the rest of the skin and pseudo-sex in the clips. (1, 2)
    • Ann Marie (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    • Blonde porn babe Monique Alexander shows full frontal nudity while gettin' it on. In video clip #2 she taks the dude for a serious ride. Another case of porn stars making Skinemax sex look better. (1, 2, 3)
    • Monique Alexander zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

    • Ann Marie and Monique Alexander showing off all the goodies and having some lesbian fun. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Ann Marie and Monique Alexander zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Nichole McAuley showing off her big ol' robo-hooters in a hot tub sex scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Nichole McAuley zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    • One more adult film actress showing some softcore skin. Here is Kaylynn. (1, 2)
    • Kaylynn zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Kaylynn teams up with porn babe Lezley Zen for some more lebsian lovin'
    • Kaylynn and Lezley Zen zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    Michael Caine won an Oscar for his 1966 portrayal of Alfie. Jude Law won't. Nevertheless, the remake of this well known movie isn't bad, especially if you take it in context.

    The 1966 version has a lot more innuendo and a lot less blatant sex (and no nudity, as I recall), so a direct comparison isn't really possible, but the story's the same, and Law makes a fairly charming and likeable Alfie.

    For those who don't know, Alfie is a British cad and womanizer (living in New York in this version), who easily falls in lust with attractive women, who also find him attractive and desireable. He just as easily dumps them like a pair of dirty shorts, with no regrets. When he impregnates his best friend's girlfriend, then falls into true love with a woman who leaves him for a younger man, Alfie's world starts to fall apart.

    Like the original, an enjoyable movie, light and fun in the beginning, but ending on a more serious note.

    Erika Christensen Thanks to Squiddy for this high quality actress of the young actress showing off some very impressive cleavage while out in public.

    Juliet Berto AS2 'caps of the late French actress going topless in a shower scene from the 1974 movie "Céline et Julie vont en bateau" aka "Celine and Julie Go Boating".

    Nele Bauwens
    (1, 2)

    Topless in the tub and also showing just a hint of pubes in scenes from the Dutch movie "Penalty" (2000).

    Madeleine Stowe
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Joy E. Gregory
    (1, 2, 3)

    The Skin-man takes a look at the 1994 thriller "Blink". Stowe is topless in a love scene and Gregory bares her big'uns ans shows just a hint of pubes (FAIR WARNING she's the victim in a suicide scene).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Take It Off Your Form - The Nevada Senate is considering placing a 10 percent tax on exotic dancing in strip clubs. But a lawyer from the Nevada ACLU warned them Wednesday that if they passed it, it would be struck down as unconstitutional. He said adult entertainment is protected by the First Amendment, and you're not allowed to put a special tax on a protected activity based on content when you're not taxing other businesses.

  • Okay, then they'll just tax all the other businesses, too.
  • Besides, taxing the shirts off the backs of strippers would be redundant.
  • This would be called a "VAT tax," because it would be paid only by women who work in vats of Jell-O.
  • If they want to improve society, put a big tax on karaoke singers.

    The Woman's Response: "Bite Me!" - The pickup line U.S. women said was used most often on them was "Don't I know you from somewhere?" Worldwide, the most common line is "You have beautiful eyes." But the best may be Brazil's #1 pickup line: "You're delicious!"

  • Said after licking the woman.
  • That's also what Michael Jackson says after licking some kid's head.
  • "You have beautiful eyes" works better if you're not staring at her breasts when you say it.

    Better Put On That Flight Suit Again - Finally, when asked to rate the sexiness of President Bush on a 1-10 scale, American women gave him just a 2.2.

  • Bush replied, "Hey, not bad! 50 percent!"
  • They didn't want to hurt Bill Clinton's feelings, since he was lying right next to them.
  • The difference between Bush and Clinton: Bush doesn't care.

    Alcohol Magnifies All Pleasures - A University of Chicago study found that smokers' cravings for cigarettes increase when they're drinking because alcohol magnifies the pleasurable effects of nicotine. They gave alcohol to volunteers who were light smokers and found the more they drank, the more they wanted a cigarette.

  • They wanted it after the sex.
  • This required a study? Didn't Dean Martin teach us this in 1959?
  • But they were warned, there was a danger of fire.

    Consider Sterilization - Several days before Britney Spears, 23, announced her pregnancy, Parents Magazine released a poll showing that 53 percent of parents surveyed thought Britney and Kevin Federline should put off having kids until they're older.

  • Like, say, 60.
  • Britney's from Louisiana: she's already put it off for nine years.
  • They think Britney should've waited until her career was over...They didn't realize, she did.

    It's Not A Girl! Not Yet A Woman! - Britney's spokeswoman is backpedaling after she apparently revealed the baby's sex when she unthinkingly responded to a question about a miscarriage scare by saying, "She's okay. Mother and daughter are doing fine."

  • Britney assumed it would be a boy like Kevin, since it's already living off of her 24 hours a day.
  • It must be Britney's daughter: the sonogram shows a little navel ring.
  • So Britney will have a little girl who'll want to dress like a slut when she's 10?...GOOD!!!

  • A quick site note
    Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at

    If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!