Emilienne (1975) is a French soft core that was loosely based on a novel and rushed to the screens to capitalize on the success of Emanuelle. It is the story of a menage et trois, among an art teacher, his female art student Nouky (Nathalie Guérin), and his wife Emilienne (Betty Mars). Nouky and the professor have been at it a few months, but she is getting jealous of his wife, who owns an art gallery. She goes to an exhibit at the gallery, ad shows Emilienne her erotic sketches of women. From the reaction, Nouky realizes that Emilienne would like to try it with a woman.

Nouky manages to seduce her, and then gets invited to live with them. Nouky's jealousy soon causes her to break it off by telling Emilienne that she had been having an affair with her husband. Emilienne is shattered, and has a series of encounters with other women, including a lesbian brothel, a streetwalker, and all of the residents of a home for widowed seamen's wives. Eventually, the three end up together again.

Guérin shows all three Bs, Mars, who was best known as a torch singer, shows all three Bs in her only nude appearance. Mars died at the age of 33. Guérin has 19 credits between 1973 and 1987, mostly on TV. Several unknowns also show full frontal, including a great shot of six naked women standing shoulder to shoulder in the brothel. 9 IMDB readers have this at 4.3 of 10. The nudity is great, but the simulated sex is very tame and discreet. There was a lot of time given to plot compared to recent soft core films. I found it watchable. The transfer had the same pale green cast that I see in a lot of European films of that era, but was fairly clean, and the dubbed English was well done. All in all, this is a C-, a watchable if tame soft core.

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  • Betty Mars (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Guerin Mars (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Nathalie Guerin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Mallrats (1995)

    This early Kevin Smith comedy has an IMDb rating consistent with Smith's other films.

    1. (7.90) - Clerks. (1994)
    2. (7.60) - Chasing Amy (1997)
    3. (7.40) - Dogma (1999)
    4. (7.10) - Mallrats (1995)
    5. (7.10) - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

    In other words, if you like Kevin's films, here's another one.

    This one has some good laughs, but is mainly for the younger set. As you can see in the table below, Kevin's other four films, while generally liked best by teen audiences, score at least a respectable 6.4 with the oldest demographic group. Mallrats fails completely to score with the adult demographic, rated only 4.9 by the 45+ set(about equivalent to one and a half stats from the critics, and the 45+ Roger Ebert saw it exactly that way), and also rated the weakest of all Kevin's movies by those in the 30-44 demographic. On the other hand, it is rated the HIGHEST of Kevin's films by the under 18 set, even higher than the legendary $25,000 cult film, Clerks.

    IMDb scores (/10) Age under 18 Age 18-29 Age 30-44 Age 45+
    Clerks 8.2 8.1 7.4 6.4
    Mallrats 8.3 7.4 6.2 4.9
    Chasing Amy 7.7 7.8 7.3 6.8
    Dogma 8.1 7.6 6.9 7.1
    Jay and Silent Bob 8.1 7.3 6.7 6.4

    Summary: two immature guys are dumped by their girls on the same day. Hanging out in the mall, the lads conspire to get their girls back, abetted by those two mischievous stoners, Jay and Silent Bob. That's about it in the plot department.

    The film has some liabilities. Some of the performances are primitive. Jason Lee is still no Ken Branagh, but he has now at least managed to learn to deliver lines in a semi-plausible way. That was not true in Mallrats, in which his performance is at or below the high school drama level. He is matched for sheer over-the-top ineptitude by Michael Rooker as the evil authority figure. The real strengths of the film are Kevin's jokes, and the usual off-the-wall performances from Smith and Jason Mewes as the ubiquitous Jay and Silent Bob.

    Good DVD - transfer quality is colorful and sharp, full-length commentary, and 60 minutes worth of deleted scenes.

    Based on this description, this film would be a C+ if viewed as a "kiddie comedy", but it's rated R! Otherwise, it's a C or C-, a sophomoric middle-of-the-road entry in the comedy sweepstakes. I'm over 45 and I enjoyed it from time to time, especially when Jay and Silent Bob beat the hell out of the mall's Easter Bunny. (It was a revenge hit. Long story.)

    Essex Boys (2000)

    It's a so-so movie, one of  about 11 zillion gangster movies that the British seem to make every year, of no special distinction in that genre, except it has some well-known and respected stars in it. The photography is sharp and attractive, but not inventive, and the film is sorely lacking in the humor which usually makes these palatable.

    I believe Tuna pointed it out best in his review when he noted that the only real point of the movie is that Alexandra Kingston looks great naked. I agree that is the film's only strength, and I agree that Alex looks great.

    I have now formulated a very clear picture of the English countryside based upon British movies. Although the British technically drive on the opposite side of the street, this is purely theoretical, because all roads in England are only as wide as one car. If you see someone coming from the other direction, depending on the remoteness of your location, you might have to back up all the way to London.

    • Critical consensus: two stars. Apollo 51/100, BBC 3/5

    • Rotten Tomatoes 41% positive

    • With their votes ... IMDB summary: IMDb voters score it 5.3
    • It grossed about a half million dollars in the UK in about 50 theaters, was not theatrically released in the USA.

    Based on our system, this film is a C-. Genre: Brit gangster film, extremely serious division. It looks good and has some great performers (Tom Wilkinson, Alex Kingston, Sean Bean) but is crippled by a slow, heavy-handed script, and is missing the comic elements which make some other Brit-crime flicks more memorable. Tuna summed it up as follows: "C+ for the film A+++ for the nudity."

    • Holly Davidson shows her bare butt when lying dead.
    • Alex Kingston does some excellent nudity including full frontal, topless and a sex scene. She's an actress who always delivers on the nudity front. (1, 2, 3)



    Other crap:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Lisa Picard is Famous"
    No nudity by Laura Kirk in Lisa Picard is Famous, just cleavage, such as it is, and other interesting caps.

    • Laura Kirk (1, 2, 3)

    "Pursuit of Happiness"
    Amy Jo Johnson is the only nudity in Pursuit of Happiness, and that's brief. Minor pokies by Annabeth Gish and Dawn Eason provides the eye candy.

    "Night of the Living Dead"
    Pokies by Patricia Tallman in the horror film Night of the Living Dead.

    "Trojan War"
    Marley Shelton strips down to her underwear in the teen flick Trojan War and, unfortunately, that's all she ever does. A brief upskirt by Jennifer Love Hewitt.

    • Marley Shelton (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Jennifer Love Hewitt (1, 2)

    Another teen flick is Swimming and no nudity by Jennifer Dundas, Lauren Ambrose and Joelle Carter

    "The Independent"
    The Independent is the story of B movie director Jerry Stiller. The brief topless nudity comes from Danielle Ciardi in the first collage. Lots of other interesting caps from Julie Strain and others.

    "Diary of a Hitman"
    No nudity in Diary of a Hitman but Sherilyn Fenn and Lois Chiles get down to their underwear.

    "Out of Darkness"
    Pokies by Diana Ross in the telemovie Out of Darkness.

    "Christie Malry's Own Double-Entry"
    Christie Malry's Own Double-Entry is a British movie and we see a topless Kate Ashfield as she takes her clothes off.

    • Kate Ashfield (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Carry on Girls"
    No surprises in Carry On Girls, just the usual pretty women wearing very little. A nip slip by Margaret Nolan when she has a bitch fight with Barbara Windsor, who is later topless. Glamour is provided by Wendy Richards, Valerie Leon and some unidentified women. Like all Carry On films, there are no useful credits so I relied on the IMDB for identification, which was difficult because of inconsistencies with names that were actually used in the movie.

    "Bitter Harvest"
    Another British film is Bitter Harvest. There's plenty of glamour and interesting caps of Janet Munro.

    • Janet Munro (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Witch Hunt"
    I couldn't identify the topless woman in the weird movie Witch Hunt. Jill Pierce shows what can be done with prosthetics and Penelope Ann Miller provides glamour.

    Kin is a South African film, funded from Britain and starring the Australian Miranda Otto. I don't think she wore a bra during the whole movie so there's lots of pokies and topless shots. Also shown is a local South African lady whose name is probably in the credits but I couldn't work out which one.

    "Looking for Allibrandi"
    Also Australian is Looking for Allibrandi, but this time Pia Miranda provides the glamour.

    • Pia Miranda (1, 2)

    "Made in Heaven"
    Kelly McGillis is topless but the nudity is side-on and brief in Made in Heaven.

    "The Informant"
    Full frontal nudity by Simone Bendix in the Informant and a brief nip slip by Maria Lennon in The Informant.

    • Simone Bendix (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Maria Lennon (1, 2)

    Leticia Bredice
    (1, 2)

    Monica Estarreado

    From the Spanish movie "En La Ciudad Sin Limites". Bredice shows breasts in a bubble bath, Estarreado shows partial exposure.

    Mia Kirshner Cleavage and partial breast exposure from the first season of the FOX series "24".

    Another fantastic round of collages! Great 'caps by Hugo.

    Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Rie Rasmussen
    (1, 2, 3)

    From the Brain de Palma movie "Femme Fatale". Gorgeous cinematography and some very sexy scenes with Stamos and Rasmussen make for a pretty decent flick.

    The goods:
    Romijn-Stamos shows under water full frontal nudity (link #4) and dances in black undies (#5). Rasmussen shows nipples and bare breasts in the opening (and lengthy) lesbian make-out scene.

    Elizabeth Hurley
    (1, 2)

    The always gorgeous Liz in a bikini and topless in scenes from "The Weight of Water"

    Heather Graham
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Rollergirl topless, showing partial rear views and getting it on with Shakespeare in "Killing Me Softly".