Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

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Thursday

Crow's Feats

Monster edition today, much of it having to do with this fella right here, the Crowman. As requested, Crow came up with the xxx-rated caps of wrestlebabe Chastity in "Live Bait". These are in the right order, I think. Who knows? It's just Chas and some other babe giving a double job to some anoymous guy. Kind of hard to get the sequencing right. I'm pretty sure the money shot comes last, and the soft shot comes first. The other eight? Does it matter?

Chastity in "Live bait"

In his spare time, Crow has whipped up a few actresses for us to peruse. Here's Annette Bening in "Valmont"

Annette Bening in "Valmont"

Fairuza Balk in "Valmont"

Fairuza Balk in "Valmont". I read that this is a stunt butt.

Fairuza Balk in "Valmont". The stunt butt. This movie is based on Les Liaisons Dangereuses, an 18th century novel. If that sounds familiar, it is because the same novel generated a stage play and another movie called Dangerous Liaisons. (You probably also know that "Cruel Intentions", the new flick with Witherspoon and Buffy, is an update of the same story. ) This movie and the other were released within about a year of one another. I liked this movie. It doesn't have the star power of the other version, which featured Glenn Close, Michelle Pfeiffer and Uma Thurman, but it has something the other movie lacked: passion. When Glenn Close and John Malkovich played their games of sexual intrigue, it was all about cerebral conquest and calculation and power. It is hard to picture either of them filled with sexual rapture, and equally hard to picture anybody filled with rapture at the prospect of bedding them. Colin Firth and Annette Bening, on the other hand, are lively, attractive, sexual, likeable rogues. They may indulge in power games, but it is apparent that they enjoy their encounters. I especially liked Firth in the title role as a Valmont whose company would be great fun at any occasion, and whose seductiveness owes at least as much to his innate charm as to his conniving. Old ladies and children like him as much as his lovers, while Malkovich carried a dour, superior presence which could spook children and animals. Both fine performances, but Firth's Valmont is a guy you'd have a drink with. If Malkovich bought you a drink, you'd switch glasses on him. The settings are elegant and lovely. Today's Prague stands in nicely for a Paris long gone, and the interiors are equally splendid. The movie is dappled with the appropriate sights and music to evoke the era, and it contains an equal measure of plot and merriment. You'll like it if you like period pieces. Milos Forman is a terrific director with plenty of awards under his belt. Fairuza Balk is especially charming as the innocent who wishes to be so no longer.

Debi Mazar "Money for Nothing".

Virginia Hey, "Farscape". In Texas, the "Farscape" is what we use to exit a burning building.

Believe it or not, we're still on Crow's section. He seems to be shooting at the Scanman record for most stuff in one day. This is Jenny Agutter in "China 9, Liberty 37"

Agutter, "China 9, Liberty 37"

Elliffen Tiasis

Elliffen Graphics has been very productive in the last week or so, especially with that immortal cinema classic "Candy Stripe Nurses". Here's Robin Mattson

"Candy Stripe Nurses". Robin Mattson

"Candy Stripe Nurses". Maria Rojo

"Candy Stripe Nurses". Candice Rialson

The Cable Guy

The Cable Guy still seems to be connected. Here's Amber Smith in "Red Shoe Diaries: Runway". Amber may not be ready to challenge Streep for an Oscar, and those things may not be god-given, but she is a great lookin' woman. You directors out there, hire her and get her naked more on screen.

"Red Shoe Diaries: Runway". Amber Smith

The jet

United Imaging Artists now has Jet Scans and Jenz Scans, and they both start their file names with JS! This one is the Jet, and he has Cheryl Pollak in "No Strings Attached"

Jetscans: Cheryl Pollak in "No Strings Attached".

Blackshine

Eva Herzigova cooking pasta topless (Pirelli)

Variety

Cameron Diaz in "The Mask" from RJL. I agree with Scoopy Jr. I liked Cameron better when she had more flesh. Her first scene, walking into the bank, is as hot a screen debut as any I can remember. No nudity, curse the luck!

Raquel Darrian, star of the adult cinema, working on her tan.

Raquel Darrian, working.