Three new junk films:

Into the Blue 2


Centered in Hawaii, Into the Blue 2 has nothing to do with its predecessor other than that it's about a young man and woman who run diving excursions for tourists and hunt for treasure in their spare time. It's a typical made-for-cable-or-DVD flick with a boilerplate plot, generic one-dimensional characters and unknown actors. It's like an episode of Hawaii 5-0, except padded out to 90 minutes for no good reason. The extra running time consists of a couple of scenes with undeveloped characters, the usual stock underwater shots, various people playing beach volleyball, and some nudity.

Blah, blah, blah. International terrorists and arms dealers. Blah. blah, blah. Treasure hunters. Blah. blah, blah. Gold doubloons ... sharks ... nuclear weapons ...

It sounds completely negative when I write it like that, but one must concede that the film manages to entertain from time to time. The pacing is far too slow during the first sixty minutes, which is when all the padding occurs, but there are a few thrills once the plot starts to kick into gear. There are even some surprises: one of the main sympathetic characters gets killed and one of the baddies escapes, so the screenwriter at least showed a little chutzpah, al least by straight-to-vid standards.

It's sad to report that this, although by-the-numbers, is the best of the three movies by far.


The Telling


An uber-bitch sorority invites hopeful pledges to amuse the current sisters with scary stories. The three stories are pictorialized and there is also a framing story involving the sorority. Much of the film was lensed at the Playboy mansion, and it stars some of Hef's favorites like Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison. The girls can't act and the script is just a dreadful recycling of ideas you've seen a million times before. It's an utter waste of time, with nothing to please either gorehounds or those who love a good campfire tale.

There is some nudity, as follows:


The Caretaker


The Caretaker is a comedy/horror effort which is more or less a remake of Hell Night. A bunch of guys get their dates into an old house and tell them scary stories, which they have arranged to accompany with fake scares. Needless to say, a real slasher shows up to spoil the fun, or add to it, depending on your point of view.

Low-budget suckfest with guest appearances by Jennifer Tilly and Judd Nelson.

Somebody else did these film clips:


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.










Blaxploitation classic with sexy Pam Grier

Grier film clips

Movie House notes on this film








The Burning


Today the Time Machine returns to the early eighties for 'The Burning". First up Carrick Glenn shows off her cute titties in an outdoor shower. Caps and a clip.


Then Carolyn Houlihan goes all full frontal for us getting in and out of the water. Caps and a clip.


TV Land

Over in TV Land Kate Snow is leggy on the 'Good Morning America" couch. Caps and a clip.







Notes and collages

Brain Dead


Christina Tiberia









Girls of Sunset Strip


Coming your way will be clips from a strip-and-wiggle disk called Girls of Sunset Strip. Not your typical fare in that the girls in question include a bunch of B-movie regulars. They would be Kim Dawson, Mimi Fallace, Monique Parent, Nenna Quiroz (who often gets cinema nekkid as Lisa Throw) and Tanya Poole.  And there is this other gal named Crystal Nelson. 

The disk suffers from one huge fault - stupid camera tricks.  Post-production editing added all sorts of unnecessary and obscuring features to the nekkid gals, as if the producers were attempting to show they could put out a work of cinematic art.  Sheesh.  I edited out that shit, leaving the gals in all their glory.

DVD bonus features included three clips of other disks in which Julie Strain. Lorissa McComas and Shauna O'Brien get down to their birthday suits.  With Kim, Julie, Lorissa and Monique, you have to figure this disk includes actresses in a few hundred B movies. 

Today: Shauna O'Brien










Laura Antonelli in L'Innocente



Chelsea Handler in Allure

Eliza Dushku in Allure

Lynn Collins in Allure

Sharon Leal in Allure

Padma Lakshmi in Allure

"supermodel" Shannon Click



Film Clips

Edwige Fenech film festival, part sixteen. 1980 edition. She's about 32, and we're finally approaching the end of the trail.

Ellen Barkin in Wild Bill

Amanda Peet in What Doesn't Kill You. Very brief flash of breasts. You may not even notice it at first.

Olivia Alaina May in "Coed Confidential," s2, e8