Illuminata (1998) is co-authored, directed by, and stars John Turturro. It is about a turn of the 19th century repertory company trying to put on a play written by their resident playright.
Good points first.
One or more breasts from Susan Sarandon, Katherine Borowitz, Georgina Cates and Aida Turturro.
Lots of good performances.
Humorous moments, especially for those who have worked in theater.
Now for the not so good.
Indifferent dark letterboxed transfer.
A very confusing plot. It was hard to tell what was a play, and what was supposed to be real life.
The biggest problem for me was caused by the fact that every character should have had three personas. The first, their character, the second, their character playing an actor, and third, their actual character in the play. Lacking this switch from real life, to backstage to on-stage, it was nearly impossible to tell performance from "real life."
IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. Some critics were wildly enthusiastic, while Rotten Tomatoes shows it as only 39% positive, and comments at IMDb reflect the same disparity. Those who liked it, adored it, and everyone else hated it. It grossed $837K in the US. I can't believe Turturro ever envisioned this as a popular box office draw. This is a C+, fans praise it to the sky, but detractors, who are in the majority, strongly disliked it. Personally, I found it more than a little confusing, and, for the most part, boring.
"Road Trip" Corrected Images
Thanks to C2000, we have IDs for two of the Unknowns. Here are the corrected images.
Jaclyn De Santis and Aliya Campbell
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- There are 28 updated volumes in the K section Encyclopedia.
All the ones in yellow. That brings K up to date for those celebs
with individual volumes.
Forbes.com: A First Look At Google's Gmail
Hugo and Retro Hugo Nominations have been announced
(excellence in Sci-Fi and Fantasy)
Worm Triggers Attacks on File-Trading Services: "The
latest variant of the Netsky worm is directing infected computers
to launch Web-based attacks against music- and file-trading Web
services such as Kazaa"
- Minnie Driver, the Shatner of tomorrow?
Stars with a song in their hearts. Examples follow:
FHM - The Women of The Apprentice.
Old Glory Robot Insurance-from Saturday Night Live
A Message From Weird Al
- Here's one for you journalism students:
Man bites dog to death.
The faith gap: Kerry says he, too is a "holy-ass motherfucker"
President to hold another phoney-baloney press conference where he
only calls on friendly people with pre-arranged questions.
The staged event will be held Tuesday night, and will be
orchestrated by Vince McMahon.
Justice Scalia Apologizes for Recording Erasure. Turns
out the marshals were not supposed to sieze the reporters' tape
recorders. They were supposed to shoot them.
Bonds hits #660, ties Mays for #3 of all time.
- This site is dedicated entirely to
upcoming comic book movies
the agony booth : the worst movies known to man
The Ruins of New England - photography by rob dobi
TheWritingsOnTheStall.com - bathroom graffiti
Old Superstitions.com - The web's largest superstitions database
the first picture of dark-haired Russell Crowe on the set of
Universal's Cinderella Man.
The Daily Show wonders about the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens
The Daily Show analyzes e-voting.
- The White House today offered a new version of the President’s
national security posture during the summer of 2001, revealing
President Bush spent the month of August 2001 disrupting an
al-Qaeda terror plot against his ranch in Crawford, Texas.
According to Mr. McClellan, the President proceeded to shake every
tree on his Crawford ranch, hoping that al-Qaeda terrorists might
fall out of at least one of those trees. He then got in his white
Ford F250 pickup truck and roamed all 1600 acres of his ranch
searching for operatives of Osama bin Laden, or for Mr. bin Laden
himself. “The fact that a terror attack did not occur in Crawford
shows that the President’s attempts to disrupt the al-Qaeda
network in August of 2001 were 100% successful,” Mr. McClellan
Ralph Nader, I luv ya, man, but fuck you. By Howard Screamin' Dean
NPR's April Fool's hoax: Post Office Calls for Portable 'Vanity'
Six Americans on an impossible mission -- carving out a road to
the South Pole. Although the engineers are only about
half finished, the
"South of the Border" motel already has
their first cute racially-offensive billboards on the highway.
Janine is back in porn - and this time she's playing with the boys
More Arena Football babes: the San Diego Riptide Cheerleaders and
Post-tittygate morality cans Victoria's Secret show.
That's a shame, because I was really wondering how they would work
Bob Dylan into that.
Kill Bill 3 - check newspaper listings for a theater near you - in
2019. I guess by then some of Tarantino's fans may even
be able to get a date. ... Naaaaaah.
"Our town loves to have the Boston Marathon, everything is
wonderful, except for this peeing thing"
The Dartmouth Crew loses - to a river otter. These guys
must be related to the secret service men who couldn't protect
Jimmy Carter from a rabbit.
Actual announcements from church bulletins. Sample:
"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days."
- Day late, dollar short:
- Spammers discover:
There are 600,426,974,379,824,381,952 ways to spell Viagra
Vivica A. Fox finally moved on from 50 Cent. She has
moved up the food chain of rap, and is now dating Snoop Dogg.
The nemesis of the first men in North America: Giant Beavers.
And their wives weren't that hot BEFORE childbirth, either.
£7,000 look at lap dancing: Four strip clubs in Glasgow
are to be the subject of an academic study at a cost of £7,000 to
the taxpayer. Now that's taxation with representation!
Dozens stripped, searched at eateries - based on phone calls.
- Sad, but too political for me:
a mosaic of the President's face formed from the faces of soldiers
who died in Iraq.
- Four free short vids from
Playboy's Beach Babes!
- Kimberly Stanfield was the Playmate of the Month in July 2001.
Here is her free, nude
Playmate Gallery, courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
- Here's the trailer for Disney's
Chicken Little, which features the voice of Don Knotts
(and other, lesser mortals).
Shaq says the f-word on TV again.
- Great story of the day. Author says
J. Edgar Hoover was Dorothy Lamour's lover, and had nude pictures
of Eleanor Roosevelt. Dorothy was the one true love of
his life, and Mr Hoover was NOT a cross-dresser, was not gay and
was not Clyde Tollson's lover. Eleanor Roosevelt?
Matt Damon on filming in Prague.
FilmJerk.com's Early Report for the week of April 11.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
Full frontal and rear - the best
nudity of their careers
If you like Rachel Griffiths, here is the holy
grail. A very long clip of Griffiths running around stark naked in
Among Giants. Great size on the video, but not great quality. Sound
is poor. Good enough, however. (.avi version, .wmv version).
And, of course, this is also the Holy Grail if you really want to
see Pete Postlethwaite in the buff, and who doesn't?
Here is the Holy Grail for Kelly LeBrock fans -
she's stark naked in The Woman in Red. (.avi version, .wmv
And here's the Holy Grail for Jodie Foster lovers -
a great clip of Jodie in the buff in Nell. This is shorter, but much
brighter than the previous clip we had, and is a nice crisp transfer
as well. (.avi version, .wmv version)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
A few quick red carpet paparazzi edits.
Today the Ghost salutes 70's sexploitation actress Cheri Caffaro.
Caffaro mostly shows breasts, but there are occasional bum and bush views here as well.
- Thumbnail Previews
- Thumbnail Previews
- Thumbnail Previews
- Thumbnail Previews
- Cheri Caffaro
- Cheri Caffaro .wmvs
||Topless in scenes from the Sylvia Plath biopic, "Sylvia" (2003). Thanks to Flautista.
||"The Sopranos" co-star showing a bunch of cleavage during an a recent appearance on "Conan O'Brien".
|DeadLamb 'caps of Janet showing off her abs and a little cleavage on "Saturday Night Live". She did make fun of her "wardrobe malfunction", but it was blurred out way in advance.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the UK actress baring all in scenes from the UK mini-series "The "Camomile Lawn" (1992).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
ARNOLD SAVES SWIMMER
No, Not David Schwimmer...Thank God - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger
was swimming near his retreat in Maui last week when another swimmer got
cramps and was clinging to his boogie board to keep from drowning. Arnold
towed the man and his board 100 yards to shore, saving him. His
spokeswoman said, "And you thought he only did this in movies."
In the movies, he would've saved a hot woman while fighting off sharks
with an AK-47.
Well, to be honest, he sent in his stunt double to do it.
This makes Arnold the first politician in history to actually help
SMELL LIKE THE TITANIC
Indiana Jones And The Fragrance Of Doom - Now, any woman can smell like the
world's most famous maritime disaster. A perfume created in honor of the
Titanic was thought lost, but samples salvaged from the wreckage in 2000
were perfectly preserved by the cold water. The scent has been recreated
and was unveiled Saturday at the Edinburgh International Science Festival
in Scotland. Perfume historian David Pybus, known as the Indiana Jones of
the perfume world, said the scent is a mixture of violet and rose.
And, curiously, mackerel.
A perfume created in honor of the "Titanic" movie was a mixture of Rose
and Jack...Jack cheese.
Wear it for good luck!
The slogan for "Titanic" perfume: "One whiff, and he'll go
"APPRENTICE" WOMEN POSE SEMI-NUDE
Look For Omarosa In "Black Tail" - Four of the fired women from "The
Apprentice" - Kristi, Katrina, Amy and Ereka - are posing in very skimpy
lingerie for FHM magazine. They turned down $1 million to appear nude in
Playboy, and Donald Trump told the New York Post's Linda Stasi that it
shows why there are no women left on the show. He said he'd encouraged
them to take the Playboy money, but they showed nearly as much for FHM for
nothing. Trump said he doesn't get it, since these women are not only
beautiful, they're supposed to be brilliant at business.
Which means they should have NO standards of morality.
They're not actual whores, they're just apprentices!
They want to show they have what it takes to be Donald Trump's right
Trump is so brilliant at business, he could get paid $1 million NOT to
take his clothes off.
They wore the same skimpy lingerie they wore when they auditioned for
ROSEANNE SAYS CELEBRITIES ARE ALL NUTS
Say, She IS Sane Now! - Roseanne Barr says that stomach-stapling surgery,
therapy and Prozac have helped her recover her health and sanity, and she's
now warning people not to use celebrities as role models. She said all of
them that she knows are "severely damaged people, and so we're looking for
all the love we never got...Nobody should look up to us ever, or do
anything we do. We're basically circus freaks. None of us is altruistic
or any of that, we are pretty selfish and fear-driven people who need
But she's a celebrity, so don't listen to her.
Well, except the cast of "Friends"...They really ARE your friends.
The only thing celebrities know is fear and selfishness...Oh, and of
course, foreign policy.