Illuminata (1998) is co-authored, directed by, and stars John Turturro. It is about a turn of the 19th century repertory company trying to put on a play written by their resident playright.

Good points first.

One or more breasts from Susan Sarandon, Katherine Borowitz, Georgina Cates and Aida Turturro.
Beautifully filmed.
Lots of good performances.
Humorous moments, especially for those who have worked in theater.

Now for the not so good.

Indifferent dark letterboxed transfer.
A very confusing plot. It was hard to tell what was a play, and what was supposed to be real life.
The biggest problem for me was caused by the fact that every character should have had three personas. The first, their character, the second, their character playing an actor, and third, their actual character in the play. Lacking this switch from real life, to backstage to on-stage, it was nearly impossible to tell performance from "real life."

IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. Some critics were wildly enthusiastic, while Rotten Tomatoes shows it as only 39% positive, and comments at IMDb reflect the same disparity. Those who liked it, adored it, and everyone else hated it. It grossed $837K in the US. I can't believe Turturro ever envisioned this as a popular box office draw. This is a C+, fans praise it to the sky, but detractors, who are in the majority, strongly disliked it. Personally, I found it more than a little confusing, and, for the most part, boring.

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  • Aida Turturro (1, 2, 3)
  • Georgina Cates (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Katheine Borowitz (1, 2)
  • Susan Sarandon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Road Trip" Corrected Images

    Thanks to C2000, we have IDs for two of the Unknowns. Here are the corrected images.

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  • Jaclyn De Santis and Aliya Campbell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Rachel Blanchard
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • There are 28 updated volumes in the K section Encyclopedia. All the ones in yellow. That brings K up to date for those celebs with individual volumes.




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.


    Full frontal and rear - the best nudity of their careers

    • If you like Rachel Griffiths, here is the holy grail. A very long clip of Griffiths running around stark naked in Among Giants. Great size on the video, but not great quality. Sound is poor. Good enough, however. (.avi version.wmv version).  And, of course, this is also the Holy Grail if you really want to see Pete Postlethwaite in the buff, and who doesn't?

    • Here is the Holy Grail for Kelly LeBrock fans - she's stark naked in The Woman in Red. (.avi version.wmv version)

    • And here's the Holy Grail for Jodie Foster lovers - a great clip of Jodie in the buff in Nell. This is shorter, but much brighter than the previous clip we had, and is a nice crisp transfer as well. (.avi version.wmv version)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    A few quick red carpet paparazzi edits.

    Crimson Ghost
    Today the Ghost salutes 70's sexploitation actress Cheri Caffaro.

    Caffaro mostly shows breasts, but there are occasional bum and bush views here as well.

    Gwyneth Paltrow Topless in scenes from the Sylvia Plath biopic, "Sylvia" (2003). Thanks to Flautista.

    Lorraine Bracco "The Sopranos" co-star showing a bunch of cleavage during an a recent appearance on "Conan O'Brien".

    Janet Jackson
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    DeadLamb 'caps of Janet showing off her abs and a little cleavage on "Saturday Night Live". She did make fun of her "wardrobe malfunction", but it was blurred out way in advance.

    Tara Fitzgerald
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the UK actress baring all in scenes from the UK mini-series "The "Camomile Lawn" (1992).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    No, Not David Schwimmer...Thank God - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was swimming near his retreat in Maui last week when another swimmer got cramps and was clinging to his boogie board to keep from drowning. Arnold towed the man and his board 100 yards to shore, saving him. His spokeswoman said, "And you thought he only did this in movies."

  • In the movies, he would've saved a hot woman while fighting off sharks with an AK-47.
  • Well, to be honest, he sent in his stunt double to do it.
  • This makes Arnold the first politician in history to actually help anybody.

    Indiana Jones And The Fragrance Of Doom - Now, any woman can smell like the world's most famous maritime disaster. A perfume created in honor of the Titanic was thought lost, but samples salvaged from the wreckage in 2000 were perfectly preserved by the cold water. The scent has been recreated and was unveiled Saturday at the Edinburgh International Science Festival in Scotland. Perfume historian David Pybus, known as the Indiana Jones of the perfume world, said the scent is a mixture of violet and rose.

  • And, curiously, mackerel.
  • A perfume created in honor of the "Titanic" movie was a mixture of Rose and Jack...Jack cheese.
  • Wear it for good luck!
  • The slogan for "Titanic" perfume: "One whiff, and he'll go down."

    Look For Omarosa In "Black Tail" - Four of the fired women from "The Apprentice" - Kristi, Katrina, Amy and Ereka - are posing in very skimpy lingerie for FHM magazine. They turned down $1 million to appear nude in Playboy, and Donald Trump told the New York Post's Linda Stasi that it shows why there are no women left on the show. He said he'd encouraged them to take the Playboy money, but they showed nearly as much for FHM for nothing. Trump said he doesn't get it, since these women are not only beautiful, they're supposed to be brilliant at business.

  • Which means they should have NO standards of morality.
  • They're not actual whores, they're just apprentices!
  • They want to show they have what it takes to be Donald Trump's right hand girls.
  • Trump is so brilliant at business, he could get paid $1 million NOT to take his clothes off.
  • They wore the same skimpy lingerie they wore when they auditioned for "The Apprentice."

    Say, She IS Sane Now! - Roseanne Barr says that stomach-stapling surgery, therapy and Prozac have helped her recover her health and sanity, and she's now warning people not to use celebrities as role models. She said all of them that she knows are "severely damaged people, and so we're looking for all the love we never got...Nobody should look up to us ever, or do anything we do. We're basically circus freaks. None of us is altruistic or any of that, we are pretty selfish and fear-driven people who need help."

  • But she's a celebrity, so don't listen to her.
  • Well, except the cast of "Friends"...They really ARE your friends.
  • The only thing celebrities know is fear and selfishness...Oh, and of course, foreign policy.