Policewomen (1974) is a lady cop action film from early exploitation king Lee Frost who wrote and directed. It is clearly low budget, but was shot partially on picturesque Catalina Island off the California coast. A policewoman who is working as a guard at a jail nearly foils a prison break single handed, using her karate skills to stop all but two of the prisoners. Based on this performance, she is given a chance to work undercover on a real field assignment. This is something she has been waiting for for a long time, as she felt under utilized in a typical female position on the force. A female gang has a crime spree going that somehow involves smuggling large quantities of gold into the country. She is to infiltrate the gang. When the male cops put her through a few tests, she shoots like a marksman, drives like a stunt driver, and kicks the shit out of the academy karate instructor.

The story is only so so, and the acting is all over the scale, but we have partial nudity from four interesting women, and lots of fights, chases, etc.

The part of Lacy Bond, the police woman, is played by Sondra Currie, who is still working, mainly on TV. She shows breasts and buns in a sex scene with her male partner. Jeannie Bell plays a federal agent who also infiltrates the gang. She was one of the two women who escaped in the prison break. She shows breasts and buns during the break, and breasts changing near the end of the film. For those who don't remember the name, she was Hefmate of the month in October, 1969, and played in some blacksploitation films. The other escaped prisoner and gang member is played by Jennifer Brooks (The Hot Box, The Abductors, The Working Girls). She shows a brief glimpse of her left breast during the prison break. Another gang member who tries to seduce the leaders boy friend in the shower, shows breasts and buns. She is Susan McIver (Smokey and the Bandit, I Spit on Your Corpse, Shampoo) who was the most popular member of a group started by Dean Martin called The Golddiggers. They even had their own TV show for a while. They were a 12 member female song and dance act.

IMDB readers have this at 4.4 of 10. Note that IMDB calls it The Insiders for some reason they don't share with us, and have the main character's name wrong (Lucy rather than Lacy). This is an excellent exploitation film/T&A action flick, although a lot of the enjoyment is unintentional laughs. The fighting is entertaining, and there are lots of attractive women in the cast, making it a quick watch. This gets an easy C+.

Other crap:

• The last of Dublin's famous brothels closes.
• Greatest secrets of the cold war
• RetroCrush salutes Diana Rigg
• the suit against Kenny Anderson
• The Top 5 1980s songs about masturbation
• key information about Popeye. The cartoon strip is one of the great bits of Americana. My friend told me that Popeye's use of the verb "dasses" is the only known use of this obscure Americanism in the positive. It is usually used in the negative - "dassn't". ("I dassn't say" means "I dare not say"). Nobody has been able to tell me any other non-Popeye use of the word "gazookus" except for a 1929 airplane which was called "The Flying Gazookus" (see last listing). Popeye debuted in 1929, so there could be a relationship, but not sure which begat which.
• don't strain your brain in college. Take the history of comic book art. Actually, although I was never much of a fan of S.H.I.E.L.D., it featured the trailblazing artwork of Jim Steranko, some of which is shown in the class exhibits.
• It's good to be the king. Dubya wears trendy, expensive Oxxford suits - they cost as much as $14,000. On the other hand, Cheney gets his at Goodwill, and buys only from the economical pre-stained collection, so it balances out
• Stetson University suspended publication of its student newspaper and fired the editorial staff because an April Fools' Day issue. They shut it down AND fired the unpaid volunteer staff? Isn't that redundant?
• troops find Saddam's Love Shack, right out of Austin Powers - shagadelic, baby
• and here's the story of the house of Saddam's son and potential successor, Uday
• Actual mafia boss says Analyze This was "preposterous". Why, it was so silly it was almost comical.
• Pillagers strip Iraqi museum. Thousands of priceless antiquities from Sumerian civilization are gone, including a solid gold harp which is 5000 years old. The fertile Tigris-Euphrates valley is commonly thought to be the birthplace of modern human civilization, so that museum held some of mankind's oldest treasures.
• jubilant crowd tears down symbol of oppressive regime. Baghdad? No, San Francisco. (I think they are kidding, but who the hell knows?)
• what happens when software engineers have too much time on their hands
• "Re-Code.com offers a do-it-yourself product repricing service. Wal-Mart is not amused"
• A modest proposal: President Bush should hire Info Guy, aka Baghdad Bob, to replace Ari Fleisher

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we take a final look at Maggie Gyllenhaal in "Secretary", 3 nudes and 2 of the sensuous Maggie pleasuring herself. Oh my this woman is hot!

• Maggie Gyllenhaal (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Then the old time machine goes back 20 years to 1983 and a look at the mega-hooters of Kitten Natividad in a teen movie "My Tutor". Kitten was somewhat of a legend back in the seventies. Her well endowed assets were featured in many flicks.

• Kitten Natividad (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

"Bikini Party Massacre" (2002)
Grade-X zero-budget horror filmed in the Ottawa Valley over a couple of long weekends with most of the cast doubling up on the crew. This has been released in the US under the shortened title Massacre (which makes it hard to find, searching under "Naomi Vondell" at AMAZON.COM takes you straight there).

• Group sex: Naomi Vondell (blonde) and Elizabeth Innes (redhead) show boob and butt in sex scene. Naomi's bush is hidden from shadow.
• Naomi Vondell: topless in dream sequence, then masturbating
• Elizabeth Innes: pokies, breast flash.
• Jessica Psaila (or Jessica Psalia?): pokies, breast from side while having sex.
• Kesta Graham: taking whizz in woods, partial butt getting up, has a very bountiful bosom.

"Dracula 2000"
A bunch of strippers, the only uncredited actress listed as one of them in the IMDB is Kelsey Matheson. She may be the one in the last two frames.

• Various strippers

"The Outer Limits: Sex & Science Fiction"
From episode "Bits of Love".

• Brett Stone: partial breasts having sex.

The current Naked News (www.nakednews.com) line-up:

From Left to right (all full frontal):

1st row
Victoria Sinclair
Michelle Pantoliano
Roxanne West
Erica Stevens

2nd row
Athena King
Lily Kwan
Samantha Page
Sandrine Renaud
Gia Gomez

3rd row
April Torres
cast shot
bonus Erica Stevens gyno-cam!

• Naked News Cast

• Another bonus: gyno-cam of Sandrine Renaud as she does some exercise routines. Superdave Osbourne saw this and screamed "balloon ball!".

"Barely Cooking" (www.barelycooking.com) is a Canadian cooking show where the cooks wear nothing but an apron. Both female cooks are actresses. However, the only notable exposure is their butts when they turn around to get something from the fridge. I'm afraid the ratings won't be going up until those aprons go up (or down).

• Eva De Viveiros: her first nudity as an actress.
• Dena Ashbaugh: not as shy, she performed a simulated sex scene live on stage at the fringe play Sexual Perversity in Chicago.

"Puppets Who Kill" (www.puppetswhokill.com) is a Canadian comedy that is an R-rated version of Greg the Bunny. No nudity but alot of simulated puppet sex.

• Soo Garay: sexy as domitrax. Her character slept with half the puppets.
• Angela Asher: legs and cleavage as sexy nurse.
• Unknown: stripper who appeared in a couple of episodes. Partial breast exposure. (could be Kelsey Matheson)

"Hold-Up" (1985)

• Kim Cattrall: nude in shower (pre-Sex and the City.

"Jeremy" (1973)

• Glynnis O'Connor: partial breast exposure taking off brassiere in this 1970s teen-date movie.

"Love In a 4 Letter World" (1970)

• Monique Mercure: rare full frontal exposure by this French-Canadian actress.

"Les Males" (1971)

• Andree Pelletier: full frontal in these much improved caps.
• Katerine Mousseau: appears nude but is wearing body stocking.

"Married... with Children Reunion"

• Christina Applegate: pokies in opening credits.
• Dawn Merrick: braless in 2nd season episode "Earth Angel".

This 2002 addition to the Massacre Collection pretty much follows the formula of it's predecessors: violence, nudity, and not much storyline.

Of course, some of the actresses they used you will recognize as some of your favorite B-nudie-movie queens, and they sure as hell aren't school-aged. Still, when you watch a Massacre movie, you pretty much know what you're getting.

This film wasn't as bloody as some of the earlier ones, but they sure took a hell of a lot of baths and showers.

Links 1-6 are individual frames from a Fun House reader. Link #7 is a great collage of the whole wet t-shirt scene by DeadLamb.