Malibu Beach (1978) is a teensploitation titty flick summer beach flick that has every requisite cliche. We have teenaged romance, a young female lifeguard, nerds, incompetent cops, a shark, a bully, and even a dog who steals bikini tops, right off the sunbathers. What we don't have is any real story. I suppose Kim Lankford as the lifeguard is the main character, as we meet her first, and her finally having sex with James Daughton, but their romance was never in doubt, so this was really not a plot line.

Lankford shows breasts and buns skinny dipping, and breasts having sex for the first time in her home. Susan Player, as her best friend, shows breasts and buns in the same skinny dipping scene, and breasts making out on the beach. Tara Strohmeier shows breasts when the "pesky kid" pulls a blanket off her and her boyfriend while they are making out on the beach with her topless. Several sunbathers show breasts when the dog grabs their tops.

IMDB readers have this at 2.2 of 10, with only 25 votes. It is a weak 4/3 transfer, although the credits are widescreen, proving that a widescreen version exists. The central characters are likable enough, but the dialogue is sophomoric, and the lack of story really hurts what could otherwise have been a good genre effort. This is a low C-.

Updates:

• New encyclopedia volumes: Raelyn Saalman, Anastasia Sakelaris, Eva Santolaria, Ines Sastre, Xenia Seeberg, Polly Shannon, Tiffany Shepis, Alicia Silverstone, Laure Sinclair, Lori Singer, Lisha Snelgrove, Amy Smart, Leelee Sobieski, Renee Soutendijk, Catherine Spaak, Mary Steenburgen, Meryl Streep, Ewa Stromberg, Trudie Styler

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is Updated

Other crap:

• The classic "How to DRIVE FAST on DRUGS while getting your WING-WANG SQUEEZED and not  SPILL YOUR DRINK", written by P.J. O'Rourke for National Lampoon in 1979.
• Every year French cinema yields a new succès de scandale. This year it is Choses Secrètes. Part porn, part art film, part soap opera. Thanks to Charlie for the link
• Traci Bingham will protest the running of the bulls in Pamplona by running naked through the streets of Pamplona. I have no idea how that will stop the bull thing, but I support her right to protest, and encourage her and other models to do this as often and in as many cities as possible. In Austin, we have the traditional running of the bats. Some naked supermodels should protest that obvious example of cruelty to bats. The models can run naked through my back yard. I'll even let them change in my bathroom. I'll even buy 'em dinner. What the hell, a small salad ought to feed about a dozen supermodels, right?
• I noticed that some of the bulletin board sites are starting to cast the Gulf Wars 2 movie. Top picks so far: Daniel Day Lewis as Saddam, F Murray Abraham as Info Guy.
• David Letterman's Top 10 statements by the Iraqi Info Guy. My favorites:
  • We're pulling down the statues of Saddam to have them cleaned
  • Iraqis are in the streets celebrating Cher's 40 fabulous years in show business  
  • Saddam is just resting at home with a case of the shingles.
• Here is the Scoopy Top 10 List of Info Guy remarks, from a few days ago:
  1. There are no American soldiers on our soil. In fact, as we speak, our tanks are parked at the White House, and we have even forced the infidels to validate our parking tickets
  2. Smoking glorious Iraqi Cigarettes is not at all harmful for your health. I personally smoke thousands of Saddam Lights per day.
  3. This will be the year for the L.A. Clippers.
  4. Jason Priestly is not too old to be playing a high school kid on "Baghdad 90210"
  5. There are no chemical weapons. We only keep those suits around for filming outer space movies, like that fine Solaris, which was written by Saddam, may he rule 1000 years, and write as many masterpieces.
  6. That military camp with the commercial airliner fuselage is not for training terrorists. We filmed View from the Top there, which was written and directed by Saddam, and starred the very fine Gwyneth Paltrow, who found Saddam much more glorious than Brad Pitt.
  7. Elvis is not dead. In fact, he has moved to Iraq because of our superior way of life, and he packs them in every night at Saddam's Palace and The Sands. "Hunka, hunka burnin' love" was written about our glorious leader, Saddam, may he rule for 1000 years, and please as many women.
  8. The American soldiers are all homosexual Jewish pedophiles who intend to rape our sons, then circumcise them. They won't dare attack our grown men because they are afraid of our superior might and monstrous penises.
  9. The cowardly American pilots have only bombed our children's hospitals, an institution for retarded people, and our shelters for adorable newborn kitties and puppies! Oh, yeah, and the Democratic National Headquarters.
  10. Pete Rose never bet on baseball

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we return to the kinky movie "Secretary" with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

First up are various scenes of Maggie in consensual bondage, being saddled, sex while tied to a tree, spanked, pleasuring herself and a little back door action.

We wrap it up with more great full frontal nudity from this very sensual actress.

If you have not seen this movie do it soon.

• Maggie Gyllenhaal (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

The Outer Limits (1995)

This sci-fi series is a remake of the 1960s classic. As it's an anthology tv series it has a new cast for each episode, and some them have a variations of skin exposure.

Unfortunately these caps are from the syndicated episodes, not the unadulterated Showtime series. Episodes such as "Double Helix", "Paradise", "Resurrection", "The New Breed" have the nudity removed by re-framing the nude scenes. Only a handful of TOL episodes are available on DVD and the TOL video collections are long out of print. Right now I'm approximately half-way through 154 episodes so there's more to come.

• Nicole de Boer: Star Trek: DS9 actress stripped down to her underwear in episode "Quality of Mercy". Sexy and very rare exposure.

• Elisabeth Rosen: bra and panties in episode "If These Walls Could Talk".

• Tammy Isbell: Paradise Falls actress shows some partial breast and butt exposure in episode "The New Breed".

• Christianne Hirt: sexy and vamped up in episode "From Within".

• Finn Carter: partial breast in episode "Beyond the Veil".

• Rachael Crawford: pokies in episode "Dark Rain".

• Sheena Easton: very sexy in episode "Falling Star". Very rare appearance from this singer.

• Michelle Johnson: Blame it on Rio star in tight t-shirt, bra, bare back in shower in episode "First Anniversary". She has aged very well.

• Kristin Lehman: butt in shower, partial breast in episode "Dead Man's Switch".

• Debbie Podowski: buns and partial breast in episode "Refuge".

• Lisa Melilli: partial breast in episode "Refuge".

• Sara Johnson: hefmag model in bra and panties in episode "Double Helix". Classic mass strip scene.

• Tara Spencer Nairn: bra in episode "Double Helix".

• April Telek: cleavage, dark love scene in episode "Paradise".

• Heather Hanson: dark love scene, partial pregnant nude in episode "Paradise".

• Crystal Cass: fully nude but glow obscuring naughty bits in episode "Paradise".

• Fawnia Mondey: nude but showing nothing in episode "Resurrection".

COP SPIED FOR TABLOIDS
How Did HE Get Caught? - The Los Angeles Times reports that the city paid $400,000 to settle a lawsuit over a cop who was allegedly using police computers to look up confidential info on such stars as Jennifer Aniston, Meg Ryan, Drew Barrymore and Halle Berry. He claims he was ordered to keep track of celebrities for a security project, but the LAPD denied the project exists and the lawsuit claimed he was selling the info to tabloids.