Thursday

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• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Devil in the Flesh II (2000) is a Canadian made sequel to a weak original thriller, and follows the normal sequel rules by leaving off where the last one stopped, leaving room for another sequel at the end, upping the nudity and gore/violence, and putting me to sleep. In this one, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe breaks out of a mental hospital, killing a nurse and her doctor, assumes the identity of a girl who picks her up on the road then dies, and starts college, with none other than her flame from the first film on the faculty. She basically seduces him, and does in anyone in her way. The professor, for his part, had my head moving like a ping pong match as he bounced between his pregnant girlfriend (Katherine Kendall ) and O'Keefe. O'Keefe is careful to not show any skin. Kendall shows breasts in a very tame sex scene, and an unknown woman shows breasts and buns in a totally gratuitous sex scene near the beginning.

IMDB readers say 4.1 of 10, and Apollo has it at 56. To me, a thriller should get your adrenaline going at least enough to keep you awake, and this one failed that test. Most of the plot is predictable, and the characters actions are not very realistic. Performances are ok, and the production values, other than F/X, were not bad. This is a low C-.

MOVIES:

New releases:

Serendipity is another formulaic romantic comedy from the big Hollywood Dream Factory. It has one of the dumbest, tritest scripts ever written, but also has at least three good performers who play it well (Jeremy Piven, John Cusack, Eugene Levy) - ALMOST well enough to make it convincing. Cusack needs to get back to his roots and away from this Hollywood Pablum. No nudity.

No Man's Land is the blackly comedic anti-war film that won the best foreign film Oscar, in a major upset over the heavily favored Amelie. The director's acceptance speech was perhaps more touching than the film itself in the way it demonstrated what a different world this film and its director inhabit from the one we know. The film's approach certainly demonstrates the difference between Hollywood and Bosnia, but his appearance at the trite ceremony heightened our awareness still further. He loped to the podium without a shred of poise; he hunched over the mike while he muttered in incomprehensible English, and he came to the glamorous Oscar night in a suit that looked like he got it from Goodwill. It appeared that the total amount of money this man has had in his life wouldn't pay for one of Tom Cruise's haircuts. My daughter and I laughed out loud (Ok, cruelly, I admit) as the guy approached the podium, but my wife (who was born and educated in Eastern Europe) didn't see the humor. I think she thought he was kinda stylish by the standards of the former Soviet Bloc. Or maybe she was in shock at the sight of an Eastern European guy without an oversized hat.

In a pointed yet strangely endearing way, he managed to open our eyes for a few minutes and made us realize that the celebrity gossip and fashion talk that dominates Oscar night is just the empty, superficial part of filmmaking. This poor penniless shlub threw his heart and soul on film in a representation of the absurd and forlorn state of his war-torn homeland, which was once so serene and breathtaking, and he did an excellent job.

Helluva screenplay. If Jonathan Swift can read it from wherever he is now, he is nodding in approval. 

Assuming he can read Bosnian.

Unfortunately, no nudity.

Under the Skin is the gritty cinema verite film that brought Samantha Morton to the world's attention.  This film is one of those dreary looks at a life in disintegration. When their aging mum passes on, two English sisters react in very different ways. One externalizes her grief, cries it out, and moves on with life in a normal way. The other sister doesn't seem to manifest any grief at all, even seems to mock her sister for her emotional weakness, but under the skin she undergoes a personality transformation, and she descends into a dizzying spiral of drugs and sex.

I think that there are two elements for which the movie may be recommended: (1) A close-to-the-bone performance from 20 year old Samantha Morton, who won several awards for this performance .(2) The dizzying spiral of sex is portrayed graphically, through the mind of the female participant. we hear her thoughts during sex. we hear her engaged in phone sex. We hear her graphic recollections of sexual experiences. And we see much of what transpires.

But I gotta say that after an economical 85 minutes of running time, I was more than ready for this to be over, because  it doesn't really go anywhere.

• Samantha Morton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

Ruthless People was covered by Tuna last week, and I don't really have much to add to his comments. It's a reasonably well paced black comedy about a guy who refuses to pay a ransom demand because he wants his wife to die, the plot thickened by several twists and misunderstandings among the competing parties.

• Jeannine Bisignano (1, 2)

Who is Thora Birch's mom? Revealed in this week's Star:

Do you remember the controversy about Thora Birch's nude scene in American Beauty? Because she was 17 at the time, her parents were on the set, accompanied by an official from the State of California who was entrusted with the responsibility to see that she was not an exploited minor.

That was controversial, but how much MORE controversy would there have been if we had known that Thora Birch's mom, the lady who gave permission for the nude scene, was in fact quite an expert on the subject? The Star reports in its April 23rd edition that Thora's mom, Carol Birch, is actually Carol Connors, the famed 70's porn star from such unforgettable classics as Deep Throat and Candy Goes to Hollywood. See many samples of mom's technique in the Tuna archives under Deep Throat

• Here are pictures of Thora and Carol juxtaposed. I don't see much resemblance, except maybe their bra sizes.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Here is the beautiful, blonde, former Miss New York, Miss Hawaiian Tropic, and 2nd runner-up to Miss Pennsylvania, Jennifer Gareis in scenes from, "Luckytown Blues".

• Jennifer working the brass pole. Great thong view in #2. (1, 2)

• Jennifer having sex on the pool table. No nudity. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• A nice 'cap o' cleavage.

• Finally revealing the goods! (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Scoop,

Now, I understand why Madonna was so upset about those nude paintings. She looks like a shar-pei!

Click Here for photos of those nude portraits of Madonna, and an article from BBC news.

I guess you heard that Halle Berry got some shrapnel in her eye while shooting a scene for the new 007 movie, but she'll be okay. Her breasts emerged unscathed, so thank God it wasn't career-threatening. Now here are a few items from IMDB, the first from a guy who is taking religion much too seriously. Because he's a Catholic, he won't even shoot a pretend sex scene with Ashley Judd. This explains why nobody in Italy has a mistress...

Caviezel Refused To Get Naked With Ashley Judd
Staunchly Catholic Hollywood actor Jim Caviezel refused to strip off for a sex scene with beautiful actress Ashley Judd. The 33-year-old star threatened to walk out unless director Carl Franklin shot the scene for thriller High Crimes with both parties wearing clothes. He says, "I told Carl, 'It's no problem, I don't have to do this movie. Go ahead and find someone else.' I see our culture as not respecting people too much, treating people like objects. There are times where sex is appropriate, but I've yet to see butts and breasts act themselves out of a scene!" It's not the first time Caviezel has refused to get naked for scenes with beautiful co-stars. He refused to film a love scene with sexy Jennifer Lopez in Angel Eyes because she was topless and asked rising star Dagmara Domincyzk to cover her nipples while shooting The Count Of Monte Cristo. The married star says, "My acting stems from inside, from God. And that's the only way I can act. If I violate that, then I don't think I'd be around this business much longer."

Next up, James King gives us a behind-the-scenes peek at the shooting of movie sex scenes. It ain't a pretty picture...

James King's Hilarious Sex Scenes
Stunning Pearl Harbor star James King had to hold back the giggles while romping with co-stars in her recent box office bomb Slackers. The model-turned-actress, 22, finds it hilarious to act out sex scenes in the movie, which co-stars Devon Sawa and Jason Schwartzman. The blonde beauty says, "There are about a hundred people sitting there watching you and you're having sex with this guy and he's wearing a thong. You're trying not to laugh your ass off. You're licking his face and he's licking yours, and it's so gross and so nasty, but it's funny too. It's so outrageous, especially when you think 'This is my life; I'm getting paid to have sex with a guy in a thong!'"

Next, dim the lights in the Funhouse: Jamie Lee Curtis has decided to keep 'em covered up from here on out...

Jamie Lee Covers Up
Lusty fans of Jamie Lee Curtis won't be seeing the leggy actress in any more saucy movies - she has become a prude. Curtis became Lady Hayden-Guest when her English husband, wacky movie maker Christopher Guest, inherited his father's noble title, and she's learned what it takes to be a real lady. Jamie always considers her children when accepting parts - because she doesn't want to embarrass them. She says, "I just don't want the scrutiny. I'm not interested in the telephotoness (sic) of everyone's eyes. I'm very chaste, for someone who dances around in her underwear in movies. I go to the edge of the pool in a sarong and a shirt and I take them off and I swim. I also choose to walk around in my private life in chaste clothing. I don't wear tank tops or shorts. I wear dark clothing and longsleeved shirts and skirts to my knee. It's about an appropriateness and an inappropriateness and I'm sure we all know what that line is."

* HAIRLESS ROSIE WAS A SCHOOL FREAK
Actress ROSIE PEREZ is having the last laugh on the teenagers who made her school life hell - she never needs to wax. The Latino PERDITA DURANGO star was picked on at school because she had no pubic hair - and she used to pray for proper puberty.

She says, "I had these humungous breasts and no hair. I had like three hairs and that was it. It was so humiliating. The kids used to catch me in the shower and say, 'No hair, no hair, no hair.' "But now I only have to shave three times a year and shave my armpits once a month. I don't have to do all the waxing. I just put on the bikini and I'm good to go."