"The Velocity of Gary"
The Velocity of Gary (1998) is a dying man gay romantic comedy/tragedy. Were it not for the advance knowledge that I would see a breasts from Salma Hayek before it was over, that would have been enough to put me off watching it entirely. The story involves a triangle between Salma, bi boyfriend Vincent D'Onofrio, and his boyfriend, Thomas Jane. For most of the film, D'Onofrio is dying of aids, and Hayek and Jane were trying to find ways to be with him and not kill each other. As if all this was not enough, they decided to give Hayek aids, which she discovered at the same time she found out she was pregnant.
IMDb readers say 4.4 of 10. Ebert gives two stars, a very low score for him. Hayek is worth watching, but she was the only thing about this film that was. D.
White Palace (1990) stars Susan Sarandon and James Spader in a romantic comedy. He is a Jewish anal retentive lawyer, she is a waitress in a greasy spoon hamburger joint, twice his age, uneducated, and a total slob. Naturally, the fall madly in lust, then love, separate, then reunite and live happily ever after. After all, that is the formula, and they didn't deviate. There were some moments, such as when Spader realizes that it is not Sarandon that is out of place with his friends, it is him. He is at a party, and discovers that the hostesses dust buster has no dust in it.
Sarandon is a personal favorite, and she did he usual splendid job in this film, and Spader, who I usually want to slap upside the head for his smirk was not as bad as usual, but there was not enough material for a film here. However, the sex scenes between the two sizzled, and we get several looks at Sarandon's breasts.
IMDb readers say 6.4 of 10. Ebert gave 3 1/2 stars, admiring the treatment of the May/December relationship, but loathed the ending. Were you to have me read 50 Ebert reviews and guess what his star rating was, I doubt that I would get half of them right. The correct score is C-. Those who enjoy the genre will find this one acceptable.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Truck Turner (1974):
Truck Turner is one of the better known
blaxploitation films from the Seventies. Isaac Hayes wrote the
music, as usual, but this time he also stepped in front of the
cameras as well, playing the anti-hero, Mack "Truck" Turner.
Truck is a tough-ass skip tracer, one of those guys
who tracks down the guys who skip bail. In the first act, Truck and
his partner track down an abusive pimp named Gator. About 90% of the
first half of the movie consists of the chase scenes as they follow
Gator on foot and in their car. In the process of the capture, the
pimp is finally shot and killed.
There is then a transitional scene which sets up the
rest of the film. Hoo-boy, the pimp's woman is really upset, and
she's one tough "rhymes with witch", so she calls a meeting of all
the pimps in Los Angeles, and promises them all that the man who
kills Truck Turner can have Gator's entire stable of hookers.
The second half of the movie basically consists of
Truck defending himself against her contract, by shooting a long
succession of guys wearing very silly hats. (See example on the
The plot development in this movie is virtually
non-existent. I just told you 100% of it. After the last Huggy Bear
clone bites the dust, there is an abrupt edit and we see Truck just
drivin' along in his car while some cool jazz plays in the
background and the credits roll.
Of course, the intricacies of plotting have never
been all that critical to this genre. When these Blaxpolitation
movies work best, they feature a lot of funny trash talk, great
music, and cool characters. I'd say this one was about average in
all respects. Isaac and the main bad guy, played by Yaphet Kotto,
were pretty cool, the music was OK but unmemorable. The trash talk
was sometimes pretty funny, but there just wasn't enough of it.
Overall, it's an average genre film. I think it would have been a
better film if they had cut back on the car chases and gunfights in
order to make the characters more colorful and memorable.
I suppose the most memorable thing about this movie is that it
featured Star Trek's Nichelle Nichols (Uhura) in a dress that seemed
to be made out of crepe paper.
- Nichelle Nichols (1,
- Annik Borel (1,
Leaving Metropolis (2002):
A handsome, struggling young artist takes a job as a
waiter in a Canadian diner. The proprietors of the diner are a young
married couple. Gradually, the artist turns the marriage into a love
Now I'll bet you're thinking he seduces the wife,
Leaving Metropolis is probably the Citizen Kane of
gay-themed movies set in Winnipeg.
The artist gets the hots for the husband, and this
awakens hubby's latent feelings for men. After a couple of weeks and
a few erotic paintings of the husband, the two of them are in bed
pounding the living santorum out of one another. Also populating the
cast are a tranny, a drag queen, and the usual assortment of types
from the movie version of the gay subculture.
It isn't really a "gay" film in the sense that if
you take away all those extraordinary non-traditional types of
people, this is just a traditional boring film about a love
triangle. You could probably take the same dialogue and make the
same film with all straight types, just by changing the names and
sexes of the characters and making some minor edits.
The tone is not managed well. The film couldn't
decide whether it was going for comedy or drama, basically settling
for neither. The tone problems were exacerbated by some of the
actors (notably the husband) who were at the furniture commercial
The title derives from a running theme about
Superman which seemed particularly artificial and half-baked. All
the characters follow Superman in the newspaper and the comic books,
and their is a halfhearted attempt to relate the husband's shaky
heterosexuality to the Clark Kent portion of his personality. This
is based on something that must have been based on a running theme
in the comics - something about Clark Kent insisting that Lois must
marry him as Clark Kent before he reveals his secret identity as
Supes. The script is a screen adaptation of a play called Poor
Superman, which was written by the films writer/director, and I
suppose all of that Superman jazz had been a more developed motif in
the play. It seemed irrelevant in the movie, and it was quite a
stretch to try to believe that all the characters in the story were
as up to speed as they seemed to be on the latest developments in
the ongoing Superman soap opera.
Cherilee Taylor. She was also naked quite a bit in
the Canadian TV series Paradise Falls. (1,
Sharpe's Enemy (1995):
Although I characteristically rambled on about People Magazine
and the Napoleonic Wars and such fiddle-faddle in the
Long Review, our
guest reviewer, New York Guy, gave it one crotch up, and had the
most perceptive analysis. "Hey, I got your review right here (grabs
crotch) ... Liz Hurley's tits."
Back in 2001, when The Diamond Hunters appeared on cable TV as a
two-part series, nobody paid much attention to it. They promoted it
with purple prose like this, "Set against the background of South
Africa's emerald coast and diamond mines, Diamond Hunters traces the
torrid fortunes of a family unable to forgive and forget."
In a world gone ...
One man ...
You get the idea. It was Dallas with diamonds instead of oil.
The show is now a little higher on the radar since it featured
some PG-13 love scenes and nudity from Jolene Blalock, who is now a
Here are three examples in .wmv format:
1. This sex scene seems to be the real deal, dark, but with some
2. In this apres-sex scene, Blalock gets out of bed for some dark
3. This one is in good light, but the nudity is obviously bogus.
It's cut so ineptly that you can see the flesh-colored bandeau or
whatever was covering her breasts.
One more .wmv:
- Charlie (French Cinema) sent in his update, but there was a
glitch. Will have it up soon, as soon as I head back from him.
Tales of The Last Action Governor. While on vacation,
the Governator saved a man's life.
JoBlo interviews Elisha Cuthbert
The real Gidget - still surfin' at 63. Most people
(including me until ten minutes ago) think Gidget is a purely
fictional character, but such is not the case. The book, a mixture
of fact and fiction, was written by Gidget's father, who was a
Rush Limbaugh's attorney argued Wednesday that investigators
trampled the conservative commentator's privacy rights when they
made a surprise visit to a doctor's office to seize his medical
records. Get this - he argues that there should have
been advance notice that the records would be seized. His lawyer
"argued that investigators should have provided some notice they
were going to seize records containing private information." Yup,
that's a time-honored police tactic to get evidence - tell the
accused that you're going to search for incriminating documents
Mexicans don;t much care for the Alamo. Come to think
of it, Americans aren't that crazy about it either. And if any
Estonians see it, they will probably react the same way.
Russian team banned from Little League World Series for cheating.
They might have gotten away with their ringer players if that had
come up with uniforms to fit them, but Pete Rose actually showed
up playing first base for the Russians in his Reds uniform. Rose
wants to know if he can take back his bets on the team.
Janet Jackson will be live on 'SNL' - really: NBC says
it won't use delay during singer's hosting stint.
- The Star reports:
JOHN STAMOS AND REBECCA ROMIJN-STAMOS HAVE SEPARATED
Ex-Enron CEO picked up, hospitalized, after reports of erratic
- Forget the movies. Here's
"how safecracking really works".
Confessional books, web cams, and reality TV have turned us all
into Mrs Kravitz.
Two Atlanta DJs fired for airing sexual content.
- Four clips and the trailer (click on "videos") from
Callas Forever, a new film from Zeffirelli. A
fictionalized look at the final days of opera legend Maria Callas
(Fanny Ardant). A "Faustian" impressario and booking agent (Jeremy
Irons) enters Maria's life, convincing her to make an ill-fated
- The trailers for the French film,
Love Me If You Dare: "Julie and Sophie start the game
of life with a simple bet. The rules are simple; they have to
accept all the challenges they present each other. They grow up
and the game continues."
- Three new cliips from
- The trailer for the Denzel Washington remake of
The Manchurian Candidate.
- Extreme Christians:
Filipino Christians Nailed To Cross In Bloody Ritual.
Amazingly enough, this is a tradition, and has nothing to do with
Gibson's movie. In fact, the God Max movie may have scared some of
them off, but it apparently increased the number of spectators.
Methodist Church holds competition to name the 11th commandment.
- Here's a fun game.
Guess Which New York Paper Rupert Murdoch Owns
Actress Carrie Snodgress, Oscar nominated for Diary of a Mad
Housewife, has died at 57.
War Support Drops; Bush, Kerry in Dead Heat. The most
important change in this poll is in the percentage of Americans
who feel that Iraq is going well or moderately well, which dropped
to 35% from last month's 55%.
Stop FCC - "Fed up with the government deciding what you can
watch, read and listen to?" HQ for the fight against
The Knightengales, cheer/dance team for the Macon Knights.
Fox cancels 'Wonderfalls'. The series, set in the
Niagara Falls area, was canceled because of low ratings. It had
its final showing last week."
- You say you love lard, and just never get enough of it? Crisco
The American Pie Council - piecouncil.org.
- Funny Euro commercial:
Think twice what to do with your last Rolo.
I never thought I would see these two words together: "Nascar
Get chicken the way you want it.
Dangerous space rocks under watch. Asteroid protection
plan proposed, Allstate and Bruce Willis to be involved.
Zombies guitarist, later record producer, dead at 58:
"Paul Atkinson, who played guitar in the British invasion band The
Zombies and later became a successful music industry executive who
signed such acts as ABBA, died Thursday, said his publicist Susan
Clary. He was 58."
Movie Stills from the new Pixar movie, The Incredibles
The Germans and Dutch really take this rivalry seriously.
You get the house, the kids, the baby grand, and now you want my
Masters Tickets? The gloves are off now!
Cubs curse is officially over, thanks to an Alaskan curse-removal
- The official home page of
Lena Blackburne Baseball Rubbing Mud
- Get a good seat at Yankee Stadium.
City officials announced Thursday that they are selling some 1,200
discarded seats from Yankee Stadium.
A Belgian motorist was left stunned after authorities sent him a
speeding ticket for travelling in his Mini at three times the
speed of sound.
24 New Complaints After Arrest of Tigger-Costumed Man
Jenna Jameson makes FHM sexiest list for fourth consecutive year
SCREEN IT! presents the sex and nudity report from THE GIRL NEXT
The Mouseketeer was chosen FHM's sexiest woman of 2004.
One reader wrote, "click on the first picture on the left hand
side…the one of her on the car?? Is that a nipple I see slipping
out? Probably just my hopeful imagination, but wow that really
freaks my eyes out!!" (Also check out the third picture from the
right to see the top of her bum.)
Ingmar Bergman hates to watch his own films, pretty
much like everyone else.
JoBlo's movie review of The Whole Ten Yards: Correct me
if I'm wrong, but I don't think he liked it. "I spit on Hollywood
for making this bogus, useless, unfunny, uncharming, unnecessary
piece of shit and ask anyone who's reading this to avoid this
movie at all costs in a very genuine attempt to send a small
message back to the clowns in expensive suits who apparently
believe that this is the sort of 'entertainment' that we would
ever want or appreciate"
- This week's movies: the bomb of the year so far:
The Whole Ten Yards (2004): 3% positive reviews, 0% from the top
critics. Even more impressive, it put up those numbers
without Ben Affleck, Madonna, or Roberto Benigni!
- This week's movies:
Ella Enchanted (2004): 40% positive reviews
- This week's movies:
Johnson Family Vacation (2004): 9% positive reviews.
This one is in Gigli territory.
- This week's movies:
The Alamo: 28% positive reviews
- This week's movies:
The Girl Next Door (2004): 66% positive reviews.
Latino Review looks at the fourth draft of the script for
Fantastic Four. They liked it.
- There is a brand-new trailer for
Astronomy Pic o' the Day: Magnificent spiral galaxy NGC 4565 is
viewed edge-on from planet Earth.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
Has there ever been a sexier scene than this? I
think it would get my vote for the #1 spot. Basinger removing men's
clothing in the rain in 9 1/2 Weeks. (.avi version, .wmv version).
In her prime, Kim must have been one of the top ten
sex goddesses. Here she is with her then-husband Alec Baldwin in the
remake of The Getaway. (.avi version, .wmv version).
Still in theaters
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmvversions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
A few quick paparazzi edits today...
- Alanis Morissette, showing some cleavage.
- Catherine Bell...Catherine the Great, also showing cleavage.
- Elisha Cuthbert, not showing much cleavage here, but give her time.
- Eugenia Volodina, the Victoria's Secret model baring a breast on the runway.
- Kate Beckinsale, yup, you guessed it, some more cleavage.
|The ultra busty (40 1/2 D) German actress going topless scenes from 1979's "Cola, Candy, Chocolate" aka "Drei kesse Bienen auf den Philippinen".
|Toplessness and thong views. Additional comments by UC99:
Here is Anouschka Renzi performing on stage in "Peer Gynt", written in 1867 by Norwegian author Henrik Ibsen, now directed by Peter Zadek in Berlin. Just got big headlines and enthusiastic reviews.
Beni Cardosi and Esperanza Roy
|First, some caps from the Jesus Franco movie "X312-Flight to Hell". As usual there's plenty of nudity. Cardosi goes topless and the very busty Roy goes full frontal.
||Topless on German TV in scenes from "Dunckel" (1999).
||Very nice toplessness in "Max, mon amour" (1986). In this scene, she plays a hooker and tries to seduce a chimpanzee!
||A topless scene in the Don Johnson/Melanie Griffith movie "Paradise" (1991).
First up, a new Vejiita Comic featuring Susan Ward topless in scenes from "The In Crowd".
Next up, scenes from the the Spanish movie "La Voz de su amo" (2001).
- Ana Otero, topless and only wearing panties.
- Silvia Abascal, looking gorgeous in undies (links 1 and 2) then giving up all the goodies in links 3-6. #6 has the best light.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"The Osterman Weekend"
This cold-war spy thriller from 1983 has a lot going for it, but unfortunately a lot going against it as well. The last film directed by Sam Peckinpah, from a novel by Robert Ludlum, with some pretty big-name stars, this film should have been teriffic, and parts of it were. Unfortunately, the film was uneven. While there was plenty of heart-pounding excitement, there were some lulls that made the viewer lose interest, and it never quite kept up to it's promise, although it still deserves a watch.
The host of a TV expose show hosts a weekend for a group of friends every year. They call them "Ostermans" after one of the friends. When the C.I.A. informs him that the friends are really a cell of Soviet agents, and offers proof in the form of a video surveillance tape, he agrees to allow his home to be bugged. What he doesn't know is that the conspiracy is not exactly what was reported to him, and the C.I.A. agent has his own agenda.
The female stars did some nice nudity, with the exception of Meg Foster. Clearly, her intent was not to do nudity, but in fact, if you look carefully, you'll see she did show a nipple in a few frames of the "dressing" scene. You couldn't really see it in motion, but it showed up clearly in the frame-by-frame.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
J-LO'S ACTING HONOR SPLITS LATINOS
Enough! - The New York Post's Page Six reports that the Latino community is
torn over the choice of Jennifer Lopez as the first Latina actress to be
interviewed on Bravo's "Inside the Actor's Studio." Fans sat she can't be
a lousy actress because she's made 27 movies with big name actors and is a
huge star. Detractors say she's a marginal singer/dancer whose few good
movies like "Out of Sight" are "hiccups" in a string of clunkers like
"Enough" and "Gigli." They say she's famous mostly for her butt and her
high-profile love life, and they can't believe the Actors Studio couldn't
find a more deserving interviewee.
Speedy Gonzalez would be a more deserving interviewee.
How about a compromise? She does the interview, but ten minutes into
it, she dies.
James Lipton just wants to ask if she's still doing the nasty with Ben
MAN TICKETED FOR DRIVING 2,100 MPH
The David Letterman Of Brussels - A Brussels, Belgium, driver was stunned
to get a ticket in the mail claiming a speeding camera had clocked his Mini
moving at 2,100 miles per hour, or three times the speed of sound. Police
apologized, blaming a technical error.
They say it was really just 210 mph.
That should've read "2,100 KILOMETERS per hour."
He knows he wasn't going faster than the speed of sound because he was
listening to the radio.
He was actually going at the Mini's top speed: 21 mph.
WOMAN SPARKS BOMB HOAX TO AVOID VACATION
Blew Up In Her Face - Thursday, a woman in Duesseldorf, Germany, was
convicted of calling in a phony al-Qaeda bomb threat to the local airport
to get out of going on vacation with her boyfriend. She didn't want to
tell him that her parents don't approve of him, and she didn't know how to
tell them she was going away with him, so she thought if the flight were
canceled, it would solve all her problems. She got a two-year suspended
sentence, but she faces a damage claim of $1.9 million from the airport and
Thank God! Now she can tell everyone she can't afford to go on
This is probably why her parents think she needs a man with more money.
She begged to go to jail, so she'd have a valid excuse not to go on