Alien Resurrection (1997)

In space, no one can hear you snore.

I don't know if I can name another film in which so much talent produced such a mediocre result.

The Alien franchise is one of the most distinguished of all the filmed series. It has attracted some of the world's greatest directors: Ridley Scott, James Cameron, and David Fincher.

The great Jean-Pierre Jeunet directed this one, and you could not make a better choice for the franchise. He has such an outré and stylized sense of visual composition that even Tim Burton has to settle for second place for sheer imagination and set design. In fact, if you pick Jeunet as the greatest living director, I can offer many alternatives, but no outright rebuttal except maybe Ingmar Bergman. He is a true genius, combining art and commercial appeal flawlessly, blending the imagination of Burton and Robert Rodriguez with the heartfelt and accessible warmth of Spielberg. At least three of his films, The City of Lost Children, Amelie, and A Very Long Engagement, are among the greatest ever made. Amelie is rated 29th best of all time at IMDb, and his filmography has no less than three other films rated 7.8 or higher, thus high enough to make the all-time 250 with enough votes. Having four films at 7.8 or higher places him in the same category as Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola. Pretty ggod company, indeed. (Sergio Leone has five. Spielberg has six - and six more rated 7.6 to 7.7! Kurosawa and Bergman have 15 each.)

The script was written by Joss Whedon and, again, you would have a hard time making a better choice to write a space fantasy film. He's the creator of Buffy, Firefly, and Angel for the small screen; and his feature films include Toy Story, Titan A.E., and Serenity.

Sigourney Weaver came back to star as Ellen Ripley, the role with which she is most closely associated, and was excellent as usual, playing Ripley this time as a wisecracking human/alien hybrid who was created hundreds of years after the time period of the first three films in the series.

What a team!

What a bore.

It has some good ideas, the design is as magnificent as expected, and every detail is constructed meticulously. Every one of the participants took the project seriously and worked hard to make it successful. The enormous budget was quite sufficient to allow Jeunet to do anything he wanted to do.

... and I kept fast-forwarding through the tedious parts.


So what went wrong?

There's just no reason for this film to exist. The story is neither fresh nor compelling, and just about every acre of ground covered in this film has already been plowed by the previous films in the series. Simple as that. End of story. It grossed only $47 million. The budget was $70 million, although that's misleading because $15 million of that was stuff Winona Ryder lifted from the set.

For the record, I greatly enjoyed all the special features on the second disk, and there are many of them. The film's creators were enthusiastic, articulate, and thorough in explaining just about every element of the process from pre- to post-production. There are also two versions of the film on Disk One. One is  the theatrical release, and the other is an alternate cut which re-incorporates some deleted scenes and has a different beginning and ending. (Jeunet says the theatrical release is the director's cut, but he created the alternative so DVD purchasers could see another way it might have turned out.)

You will note that there is also some Sigourney Weaver frontal nudity in the Alien: Resurrection DVD. (Last image below.)


But not really.

Long Story. Pull up a chair.

  • First of all, this image isn't in the film at all. In the actual movie (both versions), the scene is cropped at her bikini line. This image is from the extra features on the two-disc special edition. It's a picture snapped on the set. (Note the guy smiling on the right.)
  • Second, it is not a live body at all, but a mannequin, according to the commentary.
  • Third, Sigourney didn't even pose for the mold. The FX guys used a body double for the body, although they did use Sigourney's head for the head.

Overall: I recommend the package enthusiastically for fans of the Alien series, but my recommendation comes with the proviso that the film itself is disappointingly average, and represents a career nadir for most of its brilliant creators.



Kim Flowers

Sigourney Weaver

Prosthetics, body molds, and body doubles


Other Crap:


Daily Box Office - Friday, April 7, 2006

  • Amazingly, the Benchwarmers made a run at #1, and finished with nearly the same amount per screen as Ice Age 2.
  • The Spade/Schneider comedy easily defeated the other new releases. In fact, it took in as much as Take the Lead and Slevin added together!

"DeLay recently told one of his pastors that God wanted him to leave Congress in part because He has bigger plans for DeLay."

  • First Stop: starring as Elwood in a remake of The Blues Brothers

A Working Replica Of The Star Wars Landspeeder

Legends of broadcast TV: Madonna and Letterman.

N.Y. Post Suspends Page Six Contributor for making stuff up

  • He'll be moving over to the Times

The teaser website for Spider-Man 3

Bush's New Cabinet Includes Katherine Harris, Ann Coulter and Ken Lay

The trailer from Lost City

  • Andy Garcia ("Modigliani") stars and makes his directorial debut in a passionate and historical tribute to his native Cuba. Havana in 1958 is a place of pleasure for many, but others are not happy under the rule of dictator Fulgencio Batista. As the revolutionary forces of Fidel Castro and Ernesto "Che" Guevara prepare to move on the city, Fico Fellove (Garcia)—owner of the city's classiest music nightclub, El Tropico—struggles to hold together his family and the love of a woman (Inés Sastre), not knowing that his club will become more than just a stage for popular entertainment. Observing all is The Writer (Bill Murray) an expatriate American who sees Fico being drawn into events as the revolution changes everything. Though Fico watches a culture vanish and a people transformed, it is his love of Cuban music that keeps his memories alive.

A clip and the trailer from Kinky Boots

  • When his father passes away, Charlie is unexpectedly left in charge of the sinking family shoe business. Believing that all is lost, Charlie suddenly meets the feisty female impersonator "Lola," who inspires him to buck tradition. As Charlie and Lola set out to conquer the brave new world of sexy cross-dressing footwear, their unlikely idea catches fire and takes them all the way to the catwalks of Milan. With a mix of brassy humor and heartwarming poignancy, "Kinky Boots" explores what happens when people who have spent their entire lives trying to fit in suddenly decide to truly stand out.

A clip from Stick It

  • The writer of the hit comedy "Bring It On," takes on the world of competitive gymnastics in "Stick It". Haley Graham (Missy Peregrym) is a rebellious 17 year-old who is forced to return to the regimented world of gymnastics after a run-in with the law. A judge sentences Haley to her ultimate nightmare -- attending an elite gymnastics academy run by legendary hardnosed coach Burt Vickerman (Jeff Bridges). Haley's rebellious spirit and quick-witted banter quickly shakes things up at the strict school – making both close friends and bitter foes along the way. Haley surprises herself as she discovers an unexpected ally in the form of her new coach, and learns respect is a two-way street. Haley, Vickerman, and a group of his elite athletes band together to confront a major championship and prove that loyalty, friendships and individual athletes matter more than rules, judges or scores.

Eight more clips from American Dreamz (2006)

The trailer from John Tucker Must Die

  • When three popular girls from different cliques discover they've all been dating the school stud, they band together to seek revenge. Despite the jerk’s charm and ever-growing popularity, the girls cleverly scheme with the help of the inconspicuous new girl in town, to soil his reputation and break his heart.


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




Puerto Vallarta Squeeze (2004)

Puerto Vallarta Squeeze is a love triangle/thriller set in Mexico. Craig Wasson plays an American Writer living in Puerto Vallarta with his girlfriend (Giovanna Zacarías), a small-town girl who used to work as a  hooker. Wasson is broke and not writing.

The two witness a double assassination performed by Scott Glenn. Next thing we know, a CIA honcho (Harvey Keitel) is on his way to Puerto Vallarta with a young assassin to take out Glenn. Seems Glen was one of Keitel's team, but went rogue with one of the two hits. Glen approaches Wasson and offers an obscene amount of cash for a ride to the border. Zacarías insists on coming. We learn that Glenn was the best of the best, is ruthless, but had good reason for what he did, and may not be evil personified. Since I am recommending this one, I will leave the plot there.

I liked this one. It kept me guessing because it avoided formulas. It had great pace, beautiful photography, and likeable characters. My favorite character was Mexico itself, which looked like a Diego Rivera mural in nearly every frame. I suppose one could complain that the plot wasn't very realistic, nor was the depiction of brightly painted poor Mexican villages very realistic, but sometimes you just enjoy the story, and this was one of them.

This is a high C+.

IMDb readers say 6.0. It seems to have had a small US release, and is due on DVD next Tuesday.

Giovanna Zacarías, who was excellent in the role, down to her real Mexican accent, showed breasts in a well lit bathing in a pond scene, and again in a dark love scene.






My parts for the Time Machine have arrived, so we are off and flying back home. Here's the last of the 1968 caps from "The Kiss of Her Flesh" (I promise).

Alice Noland returns by herself

and then with Uta Erickson, but it's Alice who is showing the goodies.

Rita Vance is stark naked as Jennings (the killer) goes after her with a blowtorch.

Next time it will be something more current as we park this Time Machine for a complete overhaul.




Dann reports on Lie With Me:

"How does a woman love a man? He asked me never to leave him. That was a promise I couldn't keep. I didn't know how to love him. All I knew how to do was fuck."

That quote from this 2005 drama pretty much sums up the plot, a drama about a young woman who loves sex but has intimacy issues that prevent her from falling in love. She loves sex, but every time she gets close to someone, she gets scared and runs away to have sex with the first available stranger. The story, however, may well get obscured for most people by the explicit nature of the film. Loaded with nudity and explicit sex acts, it is obvious from the script that the filmmakers were making a serious film, but they flirted with the line crossing into porn throughout most of the film, and many people will feel they crossed it.

Lauren Lee Smith did an excellent job as lead character Leila, as did the supporting cast. I enjoyed the story and the film, but I bet a lot of people missed the story entirely. To many, I'm afraid, this film was just a sexploitation flick, or straight porn. To me, it was much more.

Lauren Lee Smith





Two Thousand and None (2000). Black comedy about dying.

Vanya Rose shows all three Bs as 'nekkid girl hanging in a rope'

 and a very gymnastic Katherine Borowitz (Mrs John Turturro) has some fully clothed sex with her real-life husband.


"Selling Innocence" (2005).  Cheezeploitation television movie starring Sarah Lind who almost stole the indie movie  Punch in just her bikini. Sarah  shows oodles of cleavage

while her co-stars Joanne Kelly

Alexz Johnson

and Charisse Baker are all sexy.


"Blood Money" (1999) aka "The Arrangement." Actioner written, directed and starring Funhouse favorite Michael Ironside.

Lori Petty is shown in bra and panties.

Stacy Grant shows a lot of cleavage

Patricia Charbonneau is sexy

and Jacqueline Samuda is sexy but butch.


"Sanctuary" (1997). Another action film.

Aussie model Kylie Travis strips down to her skivvies

while Canadian model Monika Schnarre has sex with her brassiere on.


"Night of Terror" (2006). Recently aired televison movie.

Martha MacIsaac is sexy.


"Love Thy Neighbor" (2005). Another television movie.

Alexandra Paul

and Ksenia Solo are sexy

while Shannon Lawson shows some bunnyboiler cleavage.


Godiva's season II: episode The Bigger Man

Sonja Bennett does her first nude scene since showing her creampie while doing a butter spread in Punch

Erin Karpluk shows some side boob,

and Rachel Hayward shows some cleavage.





Brainscan returns to one of his favorite subjects: staple girls who turn to acting careers. Here are his film clips. (Zipped. avis)

Here's Morgan Fox, a statuesque Heffer from Western Canada (Miss Canada 1988) in her only big-screen role: Flesh Gordon meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders (1989). Morgan strips off her top a couple of times but runs around in the flimsiest little ol' thing for most of the movie. (1, 2, 3, 4)  She technically does not qualify as a Playmate-turned-actress. She is one of the few who did a bimbo role BEFORE she became the Playmate of the Month, which happened in December of 1990.


Devin DeVasquez, Playboy's Playmate of the Month in June of 1985, had one of the more prolific B-movie careers among the staplegirls. She wasn't Julie Strain, but she kept at it for 15 years, and whipped out her mammoth chest in at least five non-theatrical films (Passion Network (seen here), Busted, Hard Time, Guns, and Society) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)







Maria Valverde in Melissa P

Sandra Bullock in Fire on the Amazon

Sandra Bullock again, this time in that immortal classic of the silver screen, Who Shot Patakango?

Kelli Garner, rather uncovered in public (with some tape over her nipples, but the tape doesn't do much)

Here's the rear view of that silly statue which is supposed to be Britney giving birth.