"3 Steps to Heaven"

3 Steps to Heaven (1995 TV movie) is a UK effort that was either intended as a dark comedy, or a thriller. Katrin Cartlidge is a middle aged Londoner having an affair with a young man, who turns up dead in the river. She decides to revenge his death, and starts investigating his last night starting with a nightclub. She determines the identity of the last three people to see him alive, and surmises that they killed him. Her three targets include a wealthy drug addict into the mob for a lot of money, an aging TV actress and a bisexual MP in big trouble over a sex scandal. As a killer, she is totally inept, and also, as it turns out, as a detective.

Whether it was intended as a comedy or not, the laughs seemed unintentional, and I found myself laughing at the film makers, rather than at the material. It also was not especially thrilling. Cartlidge shows full frontal and rear nudity. IMDb readers have this at 6.0, but with only 28 votes. While I applaud the nudity, there was nothing else of interest here, and overall, it seemed amateurish. D+

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Katrin Cartlidge (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click hereto submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    Here are the official results for last week's poll.

    The Top 20 Best Sex Scenes

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
    Best All Time Television Comedy
    Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance

    Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...a bunch of Skinemax stuff. This batch features 'caps and clips from an episode of the late night cable series "Women: Stories of Passion".

    • Holley Chant baring all 3 B's in several scenes. You may recognize her from the sci-fi/horror flick "Event Horizon" (1997). (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
    • Holley Chant zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    • Kimberly Rowe, the Skinemax regular many of us have seen in assorted episodes of the "Emmanuelle" and "Justine" movies. We see breasts and a bit of bum. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
    • Kimberly Rowe zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Naturally busty Kira Reed showing off her big'uns. (1, 2, 3)
    • Kira Reed zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    Sarah Shahi C2000 'caps of this season's sexy and exotic addition to "The L Word". Here she shows off some very lovely wonderbra cleavage.

    Izabella Miko The "Coyote Ugly" co-star in a brief, but excellent topless scene from Sunday night's episode of the made for HBO series "Deadwood".

    Laura Albert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Bella Donna
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Julie K. Smith
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    Señor Skin takes a detailed look at the 1988 direct-to-vid hooker-gets-revenge flick, "Angel III: The Final Chapter" (1988). This one starred Mitzi Kapture who most people will remember from the 90's syndicated series "Silk Stalkings".

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    CNN For Kidz - Al Gore announced that he'll launch his new liberal cable news service aimed at 18-to-34-year-olds on August 1. It will be called "Current," the news anchors will appear on a set that looks like a hip nightclub, and it will attempt to appeal to Internet-bred short attention spans by airing short "pods" of information from 15 seconds to five minutes long.

  • Better make 'em 15 seconds or less.
  • Al Gore's job title is "Head Pod Person."
  • To show how hip it is, Al will kick it off by coming onto the nightclub set and doing the Macarena.
  • This should appeal to all those young political news junkies who didn't bother to vote in the last election.

    The Only Way To Protect Our Privacy - Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have signed a deal with UPN for their own reality series. It will be comprised mostly of video they shot themselves, and show them dating, falling in love and getting married. Spears claims it's their way of showing how wrong the tabloids are when they run stories questioning her marriage.

  • So there will be no footage of Kevin Federline in Vegas.
  • Plus, she needs the gig.
  • They should call this a "virtual reality" show.
  • It's for viewers who liked "The Newlyweds" but thought Jessica Simpson just wasn't dumb enough.

    BitBit May Bite-Bite The Dust-Dust - Britney may be angry at the press for stories like this: the New York Post's Page Six claims the two spent a week in a Santa Monica hotel in separate rooms and had an emergency family meeting to fix their marital problems. Spears' rep replied that they were there for Britney's sister's birthday, and there was an emergency family meeting, but only because Britney was afraid her brother Brian's bulldog, Porkchop, got her Chihuahua BitBit pregnant, which would be incest.

  • Which, in this family, would be normal.
  • Yes! Yes, that's MUCH more plausible!
  • Porkchop didn't get her pregnant...Personally, I suspect Kevin Federline.
  • You can see why a life this fascinating needs to be preserved on video.

    "The Homey" - BET is producing a hip-hop take on "The Apprentice." A spokesman said hip-hop crosses all ethnic boundaries, so the show should appeal to both blacks and urban white kids. Contestants will compete to promote a new hip-hop group signed by Sony. It will be called "The Ultimate Hustler."

  • So Donald Trump is starring in this one, too?
  • The first season has already been filmed, and the winner: Omarosa!
  • To win, just be the last contestant standing when the shooting stops.

  • A quick site note
    Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at

    If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!