The Best Comic?

My take on the comics: I was surprised to see so little support for Hope and Carson, who invented and popularized the electronic form, respectively. I was one of the very few who voted for Albert Brooks. He was only a stand-up comic for a year or two before he moved into movies, and I never have liked his movies that much, but he was one funny stand-up. For those of you who have forgotten, or never saw him, here are just a few of his schticks:

  • The children's song writer who sits at the piano and tells his life story, ala Sammy Cahn or James van Heusen. Although he speaks in the mellow tones of a romantic lounge pianist, recounting how events in his life prompted him to write the songs, all of his songs sound exactly alike, and are irritatingly ... well, childish.

  • The German Lion trainer, The Great Alberto. He did this on Carson, and only did it once. He came on to explain that the devaluation of the German Mark made it impossible to get his lions to the United States, so he was going to have to give the flavor of his act with different animals. Unfortunately, the only animal available on short notice was a frog. As long as I live, I will never forget Albert dressed in the circus clothing, whipping that tiny frog with the enormous bullwhip. I think I pissed my pants from laughing so hard. Carson couldn't even sit up straight. Albert came back on Carson the next night. Carson said, "we got a lot of calls from animal lovers wondering if you really hurt that frog". Albert explained that they followed all the normal precautions, and there were actually two frogs switched during the act to make sure neither suffered under the bright lights. Carson said "and they're OK, and you released them back into the park or something?". Albert, "oh, no, they both died". The audience went insane with laughter.

  • The famous french Mime, Albert Bruquet. Albert added two new twists to mime. One was smoking, and it's hard to butt out a cigarette while wearing a leotard. The more important innovation was talking! "C'mon poochie, let's walk into the wind now ... Oh, up the stairs we go .... oh, poochie, now we are trapped in a box. This symbolizes the human condition. Life ... death ... eternity"

  • The public auditions for the new national anthem.

  • His famous retirement speech, after which he really did retire. "Oh sure, I could still get laughs. I could use the seltzer down the pants (does so). I could put pound cake on my chin (does so). I could drop my pants (does so)..... but those aren't the laughs I want". Suffice it to say that he walked off into the three spotlights, Jimmy Durante style, except that his pants were around his ankles.

The Gist and Lawdog
WhyScan's Page Three Report
Yesterday: Melanie, 19, from Watford (1, 2, 3, 4)
Blinky's Runway Report
Alek Wek (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) Mostly glam and pokies. #3 is the best see-through.
Terri Runnels Wrestlemania 2000. Sheer bodysuit with flesh colored thong. She appears to be naked if you don't look too closely.
Terri Runnels Wrestlemania 2000.
Terri Runnels Wrestlemania 2000.
Renee Humphrey in "The Sex Monster"
Jasmine Guy (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) in "Klash"
humor why men shouldn't babysit
humor another "priceless" Visa moment
P.J. Soles in "Halloween", from Zononon Zor
Tara Reid in "Body Shots", from Rookie. This is out on video now, but for some reason it was not released on DVD. The same is true of "The Phantom Menace"
Mandy Schaffer in "Das blonde Biest", from celeblover
Jane Leeves great picture from the new Maxim (Chrash)
Vibe Sorensen in the December Photo (Fisher King)
Kari Wuhrer in "Vivid", from Slicker

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The Latest from Graphic Response

Cybill Shepherd, in "The Last Picture Show" Jessica Lange, in "Everybody's All American"" Kim Basinger, in "Final Analysis" Diane Lane, in "Big Town". This one is not new, but requested.

"Metroland", from Johnny Web

Christian Bale plays a former 60's student radical. After school, he went off to Paris to become an artist, and his best friend went off to see the world. The best friend returns a decade later to find that Bale has settled into the exact world they used to make fun of. Bale has a house a mile from his parents, a wife, a baby, a mortgage, a long daily commute to a job he hates, a garden, a lawn, and a Volvo. The friend tries to shake Bale up and return him to the vagabond life.

Emily Watson is the wife, Elsa Zylberstein is the Parisian girl he left behind, Amanda Ryan is a woman of loose morals who become part of a set-up to get Bale to cheat on his wife. Watson and Ryan were shot in excellent light. Zylberstein appears in flashbacks, and they are the deeaded sepia tones. I did what I could with the Zylberstein pics, but only with limited success. I don't know who Amanda Ryan is, but she's a great lookin' woman.

The movie is a sincere and noble effort to examine Bale's motivations, and the path that led him back to suburbia. It's not a bad flick, thoughtful and occasionally touching, but there are tons of good movies to see, and I doubt if you should set two hours aside to watch this one, unless you've seen just about everything you wanted to, or unless the plot summary really strikes a chord with you. Watson (1, 2, 3) Zylberstein (1, 2, 3) Ryan (1, 2, 3)

"The Game", from Tuna

An episode of Red Shoe Diaries. A woman gets involved in playing The Red Shoe Hoome Game with a man who is not her husband, turned on by the fact that the play gets more and more daring. Like most episodes, the nudity is not right out there in a slow pan, but rather in quick cuts and peeks, which isn't great for capping. I did some VHS caps from this a while back, but I never published them. I'll include 'em when I do the DVD.

Philippe Angers directed, and I don't think he's directed anything else. Zalman King wrote the original concept, but not the teleplay, so I guess you'd say it's not one of the top episodes. Tuna got some pretty good images, however, and Caron Bernstein is an exceptionally attractive woman. Tuna's thumbnails for this film. Caron Bernstein (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) Angela Cornell

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