Laid to Rest


A young woman wakes up in the dark. She's in a casket. She manages to break free, but finds herself trapped in the cold prep room of a funeral parlor, surrounded by caskets and bodies. She can't seem to remember who she is, or why she is there, but she knows two things. First, she has a really bad headache. Second, she really doesn't like the looks of the guy on the other side of the glass-windowed door. Nor do we. He's dressed all in black except for a gleaming metallic mask, and he wears a small video recorder on his shoulder, as a pirate would wear a parrot.

She manages to escape from that building, only to realize that she's out in the middle of nowhere, in some rural area of the South, and it's the middle of the night. She receives an unlikely windfall of luck - a lone car happens along the deserted road. She flags it down and catches a break - the driver is a kindly old fella who takes her to his own house.

Only one problem. Mr. Mask can track her, and he really, really wants her back. Those who try to prevent that from happening are likely to find themselves in a world of hurt.

If you read my reviews regularly, you know that I'm no fan of the kind of film where people get body parts removed by giant saw-tooth knives. This is such a film, and a rather explicit one at that, yet I got involved in it. Why? A few reasons:

1. The plotting and direction are effective and reasonably original. The opening paragraphs of this essay should show you that the film is not just another copycat slasher film, but has some style and imagination, and includes some extra layers of mystery. It's more like a Twilight Zone episode with ultragore.

2. The bad guy is human and vulnerable to counter-attack. Let's face, when kids are doing battle with Jason or Freddie Kruger, there's little chance for them. It's not a matter of whether they will die, but when, and how, and how many. This film is different. The killer is a psychotic fiend who commits some truly depraved acts, but he can be hurt by the normal means: a hard shove; a kick in the nuts; a bullet. With the right tools he can be defeated. That fact alone confers some dramatic tension which would not be not present if the baddie were the typical immortal figure. It's possible that some or all of the main characters will make it through the night alive.

3. The characters are real and interesting. The three main would-be victims are not the usual collection of snotty teens, but a tough old guy who walks with a cane, a feisty hooker, and a computer nerd whose mom just died.

Oddity: The beautiful veteran English actress Lena Headey, who played the Spartan queen in 300, and was acclaimed for her performance in Aberdeen, appears in this film. She has a tiny part, and she plays an American with a heavy Southern-fried drawl. No problem with that. She's good in the part, but what the hell was she doing playing a Southern belle in a virtual cameo in a zero-budget STV movie? There must be a good story there, but I don't know it.

Bottom line: solid genre film. I expected the usual by-the-numbers slasher flick, and was pleasantly surprised to find it ... er ... a cut above. It's the rare splatter film that has the ability to please both the gorehounds and those who, like me, are inclined to dislike any form of torture porn.



Bobbie Sue Luther (not really any nudity, but very close)

Seri DeYoung (breasts)


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








What can you say? If you're into celebrity nudity, and I have to believe you probably are if you are reading this page, Sirens is your Citizen Kane. It might be the perfect movie if not for Hugh Grant. Oh, well. At least he's supposed to be an obnoxious twit this time.

All of the film clips are here.

Elle Macpherson collages (24)

Portia DeRossi collages (16)

Kate Fischer collages (27)

Tara Fitzgerald collages (24)

Pamela Rabe collages (8)











Daneen Boone shows off her cute little boobs in the shower in "Justine: Seduction of Innocence". Caps and a clip.



TV Land

Over in TV Land we have Kelly Ripa with some nice cleavage in a first season episode of "Hope & Faith", her daytime partner Regis Philbin guest stars as a used car salesmen. Caps and 2 clips.







Notes and collages

Meatballs 4


The Meatballs premise was wearing a little thin by the time #4 made an appearance. This one is rated 2.2 at IMDb and stars one of the two Coreys. (The one who always wears the dark glasses.)

Christy Thom




Bikini Pirates


This is Fred Olen Ray's highest-rated film at IMDb.

Of course, that sort of superlative is sort of like saying "Charles Manson's most sensible thought." It is only rated 4.8, but that's higher than the 105 other films in his resume.

Beverly Lynn (film clip)







Kristen Stewart shows some plumber's crack in The Messengers

Zoe Trilling in Hellbound


Film Clips

Edwige Fenech film festival, part eight. We're still in 1973. Edwige was 25, more or less.

Alice Krige in King David.

Olivia Alaina May in Party Down, season 1, episode 3

Winona Ryder in Dracula. This clip has been significantly brightened to highlight the see-through nature of Noni's clothing. It's sexy.

Melanie Thierry in Largo Winch (sample right)