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Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated
Black Christmas
Black Christmas is a remake of a 1974 film which is considered the
grandfather of the slasher genre, but which I have never seen. I suppose that's
just as well, since most critics who have seen the original panned this as a
pale and unnecessary copy.
Several sorority sisters are still stuck in their Frat House over the
Christmas holidays. They have gathered for their Christmas party. Meanwhile, a
convicted spree killer has escaped from the institution for the criminally
insane. Guess what became of his childhood home, the house where he killed his
family.
There's nothing wrong with the film by genre standards. It is technically
proficient, well paced, and includes plenty of macabre humor. I laughed
out loud at one scene. A warden is feeding the dangerous criminals in the
insanity ward. As he goes down the row of cells, he drones "Merry Christmas ...
Merry Christmas ... " in a bored voice as he shoves the food through each
pass-through - until he comes to one cell where he says "Happy Birthday." The
camera peers through the pass-through window and reveals a prisoner who thinks
he is Jesus.
Actually, there were quite a few clever little surprises like that in the
film, but the story was weighted down with one big problem. Although I had never
seen this movie or the original version before, I felt as if I had. Insane guy
escaping. Killing off young girls one by one. Bizarre family secrets. Cardboard,
stereotypical victims. Making a film from this clay requires complete
originality and creativity in the execution. While the creator of this film
(writer/director Glen Morgan) showed some élan, it was just not enough to get me
through the feeling of "why exactly am I watching this same old stuff again?"
I think that the good touches here and there make it a marginally watchable
film for genre fanatics, but critics were less impressed than I was, and most of
them were unable to find much merit in the film. Metacritic 22, RT 17%, British
reviewers 2/10.
C-
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Manhattan Gigolo
Manhattan Gigolo (1986) is an Italian exploitation film with a train wreck
of a plot. Supposedly set in New York, but clearly shot in Italy, a young man
joins his friend in The Big Apple. Both are wannabe actors. In their first
night on the town, they meet a popular model who takes them home for a
three-way. They later learn that there were voyeurs watching, who paid her
well for the show. One of the men lands a major Hollywood role, which causes
some problems between him and his friend, but when he returns to New York, he
finds they are both in demand as gigolos by wealthy and bored New Yorkers. He
is reluctant to continue the stud service and sex show routine.
At some point in the film, the director starts intercutting his ride in an ambulance
with the rest of the story. The payoff has to do with why he was in the
ambulance.
So why am I wasting your time talking about an obscure Italian film which
is poorly written and barely acted? I'll bet you can guess. Many actresses
have made a film early in their career that they later regret. Of course,
given the chance to start over, they would probably make the same choice again
to get that first major part. That is the case with this film. Andrea Thompson
(NYPD Blue and CNN anchor) played the model and did full frontal and rear
nudity. In fact, when she landed the CNN job, some caps from this film
surfaced on the Internet, causing a scandal.
The transfer, based on the credits, is made from a French video tape, but
the sound track is badly dubbed English. The transfer quality is horrid. There
is one reason and one reason only to watch this film -- the nudity from a CNN
anchor. This is a C-, purely on the strength of that Andrea Thompson nudity.
Had the part been played by a B list Italian actress, this would be an easy F.
IMDb readers say 6.3 but based on only 7 votes.
Get exclusive DVD purchase info
here.
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Mad Dog and Glory
Forensic photographer Detective Wayne "Mad Dog" Dobie (Robert De Niro)
walks in on an armed robbery in progress. This was around the corner of a
crime scene that he had just completed processing. Wayne manages to save
the life of crime boss Frank Milo (Bill Murray) who was being held
captive at gunpoint by his assailant. Milo befriends Wayne and
understands that they are both clearly not happy with their lives. They
have both insulated themselves in their own ways. Milo shows his
appreciation by giving Wayne a week with Glory (Uma Thurman). Milo
obtained Glory in order to settle a debt owed to him by her brother.
Wayne falls in love with Glory and problems arise when Milo returns to
collect his property, Glory.
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Notes and collages
"Farscape" - Part 24
Season Four, Episode 3 - part two
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The first part of some VHS caps of the hard-to-find film, Hollywood
Sex Fantasies. Here are some caps and three VHS clips
of Catalina Larranaga. More starlets tomorrow.
  
Film clips of the uncensored version of Cat Chaser, in which Kelly McGillis
spreads her legs on camera and gets violated with a gun barrel. This
film has come to DVD in at least two different editions, but so far the
uncensored version has not surfaced in any media superior to video tape.
Scoop's note: Cat Chaser is a watchable
neo-noir movie, and many parts of it have quite an elegant look. If they
ever issue the uncensored version in HD, it would become one of
the treasures of my collection!
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Hillary Clinton's campaign hoped to show she's unbeatable by announcing she'd
raised a whopping $26 million in the first quarter. But she took a blow
Thursday when Obama's campaign announced that he'd taken in $25 million.
* His swimsuit calendar is far outselling hers.
* She'd still be ahead of him, but Bill already spent $1 million on porn.
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney is trying to explain why he told
some Indiana voters that he was a lifelong hunter, then it was reported that
he'd only gone hunting twice: once as a teenager, and once with donors in 2006.
Romney said, "I'm not a big-game hunter. I've made that very clear," but "I've
always been a rodent and rabbit hunter. Small varmints, if you will...More than
two times."
* Varmint hunting? Is that like when Dick Cheney shot a
lawyer?
The Tennessean newspaper talked to a Nashville costume supplier who said all the
Passion plays have made Easter his top season for fake blood. He said, "At
Halloween, we sell blood by the ounce. At Easter, we sell blood by the
gallon."
* I remember the good old days, when Cadbury chocolate
eggs just had raspberry cream inside them.
National Guard troops in Idaho are having an unexpected problem during maneuvers
at the Snake River Birds of Prey National Conservation Area. Hunting in the
area is illegal, but some ATV-riding, beer-swilling sport shooters are not just
firing at falcons and squirrels, they are shooting at National Guard tanks.
They're hard to
catch with only two rangers to patrol 4 million acres. The area's manager said,
"There's a segment of the shooting community that will shoot at anything that
moves."
* And really, Dick Cheney should know better.
Some people have theorized that Sanjaya Malakar is still on "American Idol"
because Indian call center workers are flooding the lines to vote for him. But
popular Indian blogger Amit Varma says not to blame India. He says most call
centers use computer dialing and the workers can't dial a specific number even
if they want to. Also, in India, "A.I." is shown a day late and few people
watch it.
So it must be Americans who are voting for Sanjaya.
* Deaf Americans.
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