Thursday

Other Crap:

Veteran Police Officer Faces Charges For Hitting Himself With Congresswoman McKinney's Hand

I did not make this up. It is not from a spoof site. This is for real. German researchers say that people who smile a lot and say "have a nice day" are headed to an early grave while the grumpy stay fit.

If only the headline DID say it all...but it gets a whole lot worse. This story is Jerry Springer's wet dream: Three Arrested at Baby Shower Brawl

"Golfers use 7-irons to beat rabid bobcat"

  • Here's a tip for you youngsters. A 7-iron is fine for bobcats, but use the driver if attacked by a mountain lion. If a camel escapes from the zoo - go with the sand wedge

"Expert Says Hard Liquor Helps Houseplants"

Colbert chats with Jesse Jackson

"Stephen Colbert's Balls for Kidz: Plastic Surgery" ... because you're never too young to learn how to look your best.

Colbert Report retires Tom DeLay's number

  • "Tom DeLay is to Congress what Michael Jordan is to basketball."

The Daily Show: The venerable Studs Terkel discusses some of the inspiration for his new book And They All Sang.

"Daily Show: Sometimes to make the law you've got to break the law. Much the way a vet would strangle a cat."

"John McCain discusses whether his 'Straight Talk Express' has been rerouted through 'Bullshit Town.'"

"Daily Show: Headlines - DeLay: The Inevitable"

  • Every time Tom DeLay resigns an angel gets its wings

Textbook Says Donkeys Are Better Than Housewives

  • "A donkey is like a housewife. It has to toil all day and, like her, may even have to give up food and water. In fact, the donkey is a shade better, for while the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents' home, you'll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master."

Record industry spokesman says: "The RIAA has been known to suggest that students drop out of college or go to community college in order to be able to afford settlements."

Part VI of Silent Bob's continuing saga of Jay's heroin habit.

Sometimes the race is not to the fleet, nor the battle to the mighty: "David Spade was 'full-on making out' with Heather Locklear at Jones restaurant in Los Angeles last week"

The Smoking Gun: Sharon Stone's Demands on the BI2 set

Lovely By Surprise - a free film in chapters (sponsored by a car company)

Eminem divorces first wife a second time

This week's movies (1100 screens): Phat Girlz - no reviews available

  • Mo'Nique and Eric Roberts - together at last!

This week's movies (one trillion screens, or at least 3100): The Benchwarmers - see below

  • This is the baseball film with David Spade and Rob Schneider, so don't expect lots of positive reviews, because they are not exactly the darlings of the arthouse set ... or, for that matter, any other set I can think of.
  • One RT commenter wrote: "In my medium-sized American city, all critics screenings for 'Benchwarmers' were cancelled at the last minute so there won't be any opening-day reviews."
  • One site wrote: "Jon Heder has joined the axis of evil."

This week's movies (1700 screens): Lucky Number Slevin - 69% positive reviews

  • The previews look terrific. It seems to be a Guy Ritchie crime movie with American accents.
  • Hollywood Reporter said, "No matter how badly the movie cons you, you must admit that the film is stylish as hell with sharp dialogue, a tongue-in-cheek plot and visual and editing razzle-dazzle."

This week's movies (2800 screens): Take the Lead - 73% positive reviews.

  • Critics have been impressed by the Banderas dance movie, and by the perfect casting of Banderas himself, although they have acknowledged it to be a formulaic and schmaltzy genre flick. Rolling Stone summed it up, "The movie shucks its corn straight from the cob. But it's no less engaging for that, thanks to the enthusiasm of the young cast and the fusion of classic dance with hip-hop moves."

The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for the upcoming weekend.

  • There are four more new releases this week.
  • Warrior feels that Take the Lead (Banderas) and The Benchwarmers (Spade-Schneider-Heder) will open in the fifteen million range, with the other two new releases falling by the wayside.

Art Buchwald is living death to the fullest.

More universities are going SAT-optional, including 24 of the top 100 liberal arts colleges.

  • It appears that the SAT company's managers made a poor financial decision when they added the essay.
  • "What this represents is a dissatisfaction or worse with the changes in the SAT," says Robert Schaeffer, spokesman for FairTest, a non-profit organization that says tests are overused.

Here are some pictures of the oven door sold as a flat screen TV

SI.com - Photo Gallery - The Fans vs. Barry Bonds

"X-Men: The Last Stand will be screened at the 59th Annual Cannes Film Festival"

Human Tests Electric Dog Collar

Actor James Ransone kicks rapist ass

The mysterious map from the last episode of the cult series, "Lost."

  • This must be the biggest "obsessive" show since Twin Peaks

More baseball salaries: Phil Nevin makes ten million per year. He is 35. In the past four years, he has averaged 16 HR, 65 RBI.

  • Nevin has managed to stay in the line-up during only one of the past four years, but if he finds his stroke and stays healthy, he's going to love playing in Texas. In 2001, he had an OPS of nearly 1000 playing in a pitchers' park, and knocked in 126 while hitting in a mediocre line-up in that tough park. If he returns to that form in Arlington, in the current Rangers' line-up, he could knock in 160 ... which is of course why the Rangers are willing to gamble on him.

The 2006 salaries for the 409 Major League Baseball players earning $1 Million or more.

  • The Yankees pay $100 million just to their top five guys, and another sixty million to the next five!
  • Magglio Ordonez makes $16 million per year, and over the last two years he has averaged nine homers and 42 ribbies. (Of course, he averaged about 120 RBI for the previous five years.)

To improve Sunday nights, NFL keeps schedule flexible. Dallas to play in Philadelphia on Christmas Day

  • Will T.O. receive the spirit of goodwill toward men? Not in Philly. The legend is that the Philly crowds boo the losing kids in Easter Egg Rolls.
  • Note this interview with my dad, Danny "Suits" Sparrow, who claimed to be the world's greatest baseball player. "Scoop: So dad, if you were so good, how come you never hit more than 47 homers in a season?" "Danny: Hell, you gotta remember that I only had 48 at-bats that year playing for the Philadelphia Cheesesteaks. In my other trips to the plate, I had 665 intentional walks and a ground-rule double. And the home fans in Philly booed me for ten minutes when I hit the double."

"Tampa man charged with grabbing deputy's backside"

ASU cheerleader does porn, in uniform.

  • "Courtney Simpson, playing a pantiless cheerleader in the same outfit she wore on the front DVD cover (Arizona State University I believe: yellow, middle right hand side), showed she still had all her cheerleader moves with the split on the floor before taking on Barry Scott and Travis Knight in the living room."
  • She must be the first porn star to change her real name to a LESS sexual one. Sources report that her real name is Courtney Cox.
  • Here is a site with lots of pics of her as a cheerleader and .. um ... elsewhere. The threads also include posts by ol' Courtney herself.

Video title says it all: "The Gangbang Olympics"

As predicted by Cheerleader Guy, the Miami Heat easily won the NBA Dance Team Bracket

Twat really happened to Paris Hilton's dog, Tinkerbell?

Digital clock oddity today: 01-02-03-04-05-06

Bill Walton is the prime suspect in the theft of Jerry Garcia's Toilet


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

 

 

L'Insegnante va in collegio( 1978)

L'Insegnante va in collegio (1978) or the School Teacher in College is not a sequel to The School Teacher, nor does it take place in a college. Again, Edwige Fenech is the title character. This time she has joined the faculty of a Catholic boys high school and become the object of lust of the gym teacher, a student (Renzo Montagnani), and the student's rich industrialist father Leo Colonna, who is masquerading as a pauper to avoid kidnapping. The priest who runs the school is Fenech's uncle, and feels protective, but she can more than take care of herself.

Running gags include a trick played by the staff of the hotel where Fenech is staying. Whenever a woman checks in and asks for a room with a bath, the staff, which includes a student from the school, waits until she is good and soapy, then shuts off the water to the room. When the woman calls to complain, they rush to the rescue, hoping to find a naked wet woman.

As this comedy is worth the time, I will save some surprises for you to discover.

IMDb readers rate it a meager 3.8. I agree that the story is not as fun as L'Insegnante, but Fenech looked wonderful, and had much more screen time in this one. Fans of Fenech and lovers of Italian sex comedy will want to see this one. C-

 

Edwige Fenech shows breasts in a fantasy scene, and again in a shower scene.
Nikki Gentile, as the rich father's secretary, shows breasts and buns in a sex scene and a shower scene.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Well we are still stuck here in 1968 so we might as well cover the third movie in the "Flesh" Trilogy,  The Kiss of Her Flesh. This one gets even more violent and raunchy than the previous two as our madman keeps killing off more women whom he considers evil, all to avenge his wife's infidelity. Of course he bumped the wife off in the first flick.

Donna Stone is first kidnapped and has her tits fondled by our crazed villain.

Then she becomes a "Babe in Bondage"

 Then he tortures her boobie with a lobster claw (you read that right )

Then he electrocutes her with wires attached to her earrings.

Wash that one down with Uta Erickson, who was the victim in the second  film's whipping scene.

Tomorrow Uta returns to reveal all.

 

 

 

Part 1 of the latest installment of Brainscan collages made from Tuna captures.

 

Aurelie Meriel

 Deliver

Dalila DiLazzaro

Pyjama Girl

Edwige Fenech

Anna

Ellen Barkin

Siesta

Goldie Hawn

... Old Times

Jennifer Tilly

Fast Sofa

Julie Strain

Midnight Confessions

Kathryn Noble

Delos Adventure

Kathryn Noble

Delos Adventure

Kimberly Brooks

Screwballs

Kristin Adams

Where Truth Lies

Lara Phillips

The Ice Harvest

 
 

 

Invasion for Flesh and Blood

Marilyn Ghigliotti. You may remember her from Clerks.

 

 

 

 

 



Ballerina Lizbeth Gruwez: very naked and very fit in Foi.

Anne Brendler in Lieben und Toeten

Martina Gedeck in Ich habe Nein gesagt

Toinette Laquiere in Les Passeurs

Alexandra Bogojevic in Der Spot

 

 

 

LC has been in the future again, and this time he's brought back nekkid pictures of Monica Bellucci. Here is the stunner in Combien tu m'aimes?

One more from Combien tu m'aimes, this time Farida Rahouadj

Seor Piel checked in with Pauline Melville in the godfather of all modern Brit gangster flicks, The Long Good Friday

Squiddy delivered this good/bad news pic of Shannon Elizabeth. The good news: she's wearing a see-through top and no bra. The bad news: she has tape over her nipples.


Pat's comments in yellow...

The Times of India reports that a textbook used to teach the Hindi language to 14-year-olds is under fire for a reading passage that says, "A donkey is like a housewife... In fact, the donkey is a shade better, for while the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents' home, you'll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master."  It was approved by the Hindu nationalist party government, who said it was meant in "good humor;" but it's being removed after the women's branch of the party complained.

*  A donkey wouldn't have complained. 


Doctors at London University are studying a man who reportedly took 40,000 Ecstasy pills from age 21 to 30.  The previous known lifetime record was 2,000 pills.  He came to doctors because, even years after stopping, he's still having trouble functioning. He has painful physical problems, such as rigidity around the face that makes it hard to open his mouth and talk, and mental problems, including paranoia, hallucinations and memory loss.

*  Oh, just admit it: it's Ozzy Osbourne, isn't it? 


This morning in Iraq, in his first cross-examination, a defiant Saddam
Hussein insisted that his signatures on papers ordering hundreds of people
to be tortured and killed were forged

* And if he knew who did it, he'd order the forger tortured and killed!

* Saddam said he needs to be acquitted so he can go out and look for the REAL homicidal dictator.


At the Chessington World of Adventures theme park in England, a giant
soap bubble wand was used to create a bubble around 19 people, a new world record for the most people inside a bubble

* It breaks the old record held by the New York Times editorial staff