I didn't make any of this up: Yesterday, a Tyler, Texas man was sentenced to 16 years in prison for stealing a Snickers. It's because he was found to be a habitual offender, having previously stolen a box of tools and a bag of Oreos. The prosecutor said she was surprised at the jury's sentencing, "but it was a king-size".

Tough luck for the guy, eh? Texas law specifies that he would have gotten probation for the regular size Snickers or any size Milky Way, but the peanut content of the king-size Snickers moved it up to a Class 1 felony. The large bag of peanut M&M's carries the death penalty in Texas, though surprisingly the plain M&M's call for only a verbal warning.

Belgian artist Jan Fabre covered some marble pillars in Ghent with 8000 slices of ham. He hopes that after three months, the pillars will become a "living sculpture" covered with flies and worms. Although passersby have complained about the smell, Fabre responded "good art has to stink a bit". Well, that does lead me to a reappraisal of "Wild Wild West"

Polls with Lawdog

Baseball: your all-century team. My picks - split choices mean either is OK with me.

      Your Pick               My Pick
3b    Schmidt                 Schmidt
2b    Hornsby                 Hornsby/Lajoie
1b    Gehrig                  Gehrig
SS    Wagner                  Wagner
c     Bench                   Gibson
OF    Mays                    Mays/Mantle
OF    Ruth                    Ruth 
OF    Griffey                 Williams
LHP   Koufax                  Koufax/Grove
RHP   Ryan                    Mathewson
RP    Fingers/Eckersley       Eckersley

In essence, the split choices don't matter to me, so I'll play your guy in those cases, to make the real differences clearer. Therefore, the only differences are that I take Christy Mathewson over Nolan Ryan, Josh Gibson over Johnny Bench, and Ted Williams over Griffey.

The Gist and Lawdog
WhyScan's Page Three Report
Yesterday: Leilani, 20, from Bournemouth (1, 2, 3, 4)

Gold is Karen Kelly, from Jan 6, 1987.

Blinky's Runway Report
Courtney Herron (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) No spectacular shots, but decent see-throughs in 1-6.
Oscar Night, Salma, Aniston, Cameron.
Karen Elson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) the good news: she's topless, mimicking the high style of 1920's Paris. The bad news: from Interview magazine, which uses some strange paper
Catherine Bell some serious cleavage in the May FHM
Lara Feltham (1, 2, 3, 4) Pat Rafter's girlfriend, from B&W magazine
Selma Blair from Cruel Intentions. No flesh (The Night)
Katja Woywood from the new MAX online (German version)
Katja Woywood from the new MAX online (German version)

Members Bonuses


New releases, from Johnny Web

I couldn't find any flesh in the new releases. Here's a quick overview. "For Love of the Game" is a sentimental story about an aging baseball player and the love he lost. It's really a romance with baseball as a backdrop. It seems that Costner movies always go for the heartstrings, and this one is no exception. I like his jock movies. What makes Costner different from a typical movie star is that he is about being ordinary. His characters have no special courage or seductive abilities or wisdom. Even when they have great talent (this guy is a hall of famer who throws a perfecto in his final game), they're just schmucks like the rest of us, struggling to figure out how to live a meaningful life with the people we love, doing the things we love to do, facing our mistakes, and trying to do it all with some honor. I think that can grab ya', if you open yourself up to it. This one isn't a symphony of inspired mediocrity, like Bull Durham, but it strikes some good notes along the way. It's kind of an overproduced film. Hard to imagine why they needed $50 million to cut this story. It only did $35 million in box office, but probably would have done the same box with a $10 million budget. There is some very brief nudity in the deleted scenes (an unnamed waitress), but I didn't bother capping it. There's almost 20 minutes of deleted scenes. "Messenger" is that Milla-as-Joan-of-Arc flick. This is a giant mess, from the normally competent Luc Besson. I can't see any reason for the film to exist. It doesn't revise the legend with the truth (see Ebert's review for some detail of the inaccuracies). It doesn't make the legend inspirational or uplifting. It's mostly battle scenes between unnamed and unidentifiable adversaries. I suppose they are great battle scenes, with plenty of fast cuts and swirling confusion, but you can't tell who is who, and you don't feel any emotional attachment to anyone in the battles. If your most fervent desire is to see an authentic reproduction of 15th century warfare in a soulless, documentary context, then this is your film. One of the advantages of Besson's break-up with Milla is that he won't be tempted to cast her any more. She was just embarrassing in some of the scenes in this movie. I really like Milla a lot, and I think she has been successful at other acting projects, but this was just some bad miscasting. She made no effort to disguise her valley accent or her cartoon voice. Imagine the late Margaux Hemingway as Margaret Thatcher, and you'll get the general idea. "Orgazmo" is Trey Parker's send-up of cheap porn and martial arts movies. Along the way, he manages to rip on Mormons. Trey plays a Mormon who is doing his missionary work in LA when the plot contrives him into a porn film role as a horny superhero, and leads him through a series of adventures in the sleazy underbelly of L.A. I don't recommend the film. There isn't even any worthwhile nudity, although it is unrated. The one thing that really impressed me was Dian Bachar, the little guy who appears in all Trey's movies (Squeak Skolarik in Baseketball) - this guy is a comic performer of great genius - as good at performing the material as Trey is at creating it. Trey is also quite good, but the movie just misses the mark, mainly hitting only a few cheap laughs. If you want a few good, dark laughs, rent Trey's other new release "Cannibal the Musical", the famous film project that he worked on while a student. It's a musical comedy about Alferd Packer, a guy convicted of cannibalism in the 19th century, and a bit of a Colorado folk legend. Some great songs. Most IMDb viewers liked "Let's Build a Snowman", but my favorite was "Hang the Bastard", an elaborate dance number in gingham and calico, ala Oklahoma. In fact, the film could be considered a parody of Oklahoma in several ways, including the introductory song-on-my-horse and the famous dream sequence, in which Trey dances some ballet - and quite convincingly as well. I guess it's "Oklahoma" via "Paint Your Wagon", via "Dr Strangelove", as befits Trey's odd sense of humor. Trey has a nice singing voice, and the songs are actually catchy. You're going to find yourself singing them unconsciously, and people will look at you very strangely. The movie has some dead spots, but also some inspiration, and the songs are uniformly great fun and make the film worth renting. Troma released the movie (I guess Lloyd and Trey have gotten to be good friends)!

"Cruel Intentions", from Tuna

The review is entirely Tuna's work:

"Cruel Intentions (1999) is a remake of Dangerous Liaisons, but moved to New York and the 1990's, and involves yuppie spawn rather than French Aristocracy. It is the first big-screen directorial effort by Roger Kumble. His intention was to have a 90's story with modern dialogue, but keep the look and feel of a period piece. He assembled an outstanding cast, and a very talented team and facilitated their doing what they do best, and he achieved exactly what he was after. The three keys to the opulent look and feel of the film were Theo van de Sande (Cinematography), Denise Wingate (Costumes) and David Lazan (Art Direction). For a low budget (10 Meg) film, they did a remarkable job. I would say that Kumble (who also wrote the screenplay) created exactly what he intended to.

The main plot concerns a rich step-brother who is out to nail as many girls as he can while in High School, and his truly evil and manipulative step-sister. Both delight in ruining the lives of those around them as sport. They make a bet as to whether he can seduce the new headmaster's daughter, who published a manifesto in praise of virginity in a national magazine. The actresses are lovely and talented, the dialogue witty, and the production values first rate. For me, this was a far more accessible film than Dangerous Liaisons.

The DVD is full of Special Features, including deleted scenes (these provided the only actual nudity with award winning porn starlet Alisha Klass), a short on the making of the movie, an in-depth feature on how the look and feel was achieved, and a full directors commentary.

Opinions are split on this film, with the detractors mostly falling into two groups: people who don't like the sex, and people who don't think it has enough French nobility. I found it to be an excellent film in all respects.

There are 5 actresses represented in the images:

  • Alisha Klass: Nudity in all images. This scene was cut because they felt it took too much audience sympathy away from Ryan Phillippe's character.
  • Reese Witherspoon: Cleavage in 1, 2 and 3, and nice butt shot (covered with a spray-on bathing suite) in 4.
  • Selma Blair: Pokies in 1, 3 and 6, and upskirt in 4 and 5.
  • Tara Reid: Nude on computer screen
  • Sarah Michelle Geller: Mostly cleavage, with a possible nipple in 3."
  • Tuna's thumbnails for this film.
  • Alisha Klass (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Reese Witherspoon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Buffy (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Selma Blair (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Tara Reid
  • a
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