"Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol"

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987) is the fourth in the 7 installment Police Academy series, and, by this time, it had already become a parody of itself. This is mainly notable because we finally see Leslie Easterbrook in a wet T-shirt. The commandant of the academy has come up with a citizen involvement scheme, where interested citizens take a simplified training course at the academy, and then assist law enforcement. The governor is excited about the program, as is the chief. Highlights include a high speed chase, police cars after skate borders, and a biplane and hot air balloon pursuit.

IMDb readers have this at $3.4 of 10. Rotten Tomatoes scores is 0%. Fans of Bobcat Goldwait might enjoy his usual stick, and Sharon Stone has a minor role as a news reporter, and Steve Guttenberg's love interest. This was the longest 88 minutes I have spent in a long time. Note that the TV version was a little longer, and the extra footage was included on the DVD. This is a D, and will probably not please even fans of the series.

  • Thumbnails

  • Leslie Easterbrook (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Casual Sex?"

    Casual Sex? (1988) is a romantic comedy adapted from the stage, and concerns two young women friends, Lea Thompson and Victoria Jackson, who are trying to find true love in the face of aids. They decide to vacation at a health spa, hoping to find Mr. Right. Jackson thoroughly enjoyed the sexual revolution, whereas her friend Thompson had been the last virgin in her sorority, and never had an orgasm with someone else in the room. They go through several frogs before they find their princes.

    Both show buns. Most who commented at IMDb praised the performance of Andrew Dice Clay as one of the more obnoxious men at the spa. IMDb readers have it at 4.6 of 10. Much of the film is talking heads, with one or both of the woman directly talking to the audience. A little more nudity and sex, and more effort at situations that had humorous potential would have helped this film, but the post sexual revolution AIDES scare is now a pretty dated theme. This is another D.

  • Thumbnails

  • Lea Thompson (1, 2, 3)
  • Victoria Jackson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Gable and Lombard (1976):

    I guess I should start off by saying that I don't really know anything about the lives of Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, and this is essentially a joint biopic of those two great stars, focusing in on the portion of their lives when they were Hollywood's most notorious non-couple. (Gable was unable to get a divorce from his wife, and that was a puritanical time, so Gable and Lombard saw each other only in private.)

    I can't tell you if the actors nailed the real characters, but I can say that Jill Clayburgh seemed to capture Carole Lombard's screen persona perfectly, so if Carole was the same off screen, it was a great impersonation. I have a feeling that the brassy, sassy, wisecrackin' tomboy was only a small portion of Lombard's personality, and by keeping everything on that level, Clayburgh and the screenwriter essentially made this a feature-length sitcom special like those extra-length shows that Lucy and Desi used to do once in a while. As for Brolin, well, I think he missed it. He got Gable's cockiness just fine, but the essence of Gable, as I see it, is that underneath the cockiness was a man's man - an unpretentious, deferential, chivalrous, down-to-earth guy who would be happier hunting and playing poker with his pals than being a movie star. In fact, he probably preferred fishing to seducing women. The word was that he was one of the worst lays ever.

    This film got sort of close to that, but the way Brolin played it, underneath the cockiness was a complete rube, a backwoods maroon who would have worn his pants five inches above his socks unless somebody told him not to. I have a feeling that Gable wasn't the cartoon fool that is occasionally portrayed here. There is no avoiding a central tenet of casting. In order to portray a charismatic star, one must be a charismatic star. If you want to make a film about Welles or Chaplin or Belushi, you need a comparable genius to portray your subject. James Brolin has none of Gable's magic. He's just a good looking TV actor doing the sort of impersonation you'd see on SNL or SCTV.  James Brolin as Clark Gable? Oh, puh-leez!

    If you ignore the fact that this actually seems to be a movie about the romance between Gable and Lombard's onscreen personae, rather than between real people, further tainted a bit by Brolin's excessive dose of "aw shucksiness", it isn't a bad watch. The minimal ratings from TV Guide and the IMDb voters are somewhat too harsh, in my opinion.

    If you forget about the names of the characters, it's kind of a sweet movie about two people who really loved one another, and had to hide it from the world. It is superficial and slapstick, but it has a good heart and a few small laughs, and it adds a little depth by dealing with the hypocrisy of the society of the 30s that wanted its stars chaste offscreen, or at least that's what the Hays Code and the Catholic Legion of Decency believed, and it was their view which prevailed for three decades.

    I might actually have liked the film if it hadn't overstayed its welcome at 132 minutes!

    A C- by our standard.

    This movie is rated R, but I'll be damned if I know why. The closest it comes to nudity is shown below.

    • Jill Clayburgh (1, 2, 3)



    The Blue Max (1966):

    CK Roach got me interested in this one. He wrote an excellent review here, and he really liked the film. I thought it was worth the watch, but I was far less enthusiastic than he.

    For one thing, given that it probably had the highest budget of any film that year, you'd think that somebody would have double-checked the locations for obvious anachronisms. It is bad enough that the town near their airbase has 1960s-style electrical and telephone lines, but what was really irritating was the fact that they made no attempt to hide them.

    This flaw, however, was royally trumped by the fact that almost all the houses had TV antennae just like the ones my family had in 1966 (see picture on the page)! I wonder which programs they could receive in 1916.

    I agree with CK that the use of accents was confusing, but I wouldn't single out James Mason for his British accent. This was about the German Army, and most of the minor characters spoke English with a German accent, as per a common screen convention, but James Mason spoke with his usual smarmy Lolita voice, and George Peppard spoke his farm-boy American. I think a film should choose one convention or another. If German is to be represented by English with a German accent, I don't agree with that decision, but if that is the final choice, then let it be so consistently. I much prefer the common Royal Shakespeare Society convention of representing aristocratic foreign speech with aristocratic English, and representing working class foreign speech with working class English. When that convention is employed, we can all immediately identify what we are being shown, and it lets us identify with the characters as common human types which are probably as familiar to our own culture as to the culture being portrayed.

    As CK noted, The Blue Max is a great film in the air. It is worth seeing just for the dogfights, aerial stunts, and the stirring Jerry Goldsmith score.

    Unfortunately the film shows its Achilles heel when it is on the ground. Although the basic storyline is a good one, it is dragged out too long by too many predictable developments and trite dialogue and scenes with Ursula Andress not naked.

    I reckon it is a C by our standard. Good war movie, but not a great one. A must-see if, like CK, you like the aviation stuff. I immediately set the DVD aside to give to my nephew, who wants to be a pilot, and who loves biplanes and triplanes. I'll bet that he will tell me it is his favorite movie.

    This one seems tame by 2004 standards, but had a LOT of nudity for 1966.

    • Ursula Andress (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 6, 7, 8)




    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated




    In today's Funhouse I watched the sapphic scene from Lianna and the name Jane Hallaren rang a big bell.  I remembered her as Stella, the owner/waitress of the little coffee shop in Body Heat.  Every time I've watched that movie, which is a LOT, I've always thought how attractive she is.  Well, sir, I think a whole lot more now.  Sure glad I got to see her nekkid and making love with another woman.  Thanks a bunch, Scoop.


    Scoop says- I never made that connection, great observation! But the thanks goes to Shiloh, who combs the globe looking for that kind of rare material, and came up with that one out of the blue.





    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    A little of this, a little of that. Some women seen less frequently.

    • Amy Madigan in Alamo Bay. (.avi version.wmv version).

    • Barbra Hershey in Boxcar Bertha. Unbelievably, this film was directed by Martin Scorcese. (.avi version,  .wmv version (1, 2, 3, 4). The .avi version is a big download, includes all four scenes, plus one more.

    • Brigitte Bardot - And God Created Woman  (.avi version.wmv version).


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Vénus Beauté (institut) 1999 is a French chick-flick. All the principal characters are women and all the plot points have women at their centers and men at their peripheries, playing pawn or acting like furniture. Not sure what the estrogen ranking ought to be, but I'm pretty sure it's in the double digits. So why the hell didn't I hate it?

    Well, it's pretty darn intelligent. And quirky. And it has Nathalie Baye as its central character. Here I will admit to something. You know that early Woody Allen comedy in which he sees a buxom blonde on the dance floor and says he'd sell his mother to the Arabs for her (this would be a reference to Joseph and his brothers, not to the current state of life in the Middle East)? Well, I'd do that for Nathalie Baye. She is neither blonde, nor buxom but she comes across on screen as the other woman of my dreams. I'd watch The Passion if she was in it. Hell, I'd watch Kill Bill again if she were in that odiferous concoction of celluloid toxic waste.

    Best reason I liked Venus Beaute is that while it is a French chick-flick it is also a French-chick flick. Several French actresses give up some goodies. That's real good news because the current crop of French actresses are down-right breathtaking, infinitely more attractive IMHO than all the gen Y bims that inhabit American movies (I mean honestly now, if you were given the choice of living a year on an otherwise desert isle with Ludivine Sagnier or Christina Ricci, who would you choose?)

    The French women in question are Audrey Tautou, who gives us cleavage only but looks oh so spectacular doing it, Clare Nebout, who does two wonderful triple-B scenes, and Helene Fillieres (brief boobs only). Nathalie Baye takes a shower but the camera stays on her face, and ya know, I didn't mind it at all.

    Venus Beaute. If all chick-flicks were like this one we'd be the ones dragging our significant others to see them.

    'Caps and comments by Vejiita:

    Today we have Allison Smith and Hedy Burres from the movie "Los Años Barbaros".

    This is the second time I've 'capped this movie, but this time from a DVD! Even though the movie is not available for for sale on DVD, a newspaper here in Spain is giving a DVD each week with Spanish movies, and I was very glad they added this one to the giveaway!

    • Allison Smith, the former child star from the series "Kate & Allie" going topless and showing far off frontal and rear views. (1, 2, 3)

    • Hedy Burress, also full frontal, but sadly even more far off. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Johnny Moronic
    'Caps and comments by Johnny Moronic:

    "Ashes and Sand"
    Now this is one weird ass film. It begins as a romantic drama of unrequainted love between a troubled petty criminal 16 year old girl (Lara Belmont from "The War Zone") and an older detective (Nick Moran) and works really well for 75 minutes until the darkness begins. The last 30 mins is quite something else and even I winced a couple of times and some of the things. Not an easy watch, but is helped by good performances all round, particularly from Lara.

    • Lara Belmont. Cleavage in #2, hand down her pants in #3 and undies in #8 and #9. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Elisabetta Cavallotti
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)

    Marvin 'caps from the Italian movie "Guardami" (1999), which is based on the life of the late Italian porn star Moana Pozzi. Cavallotti shows everything including some gyno-views.

    Since the movie is based on the life of a porn star, there are some more explicit images here and there.

    Here's a breakdown of the more explicit views:
    Links 17 and 18: There are a couple of erect dudes.
    Link #19: She shaves her pubes
    Links 20 and 21: We see a piercing down under.
    Links 25-28: A BJ scene.

    Elisa Morucci
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Señor-Skin 'caps from the excellent Monica Bellucci movie "Malèna" (2000). In this scene we see Morucci topless and full frontal.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Don't Go On Strike, Just Do A Half-Assed Job - The actors who provide the voices for "The Simpsons" are on strike and have boycotted script readings for the show's 16th season since failing to reach a new contract agreement. They want $365,000 an episode, up from $125,000. The first time they went on strike, they were earning $30,000 an episode, and Fox threatened to hire replacement voices rather than pay them more. One show insider told Variety that it's not fair to compare them to other sitcom stars because they voice an entire show in six hours, so they'd be getting $365,000 for just one day's work.

  • And they can do it while sitting down and eating donuts!
  • As opposed to the back-breaking labor put in by the cast of "Friends."
  • But they play dozens of characters, so replacing them would cost a fortune.
  • If Fox needs a replacement voice for Homer, they already have a moronic doofus under contract: Joe Millionaire.

    Dennis Franz Does Soaps? - FCC commissioner Michael J. Copps, who has led the campaign against shock radio, is eying a new target. He says he stumbled across a soap opera while channel-surfing and thought it was far too steamy for mid-afternoon. For instance, a recent episode of CBS's "The Guiding Light" showed a woman pulling down her boyfriend's briefs, exposing his bare bottom. But the editor of "Soap Opera Digest" said the amount of sex on soaps is blown out of all proportion, that fans like stories about relationships, and that "these shows are about romance, not sex."

  • I thought they were for women who liked seeing sexy guys get blown out of all proportion.
  • Soap operas are about relationships...Sick, twisted relationships.
  • Only the really evil twins get naked.
  • Take all the sex out of soap operas and all you've got left is soap commercials.
  • The administration is afraid too many women might vote for Bush, so they're trying to drive them all away.

    It IS A Male Miracle Drug! - A study by Queen's University in Belfast found that taking Viagra may not be a good idea if you want to start a family. They found that Viagra can speed up a chemical process the sperm uses to penetrate the egg. By the time the sperm reaches the egg, it's already spent. This didn't matter when Viagra was only used by older people, but now, young men are using it as a sex enhancer.

  • News flash: most of the young guys using it as a sex enhancer don't WANT to start a family.
  • What good is Viagra to women if it makes guys' sperm get spent too fast?
  • These are just lab results, but the researchers will study the effects during actual sex, if they ever manage to have it.

    Cereal Killers - Britain's Consumers' Association tested 100 breakfast cereals and found that they were not as healthy as most people think. 85 were more than 10 percent sugar, with some kids' cereals up to 40 percent sugar. Nine were more than 20 percent saturated fat, while forty contained "a lot of salt." For example, a 40-gram serving of Kellogg's All-Bran had four times as much salt as a 25-gram bag of roasted peanuts. A Nestle's spokesman replied that there is a wide range of cereals to choose from, such as Shredded Wheat, which has no added salt or sugar.

  • Or flavor.
  • But it's loaded with carbs!
  • Some of the cereals are ninety percent sugar, after you put sugar on them.
  • I'm shocked to learn that a food shaped like little chocolate vampires isn't particularly good for you.
  • This is why I stick to the breakfast of champions: little chocolate donuts!