Oh Marbella (2003)

I've mentioned before that the last decade has brought about a radical change in the types of British films that make it across the pond. Go back a decade or more, and the only films we saw from the UK were either stuffy Merchant-Ivory period pieces, or tedious social commentaries about the destructive nature of the class system. In the post Carry On days, an occasional comedy would sneak through, but it would either be a wacky look at historical personages (they must have a lot of period costumes sitting around), or a wry look at how the butler is actually a far more competent human being than the lord of the manor. Then it all changed about a decade ago. We still get to see only two different types of films, but now it's two different types. They are either dark comedies about ultra-violent, drug-fueled gangsters with heavy working class accents; or big-hearted comedies about eccentric provincials who have indecipherable regional accents and grow dope or get naked in public or something odd but endearing.

This film is actually a hybrid of both! It is about Brits on vacation in southern Spain, so it includes the eccentric people who get naked, the stuffy people who eventually find the nudity endearing, the small-time con men who peddle various real estate scams, and the violent drug-fueled gangsters who are either retired in Spain or trying to kill the guys who are retired in Spain. As for the tone of the film, it is from the "eccentric, big-hearted" school of British comedy rather than the black-hearted type found in the Guy Richie gangster films. The two separate types may be in the same movie, but their paths don't cross much. The stories basically move in parallel. I never saw any naked ultra-violent gangsters, for example.

Although Oh Marbella is a joint project of the UK and Germany and was filmed in Spain, there are few Spanish or German people to be seen. It is basically a silly, unchallenging, British comedy. I found it mildly amusing, but nothing to go out of your way for. The film's most unusual and entertaining characteristic is the vast amount of nudity from mainstream actors and actresses. If you are into Charlotte Lucas or Sara Stockbridge, you've found heaven because they are frequently prancing around stark naked.

Sara Stockbridge
Charlotte Lucas
Lara Belmont

There are many more naked unknowns scattered throughout the film. It's that kind of film.


Other Crap:


The fate of the George Mason Jars has been sealed.

  • Florida's outside game was too much for the Fightin' Mints, as the Gators fired in 48% from beyond the stripe. Florida earned a 36-6 advantage from three-point range, and that was all she wrote. It's Florida vs UCLA for all the marbles.

Letterman: Top Ten Signs Your Kitty Is Nuts

A new hi-res trailer for The DaVinci Code

Daily Box Office - Friday, March 31, 2006

  • Ice Age 2 opened huge with $21 million on Friday alone. It should exceed its predicted mid-50s estimates.
  • It is becoming ever more evident that there is a huge market for films with African-American characters. ATL will approximately double its expectations, and that is becoming ever more commonplace for films targeting black audiences.
  • As expected, Basic Instinct 2 will bomb, although the explosion will apparently be worse than expected.
  • Since BI2 was expected to suck, the only genuine disappointment among the new releases is Slither, a horror/comedy which was greeted with enthusiastic reviews, but microscopic grosses. It took in less per theater than Basic Instinct 2.

Based on screening feedback, it seems that Christina Ricci will be topless in Black Snake Moan

"Cameron Diaz Courts Victory in Topless Pics Case "

The Office - more fake public service announcements

At least six men came to western North Carolina to have their genitals mutilated

  • Now THERE'S a tourist economy, but I would hesitate to call this a "package" tour.
  • As for you ladies - remember it's EASTERN North Carolina for your genital mutilation needs! Well, that or India.

Letterman: "Top Ten Things Overheard During George W. Bush's Trip To Cancun"

The Smoking Gun: NASA HQ Raided In Kiddie Porn Probe


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




Swept Away (1974)

Swept Away by an Unusual Destiny in the Blue Sea of August, or Travolti da un insolito destino nell'azzurro mare d'agosto, is being re-released in a pristine widescreen transfer under the shortened title "Swept Away." Note that the film was recently remade by Guy Richie as Swept Away, starring Madonna. The remake paled compared to the original and was a strong Razzie contender. The original film was written and directed by Italian Lina Wertmüller, the darling of the art house crowd in the 70s. It is essentially two stories but for most of the film there are only two characters. First, and possibly most interestingly, it is a love story between two people stranded on a Mediterranean island: Mariangela Melato, a rich, spoiled, privileged wife; and Giancarlo Giannini, a poor Sicilian sailor.

The second story contrasts her high-handed manner toward Giannini and Communism while cruising on the sailboat with her rich friends, versus the way Giannini turns the tables on her once the two are stranded together, when she eventually becomes his willing servant and lover. Once on the island, Giannini forces her to work as his servant before he will share the food he catches and prepares. When she finally decides to make love with him, he refuses her because he is not convinced she loves him completely. He slaps her whenever she displeases him, and sometimes just for effect. Eventually, she is so smitten that she asks him to sodomize her, so he can take her virginity there. Had he understood what sodomize meant, he might have. Some have tried to apply a misogamist label to the story, but it is more popular with women than with men, although not by enough to put it in chick-flick territory. I am not really sure what Wertmüller was trying to say here, but she wrapped her messages and themes in a very entertaining if talky love story.

Melato shows breasts in a long scene that almost led to sex.

IMDb readers have this at 7.3. Ebert says 4 stars, and Berardinelli awards 3 1/2, and places it in his top 100 films of all time. The first act, which is necessary to set the characters and provide the justification for Giannini's later treatment of Melato, was slow going, but once the main characters were lost on the small boat, the story took off. This is a C+. If you can tolerate subtitles, it is absolutely worth the effort.

Mariangelo Melato






Today we have "Instinct to Kill".

The star Melissa Crider does not get naked, but does have great legs and then becomes a "Babe In Bondage."

What Melissa didn't give us Tracy Ryan makes up for as she gets stark naked and she also winds up as a "Babe In Bondage," but covered with a sheet in the bondage scene.







Got some Hefmate clips for ya. (Zipped .avis in divx  format)

  • Starting with Jean Manson in The Young Nurses ... all her little nekkid scenes pieced into one  clip.
  • Three of Julie Lynn Cialini (former Heffer of the Month and the Year) in Watchful Eye. (1, 2, 3)
  • Also in that magnum opus was Juliet Cariaga, former Penthouse Pet. 
  • Teri Weigel, in a bikini four sizes too small, from Glitch.
  • Last up is Suzanne Stokes in Frostbite. Suzanne whips out the robo-hooters in a hot tub scene as seen in the theatrical release and the behind-the-scenes extras on the DVD.








Alien : Resurrection

Alien : Resurrection (1997) is another in the Alien series and once again stars Sigourney Weaver. There appears to be a bit of an appearance by Sigourney's nipple

and a look at the mostly bare buns of Kim Flowers


More Sigourney Weaver in Eyewitness (1981). No nudity, just some minor pokies.

Earthquake (1974)

Pokies by Genevieve Bujold

 and Victoria Principal



No nudity in Pressure (2002), just some minor pokies by Angela Featherstone.

Paris Blues

Paris Blues was made in 1961 so there won't be any nudity. However, you do see what Paul Newman saw in Joanne Woodward.

Wild Bill

Ellen Barkin's nudity when she gets out of the hot tub in Wild Bill (1995) is mostly hidden by her very long hair.

A bit of cleavage by Christina Applegate.

Bride and Prejudice

Bride and Prejudice (2004) is pure Bollywood, complete with all the singing and dancing, and a happy romantic ending. So, there's no nudity but we see enough of Aishwarya Rai to understand why she was crowned Miss World 1994.

 Indira Varma looks good in a bikini.

Two if By Sea

Sandra Bullock is down to her underwear in Two if by Sea (1996).


Eurotrash is a long running British series which focuses on the ridiculous in the rest of Europe. There is a lot of nudity by eccentric Europeans, such as the family of naked fish mongers. You get the general idea.

Vika Zinchenko is a Ukranian model who claims to have the longest nipples in Europe. We see them being measured. They are long, but I haven't done enough research to know whether they are the longest.

High School High

The nudity in High School High comes from a stripper, not that we see anything.

Tia Carrere shows a lot of cleavage.


Some nice pokies by Demi Moore in Ghost (1990).


The most interesting part of Taxi (2004) is Jennifer Esposito being felt up by Gisele Bündchen. No nudity by any of the actresses but some nice caps of

Gisele Bundchen

Jennifer Esposito

Magali Amadei

Ingrid Vandebosch

and Ana Cristina De Oliveira.


Some pokies by Sazzy Lee Aiken in Faultline (2004)

and Olivia Adams looks good in a bikini.


No nudity in Bullitt (1968) but Jacqueline Bisset was in her prime.


Brief pokies by Pamela Ludwig in Tex (1982).

Suspect Zero

The actress has a sizable speaking part in Suspect Zero (2004) but I couldn't identify her from the credits. We do get to see her breasts when she is attacked.






Stella Stevens in The Ballad of Cable Hogue
Jenn Fong in Erosion
Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown
Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch