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"Fast Sofa"

Fast Sofa (2001) was covered by Scoopy a few days back. If you recall, it was a sort of road trip buddy film, but riddled with weird visual effects, no pace, and useless sub-plots. He found some moments of enjoyment. I must say that I was unable to find any humor or points to enjoy. Further, the cinematography was third rate at best. This is a DVD that really needed a commentary. I will be charitable and assume that the director had some reason for the way he shot and cut this film, but I am at a total loss.

As a nudity recap, Jennifer Tilly plays a porn star and the destination for the road trip. We see her breasts in a strangely lit outdoor sex scene, and some bra and rubber suit shots. Tina Marie Clifford shows breasts and buns in a strip act, and an unknown shows breasts while filming with Tilly. I can't give this more than a D. I can't imagine anyone actually wanting to see this, even without the constant inserts, VHS quality segments, light swirls. etc.

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  • Jennifer Tilly (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Tina Marie Clifford (1, 2, 3)
  • Unknown (1, 2)

    "Barbarian Queen"

    Barbarian Queen (1985) is a barbarian gladiator film with the same setup as a sword and sorcery picture. The bad guys rape and pillage, killing or capturing nearly everyone in a village except three women. The three women vow to get revenge and rescue the ones who were captured. The film is mostly battles, which are all choreographed pretty much the same. Women match men blow for blow with swords, then kick them in the nuts and finish them off. When they get overtired, two of the enemy hold them up so they can kick a few more nuts.

    Yes, it is every bit as bad as it sounds. The good news is nudity. The three lead women, Lana Clarkson, Katt Shea and Dawn Dunlap all show their breasts, and dozens of unidentifiable women show everything from clear see-throughs up to and including full frontal. If you elect to watch this for the nudity, I suggest turning the sound off, thus sparing yourself the inane dialogue. Oh, and the ending is fitting. One of the women has become the favorite of the evil ruler, and is always at his side. After a final battle has gone on endlessly, she stabs him, which ends the battle. Of course, she could have done that three days before, but then we wouldn't have had the endless kicks to the testicles to enjoy. This is a C- at best.

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  • Dawn Dunlap (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Katt Shea (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Lana Clarkson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Scoop is taking a little time off to spend with the family. But for now....

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Some really old stuff and some really, really old stuff today, which means these are quality-challenged VHS caps.

    First up are Jayne Mansfield and Inger Stevens in "A Guide for the Married Man". Clever idea behind this movie is to tell a series of unconnected tales, using an ensemble cast, and to string all of them together as a series of how-to and how-not-to lessons about cheating on your wife.

    We get megacleavage from Jayne (which is like saying you get a view of a deep gully at the Grand Canyon) and the side of Inger's boob. Some provocative see-through action from Inger, but it's shot way across the room from her with a 45mm lens.

    Next up Body and Soul, a Leon Isaac Kennedy opus, written by, directed by and acted-up by Leon, himself. Must have been the casting director, too, 'cuz you get Leon's wife (the marvelous Jayne Kennedy) in barely visible shower scene but you get three former Hefmates sport-humpin' Leon.

    Those Hefmates are Azizi Johari, Ola Ray and Rosanne Katon. Rosanne teams up with two other babes (Ingrid Greer and Laurie Senit) in a fine threesome sport-boff.

    I understand that Leon Kennedy played cinematographer in a less professional film (as if!) starring his dear wifey-poo. Seen a few caps of that effort, too. Now if only it were released on DVD.

    Today Scorpion takes a look at a new Skinemax flick called "Carnal Sins".
    • Brandy Davis, plenty of toplessness, pubes, and sport humpin'. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Griffin Drew joins Brandy for some lesbo lovin', and more frontal nudity.

    • McKayla, also gets it on in a variety of positions. -All of which cost extra in the Amsterdam Red Light District...but that's another story :-)

    Birgitte Söndergaard Topless and full frontal nudity from the Swedish actress in scenes from "Zorn" (1994).

    Josephine Bornebusch Breasts and a hint of bush in scenes from the Swedish movie "Järngänget" (2000).

    Julie Graham Topless in a love scene from the UK movie "The Near Room".

    Keeley Hawes From the UK movie "Complicity" (2000), here is the young actress going topless and full frontal.

    Kristina Törnqvist
    (1, 2)

    Almost full frontal nudity in scenes from "Zorn".

    Lena Endre Another Swedish actress and more full frontal nudity. This time is scenes from "Trolösa" (2000).

    Polly Walker Topless, rear and full frontal views in scenes from the Peter Greenaway movie, "8½ Women" (1999).

    Britney Spears
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Semi-kinda-almost showing exposure. Once again, we offer a small animal sacrifice and a prayer of thanks to the gods of British tabloid journalism. Bikini in link #1, and Britney fans will NOT be disapointed with the images of her sun sunbathing in links #2 and #3!

    Here is a link to the Sun that goes with these pics.

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    (1, 2)

    Eva Herzigova
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    An excellent collection by Nero from the pages of GQ. The first 10 links feature very see-thru exposure of either breasts or bum. Link #11 has Eva topless. Link #12 shows a see-thru nipple sighting, plus side nudity from the waist down.

    Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Pat's comments in yellow...


    Normally I'd send you the story, but you should see the photo, too.

    Click here for the latest on bum implants.

    From the mailbag

    I saw that someone had posted today asking if there was any word on nudity in the new Jason movie.

    Not too long ago I downloaded a video clip from the movie. Its Jason in his new garb somewhere on a ship or something in the future. Two very fine women (couldn't tell you who) are in sleeping bags trying to seduce Jason. In this scene they are topless with bikini bottoms.

    I tried to grab some captures but can't get my crap program to stop crashing. Maybe someone else will have better luck.

    Hey Scoop,

    I heard that Dennis Quaid's girlfriend's breasts felt out of her dress on the red carpet at "The Rookie" premiere. Is is true? Are there any pics?

    Jr's note. This is the first I've heard of it.