Friday

Get Rich or Die Tryin' (2005):

Woody Allen joked back in the 60s or 70s that all urban dramas in those days consisted of street gangs turning into basketball teams, and vice-versa. That was back in the days when all movie black guys were drug dealers, pimps, and petty criminals who wanted to play in the NBA. Now there is a new kind of movie black guy. He wants to be a rapper instead of a power forward, as characterized by the official plot summary for this film: "A tale of an inner city drug dealer who turns away from crime to pursue his passion, rap music."

That's pretty much the summary for all this millennium's movies about gritty inner-city life.

So now all urban dramas are about turning street gangs into rap acts.

And vice versa.

Another 2005 film, Hustle & Flow, received critical accolades for the way it developed this same theme, but the critics and fans excoriated Get Rich or Die Tryin', perhaps because many viewed it as an insincere vanity project for 50 Cent, as well as an unnecessary trip over well-traveled trails. In fact, this film is so familiar that Terrence Howard, who played the criminal-turned-rapper in Hustle & Flow, plays the manager of the criminal-turned-rapper in Get Rich.

Get Rich is rated a microscopic 2.5 at IMDb - 42nd worst of all time - and that fact produces one of the strangest pages in the entire IMDb universe: the career filmography for the respected Irish director Jim Sheridan. It looks like one of those Sesame Street games of "one of these things is not like the other."

  1. (7.89) - In America (2002)
  2. (7.80) - In the Name of the Father (1993)
  3. (7.59) - My Left Foot (1989)
  4. (6.88) - The Field (1990)
  5. (6.80) - The Boxer (1997)
  6. (2.53) - Get Rich or Die Tryin' (2005)

Of course, Get Rich is not bad enough to be among the fifty worst movies of all time. The film is dark, and depressing, and angry, and represents a foreign country for which the average movie fan has no visa, so it managed to please almost nobody, but Jim Sheridan is a true professional who knows how to make a movie.  Roger Ebert kept an open mind about the film and, although he detested some of its moral equivocation about drug dealing, gave it a fairly positive three-star review based on its craftsmanship.

Personally, I couldn't wait for the sumbitch to end, craftsmanship be damned, even though I have liked similar movies in the recent past. I really liked Hustle & Flow, and was at least somewhat positive about 8 Mile, but Get Rich has too many drugs and too little music for my taste, and Mr. Cent, although a real rapper,  just doesn't have the acting chops to play a rapper as convincingly as Terrence Howard.

Joy Bryant, however, is gorgeous.

 

 

Joy Bryant

Unknown #1

Unknown #2

 

 


Other Crap:

 

Dan Castellaneta and Harry Shearer do their Simpsons characters on Conan's late night show.

"A documentary TV series chronicling Barry Bonds' upcoming 2006 baseball season will take an honest look at the steroid scandal surrounding the slugger, but his lawyers can review the episodes before they air, the producer said on Thursday."

Pale Force: superheroes played by Conan O'Brien and Jim Gaffigan

"soap opera veteran Helen Wagner has earned a place in the Guinness World Records by playing one role for 50 years."

Colbert discusses polygamy - the more the "merrier"

Colbert discusses the upcoming Apocalypse

"Stephen Colbert asks economist Bruce Bartlett where he gets off saying Bush isn't Reagan."

Jon Stewart interviews Queen Latifah

Colbert rants about people named after royalty

  • Stephen's sick of liberals posing as friends of the people while taking names that endorse monarchy.

"Daily Show: What Are We Doing to Pigs?"

  • Sure we could just eat healthier, but isn't it easier to change a mammal's cellular structure?"

Daily Show: The Palestinian reaction to the Israeli election results

  • "If Israel were a country, which is isn't, Hamas would be furious at the results of the election."

The Daily Show's Senior Jerusalem Bureau Chief Samantha Bee reports on the Israeli election.

A huge directory of celeb pictures, including many nudes

Weekly World News: Thomas Edison's wackiest inventions

Britney plays a talk show host on Thursday's Will & Grace

The World's Smallest Cat?

Tipsy tourist couldn't see Ayers Rock, which was right in front of him

Silent Bob's essay about Jay's battle with heroin, Part 3

What Would Jesus Brew? (Very odd cartoon)

Isolatr - the site for people who hate social networking

Paris Hilton to record rap album with Three 6 Mafia

The R-rated trailer for Splinter, an independent memory-loss thriller with Tom Sizemore and Edward James Olmos.

The trailers for Silent Hill

  • "The eerie and deserted ghost town of Silent Hill draws a young mother desperate to find a cure for her only child's illness. Unable to accept the doctor's diagnosis that her daughter should be permanently institutionalized for psychiatric care, Rose (Radha Mitchell) flees with her child, heading for the abandoned town in search of answers -- and ignoring the protests of her husband (Sean Bean). It's soon clear this place is unlike anywhere she's ever been. It's smothered by fog, inhabited by a variety of strange beings and periodically overcome by a living Darkness that literally transforms everything it touches. As Rose searches for her little girl, she begins to learn the history of the strange town and realizes that her daughter is just a pawn in a larger game."

The trailer for 4, a Russian drama disguised as a genre film (dystopia)

  • "An apocalyptic journey through the dark heart of the new Russia. Three strangers meet in a Moscow bar one late night and spin fantastic stories, all of them lies. They depart and journey their separate ways through a landscape filled with decaying meat, wild dogs, ravenous crones, cloned piglets, and modern industrial horrors. A completely unique and disturbing film, '4' was held up by Russian censors who wanted 40 minutes cut, but relented after the film won acclaim at film festivals around the world."

Intro to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - "Jay and Bob grow up right in front of the QuickStop."

"Which is a bigger problem for the future of Major League Baseball?' The voting options were 'competitive balance' and 'steroids.'"

"Frank Miller on Sin City 2"

Will a shuttle mission be scuttled by a work lamp from the Space Center?

Is this really Spidey in the black suit? Some say it is a fake. AICN says, "We think itís real."

  • I'm no expert, but it seems to me that it is a fake based on converting a picture of the red outfit. There is some red on the arm which has not been fully changed. (See this enlargement.)

Top 87 Bad Predictions about the Future

First half of the sentence says it all. "The Wedding Singer, the new Broadway musical based on the Adam Sandler film of the same name, ..."

This week's movies (1400+ screens): Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction - 18% positive reviews

This week's movies (1600 theaters): ATL - 63% positive reviews

  • The percentage is based on only eight reviews, but this Atlanta-based urban youth drama received good notices from such credible sources as Entertainment Weekly, Village Voice, and James Berardinelli

This week's movies (about 4000 screens - among the ten most widely-distributed films of all time): Ice Age 2: The Meltdown - 50% positive reviews

This Week's Movies (about 2000 screens): Slither - 88% positive reviews

  • I suppose that percentage will go down, but the comments were typically as follows: "It may not be sickly brilliant or twistedly clever, but it's just plain fun. Slither is a good old fashioned gooey, slimy monster movie with a sense of humor."

The redband trailer and three R-rated clips from Slither

Supermodel Naomi Campbell arrested for alleged assault

  • Why didn't this woman ever date Russell Crowe?
  • Or better yet, team up with Crowe for co-ed tag team rasslin'

"The Hand Puppet Movie Theatre Presents Serenity"

GALLUP: How do people in Islamic countries feel about having women in government?

 


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

 

 

The Pyjama Girl Case (1997)

The Pyjama Girl Case (1997) or La Ragazza dal Pigiama Giallo, is an atypical giallo for many reasons. First, it is based on a real murder case, not a pulp novel. Second, it was filmed in Australia. Third, it is not a typical giallo narrative style, but only contains one murder, and that corpse is found in the opening scene. It is of a young woman who was shot in the neck, her head bashed in, and then set on fire in her yellow pajamas, then dumped on a beach. We then start three parallel paths. The first is the official investigation, led by a young hotshot detective. An old retired detective is also allowed to conduct his own investigation. The third thread, intercut with the two investigations, is the story of what really happened.

The oddest development in the film, which was faithful to the real case in all important aspects, was that, unable to identify the body, the police preserved it and put it on display, hoping for an ID.

The young woman had a husband and at least two lovers, but was not especially happy with any of them. In the actual case, the victim was known as an amorous drunk. Considering the tawdry story, the nudity was somewhat restrained. Dalila Di Lazzaro, as the victim, does full frontal and rear nudity. Vanessa Vitale, in a gratuitous scene, shows breasts. The excellent cast included Mel Ferrer and Ray Miland.

IMDb readers say 6.5. Diehard giallo fans may not be partial to this one, which is more akin to the serial killer stories that have become popular recently, but with a fresh narrative style. On the other hand, mystery fans that don't much enjoy the graphic violence typical of gialli might well enjoy this one. Lets call it a C.

Dalila DiLazzaro
Vanessa Vitale
 

 

 

 

 

 

Today we visit "Exorcism: The Possession of Gail Bowers," a really bad movie.

Three ladies show breasts.

Rebekah Kochan, kind of a bloody scene.

Erika Robey who also has a "Babe in Bondage" scene.

 

Noel Thurman in a lovemaking scene.

We wrap it up with three leftovers from 'Barbarian Queen 2," consisting of a topless unknown "Damsel in Distress" in a attempted rape scene.

 

 

 

 

 

Shocking! The Ghost turned off Skinemax and decided to watch some movies!

Rosario Dawson in Alexander

 

 

Dann reports on Sliver:

The Unrated Edition of this 1993 thriller had me all the way up to the last 2 minutes. Then, they really disappointed me with a weak and lame ending. The rest is quite good.

A young publishing executive (Sharon Stone) moves into a fashionable apartment in a "sliver" building in New York. She meets an assortment of well-off weirdoes, one of whom tells her about the apartment's previous tenant, who looked exactly like her, and died in a mysterious fall from the balcony.

She meets more of her neighbors, including a spooky mystery writer who takes a fancy to her, and the building's owner, who soon becomes her lover. Meanwhile, other tenants start dying, and the police suspect both of her suitors. When she discovers that her new boyfriend has wired every apartment with video and is spying on all the tenants, including her, she beings to think he's the killer.

Very exciting right up to the ending, which really wimped out. Still, it's not a bad way to spend an evening.

Sharon Stone Allison Mackie

 

 

 

 

 

"The Ceremony" a.k.a. Erotiki Teleti is a Greek sex film made in 1977, directed by Omiros Efstratiadis, a prolific director of all kinds of films. He is still active today as director of a weekly Greek trash-TV show. The film exists in many versions under various titles, I know of at least 5. Some of these versions are hardcore, but it is not clear whether the explicit parts are close-up shots of stand-ins or the actual actors. It was a common practice of the time for such films to have a a softcore version for Greece and a hardcore-inserts version for distribution in other countries. The version I have is cut (butchered would be a more appropriate term, since they cut out some "legitimate" erotic scenes as well as the inserts), however someone interested enough could find an uncut vhs rip on the P2P networks in the form of a horrible quality mpeg-1 under the title "Itan kapote parthenes."

The film starts with a pretentious voice-over about "Elektra" and love, but quickly gets down to business. Egafd.com has a detailed breakdown of the plot, which is just an excuse to move from one sex scene to the other. The film was obviously shot on the cheap and done very quickly, even by sex flick standards, but in beautiful locations on the Greek islands, mostly under the sun, and usually by the sea. And that makes it look good.

Most of the actors are obscure names, maybe pseudonyms, but Maria Konsta (sometimes credited as Consta) had an actual acting career up to the early 90s and has even tried singing. Nowadays she is blonde and can sometimes be seen in a Greek trash-TV show directed by ... Omiros Efstratiadis. She's a dark sensual beauty and I wish I could see more of her.

 

Angela Stamou
Samantha Romanou
Maria Konsta

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caroline Dhavernas in These Girls
Mia Kirshner does the ol' "wine on the nipples" trick in Sunday's L-Word
Misty Mundae in "Masters of Horror," episode: Sick Girl
 

 


Pat's comments in yellow

Hooters Airlines announced that it will end regular air service on April 17.
Hooters Air had been flying its orange and white jets full of scantily-clad stewardesses serving hot wings between Atlanta and Myrtle Beach.  But founder Bob Brooks said they couldn't go on in the face of rising fuel costs and other problems in the air industry that even he doesn't have enough money to fix.  Hooters Air will continue, but only as a charter service for
sports teams and other groups. 

*  The Minnesota Vikings alone should provide enough business to keep them going.

The New York Post's Page Six claims that "Basic Instinct 2" is so bad, celebrities at the New York premiere kept cracking up laughing at inappropriate moments.  One unnamed source said the only thing worse than the dialogue was Sharon Stone's implants, which looked lopsided in her nude scenes. None of this dented Stone's ego, however.  Stone says
that after seeing her in "Basic Instinct 2" looking so hot at 48, Playboy offered her $1 million to pose again for the first time since her 1990 layout.  She said, "This is not the moment, but that's not to say there won't be a moment."   

*  If her breasts are lopsided, Playboy will just pay to have the smaller one enlarged ... Then the larger one enlarged.