Wednesday

Tuna
"Carrington"

Carrington (1995) tells the story of a platonic, but all-consuming love affair between artist Carrington (Emma Thompson), and gay writer Lytton Strachey. Throughout the course of the film, they each have many male overs, often the same men, but they are bound together. Both were members of the Bloomsbury Group, a gathering of British geniuses during WW I. The film is entirely fixated on the sexual antics of members of the group.

Thompson shows her right breasts in two scenes. IMDb readers have this at 6.5 of 10, but the critics loved it, including four stars from Ebert, and 3 1/2 from Berardinelli. It was beautifully filmed and acted. Nevertheless, I was disappointed. In knew very little about these people before the film started, and I still know little about them. It is essentially a story of sexual exploits counterbalanced by the platonic love, but certainly doesn't have enough erotic content to carry that theme for two hours. I was completely unable to see what all of the men she paraded through her bedroom saw in her. In point of fact, the eye candy only took me so far, and I couldn't wait for it to end. The proper score is C+, a very well made film that you will enjoy if it is your sort of film.

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  • Emma Thompson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    "House of Sand and Fog"

    House of Sand and Fog (2003) is a wonderfully made film. It incorporates one of my favorite themes, that of cross-cultural communication, and presents real people, with all of their strengths and weaknesses. In its simplest terms, it is a battle over real estate between a divorced recovering addict, Jennifer Connelly, and an ex Colonel in the Iranian Air Force, Ben Kingsley. Connelly has her house repossessed by the county for non-payment of taxes she didn't owe. It never would have happened, had she just opened her mail, but she was wallowing in depression and self pity.

    Now she wants her house back, especially as it is the only thing her father left her, and her family is due to visit. Kinglsey has been working on a road crew by day, and in a convenience store by night, pinching every penny, but giving his wife and son the semblance of prosperity they were used to in Iran. He sees a chance to pick up the foreclosed house, make a few improvements, and sell at a huge profit, finally earning his part of the American dream.

    Connelly is befriended by the sheriff who helped to evict her, and eventually leaves his wife and two children for her. He becomes totally absorbed in helping her get her house back. That sets up the basic conflicts, but what made this movie so good for me was the nuances, and the amazing performances by all of the cast. Unfortunately, the movie was true to the novel it was based on, and had a three hankie ending. They successfully made both Kingsley and Connelly sympathetic characters, and the tragic ending was very unsatisfying for me.

    IMDb readers have this at 7.5 of 10. It was nominated for three Oscars and a host of other awards, many of them for acting. Ebert says 4 stars, Berardinelli 3 1/2. Rotten Tomatoes scores it 76% positive, and the negative reviews really disliked it, but there is some hint that it was the ending that really turned them off. Connelly shows breasts in the bathtub, and also wears a transparent bra, shaving her armpits in the restroom of the Pacifica pier, a place I have often fished for Salmon. Although the story takes place in the San Francisco area, only second unit filming was done there, with the film mainly being shot in the LA area. If you despise tragedy, you will not enjoy this because of the ending, which is a real shame, and it is a wonderfully made film. For those who like tragedy, this will satisfy start to finish. The proper score is C+.

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  • Jennifer Connelly (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Osterman Weekend (1983):

    This film was the result of a rather strange combination of talent. The novel was written by Robert Ludlam, the subtle and verbose master of cold war paranoia. The film was the last movie ever directed by Sam Peckinpah, the legendary two-fisted master of ... well, many words have been applied to Peckinpah in the history of film, but I doubt if the word "subtle" ever appeared among them. Sam was an ornery, crochety, hard-brawlin', hard-boozin', perhaps misogynistic old feller. At his best, he created films that are still being copied today. Watch Peckinpah's The Wild Bunch, then look at some recent films like Once Upon a Time in Mexico, and I think the influences will be evident.

    Going back to my earlier sentence, I guess Peckinpah was the master of ... romanticized violence. Slow motion kills, mass shootouts in town squares, honorable suicide missions, that sort of thing. Here are his IMDb ratings as a director. He wrote the ones with asterisks.

    1. (8.09) - Wild Bunch, The (1969) *
    2. (7.55) - Ride the High Country (1962) *
    3. (7.38) - Cross of Iron (1977)
    4. (7.29) - Straw Dogs (1971) *
    5. (7.28) - Getaway, The (1972)
    6. (7.05) - Ballad of Cable Hogue, The (1970)
    7. (6.88) - Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (1973)
    8. (6.88) - Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (1974) *
    9. (6.68) - Junior Bonner (1972)
    10. (6.42) - Major Dundee (1965) *
    11. (6.33) - Deadly Companions, The (1961)
    12. (5.81) - Killer Elite, The (1975)
    13. (5.74) - Osterman Weekend, The (1983)
    14. (5.54) - Convoy (1978)
    15. (4.61) - Jinxed! (1982)

     

    I can't really say that I've ever liked Peckinpah's films at a level commensurate with his reputation, but I suppose some of that had to do with the studio tampering with his work. Some people argue that Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid was a great movie when Sam finished with it. I don't have any way to confirm that. I know it's really a king-hell piece of dog flop in its theatrical format, but those in the know say that the studio butchered it. Straw Dogs? OK, but overrated. Getaway? Nothing special, despite the presence of Steve McQueen.

    When I look at that list above, I think that Peckinpah's entire reputation as a top-notch filmmaker rests on The Wild Bunch, which is a very cool film that was 25 years ahead of its time, but is not really a great masterpiece because it lacks ... well, we're back to my original point ... it lacks subtlety.

    Peckinpah was also the head writer on The Wild Bunch, Ride the Wild Country, Straw Dogs, and Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, and there is just no doubt in my mind that the real Peckinpah characteristics, the qualities that made him special, are really only seen in those movies which he both wrote and directed.

    Peckinpah did not write The Osterman Weekend, and it really wasn't even his kind of project.

    I'm not sure Ludlam's complicated novels are anyone's kind of project.

    Although Ludlam's books were fun to read back in those paranoid times, the only successful book-to-screen translation has been The Bourne Identity, and that was made years after the emotional context of the novels had disappeared from the world, and that script was significantly changed from the book, to a point where it was almost at "based on characters created by ..." status. So even Ludlam's best books have defied adaptation, The Osterman Weekend  wasn't considered one of Ludlam's best books. and those that have read it say this movie has virtually nothing to do with it.

    The basic summary is as follows:

    A CIA agent convinces a talk show host that three of his best friends are traitors, and enlists his aid in trapping or turning them. The four men are scheduled to have an annual get-together during the upcoming weekend, so the CIA installs bugs, cameras, and security devices throughout the TV host's house, in preparation for a weekend of extreme psychological warfare. Telling you anything more than that would be a spoiler, because the plot veers of into some unexpected directions, not much is as it seems, and many characters have additional secrets to reveal.

    Suffice it to say that when the film is over and all the curtains have been drawn back, you will find that the entire premise makes no freakin' sense at all. If the CIA agent really wanted the talk show host to do what he eventually forced him to do, he could have simply told the guy the truth and asked him to do it. The talk show guy would have acceded readily. That was the kind of thing Mr Talk Show did routinely and willingly as part of his job. There was no need to employ any deception, and there was no need to kill a bunch of innocent people. Furthermore, there are some scenes that are not only illogical in the context of the story, but also totally lacking in credibility in the moment. You'll either be laughing or tearing your hair out at the sheer stupidity of the characters' action. At one point, for example, a man kidnaps the talk show host's wife and son. When the secrets of the film have been revealed, you will have no idea who that kidnapper was or what he wanted. More to the point however, the end of that scene involved Mr Kidnapper firing a gun at Mr Talk Show as the latter ran toward the car which included his wife and kids. So what did the talk show guy do to avoid being killed? He used the highly tricky strategy of running straight toward  the car in an open field. He didn't zig-zag from side to side. He didn't have his own weapon. He didn't run from covered area to covered area. He just lumbered toward the guy with the gun. And the least credible part of the strategy is that it worked!

    As you can see from the paragraph above, Peckinpah had no interest in international intrigue or logic. He simply turned the film into his own rambling speculations about the connections between the abuse of authority, the electronic media, and violence. Given that you are willing to accept that interpretation, the film is a fairly good if somewhat confusing watch, with nudity from four different women.

    Although the film is mediocre, the DVD is exceptionally interesting. In addition to the movie itself (with optional commentary by four Peckinpah scholars), the two disks include Peckinpah's rough first cut of the film, which has never been seen before, as well as a recent 78 minute documentary which looks back on the film and on Sam Peckinpah through the eyes of the cast and crew. There is also a gallery of "backstage" stills taken on the set.

    TV Guide 2/5, BBC 3/5, Rotten Tomatoes 60% (but based on only five reviews), IMDb 5.7/10. Our grade: C.

     

    Nudity previews for 2004:

    Mr Skin's nudity report from the SXSW film festival

    • Code 46 - Samantha Morton, shaved crotch.
    • DiG! - Zia McCabe, topless.
    • Falling Angels - Kristin Adams - breasts
    • I Love Your Work  - Franka Potente, breasts, more than one scene, very long duration, (Here's one to look forward to.)
    • Knots -  Paulina Porizkova and Annabeth Gish get caught in bed together. We see a brief glimpse of Annabeth's ass and a good shot of Paulina's right breast.
    • Male Fantasy - Kim Cote, breasts
    • The Naked Feminist - Old porn star Annie Sprinkle is seen topless during a breast painting performance art piece. Porn stars are seen in various stages of undress throughout the film, too many to list.
    • Stander - Deborah Kara Unger runs across a beach, briefly exposing her buns as her shirt flies up.
    • Straight into Darkness - 57-year-old Linda Thorson shows her breasts, complete with a nasty scar
    • $5.15 an hour - three minutes in, Keri Safran shows a nice set of puffy nipples while having sex with William Lee Scott.
       

     

     

    Mailbox:

     Hi, Scoop!
     
    Have you seen the Hummer H2 TV commercial where this babe is "driving" her hummer on the deck of a cruise ship?  Regis Filbin, unfortunately, stickes his head in her window and asks if she'd like a drink.  She has one line : "I LOVE off-roading!"  She is absolutely the hottest thing I've seen lately (and I see a lot!).  But, WHO IS SHE???  Are there any GOOD photographs of her?
     
     Sincere Regards,
     
     Pornpup
     

    Scoop's reply: I don't know anything about this. Can any of you HELP!
     

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

     

     

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

     

    The Anniversary Party

    Madeleine Stowe

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    When years ago I rented Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, I thought it a fail-safe decision. Sure, I'd heard the movie was bad but it was also parody, and I thought how bad can it be? That's when I learned that even parody, the easiest form comedy, could be god-awful.

    Which brings me to Back Lot Murders (2001). This the latest in a string of horror movies I've looked at in which the lack of talent in writing, directing and acting have been glossed over with a patina of parody. The effect would be the same if you used first-class makeup and hair design on Rosie O'Donnell. What you start with matters... ugly cannot be hidden.

    The story behind Back Lot is that of a no-talent band filming a music video on the movie lot where Psycho and Jaws and a whole bunch of other classy movies were filmed. I could see the producer's thought-processes here. It's the same thing that goes on when Duke or Baylor or Stanford brings a 300-lb lineman with a 30-lb IQ onto campus. Maybe, just maybe by hanging around the place the lummox might learn something. Never happens, does it?

    Everyone in this movie dies and the killer is the smallest person on the lot. That would be okay if said person used high-caliber rifles or RPG launchers to get the job done. But when said person strangles people, including a couple o' really big guys... well that don't make no sense.

    Very little about this movie is funny or good. So the answer to elevate the IMDb score from its current 3.5 to a respectable 6.0 was found in Brainscan's first rule: hire Hefmates and Pets and B-movie babes and mega-sexy starlet-wannabees. Actually that's rule 1.0, which the film-makers followed. Rule 1.1, which completes the first rule is GET THEM NEKKID. That, the producers did not follow, at least not often enough.

    One former Hefmate, Angela Little (Miss August 1998) does get her top off. But another, Carrie Stevens (Miss June 1997)does not. That's a crime, too, because Ms. Stevens is the Michael Jordan of hooters, with natural gifts that come along once a generation. So to see her do only pokies is like watching Mr. Jordan swing at a Double-A slider in the dirt.


    One former Pet is also in the movie, but its a 40-something Priscilla Barnes and all you get from her is pokies, too.


    A few other babes also give up some goodies. Veteran Nancy O'Brien shows off her newly installed robo-hooters. First-timer Madeline Lindley shows off her own large, after-market add-ons and an unknown babe gives good tush.


    Then there was Heather Tindell and Jaime Anstead (by the way, just when did folks stop spelling it Jamie and start spelling it Jaime?).

    Miss Heather is something of a fitness model who apparently had not given up vital goodies before and apparently did not intend to do so in this movie. Problem is the screenplay called for her to be strangled with her own bra... which she was wearing. No worries because bra removal was all done quickly and after a quick cut a white tube top magically appears around her chest (see the bottom right of her second collage). But thanks to the digital revolution, seven frames with some nipplage could be grabbed and they are all brought to you, fine readers of the Funhouse.

    No such luck Jaime. Drat the luck, too, because this woman is one fine babe. You see her mega-cleavage throughout the movie, but I'd have swapped if for a half-dozen frames of real toplessness.

    • Heather Tindell (1, 2)
    • Jaime Anstead (1, 2)


    So how wretched is this movie? Well, you ever see The Navy Versus the Night Monsters? That movie just comes to a hault without the aid or contribution of any of the film's principal characters. Seems the producers just ran out of money so they tacked on some cheap shit to bring it to a close. Same thing here. Damn thing just stops. Maybe it was meant to set up Back Lot Murders 2: The Hits Just Keep on Coming or some such idiocy. but it just comes to a screaching halt with a lame vow of revenge. Lame is the right word. For the vow. For the movie.

    The return of the Snapper
    'Caps and comments by Snapper:

    Scoops!

    Iím finally back from a year defending truth, justice and democracy from Saddam Hussein and his evil goblins. Iíve shaken the sand out of my boots and got the scanner fired up to catch up with Ďartisticí celebrity nudityÖ all in a dayís work for the soldiers of the Queen.

    I thought you might like these: Peggy Buchse is a German long-distance swimmer; Anni Friesinger is a speed skater; and Franziska Knuppe is a model who looks great with her boobs out.

    Enjoy!

    Dann
    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "The Magdalene Sisters"
    In the 50's and 60's in Ireland, young women who were considered "fallen women" in the eyes of the Catholic Church were sent to church-run asylums to be "cured". The cure consisted of manual hard labor such as doing laundry for which the church got paid, and being constantly degraded and physically and mentally abused by the nuns who ran the asylums. This excellent 2002 film set in 1964 tells of one such place, and highlights four of the women.

    One girl is sent after becoming pregnant out of wedlock, another after being raped by a cousin, the third because she is too flirtatious, and the fourth because she is mentally handicapped and got pregnant. Once there, their lives become a living hell.

    This movie is completely fact-based, and while some may view it as anti-Catholic, these things did happen. The DVD producers included a documentary made at the time which features interviews with women who were in these institutions. This is an excellent although unpleasant movie which will certainly get your attention.

    Flautista
    Some assorted goodies from Flautista, beginning with the Meg Ryan movie, "In the Cut".


    Next up, from the amazingly lame movie, "Boat Trip" (Scoop's review is a must read).

    • Roselyn Sanchez, the gorgeous Latina actress wearing several skimpy outfits, shows some see-thru nipple views and giving a banana one helluva a bj (the best scene in the movie!). (1, 2, 3)

    • Victoria Silvstedt shows some cleavage and is seen wearing a bikini and some undies. (1, 2, 3)

    • Vivica A. Fox, also showing some cleavage.

    Variety
    Paris Hilton
    (1, 2)

    Paris baring all and giving a first rate BJ in a few 'caps from the full length version of her all too famous sex tape. 'Caps by PK Orion.

    Naomi Watts Coming in at a surprisingly low #77 on the FHM 100 Sexiest list....but at least they managed to get her in a see-thru top for the photo-shoot.

    Katherine Kendall
    (1, 2, 3)

    Paige Turco
    (1, 2, 3)

    Vejiita 'caps from the movie "Dark Tides" (1998). Kendall is topless in a love scene, Turco shows a brief side breast view (with nipple) plus some serious pokies

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    SEX MAKES YOU SMARTER
    A Typical German Romantic - According to Werner Habermehl of Germany's Hamburg Medical Research Institute, having lots of sex makes you smarter. He said that sex increases adrenaline and cortisol hormones that stimulate the brain, and that endorphins and serotonin produced during orgasm strengthen self-confidence, so sex promotes both mental well-being and intelligence.

  • I can refute this theory in three words: "Anna Nicole Smith."
  • Imagine how smart geeks would be if they ever got laid!
  • So why don't more hookers have Ph.D's?
  • He uses this line on every attractive fraulein...So far, no luck.
  • His goal is to become "Warner Habermehl: Super Genius!"


    AMERICANS WANT MONEY MORE THAN SEX
    No Sex If You're Unemployed - In a poll commissioned by Robert Kiyosaki, author of the "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" financial guidebooks, two-thirds of Americans said they would rather have more money than more sex. 40 percent also said they would run out of money if they were unemployed for a year. Kiyosaki said it shows that Americans need to save more and quit spending, instead of their current attitude of "eat, drink and be merry."

  • Most Americans eat and drink so much, nobody wants to have sex with them.
  • Maybe if they had more sex, they'd be smarter with money.
  • They just know that first, you get more money, THEN you have more sex.


    J-LO REHABS HER IMAGE
    She Thinks We're Blockheads - The New York Post reports that Jennifer Lopez is trying to get her career back on track by building a kinder, less-diva-like image and showing she's still "Jenny from the block." Her huge entourage has been cut, her hairdresser was told to quit throwing tantrums to get limos and planes, she'll no longer demand white dressing rooms full of flowers, and she'll do her first sitcom cameo on "Will & Grace" and may appear on Nickelodeon's "Kids' Choice Awards." She may even let herself be "slimed" with green goo.

  • She already did, when the reviews for "Gigli" came in.
  • That's the one thing I'd like to see her and Ben Affleck do together.
  • She may even agree to fall on her butt...It couldn't possibly hurt.
  • She wants to appear as a normal person with a sense of humor... It's the greatest acting challenge she's ever faced.


    COURTNEY'S BOOB SUCKER CASHES IN
    Suckling The Sour Teat Of Fame - New Yorker Kofi Asare ran into Courtney Love late one night at a Manhattan Wendy's and asked for a photo of him sucking her breast. Naturally, she agreed and lifted her blouse. The photo made the papers, and now, the New York Post's Page Six reports that Asare is trying to make a career out of it. He says he's working on a rap mixtape to be called either "Milk Money" or "All I Wanted Was Some Chicken Nuggets." Pressed about his publicity mongering, he said, "I guess that's the best thing about sucking a breast. Both people get something out of it. It's a good exchange."

  • And I thought the best thing about sucking a breast was the publicity.
  • Hundreds of guys have photos of themselves sucking Courtney Love's breast, but he's the only one who's exploited it.
  • He asks that of every women who comes into that Wendy's, and she's the only one who didn't have him arrested.